The calmly worded question struck straight at Ressas’s heart, far sharper than its tone suggested. A sudden sting pierced his chest, and he flinched, eyes widening as he froze. He’d planned to tell Seiyad tomorrow anyway, so it wasn’t something that should’ve shaken him—but somehow, it felt like he’d just been caught hiding a secret.
“So, you already knew.”
Feeling oddly guilty, like a child caught misbehaving, Ressas gave a nervous smile—something he did out of habit.
“How could you tell? Was I that obvious?”
“You hinted at it just enough for a perceptive knight to notice.”
That explains why things felt off earlier today. The realization came belatedly. As he’d thought back in the banquet hall, their knight order didn’t have a formal commander, so Ressas had essentially taken on that role. Maybe that’s why the others had sensed something uncertain in the air.
“…I see. Well, since we’re on the subject, I’ll just say it now. I never intended to keep them by my side forever. They weren’t with me from the beginning. I met them all through Eid. They were his loyal knights, so I sought them out to return them to you.”
Seiyad listened quietly. Ressas had expected some sort of objection, so the lack of any response made him even more uneasy.
“I told you before—my only wish was to protect the pieces of you. I surrounded myself with traces of your presence, trying in every way I could to preserve them, to one day return them to their rightful owner.”
That was how Ressas followed Seiyad. His entire life revolved around him. Even when his memories of the soul hadn’t returned, he clung to the words Seiyad had once left behind. All of his relationships had been shaped by that devotion.
“So please, take your knights back. It’s better for them. There’s no one in this land stronger than Eid. Following the most powerful is an honor for any knight.”
Ressas had already made up his mind. From the beginning, he never believed he would survive after saving Seiyad in this life, so he hadn’t imagined a future with the knights by his side. His plan ended here. With that conviction, he spoke earnestly—and finally, Seiyad opened his mouth.
“Your Highness is also someone without equal.”
“But still not you. I learned the sword from you. Everything I passed on to them came from your blade.”
“I see.”
Seiyad fell silent, staring at Ressas for a long moment before turning, as if having reached a decision. With a subtle motion, he gestured for Ressas to follow.
“If Your Highness is truly set on this, I won’t stop you. But before that, I believe it’s only right to hear what they have to say. It’s the proper thing to do.”
With long strides, Seiyad began walking. His tall frame crossed the corridor in an instant, and Ressas hurried after him.
“Eid, where are we going?”
“Before dinner, Rigda came to see me. She mustered quite a bit of courage. I stepped out briefly earlier to meet with her.”
Their strides were long and fast. In just a few minutes, they descended the castle steps and arrived at the empty training grounds. With the knights inside, the area was quiet, bathed in silver moonlight. At first glance, it seemed empty—but on closer inspection, a familiar figure appeared.
Rigda was dressed in full ceremonial uniform—something worn only for official rites. Her face, always relaxed and smiling, was tight with tension. She looked small and anxious, just like when Ressas had first met her.
“Your Highness, I don’t want to take your knights. Their master is already you, and a knight should serve one master for life. Still, I don’t want to outright reject the purpose you’ve carried for so long. So before you make your decision, please hear their thoughts.”
Seiyad gave a subtle nod toward Rigda. The unexpected situation caught Ressas off guard, but he slowly approached the training grounds. Rigda, her face reddened from the cold, had clearly been waiting for a while. As he neared, she dropped to her knees and bowed deeply.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness. I know it was presumptuous, and I accept any punishment—but I dared to ask His Grace for a moment alone with you.”
“It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with my knight wanting to see me.”
Ressas’s calm words made Rigda lift her head. Her face, looking up at him, overflowed with emotion—just like that day years ago when he’d saved her and the others. Her teary brown eyes, the short-cut crimson hair, her wind-chapped cheeks—it was all exactly the same.
“Am I really your knight?”
She looked heartbroken, like a child abandoned. No matter how hard things had gotten over the years, Rigda had never looked this devastated. Ressas was momentarily speechless. It felt dishonest to simply say yes and soothe her with empty words.
“If we really are your knights, then please—please let us stay by your side until the end. I know neither I, nor Vine, nor the others are anything special. We’re just commoners, and we should be grateful we’ve made it this far. I know some may think we’re overreaching, trying to become royal knights. But we didn’t become knights for just anyone—we became knights for you.”
The way she lowered herself so harshly made his stomach twist. He knew better than anyone that none of them deserved to be belittled like this. He shook his head firmly and denied her words.
“Rigda, in both skill and heart, you are more than enough. You and the others are noble people who see the world more clearly than most nobles ever could. I’ve never thought of you otherwise.”
“Then why are you sending us to His Grace?”
“Because it’s what’s best for you. He’s on a completely different level—he’s the strongest person in all of Solias. Even you, Rigda, said you wanted to spar with him and learn his sword.”
Rigda’s face went pale.
“Please don’t tell me you made this decision because of me. That wasn’t my intention at all. Like you said—His Grace is the strongest person I’ve ever seen. I just wanted to test myself against him, that’s all.”
“I know. I just want you to understand that he’s the one who can lead you better than I ever could.”
“Of course His Grace is incredible, and no one can match his strength. But Your Highness, you are the one I swore loyalty to. I want to protect you. From the moment you saved my life, I decided I’d spend the rest of it for your sake.”
She spoke with total conviction, unwavering and sincere. Seeing her cling to him so desperately sent a strange chill down Ressas’s spine. It was so unfamiliar, so overwhelming, it nearly made him sick. The idea that someone other than Seiyad might need him—it felt impossible.
Yes, he had Seiyad. But Seiyad loved him because he was kind, because he was gentle. Even that love was a miracle—a rare, impossible miracle that let him stay by Seiyad’s side. Ressas was always grateful for it. Seiyad was the only exception. The only one who was different. Special.
So for anyone else to want to stay by Ressas Solias—that just didn’t make sense in his world. He had no royal dignity, no noble refinement. He couldn’t lead anyone. Even the powers he did possess were pitiful. There was no reason anyone should want to be near someone like him.
“…Anyone would’ve done the same. It was just the decent thing to do. So you don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to thank me. And if gratitude’s the only reason you’re staying, then you should leave.”
“There are fewer people in this world than you’d think, Your Highness, who do the decent thing simply because it’s decent. Fewer still who do it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.”
Ressas’s mouth fell silent at Rigda’s words. What she said was exactly what he used to feel when he looked at Seiyad. Every quality she praised in him came from Seiyad. What she admired wasn’t truly him—but a reflection of Seiyad she saw through him.
“I’m not the noble or righteous person you think I am, Rigda. If that’s why you want to serve me… then you’re mistaken. I…”
He hesitated. Hating himself had become second nature—admitting his flaws had never been difficult. But then he remembered what Seiyad had once told him, and strangely, that gave him pause. Still, if Rigda admired a version of him that didn’t exist, maybe it was better to tell her—and the rest of them—the truth now. Maybe then, they’d finally let go and serve Seiyad instead.
“I’ve killed countless people. And if it’s to protect His Grace, I’d do it again without a second thought. Any good you’ve seen in me—I learned from my moon. I’m a poor excuse for a master—I don’t know how to look after those under me. And I’ve never once carried any grand mission to save the world.”
His voice turned flat and emotionless. His face, too, lost all expression. The person he described didn’t sound human at all. He was like an empty doll.
“Every good thing you saw in me was something I faked. So don’t put me on a pedestal. And don’t throw your life away for someone like me.”
His words, cold and dry, were meant to cut ties. But Rigda suddenly raised her voice.
“I—!”
Eyes blazing, she shouted with force.
“Before I met you, I killed people just to survive. And even then, I never once felt so guilty I wanted to die. I ignored beggars on the street because I was too busy trying to stay alive myself. I’ve told crude jokes, cursed people out, said things no decent person should. If you dug into my past, you’d think I was a monster who doesn’t deserve to live.”
“Rigda, what are you…”
“There’s no such thing as a perfect person. Not even the gods are purely good. No one alive is free from dark or ugly thoughts. I may not be educated, but I do know this—every person is flawed. What matters is choosing not to act on that darkness.”
Following his earlier command, Rigda finally stood, and with urgency in her voice, she continued.
“Even if we have those thoughts, it’s enough to choose not to treat people that way. And from what I’ve seen, Your Highness tries harder than anyone to be kind. You fight every day just to live with integrity. But you don’t care for yourself at all. You’re still so young, yet you carry the weight of the world like it’s your burden alone.”
Behind him, Ressas heard the sound of footsteps—Seiyad. Feeling his presence, Ressas turned without knowing what kind of face he wore. When he looked back, Seiyad was standing there, quietly watching him—as if to say Rigda was right.
“That’s why I believe someone like me should be by your side. People without polish or sense. Knights who can’t even understand your orders, but follow you anyway like fools. You need people like us.”
With her last words, Rigda bowed deeply. Her hands were clenched so tightly her knuckles bulged, trembling as if she were awaiting judgment. Seeing her like that, Seiyad gently placed a hand on Ressas’s shoulder, silently reassuring him.
The firm warmth of Seiyad’s hand rubbed gently along his shoulder, and just like that, something inside him began to unravel. The guilt, the tight knot in his chest—it all loosened. And as if drawn by memory, Ressas thought back to the years he’d spent with his knights. They never needed a reason. They simply believed in him, followed him, and even made him smile when he was drowning in guilt.
He used to think their warmth wasn’t really his. That their loyalty belonged to someone else. But looking back now, the name they always called was his. He’d told himself over and over that they were only borrowed from Seiyad—but that had been his own illusion. From the very beginning, they had accepted him as their master. And because he never believed anyone could truly value him, he’d ignored that simple truth and hurt them in the process. They never deserved to be treated that way.
“…I’m sorry, Rigda.”
For the first time, Ressas felt genuine shame. Belittling himself came so naturally that he thought it must be okay to impose that same idea on others. He’d made decisions based on that belief, thinking everyone else would simply accept it as he had.
At his soft apology, Rigda looked utterly crushed. Convinced she had failed to change his mind, she quietly murmured,
“…A knight’s duty is to follow their master’s will. So I’ll obey Your Highness, as you’ve taught us. I’ll tell the others to gather tomorrow—”
“If it’s all right with you… will you keep serving me?”
“…To deliver the message—wait, what?”
“I wasn’t thinking clearly. You were right. I do need you.”
It still felt strange—asking for something aloud. But oddly enough, it brought relief. Just like when he finally admitted he wanted Seiyad’s love, saying it out loud made everything feel easier. Rigda blinked at him, stunned, then broke into a brilliant smile. Overwhelmed with joy, she dropped to one knee again.
“Yes, Your Highness!”
“If you were this worried, I’m sure the others are too. I’ll speak with everyone tomorrow and explain things properly. For now, go enjoy the banquet. Before Vine finishes all the wine you were saving.”
Seiyad chimed in from behind.
“There’s not much icewine left. If you don’t hurry, there might really be none.”
“That won’t do. I’d better go stop him right now. Then, with thanks—I’ll gladly follow your orders.”
Ressas gestured for her to rise, and Rigda straightened up, her face free of worry now. With light steps, she left the courtyard, and as Ressas watched her go, Seiyad slowly wrapped his arms around him from behind. His firm embrace grounded him. The scent of Seiyad’s coat reminded him of the gentle chill of winter air.
“You did well. Thanks to you, they can finally rest easy.”
“I’m sorry. I tried to handle everything on my own again.”
“You did it for my sake, so I won’t blame you. But, Your Highness… there’s still something you’ve misunderstood. The life we live now isn’t the same as the one before. I don’t deny what happened in the past—but many things have changed. I’m alive now because of you…”
Ressas felt Seiyad rest his head against his back. The soft, steady pressure made his heart race. For the first time in a long while, he felt alive—and deeply happy.
“In this life, the people around you are yours. Even if I was the reason you started moving forward, the choice to keep them close was yours. So please… stop living in the past.”
“…Okay. You’re right, Eid.”
“If we stayed trapped in our memories, we never could’ve become lovers. Back then, we didn’t even kiss.”
Seiyad’s words cut straight to the heart of it, snapping Ressas back to reality. If he truly clung to the past, then yes—just like Seiyad said—they never would’ve had this relationship. He would’ve laid down his life without regret, but he couldn’t give up the life they’d built now. Like a startled boy, Ressas turned and threw his arms around Seiyad, hugging him tight and locking him in place.
“No… I don’t want that. I can’t. Eid—”
Ressas’s lips trembled. He still wasn’t sure if he had the right to say what he was about to—but he wanted to. The words had been swirling inside him for so long, aching to come out.
“Don’t let anyone else stand beside you. Eid is my lover. Please… stay with me, and me alone.”
