Intimacy is possible even without love. Assad knew that much. After all, he had seen and heard about the transgressions committed by people from the kingdom and, closer to home, by his own relatives.
It was the same with strategic marriages. Even without love, bodies had to intertwine to produce children. Some degree of physical affection might develop in the process. That would help maintain the comradeship beyond friendship and love, and sustain the alliance system.
However, the relationship between Assad and Cayden didn’t fall into any of these categories. Cayden was neither someone Assad met for a brief indulgence nor someone he met to form a lifelong alliance.
Assad spent the joy period with a man with whom he was forced into marriage because of an oracle, but who would eventually leave him. In the end, he spent the joy period with a man who would never become the Empress. And it was even his first joy period.
After vowing not to face Cayden during his joy period… he got swept away by impulse. But Assad had not the slightest intention of treating Cayden like a prostitute. That’s why he wanted to make things clear.
Assad intended to keep telling Cayden how grateful he was for spending the joy period with him, for helping him safely get through his first joy period. He planned to make his intentions known everywhere so that others wouldn’t look down on Cayden, and so Cayden himself wouldn’t misunderstand.
Assad wanted to redefine his relationship with Cayden. He knew that once a line had been crossed, there was no going back to how things were before.
Removing the hand that had half-covered his eyes, Assad looked at Cayden. The man, having missed the chance to turn away from Assad’s piercing gaze, awkwardly met his eyes.
And Assad felt this impulse:
He wanted to kiss that man.
…I must be crazy. Feeling disgusted by his own desire, Assad quickly turned his gaze away. His head ached, wondering if he was being swayed by this game of alpha and omega traits.
But he couldn’t blame it all on traits and pheromones.
Right now, Assad couldn’t sense Cayden’s pheromones at all. His own pheromones were also completely contained. Except for those from the joy period that were still disgustingly clinging to Cayden. Pheromones were once again under Assad’s complete control.
“Assad, my grandson. You are a kind child.”
“So, I worry. I worry that the Sun’s heir has too much love. I don’t like that you have so much love. I’m concerned that this curse will bring you down. I fear you’ll lose your nobility, like your uncle Jahan.”
Words that Assad heard when he secretly visited his grandfather on his sickbed as a child swirled in his mind. It was a story he heard repeatedly, dozens of times afterward. But that day’s lesson was particularly seared into Assad’s heart.
“The Emperor must transcend humanity. He must not be swayed by personal emotions. Especially, he must be wary of love. For it is a deception meant to corrupt the noble Sun.”
The dried-up old man, without any moisture, softly whispered with bloodshot eyes.
“To become an excellent Emperor, you must distance yourself from that wicked emotion. Don’t give love a glance. Then you’ll never fall.”
Love. Just thinking about that word sent chills down his spine. It was too bitter to roll around in his mouth. Just repeating it in his mind gave him an uneasy feeling.
There’s no way such a vain emotion had blossomed within him.
And yet… it was true that he was paying excessive attention to Cayden. He was watching Cayden’s reactions to an absurd degree. He was being shaken by strange desires that might make Cayden run out of this bedroom if he knew.
His mouth dried up, not understanding what he was hoping for or what was swaying him.
Assad’s thoughts couldn’t continue any longer. The eyes of Assad and Cayden, which had been trying to avoid each other’s gaze, met again as if by some lie.
While cursing inwardly, Assad hastily opened his mouth. He didn’t want to suffocate in this awkward atmosphere. He had to say something, anything.
“You took my… first…”
“…”
“You took my first time. Consider it an honor.”
It was the worst nonsense.
No, it wasn’t just the worst. Seeing Cayden’s complexion turn from white to bluish, it seemed he had uttered the worst of the worst nonsense.
Why did he say such a thing? Assad touched his forehead, barely holding back the sigh trying to escape between his lips.
“Kingdom omegas prefer alphas without experience.”
Right. It was certainly because of the twins who deliberately stood before him, whispering that the omegas of the kingdom prefer innocent alphas without experience. That’s why such nonsense came out—saying he should feel good about having an alpha’s pure first time.
But it didn’t seem to match his bride’s preference. Did he dislike inexperience because it seemed amateur? Being someone who had acted as his teacher, that could be the case.
Or maybe he found it burdensome, feeling too much like a child. Only pathetic thoughts continued.
“No. I shouldn’t have said that…”
“I wasn’t your first.”
Cayden cut off Assad’s words.
Their interlocking words brought another silence. Assad slowly blinked, looking at his bride who seemed somewhat frightened.
Not being the first—that was a fact he had already learned when their bodies intertwined. It was puzzling why Cayden’s face suddenly hardened.
Cayden is truly a difficult person. Assad thought that again.
“So what.”
Assad’s honest words fell carelessly before Cayden.
“So what’s the problem with that?”
He meant exactly what he said. What on earth was the problem that made that man so tense… he couldn’t understand it at all.
Cayden couldn’t easily provide an answer. His shaded face, which looked somewhat pitiful, turned downward. Facing the man who wouldn’t meet his eyes, Assad grew impatient. His throat was parched like someone bound to a desert cliff.
Assad’s fingertips began tapping the table again, tap, tap.
‘In front of Amun, you laughed even when Amun talked nonsense.’
It would be good if you told me if there’s a problem with my words. Why are you afraid in advance… and won’t even look at me? Is it because Amun is a servant and I am the Crown Prince? Or is it because he is smaller and younger than you, while I, regardless of my age, am bigger?
Unable to say it out loud, Assad grumbled inwardly.
Unable to bear the anxiety creeping up from his toes, Assad got up. He abruptly sat on the table. And reached out toward Cayden.
Following Assad’s movement, the glass cups trembled unsteadily. The red drink inside the cups splashed onto the table and onto the white tunic.
Assad only had eyes for Cayden. He lifted the face of Cayden, who had his head bowed. He made Cayden look at him.
“I don’t know what you’re worried about…”
“…”
“Nothing is more important than the fact that I, this noble person, gave you my first time. You can feel proud.”
Assad smiled at Cayden. It felt good to have only himself reflected in those purple eyes that appeared almost black in the darkness.
Fearing that Cayden might escape his gaze, Assad moved his body closer. Looking at the man trapped in the shadow he created, an indescribable satisfaction spread within him. The temperature of his mind, once boiling with impatience, now began to boil in a different direction.
‘Is this… what they call possessiveness?’
It wasn’t a feeling that belonged to the person named Assad, but the alpha’s possessiveness toward the omega who had willingly allowed him. If that was the case, then the terrible impulse he was feeling became somewhat understandable.
Such possessiveness was equally a wicked desire, but it was better than harboring the nonsensical emotion called love. At least it was a greed within a somewhat understandable category.
‘Yes. I am a greedy human.’
Assad stroked Cayden’s cheek with his fingertips. Surprised by the ticklish touch, Cayden closed his eyes. Assad could see his eyelids trembling finely.
“I doubt that you and the one who spent the joy period with me… are the same person.”
With a mischievous face like a child’s, Assad whispered to Cayden. It was a sincere statement. It was both strange and amazing that such an innocent man had spent two nights with him.
‘If I kiss him again here, what face would Cayden make?’
The base thought kept coming to Assad.
Assad’s hand moved from Cayden’s cheek to his earlobe. The hand that carefully caressed and rubbed the reddened ear soon played with Cayden’s hair, twisting it around his fingertips.
The black hair, once only dry and rough, now wrapped softly between his fingers. The black color, which once seemed gloomy and depressing, now held a quiet beauty like the desert night sky.
It’s thanks to living well without lack in Helio. That thought made him feel pleased.
“Why… are you not saying anything?”
Assad, who had completely bent his body toward Cayden, asked. Cayden reflexively looked up at Assad. He hesitated, his gaze captured by the man who had come close as if about to kiss him.
“Did I have some strange dream, unable to resist the heat of the joy period?”
“It wasn’t a dream.”
Caught off guard, Cayden blurted out an answer.
Stiff tone. When speaking the imperial language, Cayden’s manner of speech was just like Amun’s. Assad wished they could converse in the kingdom language, which had a much softer tone, but that wasn’t possible. Why did he pretend he couldn’t speak the kingdom language? Regretting the choice he had made, Assad clicked his tongue inwardly.
“Now? Is it not a dream now either?”
“…No. Now, too, it is not a dream.”
Assad quietly gazed at Cayden’s lips as they gave him the answer. He waited until the words had finished and the lips closed.
On Cayden’s closed lips, Assad briefly placed a kiss.
It was strange. It was nothing more than lips touching and parting, but the world began to sway as if he had drunk too much. Everything except Cayden himself seemed blurry.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
