“So, hey.”
What had newly settled on top of that, Kalix couldn’t tell.
“Find a reason why I’m the best person for you. A reason you can accept.”
He just hoped that soft warmth would be erased.
“If you need justification, do it that way.”
With such a soft voice, Alexander didn’t even consider the possibility that Kalix might not try to find a reason.
“Then when you find that reason. If you think it might be too late.”
Alexander, as he had from the beginning, looked straight at Kalix.
“Remember. I am here.”
With those words, Alexander stood up from his seat.
“It’s late. Sleep.”
Then he naturally took the bottle and even took the cup that was still in Kalix’s hand.
“Where are you going?”
“Can you share a room with me?”
Kalix was already not even making eye contact with Alexander. There was no way he could give a positive answer to those words.
“There are many empty rooms today. It’s the weekend.”
But Alexander spoke as calmly as usual, as if before today had come, as if Kalix’s attitude didn’t matter at all.
“We’ll think about what comes next later.”
With those words as the end, the sound of Alexander moving toward the door could be heard. Unable to confirm anything other than the sound while looking only at the floor, soon the sound of the door opening was heard.
“Sleep well.”
The door closed again and all sounds disappeared. Only then did Kalix slowly raise his head. Then he looked at the door where Alexander had disappeared for a moment. He hadn’t intended to, but it happened without him being conscious of it.
Next, Kalix irregularly scanned the room without any order—the ownerless bed, the closet with the uniform hanging, the desk, the nightstand beside the bed—and stopped his gaze again at his own desk.
The fountain pen he always kept where he could see it. When he had nightmares, when his sleep was restless, when he was anxious about nothing. When he came to the room but felt anxious because it didn’t feel like his space. When he couldn’t tell where he should be at all. When he couldn’t even be sure if he was himself. At such times, his gaze went to that fountain pen.
It hadn’t existed before. So, looking at that fountain pen that was nothing, that had strange origins attached to it, he could feel it a little. This is something I obtained. Not someone else, not another person inside his body, but himself.
So the place where that fountain pen was located was Kalix’s place, his space, a place where it was okay for him to be. And feeling at ease seeing it was because it was himself. Not someone else, but completely himself.
Kalix looked at the fountain pen like that for a while, then lay down on the bed again and pulled the blanket over himself. He should lock the door. Alexander wasn’t the type to carry keys around, so if he locked the door, he might not be able to get in. Even so, he seemed to know how to pick locks, but if he locked it, at least Alexander would know Kalix’s intention.
But Kalix just closed his eyes under the blanket. He still remembered who had given him that fountain pen. Yet still feeling at ease when looking at the fountain pen was the strangest thing. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore.
<Continued in Volume 2>
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
