“That’s something Frederick gave me.”
Since hearing it was historic, he’d known that Alexander couldn’t have been the only one to handle this fountain pen. But he’d thought it would be friends at most, not Alexander’s older brother.
“During my coming-of-age ceremony.”
Moreover, if he’d received it then, wouldn’t it have some meaning? Gifts given during family members’ coming-of-age ceremonies always had meaning. It meant acknowledging that they’d become adults beyond the family’s protection. But was it okay to give such a thing to someone else like this?
As he was wondering if he should return it, whether Alexander knew Kalix’s feelings or not, he spoke carefully:
“You wouldn’t know since you don’t have a younger brother, but to an older brother, a younger brother is someone you have to protect. Even knowing they’re all grown up, it’s still like that. They’re always just little. Sometimes I don’t understand why they act the way they do, but I still worry about them. I was like that to Frederick, and Jay is like that to me.”
Kalix just looked at Alexander. Of course, he’d been out of his mind then too. He was too sensitive and rather than thinking deeply about anything, he related everything to his own situation. But as his mind returned a bit, he felt sorry about the past. Alexander really only thought of Jasper as family. Quite naturally.
Every time he felt this more clearly, guilt rose up. There was no one who knew better than Kalix how shocking and unpleasant it was to be involved with family in relationships other than family, yet he’d done the same thing to Alexander.
“My little Jay will always be that to me. I’ll always be little Alex to Frederick.”
Even while speaking, his expression seemed a bit reluctant and embarrassed. Even so, calm warmth and loose familiarity inevitably bloomed on his face.
“Just like you’ll always be baby Kalix to your older brother.”
Whether due to the late hour or fatigue, his voice trailed off a bit at the end. And the remnants of warmth from talking about his family remained.
“Do you want to change that?”
“No.”
Kalix answered as if swept up in that atmosphere, then quickly added:
“I mean, not that, but the way of addressing.”
The way of addressing really wasn’t okay. He’d even had his coming-of-age ceremony, so until when would he have to hear being called a baby? Kalix was now taller than anyone else in his family. But he understood what Alexander meant.
Kalix wanted to think of his family as family. He didn’t want any other kind of relationship. Just family as they originally were. His original family, just as they were.
“Right. Honestly, I’m not small anymore. And you’re not at an age to be called a baby either.”
Alexander answered with a smile and continued speaking without bothering to shake off the lingering traces of laughter still hanging on:
“If that’s what you want, then it’ll be fine.”
Rather than the voice that was only resolute as before, it was a somewhat softer voice.
“You have the pen too.”
At the words that followed, Kalix looked at the fountain pen in his hand. Being okay today wasn’t just because of the pen. He knew it was because Alexander was there. The difference between when things weren’t okay and now when it was bearable even if not perfectly okay was that.
Kalix looked at Alexander in front of him while standing at a distance equal to the open door. Neatly arranged hair, a gaze that reached him simply, a comfortable and natural expression, and even the uniform that was loosely undone unlike at first. And again, the fountain pen in his hand.
“Alex.”
Alexander was someone else. Someone Kalix hadn’t met. So it would be okay. As Alexander said, he hoped it would be okay.
“Thank you for today.”
Even though Kalix called his name for the first time, Alexander showed no sign of puzzlement, unfamiliarity, or surprise, and just smiled the same as before. That expression and atmosphere were nothing but natural.
“Sleep well, Kalix. See you tomorrow.”
So Kalix could become natural too.
“You too.”
With those words, Kalix stood in front of the closed door for a moment. The coming-of-age ceremony might be a turning point. But maybe not. Kalix had already experienced many things his past self hadn’t seen. Kalix hadn’t confided his story to Alexander, hadn’t shared a room with Dylan while avoiding Jasper, hadn’t become friends with Owen and Bertram instead of Hugo, hadn’t brought Alexander to his coming-of-age ceremony.
But now was different. So maybe things might get better. Because Kalix hoped they would. So please, let everything be okay like those simple words.
* * *
When they returned to the Academy, what greeted them was a flood of assignments and minor tests. Kalix couldn’t believe it. Study? Actually study? Of course, since it was the Academy, naturally they would, but Kalix hadn’t seen that bastard studying when his body was taken.
He did go to the library, but he went there to fool around with Jasper, or secretly lured Marcel there to fool around. The lounge during exam period was the same. In a place full of people staying up all night studying, he was focused on fooling around with Jasper.
The assignments were the same too. Back then there was definitely only a philosophy assignment. So it became another opportunity to touch Marcel while asking for help. But then why now?
Not only did every subject have assignments, but finals were also approaching. Come to think of it, did he even take exams back then? It was as if he had completely skipped that period, with nothing particular coming to mind. He thought it might have been easier to take exams if he at least remembered that, but he had never even taken them. Really, touching people here and there was both the beginning and the end.
The memories of touching all sorts of people were vivid, but he had no memory of studying at all, so everything was like meeting for the first time. There really wasn’t anything helpful. Of course, if asked to choose between having his body taken and knowing exam questions versus just living normally, he would naturally choose to just live.
Kalix chose to study in his room, worried that he might run into Jasper if he went to the lounge to study. But suddenly he thought he heard sounds of someone outside the door.
“You were studying.”
He didn’t even turn his head thinking Dylan, who had said he would study in the lounge, had returned, but the voice he suddenly heard wasn’t Dylan’s. Yet it was one he knew well—Alexander.
“What are you looking for?”
When he asked naturally, Alexander approached and checked the textbook Kalix was looking at.
“Who’s the professor? Henderson?”
“Yeah.”
Kalix suddenly realized that even though Alexander had come quite close, he hadn’t particularly been on guard. Nothing had happened since the coming-of-age ceremony. Just like Alexander had said that you don’t have to do things you don’t want to do, when he avoided things he didn’t want to happen, everything really was fine.
And he realized now that his wariness toward Alexander had drastically decreased since then. But it couldn’t be helped. Really, when he was with Alexander, everything became okay. Even if that wasn’t the case, when Alexander said something would be okay, it seemed like everything would become okay. Like the day of his coming-of-age ceremony.
“There should be collected exam questions somewhere. Don’t you have any from friends?”
“I don’t have friends.”
Even though his wariness toward Alexander had decreased, some still remained. All other people even more so. He did know Owen and Bertram, and a few others from classes, but he was always wary of getting too close. As a result, while there were quite a few people he talked to in passing, there was no one he studied with or shared such information with.
It was quite a natural fact for Kalix, so he said it casually, but only after speaking did he realize it might sound a bit strange. Of course, Alexander had already heard far stranger things from Kalix to find him odd over something like that.
“You have friends. The red-haired short one. And the even shorter one next to him.”
The red-haired one was probably Owen, but he wasn’t particularly short. Rather, he was slightly above average. Then the even shorter one next to him must be Bertram. Bertram was about average too.
“Are they all short to you if they’re shorter than you?”
At that question, Alexander roughly shrugged his shoulders.
“They’re not tall.”
With those words, Alexander opened the wardrobe.
“What are you looking for?”
“Yeah. There’s something like that.”
With that vague answer, Alexander ran his hand along the wardrobe shelves as if feeling around. His eyes hurt from looking at books constantly, so he watched Alexander while taking a break. Alexander now examined the drawer beside the bed. Then he felt around the space between the bed mattress and frame, and soon seemed to find what he wanted, grasping something in his hand and straightening his bent waist. Something sparkled briefly between his fingers. It seemed to be a necklace—Skylar’s perhaps?
But thinking it might be a bit risky to bring her to the men’s dormitory, he naturally made a displeased expression, and Alexander, seeing Kalix’s expression, immediately said,
“I didn’t bring her. It was in my jacket pocket and must have fallen somewhere.”
He was quite perceptive even though nothing was said. Actually, Alexander seemed to be quite perceptive from the beginning.
“CC.”
At Alexander’s sudden voice, Kalix reflexively looked around. Cecilia? The door was closed and there was only Alexander and Kalix there. Moreover, even if there were other people, it was an unfamiliar name to be called in this space, the men’s dormitory. He wondered what it was about, but Alexander was just looking at Kalix. Surely not.
“CC?”
When he asked back uncertainly, Alexander said casually again. Still looking at Kalix.
“CC.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
