Chapter 68
Among his celebrating teammates, Jaekyung still couldn’t collect himself. First place? Then what was supposed to happen again?
Jaekyung tried to forcibly recall what he’d heard earlier, but couldn’t remember well. It couldn’t be helped since he’d thought it wasn’t his business and had just let it go in one ear and out the other.
“We’re going to be uploaded on YouTube! They said that’s really good.”
Hearing Junghang’s excited shout, Jaekyung finally realized what it was. As all the team members’ joy was captured on screen, PD Choi added an explanation.
“We expected this team to face more difficulties than any other by choosing a girl group song. Despite all those concerns, they not only arranged it to suit themselves but also showed us a wonderful stage. Especially, their teamwork as one unit received abundant praise.”
Jaekyung, gradually beginning to accept reality, hung his head low. Why were there so many difficult things happening in this round?
“Thank you for your hard work in this round as well. By the way, there are many of your fans around the hotel, so please be careful on your way home.”
With PD Choi’s final words of appreciation, everyone scattered in different directions.
* * *
Walking down the corridor, Jaekyung entered any room that caught his eye. Leaning his back against the door and looking inside, it was a room set up as an individual vocal practice room. It was fortunate that no one else was there, but seeing the camera positioned in one corner meant he couldn’t rest comfortably.
Just the presence of the camera prevented Jaekyung from revealing his inner feelings as he sat on the sofa. It would have been nice if he’d gone somewhere with nothing, but there weren’t many such places, and right now Jaekyung wanted to be alone.
Leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes, Jaekyung thought about whether he was going in the right direction. He’d entered with the goal of being eliminated at the first round announcement ceremony, but he was still here. That didn’t mean his mother’s situation was completely resolved either. Thinking that far made his chest feel stuffy.
When would he be able to escape from this dilemma?
Feeling like he was wandering through an answerless maze, Jaekyung lifted his head at the sound of the door opening.
“So you were here.”
“Yeah.”
Confirming it was Jungwoo, Jaekyung closed his eyes again.
“Aren’t you going home?”
“I’ll go after staying a little longer.”
It wasn’t because of what PD Choi said about people being outside, but because his insides were complicated and he wanted to be alone. He’d given a reasonable hint that he wanted to be alone, so it would be nice if he left, but unfortunately Jungwoo came inside.
Jaekyung slightly turned his head toward the opposite side of the camera and frowned. Then he bumped Jungwoo’s knee with his own knee.
“Why are you sitting here?”
“I’m also going to leave after staying a little longer.”
“Why… Ah. Right.”
Come to think of it, it would be better for Jungwoo, who would be the most popular, to kill time here before leaving. Still, why here instead of going to his room to rest?
Jaekyung didn’t say anything more and closed his eyes completely. Because of this, he didn’t notice that Jungwoo’s expression had noticeably darkened.
“This round.”
Jungwoo’s low voice echoed in the well-soundproofed vocal room. Well enough that his voice could be heard clearly without even looking back at Jungwoo.
“I was disappointed we couldn’t be together.”
“Were you?”
Jaekyung wasn’t particularly thinking about it. Although he and Jungwoo had ended up on different teams, he’d often seen him practicing, so being on a different team from him didn’t really hit home. When Jaekyung looked back at him with an indifferent expression, Jungwoo kept staring at the wall in front of him with a serious face. It wasn’t like that wall would break through just from staring at it.
“I thought I wanted to go on stage with you.”
Jungwoo seemed to have thought a lot and made up his mind as he looked back at Jaekyung.
“I want to be on the same team in the next round, and… I also thought I want to keep being together.”
“You…”
Jaekyung had to forcibly suppress his flustered feelings as he looked back and forth between Jungwoo and the camera behind him.
“Let’s talk about that later.”
Cutting off Jungwoo’s words was the priority. It wasn’t a topic he wanted to respond to appropriately. But unfortunately, Jungwoo continued the words that Jaekyung had cut off.
“I want to debut together.”
Jaekyung had to forcibly suppress the anger that was boiling up in that moment. Things were already complicated enough, and now he was bothering him with nonsense about wanting to debut.
“Look at me for a moment.”
Jaekyung got up from his seat and left the vocal room first. The kid who had been acting like he knew something about him all this time suddenly saying he wanted to debut together made Jaekyung’s steps grow heavier with force.
Seeing that they were starting to withdraw the cameras, Jaekyung headed toward a place with few people. The safest place was where he’d met Jeon Sanguk before.
All the way there, Jaekyung thought about why he was saying such things now, but nothing came to mind.
He could tell his thoughts had changed, but he couldn’t pinpoint the cause.
Jaekyung, who had been waiting for Jungwoo, sighed when he appeared and said,
“Didn’t you know there was a camera there? Did you say that without knowing?”
“I saw the camera.”
At Jungwoo’s indifferent answer, Jaekyung swallowed the curse that was rising up.
“If you knew there was a camera and still said that, what on earth were you thinking?”
“I’m serious about wanting to debut together.”
“I… you know I don’t want to debut.”
“Right. You wanted to fail the audition. I don’t know why you came all the way here on your own feet to do that, though.”
“There are circumstances for that… Anyway, I don’t want to debut.”
“Why?”
“What?”
“Why don’t you like it?”
Jaekyung stared at him intently, thinking Jungwoo was acting strange today. His heavily made-up face wasn’t the relaxed Lee Jungwoo from before. It was sharp and sensitively pressed… a face he’d seen somewhere before.
‘When he said I was annoying.’
Then was he acting like this because this team also got on Jungwoo’s nerves?
Jaekyung didn’t know what had happened, but he didn’t like that arrow turning toward him. So he roughly ruffled his hair and stretched out his hand to Jungwoo to create distance.
“Anyway, I’m not interested, so don’t say things like you want to debut with me. Don’t come near me at all.”
Jaekyung brought out the same words as when he first pushed Jungwoo away. He’d thought the distance between them had narrowed somewhat, but in the end, they were destined to part ways. Especially since there was nothing good about sticking to Jungwoo, who was sure to debut.
“I just want to stay quiet and get eliminated.”
He declared it half-giving up, but as expected, Jungwoo ruthlessly erased the line Jaekyung had drawn.
Jungwoo, who had been quietly mulling over Jaekyung’s words, raised the corners of his mouth for the first time. But through his words, it felt like that was a different kind of laugh from a smile.
“You’re selfish.”
“What?”
“Coming in with no intention to debut, just because you have circumstances, and then pushing away someone who says they like you like that… Sure, you can dislike me. But don’t you feel sorry for the other person you pushed out by coming in? Maybe they could have debuted if it wasn’t for you.”
Jungwoo unhesitatingly dug into Jaekyung’s weak spot. What bothered him was that someone who might have applied for this audition before Jaekyung’s regression couldn’t participate because of Jaekyung, and he’d hit on that exact point.
“That… I think I’m sorry about that too.”
But he hadn’t expected Jungwoo to make an issue of it. Jaekyung started to speak like making an excuse, then closed his mouth. Why did he have to say such things to Jungwoo anyway? His head grew coldly calm, and Jaekyung’s gaze also turned chilly.
“Think whatever you want. You’re right, I’m a selfish bastard and I don’t want to debut. I want to get eliminated this time, so don’t cling to me.”
“You only think about yourself.”
At Jungwoo’s self-deprecating smile, Jaekyung felt a surge of emotion.
“Are you so proud of yourself for saying that?”
He didn’t want to say such things.
“Why did you come here when your debut was already decided? You had a major agency and all the members were already assembled. You pushed out other people by coming here just the same.”
On top of that, he gained huge popularity and became a star all at once. Among JT’s members including Jungwoo, Jaekyung always had to feel alienated. So he ended up saying what he’d sometimes thought about. The regret that maybe Jaekyung would have had a chance to fit in with them if they had just debuted normally turned into pointless resentment aimed at Jungwoo.
“That’s not true.”
“Not true, my ass.”
Jaekyung sneered at Jungwoo’s denial. He remembered Hajun interviewing that the kids who were in the debut group had applied for the audition. He’d said they were especially close because they were members originally set to debut.
“You came out just for promotion purposes, so how can you call me selfish?”
I know all the trainees from that agency got their debut dates.
“A bunch of first-string trainees came out and really drew attention. At least you don’t have the right to call me selfish.”
Jungwoo’s eyes wavered. When he’d been nastily pouring out words toward Jaekyung, when was that, and now he couldn’t bring out any words at all.
It was a particularly strange-looking day. He wondered if something he didn’t know about had happened, but soon Jaekyung turned his head as if avoiding Jungwoo’s face.
Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. Since the conclusion was that nonsensical statement about wanting to debut with him, there was no need to look back further.
Jaekyung left Jungwoo behind and escaped from that place.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
