Chapter 3
19 years old.
Mom brought a contract for debuting directly as a singer, not as a trainee. She came with a man who called himself the director of an agency I’d never heard of before. Preparations for my debut proceeded regardless of my wishes, and during this process, Mom borrowed private loans that the director arranged, claiming she could pay everything back once I became a singer.
20 billion won.
It was a debt my mother incurred, seduced by the promise of my singing debut. Including previous debts, it was roughly 21 billion? With the growing interest, it probably hit 23 billion. Until I entered JT Entertainment and debuted, I couldn’t escape that flood of debt.
‘No. Even after debuting, I couldn’t pay off all the debt.’
Despite sleeping less than ten hours a week and performing on stage, I couldn’t get out of our semi-basement apartment. Jaekyung trembled even when buying a single T-shirt, but Mom’s spending only increased.
She’d say she needed skin treatments for my upcoming stage performances, or had to buy stage outfits. Because of the nearly 23 billion won debt and Mom taking money like pouring water into a broken jar, Jaekyung was always short on cash.
‘I really don’t have a single good memory.’
Every day was hard and sad.
“So I have to go through that time again.”
Jaekyung rested his chin on his knee and looked at the year again. No matter how he looked at it, it hadn’t changed. If he had returned to some time after he turned 20, it would have been better, but 19? He wondered why he had returned to the most difficult and painful time that he wanted to completely erase.
– Idols are made by your hands.
Jaekyung, who had been staring blankly into space, turned his gaze to the TV.
“That… I remember that.”
It was an idol debut audition program called CHOOSE NINE. Jaekyung knew the outcome of that program well. The program became a mega-hit, and afterward, broadcasting stations everywhere began producing audition programs. Not just for idols.
The format expanded to include trot singers, actors, and models, with endless variations of the basic format.
There was no emotion in Jaekyung’s eyes as he watched a program he knew would be a huge success. Knowing didn’t make him want to participate. Jaekyung didn’t want to become a singer, so he turned off the TV after meaninglessly watching the application period announcement.
Jaekyung got under the blanket with minimal movement. Though old and musty, it was still the only cave where he could relax his mind. Pulling the blanket up to just below his neck, Jaekyung closed his eyes.
He just needed to endure for a year somehow. After that, if he refused, his mother couldn’t force him into a contract, so he wouldn’t have to become a singer. Even if his mother held onto him, claiming it was her long-cherished wish, he absolutely didn’t want to give in. If she wanted someone to be a singer, she could do it herself. Jaekyung definitely didn’t want to become a stepping stone for her comeback.
‘Would a convenience store part-time job be good?’
Jaekyung planned to look for part-time jobs he could get immediately and find full-time employment as soon as he turned 20. He wanted to start a small but stable income-generating job, pay off all his debts, and then go to college. He wanted to live ordinarily, truly ordinarily. He desperately wanted a life where he wouldn’t catch anyone’s attention or be misunderstood.
‘First, not getting scammed…’
Since he was 19 again, he reminded himself that at the very least, he shouldn’t incur the biggest debt. He believed that if he could just avoid that, he could somehow create opportunities.
That’s what he thought, but…
“Are you Seo Jaekyung?”
Jaekyung staggered with a pale face.
‘Why is this man here…’
Until falling asleep yesterday, he hadn’t anticipated today at all. The cold wind blowing in the early dawn pierced sharply through his clothes. The blanket that had been covering his lower body slid down his legs and pooled at his ankles. Like a lie, what had kept Jaekyung warm through the night now felt strange, like a rope binding his ankles.
“Who… are you?”
Jaekyung asked, feigning a calm voice. It was a question asked to avoid the man in front of him, whom he recognized, but unfortunately, his voice cracked at the end. The corner of the director’s mouth twisted, and Jaekyung heard a snicker. Goosebumps ran down Jaekyung’s spine at the man’s knowing gaze.
“Me? The person who’s going to make you debut.”
The laid-back tone of the man with a cigarette in his mouth filled Jaekyung with fear. As Jaekyung backed away cautiously, the man pushed his way further inside.
“Your mother will be here soon. I just arrived first, so…”
As the man settled in, Jaekyung rushed out of the house.
‘This can’t be happening.’
If he had known the man would come today, he would have escaped beforehand. He would have.
“Jaekyung.”
Jaekyung was forced to stop running because of the woman blocking his path. The heavy makeup was still there, but it was his mother, younger than when he had last seen her. She had gotten a lot of perms at this time, and the distinct burnt smell confirmed it was really his mother. Jaekyung looked at her with a complex expression.
“Mom…”
“Why are you outside?”
“Bring that runaway cat back in.”
“Oh my. Yes, Director-nim. He’s just shy with strangers. We’ll be right in, please wait a moment.”
Mom raised her voice sweetly, making sure the director could hear. Then she grabbed Jaekyung’s arm.
“Let’s go in quickly.”
“Mom, wait.”
Jaekyung resisted, putting strength in his feet to avoid going inside. He felt something sharp stabbing his sole, but under the pressure that he couldn’t take even one step, he pressed down hard.
“Who is that man?”
“The person who’s going to make you debut.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, no? Mom checked everything out. Let’s go in. We’ll talk about the rest inside.”
“No.”
Jaekyung pulled his arm free from her grip. His mom looked surprised, as if wondering why he was acting this way, but Jaekyung didn’t move. He had always done as she said until now, so his refusal must seem strange to her.
“I won’t do it.”
Mom’s lips hardened rigidly. Coldness frosted over in her eyes as she looked at Jaekyung, but he could see her forcibly calming herself to persuade him.
“Stop acting like this out here and come inside first.”
“I won’t sign a contract with that man. I won’t…!”
Suddenly, Jaekyung’s head turned with a burning sensation on his cheek. Belatedly realizing what had happened, Jaekyung raised his hand.
His mother’s hand, which had struck his cheek, hung awkwardly in the air. She gripped her wrist, but her hand still trembled uncontrollably.
“Did you just hit me?”
She might have neglected him all this time, but she had never hit him. Jaekyung backed away from his mother in shock.
“That’s not it. Mom just…”
Mom urgently reached out to grab Jaekyung. But before her hand could touch him, Jaekyung turned and ran. At the sound of his name from behind, Jaekyung gritted his teeth and ran harder.
‘I can’t get caught. If I get caught, I’ll go down that muddy path again.’
He ran to ensure his mother couldn’t chase him and only stopped when his lungs felt like they would tear.
“Haa, haa.”
Unable to hold back the breath that rose to his chin, Jaekyung roughly regulated his breathing and wiped the moisture from his chin. Not knowing if it was his sweat or tears, he just wiped it away with the back of his hand several times.
He belatedly felt the coldness rising from his soles, having run out barefoot. The slimy feeling made it impossible to tell whether he had stepped in muddy water or if something had pierced his foot and made it bleed.
“Ha… hahaha.”
Jaekyung covered his eyes and laughed mindlessly through his lips. With bare feet and a face tinged red, plus the laughing, he looked like a madman. People avoided him, circling around as if recognizing something was wrong with him.
Under their gazes, Jaekyung wanted to hide and looked around, but there was nowhere to go. The man might still be at his house, and Jaekyung didn’t even have a single friend. Should he go back now and tell his mom that the man was a scammer? If he told her the company was a ghost company created by loan sharks… would she believe him?
“Mom… if it’s Mom…”
Jaekyung called for his mother endlessly. The mother he knew would never listen to him.
“Then do I have to live a debt-ridden life again?”
His heart, which he had barely calmed before falling asleep, began to beat wildly. Jaekyung raised his head with a vacant expression. The world was spinning around. It was opening its jaws to drag Jaekyung back into darkness once more.
“What should I do? What now? I… I… now…”
Tears flowed down his chin, but unlike before, he didn’t have the energy to wipe them away. Jaekyung bowed his head and sobbed.
“Someone… please… help me.”
With his face buried in his hands, Jaekyung asked for help that no one would hear. He wished someone would hold him and comfort him, saying everything would be okay. Even though he knew there was no such person. Even though he had curled up alone and tried to soothe his loneliness by himself.
– There is a boy dreaming of a new beginning.
“……”
Jaekyung slowly raised his head. He rolled his eyes quickly, trying to find where the sound was coming from.
– Support the boy’s dream. Open a new world for the boy.
Having found the source of the sound, Jaekyung turned his body. It wasn’t someone speaking beside him. It was a sound coming through speakers, resonating from high up. Jaekyung soon looked up toward the source of the sound and saw the electronic display on a building.
– Idols are made by your hands.
[Choose 9 boys.
CHOOSE NINE]
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
