Chapter 79
In the end, I agreed to undergo the re-examination as the doctor suggested. As I headed to the examination room, moistening my dry lips with my tongue due to nervousness, I felt the gazes of other people sitting in the waiting room particularly strongly.
Why are there so many people today of all days? I hope no unnecessary rumors start spreading.
I entered the first examination room, took a deep breath, and stood in front of the equipment. But I was still nervous, and even though I was standing still, my heart was pumping blood rapidly. Fearing it might affect the test results, I quickly confessed to the doctor.
“My heart rate seems a bit fast. Will that be okay?”
“Yes. We’re measuring energy waves, so it doesn’t matter, but if you’re concerned, we can measure it a little later.”
“Thank you.”
I exhaled deeply, making my bangs flutter, and shook my hands vigorously, trying to relax.
It’s just a simple test. The results could be good this time. Two graphs fell far short of the baseline.
As I tried hard to think positively, the tension seemed to dissipate a bit. Feeling that delaying further would inconvenience the doctor, I said, “I’m ready,” and stood in front of the equipment again.
Maybe it was just my imagination, but the doctor’s hand movements and expression as she operated the buttons seemed much more serious. After finishing measurements with various machines in different rooms like yesterday, the doctor and I sat facing each other again.
“Today’s test results and the re-examination will be reported to the higher-ups.”
“Yes.”
I answered calmly, even though I was uneasy inside, as this was already known information. Then, suddenly remembering something, I quickly added.
“Um, about Song Ji-hyeok Esper…”
“You don’t need to worry about that. I understand that the Esper is only notified when there’s a definite result and it’s deemed necessary to adjust work due to interference.”
This was a huge relief to hear. I didn’t even want to imagine Song Ji-hyeok’s reaction if he heard there was a problem with guiding. No, I shuddered even more because I indirectly already knew.
The conclusion was the same as yesterday. With the doctor’s words that she’d contact me when the results were out, I left the clinic with an incredibly heavy heart.
But I couldn’t keep looking gloomy for long. If I entered the office with a depressed face, the sharp-eyed Kim Young-joo would surely ask if something was wrong. In fact, when I was going to the clinic, she had noticed my bad expression and stopped me to ask where I was going.
My feet, moving mechanically and diligently, had almost reached the 6th floor. But instead of turning into the corridor, I continued climbing the stairs. I wanted to breathe some fresh air, feeling stuffy for various reasons.
“Sigh.”
But as luck would have it, when I opened the rooftop door, the air quality was visibly poor. The mountains and transmission towers that are usually clearly visible even from far away were obscured by fine dust today.
However, there’s always a silver lining. Everyone must value their bronchi, as there was no one smoking with their arms on the rooftop railing or spending time on the vine-covered benches. In other words, I was alone.
I grabbed a canned drink and plopped down on the bench. I was about to open the tab and drink without thinking, but I hesitated, put it down again, and roughly wiped the part where my mouth would touch with my finger. Not that this would make me live much longer, but…
“Phew.”
I gulped down the drink and wiped my wet mouth. But it didn’t have much effect. Only my mouth and throat were cold, while the stuffiness inside remained.
They say no one lives without ups and downs, but it seems my life has particularly large stumbling blocks. Just when things seem to be going well, a crisis arrives as if to wake me from a dream, and just when I think I’ve overcome it and entered a stable period, hardship inevitably strikes.
Thanks to my sister, I came to Seoul to study, but not long after, she collapsed. I thought I’d turn my life around as a dual awakened, but frustratingly, both were C-rank. I thought I’d finally gain fame after meeting Song Ji-hyeok, but sure enough, a crisis arrived without fail.
People have what’s called intuition. Although a clear conclusion hadn’t been reached yet, I had a bad feeling for some reason. The test results that even the doctor said she’d never seen before, and above all, it felt like my body was sending me signals. Although there was no concrete evidence, the dizziness and headaches I felt when guiding Song Ji-hyeok seemed undeniably related to guiding side effects, no matter how I thought about it.
If only the results would come out quickly. Then I could at least start looking for solutions, whether it’s taking medicine or something else, but not knowing the reason and having the results on hold was even more maddening.
‘Should I call mom?’
As my heart felt heavy, my mother’s face naturally came to mind. Not just mom, but dad, sister, and my much younger siblings too – suddenly I missed them very much.
I took out my phone and fidgeted with it. When I pressed the call app, the names of the family members I missed filled the screen, but I just looked at them and then turned off the screen. I sighed again, resting my forehead on my interlocked hands.
Even when things are tough, I can’t tell my family. Not because I don’t trust them or can’t rely on them, but because they’re too precious and special to me. Especially my parents, who already feel sorry whenever they see me, saying they “haven’t done anything as parents” – I didn’t want to upset them even more by saying I was having a hard time.
So I only tell them about good things, exaggerating a lot, and never show any sign of hardship. It’s probably the same for the other family members too.
‘…I hope it’s nothing. Really.’
Should I set out some purification water and pray? If things would go my way by doing that, I’d be willing to do it every dawn.
The still unknown results gave both hope and despair. If it turns out I’ve developed guiding side effects belatedly, would there be a way to treat or compensate for it? Would it affect my relationship with Song Ji-hyeok? Would Song Ji-hyeok want to continue our pair if he learns about this?
Just thinking about it made my breath catch and my vision darken.
Pairs are supposed to be unique and equal to each other, and outwardly, Song Ji-hyeok and I have maintained such a relationship. But if you dig just one layer deeper, I was clearly the subordinate. It’s because of the availability of replacement personnel.
The decisive reason Song Ji-hyeok chose me was not only because of our matching rate, but also because he liked that there were no guiding side effects. Song Ji-hyeok’s expression when he said he felt disgusted when others vomited in front of him was 100% sincere.
But what if I now say that I seem to have guiding side effects too? He certainly wouldn’t be pleased, and in the worst case, he might reconsider between Choi Young-sun and me.
The pair contract? It’s supposed to be unbreakable under normal circumstances. But I doubted whether those normal circumstances would apply to Song Ji-hyeok.
An awakened person’s rank is power and authority. In such a world, Song Ji-hyeok stands at the top of the pyramid as a top-tier awakened, and is undoubtedly the guild’s most promising talent. What if someone like that says he wants to change pairs? What if the reason is that we don’t match well? Who could argue if he says so himself?
The Song Ji-hyeok then and now have changed in many ways. Back then, he was trying to choose Choi Young-sun based solely on guide rank without knowing much, which is why the HR director probably intervened and pushed for me. After all, having the guide who best matches Song Ji-hyeok take care of him directly correlates to the guild’s benefit.
But now he’s no longer such a novice. Enough time has passed that he can immediately tell the compatibility after receiving guiding from someone just once. In other words, if the current Song Ji-hyeok were to say that we don’t match well or that he feels uncomfortable, not even the Guild Master could stop him, let alone the HR director. How could anyone deny it when he himself says so?
On the other hand, what about me?
Without Song Ji-hyeok, I’d immediately become like a gourd with its string cut off. I’d just be another mediocre C-rank awakened, clinging to the team leader to peek at higher dungeons, looking out for myself and trying to hang on as long and thinly as possible.
Once I started thinking negatively, it went on endlessly. Like falling into a deep abyss, I went all the way to the bottom and then tried to think about the opposite side.
What if it’s not a guide side effect?
‘Then that would be really fortunate…’
I raised my hand and rubbed my hot eyes. My head felt like it was about to burst after continuously thinking such stressful thoughts in a short time.
I gave my face a dry wash and lifted my head. I decided to try and collect myself, as dwelling on it further wouldn’t immediately improve or solve anything.
I drank the remaining drink in one gulp and crumpled the empty can. I threw it towards the nearby trash can, but even this didn’t go as I intended. Having failed to control my strength, it flew over the back, making me click my tongue as I got up.
I picked up the fallen can, irritably put it back in the trash can, and turned around. As I was walking away dejectedly, my phone made a notification sound.
I checked the screen and my eyes widened slightly. It was a message from Song Ji-hyeok, who should be in transit right now.
[Do you know any Espers who can teleport?]
