Chapter 28
After the rehearsal ended, Jaekyung descended from the stage in a dazed state. It seemed like someone grabbed his arm midway – if they hadn’t, he might have fallen. But Jaekyung was so out of it that none of that mattered.
“Ugh, I’m so nervous. I was incredibly nervous.”
Sowoon’s voice gradually brought focus back to Jaekyung’s eyes. Confirming this, Jungwoo released the arm he had been holding. Without even noticing what had been supporting him, Jaekyung met eyes with Sowoon.
As soon as Sowoon saw Jaekyung, he started whining. Until now, Jaekyung had always answered everything clearly and seen through his situation. Perhaps because of this, Sowoon whimpered as if he had met his mother.
“I think I’ll get nervous when I see the cameras. What should I do? Should I just not look at the cameras?”
Jaekyung looked intently at Sowoon’s face. As if his nervousness was real, sweat had formed on Sowoon’s forehead and his lips were completely dry. Finding this cute, Jaekyung smiled softly and said:
“If you’re nervous, look at the camera anyway. It’s actually worse if you can’t make eye contact with the camera even once. People need to feel like they’re making eye contact with you for their hearts to be moved.”
This was the reason idols persistently followed cameras with their gaze to make eye contact. Sowoon clasped his trembling hands together nervously and answered with determination:
“Got it.”
“But don’t stare too intensely. It’ll look tacky.”
“Hiing.”
Sowoon complained as if he hadn’t expected Jaekyung to say that, but Jaekyung just brushed it off. To Sowoon, who reacted seriously even to jokes, Jaekyung explained in more detail:
“If the camera feels burdensome, just smile first.”
“But won’t the corners of my mouth tremble awkwardly?”
“You’re a trainee. Who told you to smile slickly? It’s okay to be nervous. It might actually be more effective because it looks innocent.”
Whether Jaekyung’s words hit home, Sowoon closed his mouth and fell into thought. Since there was no need to bother Sowoon further, Jaekyung took a step away from him.
Though he had given Sowoon advice, his own situation wasn’t good either. He bent his waist slightly and pressed his uncomfortable solar plexus with his fist. It felt both constricted and like mild motion sickness. Thinking he knew the cause of his strange physical condition, Jaekyung closed his eyes while pressing his solar plexus.
‘Why am I being so pathetic?’
What was so special about this stage that he just needed to perform and come down, yet he had trembled during just one rehearsal – he found himself pathetic.
He still couldn’t shake off the pressure he felt toward the stage. The burden of feeling like he was on trial every time stiffened his body and blocked his voice.
His mother trying to make a comeback through Jaekyung, the debts that kept growing endlessly no matter how much he paid, and the reproachful gazes that made him shrink – all of it was tangled together, binding Jaekyung’s body tight. As if shackles were attached to his ankles, taking even one step wasn’t easy.
“Seo Jaekyung.”
“Huh… what?”
Jaekyung turned to look at whoever called him a beat late. Seeing Jungwoo holding out a water bottle, Jaekyung accepted it in bewilderment. He unconsciously opened the cap of the water he had received and drank.
“I was just getting thirsty, thanks.”
Jaekyung drank water again while naturally avoiding eye contact. He didn’t want to reveal that his mind was complicated. Still, his mood improved just a little bit in that moment. It was because of Jungwoo. He had just called to hand over water, but the timing was good. Jaekyung vaguely thought that if he hadn’t called out, he might have hyperventilated.
“Nervous?”
“Me? Why would I be nervous?”
Jaekyung acted incredulous while fiddling with the empty water bottle. He had stood on stage countless times until now. Yet he had been shaken during rehearsal and was pathetically judging himself alone, so what was there to be nervous about…
“You’re also a trainee.”
“…What?”
Jaekyung couldn’t immediately understand Jungwoo’s words. I’m also a trainee? I debuted with V.O.B…
“You’re 19 years old and still a rookie who hasn’t debuted yet.”
As Jungwoo took the bottle from Jaekyung’s hand, he simultaneously grabbed his empty hand. He firmly gripped the hand where he could feel slight trembling.
“Just because you sing well and dance well doesn’t make you an idol already. So it’s natural for you to be nervous too.”
Jaekyung looked at the large hand covering his own. A hand bigger than his own gripped him firmly. And that hand was trembling too.
“I’m confident I can work hard because you’re next to me. Don’t forget that I’m here too.”
“What are you to me…”
“This is our first stage. And since we’ll keep going up together from now on, let’s adjust to each other. Me to you, you to me.”
As Jaekyung listened to Jungwoo’s words, his gaze gradually lowered.
‘He doesn’t even know what he’s talking about, so why is he…’
Jungwoo didn’t know him. Yet his words reached him as if they had seen right through his heart.
Jaekyung suddenly came to his senses. His words were right. Not as a 25-year-old, but as 19-year-old Seo Jaekyung was going on stage for the first time today. It was okay to be awkward, okay to make mistakes. Not everyone expected a perfect appearance from him. And… this was just the beginning. From now on, he could build his own stage.
“You’re right…”
Jaekyung smiled with a completely relaxed expression, different from before. Seeing this, Jungwoo smiled along. If it hadn’t been for him, Jaekyung would have been shaken even after going on stage. That it was Jungwoo who had soothed his heart – the situation was truly ironic.
Meanwhile, there were those who had heard the youth drama-like conversation between Jaekyung and Jungwoo. It was Group A. Hajun hugged his own arms and shivered. And Sowoon and Chanhyung pretended to vomit.
“He’s not usually talkative, but when he goes long once… it’s kind of cheesy, isn’t it?”
Chanhyung spoke as if learning this for the first time. And Hajun looked at Sowoon while pointing to his own eyes.
“Sowoon, should I give Jungwoo the double eyelids in my eyes? Since he’s already cheesy with his comments, I think I need to pass on my butter-smooth charm.”
“But I think it would suit Jungwoo hyung well.”
“…Right.”
Strangely feeling like he’d been hit, Hajun tilted his head.
Jungwoo asked Jaekyung:
“Will you leave right after the live broadcast ends?”
“I have to.”
With this broadcast, the month-long dormitory life would end. Since Jaekyung had packed his luggage in the morning, he planned to leave right after changing clothes.
“Where do you live?”
“Seoul.”
“Then what are you doing this weekend?”
“I’ll be at home.”
Jungwoo closed his mouth for a moment, then spoke to Jaekyung again:
“Then do you want to come out?”
“I’m going home after a long time, so why would I come out? I want to stay home.”
When Jungwoo was looking at Jaekyung and about to say something, the assistant director appeared and told them to go on stage. Jaekyung patted Jungwoo’s shoulder.
“Let’s go.”
Unlike during rehearsal, Jaekyung walked through the bright lights illuminating the stage and found his position. As the intro of the song began, the emotions that had been tightly hidden on Jaekyung’s face slightly revealed their existence.
*I waited for time to meet you every day.*
*Save me from this prison surrounded by mirrors.*
*Only you can save me.*
*Hold my hand.*
*Will you give me your heart?*
*I’m your only boy.*
*Call my name.*
*It’s me you see right here.*
* * *
“Camera 3, zoom.”
“Full shot.”
The music program’s PD An watched the screen with sharp eyes. As if capturing 99 men in one camera for a brief moment was enough, he immediately moved on to camera zoom instructions.
The 99 men filled the large stage completely. Even without special decorations, they filled it with their organic movements and presence. The stage prepared at the request of a colleague who said they were joining a new program was quite eye-catching.
Among the various shots being filmed, PD An’s gaze shone sharply. Even with lots of practice, they couldn’t escape the keen eyes of sharp PD An.
“Switch to camera 1.”
He immediately cut the screen that had been showing the center of the stage broadcasting live. He had heard in passing that positions were decided through missions. Anyway, he couldn’t capture all 99 people in such a short time.
– *You may have secured your position, but what gets broadcast live is up to me.*
Mocking his colleague’s aspiration to give fair opportunities, PD An declared he would thoroughly filter by skill alone. If he thought something was mediocre, he’d immediately switch screens.
There was no sympathy. Rather, the cold judgment of pushing aside what didn’t work was PD An’s belief. Just as PD An turned his gaze, one screen caught his eye.
Not only PD An, but other production staff watching the screen also turned their attention to that screen one by one.
“Camera 4, catch the wing side.”
“Camera 5, turn to the opposite side.”
Among the group singing and group dance, there was a group that stood out particularly.
Their dance synchronized better than anyone else’s, looking like one unit, making it quite impressive to watch.
“Zoom.”
“Wow. Only this part looks like real idols.”
Someone’s muttering became everyone’s thought. Another person said:
“It’s completely precise group choreography, isn’t it?”
Even down to their fingertips, everything fell into place with calculated precision, and even in soft dances, they connected organically, feeling like one wave. Moreover, they sang with such enthusiasm.
“They’re all definitely working hard together… but it’s strange.”
Knowing it was an audition program and being their first stage, everyone was working hard to stand out. This music broadcast didn’t even have pre-recording.
Straight from one rehearsal to live broadcast.
Even in the situation where they had to film in a short time from rehearsal to live broadcast due to creating a stage for 99 people, PD An didn’t give them any breaks. To survive long in this industry, you needed to be able to use any situation to your advantage without being shaken.
PD An’s eyes moved sharply around, discovering hidden gems everywhere. While monitoring the screens being captured in sequence, he called out a different camera number than during rehearsal.
“Camera 4, pull back further.”
PD An pushed the camera deeper, like excavating gold hidden in barely visible positions.
“Focus on those two trainees.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
