118
Is it really okay like this?
The fingers that cautiously pressed inside, pushing against the inner walls, sent waves of awkwardness and unease crashing over me. It was a foreign sensation I had never experienced before in my life. But my heated body seemed to accept even that discomfort as pleasure, greedily swallowing it up, and my thoughts melted away before I could even form them.
“This is a problem.”
Jin Woohyeon’s slightly husky voice clung to my ear.
“It’s so tight, I don’t know if I can fit any more in.”
“…Hng.”
“Try to relax a little more, hyung.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head.
“As if I can… hah… just like that. It’s not working.”
Don’t tense up. If I could do everything just by making that one resolution, how easy would life be? I panted desperately, trying to force myself to relax, but every time his fingers stirred deep inside, circling the walls, my brows furrowed involuntarily.
“You need to take four. Otherwise, you’ll get hurt.”
I lifted my tear-filled eyes and looked up at him pleadingly.
“Do we really need to put in four? Even two right now…”
“Hah, Sanho hyung.”
He let out a slightly apologetic laugh and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
“We can’t do it if we don’t. My thing is obviously bigger than four fingers, right?”
“….”
“I’ll help you relax.”
A thick wave of pheromones poured out again. The pheromones, filled with blatant intent, stoked the pleasure even more.
Fortunately, my body began to adjust to him little by little. As the movements inside grew bolder, a slick, wet sound echoed. Jin Woohyeon, who had been slowing his movements every now and then to check my expression, seemed reassured by my reaction so far.
The fingers increased from two to three, and then a little more. Every time I instinctively arched my back in discomfort, he soothed me by stroking every part of me his hands could reach.
Melted by the heat, I lifted my legs and wrapped them tightly around his waist. As he slowly ground against me through his clothes, the sheer size of his erection pressing against me was undeniable. He gripped my trembling hips and pulled me closer, pressing firmly against me.
“Let’s relax a little more. Okay? It’s your first time, so it shouldn’t hurt.”
“…Nng, hah…”
“Good boy….”
I didn’t even realize when I was pushed toward climax. Was it the heat radiating from our pressed-together bodies? Or the fingers skillfully stretching me inside, occasionally pressing against a slightly swollen spot? Or maybe it was the scent filling my lungs.
What mattered was that something inside me burst, soaking his fingers.
“….”
Through my hazy vision, I saw Jin Woohyeon. Straddling me, he locked eyes with me as he crossed his arms and stretched them upward.
Just the act of taking off a single shirt felt more obscene than anything we had done so far.
“Actually…”
Jin Woohyeon undid his belt as he spoke.
“I hoped the reason we were doing this for the first time wasn’t because of heat or rut.”
I stared at his sharply defined abs, my half-loosened tongue barely managing a response.
“Why?”
“Because I was worried you’d regret it if we did it in a fit of anger.”
He was faster than my attempt to ask if he regretted it.
“Not me—you.”
“Regret….”
I was definitely drunk on pheromones; my mind was foggy. My body was more sensitive than ever, melting into pleasure at the slightest touch.
But that didn’t mean I wanted a relationship I didn’t truly desire.
“I won’t regret it.”
As he pressed his body down on mine, my legs lifted slightly, folding. His solid torso loomed closer.
“Next time… let’s do it when we’re both sober.”
He whispered to me with a smile.
“I’ll have to work hard today so that feeling doesn’t change.”
Unsure of what to do with my arms, I finally wrapped them around his shoulders. I felt the blunt, hard tip press against my entrance. Jin Woohyeon, who had been gently stroking my hesitant entrance with his fingertips, pressed his lips firmly against the nape of my neck.
“Take a deep breath.”
It was the moment I forced a breath of his pheromone-laced air into my tense lungs.
“Hng, ugh…”
“…Kk.”
An indescribable dull pain filled me completely.
It wasn’t just a little discomfort. The pain was so intense it felt like my body was being split in half, and I instantly understood that his words about being bigger than four fingers were no exaggeration.
As he pushed in deeper with a flex of his hips, the pain was followed by a overwhelming fullness. I whimpered and clung to him desperately.
“N-No, hng, it won’t… fit… Woohyeon-ah…”
“I know. Slowly…”
It seemed he wasn’t the only one feeling the pressure; his breathing was ragged too.
“I’ll go slowly. Just wait.”
“Ugh, nng…”
“Breathe, hyung.”
Sweat slicked my entire body. As I looked up at Jin Woohyeon, beads of transparent sweat formed on his forehead before dripping onto the bedsheet with a soft plop.
It was strange. In that moment, the pain piercing through me seemed to fade. He looked so lovable, watching over me with such care, and I wanted to endure this pain somehow.
This time would be different. Or rather, this time was just this time.
His hand, which had been resting above my head, pressed down. His fingers intertwined with mine, squeezing tightly.
At that moment of fullness, he pushed in a little deeper. The sharp pain and boiling heat, the soft scent and slick pleasure, the overwhelming sense of being filled and the fear of doing something I’d never done before—it all tangled together in a mess.
“Woohyeon-ah.”
The moment our eyes met, I knew what he wanted from me. When our bodies connected, did our hearts communicate without words? His emotions were so clear, as if I could read them.
“Jin Woohyeon.”
I was terrified right now.
“Woohyeon-ah…”
But my fear of my old wounds was nothing compared to how much I felt for him.
“I love you.”
So it was okay.
Because it was you, it was okay. Only you could make it okay. If it weren’t you, it would never be okay, so hold me.
I poured my whole heart into those words.
“I love you… so much.”
Jin Woohyeon let out a choked sound from deep in his throat and pulled me into a tight embrace. His large hands stroked my back, and he pressed his forehead and cheeks against my neck and shoulders over and over, sighing as he spoke.
“Hyung.”
With just that one word, I knew his heart was the same as mine.
“I love you.”
“…”
“…I love you, hyung. So much… really…”
There were days I couldn’t understand. Why was sex a means of expressing love? Love was a matter of emotion and spirit, while sex was merely the pursuit of physical pleasure.
People could intertwine their bodies without love, and there were people like me who couldn’t intertwine their bodies no matter how much they loved someone. So wasn’t sex an inadequate way to express love?
But today, I found the answer. Because I wanted to convey my love somehow. I wanted to pour out my heart using everything I had. I wanted to express it to him, no matter what it took—a glance, a few words, and even my body.
I love you. I want to be close to you. You are my everything. So right now, I don’t want anything in the world to come between us.
That’s why I thought I was lucky.
Because after a long night, I could see the morning with you. Because even this method, which I had always thought was the wrong answer, could become one of the many ways to express my heart.
His hot hand wandered near my lower abdomen. He gently stroked the tense area around my navel and whispered softly, as if to soothe me.
“Today, I’ll only put this much in.”
Snapped out of my thoughts, I looked up at Jin Woohyeon with wide eyes.
Only this much? So it wasn’t all the way in? I hadn’t even adjusted fully yet, and I already felt so full it was overwhelming…
“The rest can only go in once you’re more open inside.”
“Wait, Woohyeon-ah, what do you— hng!”
“…It’s okay. I’ll move slowly. So…”
“Ah, nng, hah, Jin Woohyeon—!”
Soon, his body began to move like waves.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
