Chapter 1
“Now we will announce the trainees who will become the final members of b-nine!”
The venue erupted with cheers at the MC’s announcement. Jaekyung swallowed dryly, feeling his ears go numb.
With debut just ahead, Jaekyung stood at the crossroads of acceptance and elimination, trying to listen to the MC’s voice. Or rather, he tried to.
“You haven’t forgotten, have you?” Jungwoo whispered in Jaekyung’s ear.
“If we both get picked, I win.”
What was he saying while still on stage? Flustered, Jaekyung fidgeted with his clothes. He was extremely nervous that Jungwoo’s voice might be picked up by the microphone. As he fumbled with his clothes, Jaekyung belatedly noticed Jungwoo’s hand approaching. Jungwoo grabbed Jaekyung’s hand and pulled it down.
They were in front of so many people. Jaekyung tried to pull his hand away, but the more he struggled, the more deeply their fingers became entwined. Not content with just that, Jungwoo used his other hand to wipe away the sweat that had formed on Jaekyung’s face.
His body, still hot from the final performance, welcomed the cool hand. Jaekyung turned his head away, trying to avoid the touch. He wished Jungwoo would stop messing around.
When he unconsciously looked up at the screen, he discovered himself and Jungwoo being displayed. It was capturing everything—Jungwoo holding his hand and wiping his sweat. Jungwoo also looked up belatedly, and seeing himself on screen, broke into a playful smile.
Then, as if to show off, he slowly ran his other hand down Jaekyung’s back. Though it seemed like an affectionate gesture meant to soothe his nervousness, Jaekyung only grew more rigid. Because the hand touching his back carried more than simple friendly intentions.
“You’re crazy.”
Hearing Jaekyung’s muttered words, Jungwoo burst into laughter. As the breath that had been tickling Jaekyung’s ear moved away, he could see Jungwoo’s face clearly.
On the stage lit by dozens of lights.
Jungwoo stared directly at Jaekyung, his lips curving into a bright smile. Behind that smile, half-hidden in his eyes, was a strong possessiveness directed at Jaekyung.
It won’t end with just a kiss this time.
* * *
“Contract termination? Are you insane? You should be clinging to his pant leg begging, why are you here instead?”
The woman in her 40s was agitated, running her fingers through her hair. When her fingers caught in the tangled mess that hadn’t been washed for days, she yanked her hand down roughly, breaking some strands. Still unable to calm down, she fidgeted restlessly and picked at the dry skin on her lips.
The lipstick thickly applied to her lips stuck to the flakes, staining her fingers red. The woman paced back and forth, exhaling harshly through her chewed lips. Her bloodshot eyes with sagging double eyelids created ugly wrinkles whenever she frowned.
The woman, who might once have been called pretty but now couldn’t overcome the hardships of time, glared sharply at her son as if he were the source of all her troubles.
“I went through all the trouble to get you into an agency, and you terminate the contract on your own?”
She screamed loud enough to shake the small apartment. She glared at the bathroom Jaekyung had entered, tapping her foot impatiently.
“Come out right now. Seo Jaekyung!”
The woman shouted, throwing various objects around. Although the items crashed against the bathroom door creating a tremendous noise, the door remained closed.
“Seo Jaekyung!”
As if annoyed by the woman’s renewed shouting, Jaekyung turned on the sink. Though the water was cold enough to make his fingertips ache, he paid no mind and repeatedly washed his face. After holding his breath until his chest felt tight, Jaekyung exhaled deeply and opened his eyes.
His hidden double eyelids appeared and disappeared with each blink. Water droplets formed on his eyelashes, rolled down his cheeks, and were absorbed by his plump lips. Despite the commotion at the door, Jaekyung just stared intently at his face in the mirror.
He looked ridiculous soaked with water. His foundation was white and flaking, and the light brown eyeshadow had smudged under his eyes. His face, with non-existent cheekbones, looked comical.
The crack in the broken mirror seemed like a fracture in his own face. Though only 25, his reflection in the fragmented mirror made him look like an exhausted man in his 50s.
“You think hiding in the bathroom solves everything? Come out. I said come out!”
As she pounded on the door and shouted roughly, Jaekyung wiped away the water droplets gathered on his chin in irritation.
When he flung the door open, the woman who had been about to knock again stopped. She glared at Jaekyung and pointed to the front door.
“Go to the CEO and apologize. Get on your knees, beg, and promise never to do it again.”
“No.”
“Hey! Seo Jaekyung!”
“I won’t. I’m not going.”
At Jaekyung’s harsh refusal, the woman grabbed his clothes and clung to him.
“Go to the CEO right now!”
The woman screamed a mixture of pleading and threats, as if she would let go only if he agreed to go to the CEO immediately.
“Tell him you’re sorry for everything. Get on your knees and ask for one more chance. He’ll forgive you if you beg.”
At her screaming, Jaekyung clutched his head as if getting a headache. The insufferable stress-induced headache. And the insufferable mother.
“What exactly am I supposed to apologize for?!”
Jaekyung’s voice grew increasingly rough. He glared with fierce eyes at the root cause of this miserable situation.
“What if I go to the CEO? What should I say? Should I tell him I wasn’t meeting a sponsor at that club, but was trying to pick up my drugged-up mother?”
“……”
“Should I tell him everything? That I never got some unknown girl pregnant, so I’m not the ‘J’ in that tabloid? Would the CEO believe me if I said I wasn’t the one accused of school violence? Should I just apologize for sins I don’t even know I committed?”
Jaekyung shouted until the veins in his neck bulged.
He felt wronged. He had repeatedly denied that the ‘J’ mentioned in the tabloid wasn’t him. But no one believed Jaekyung.
Throughout the entire process—dozens of articles pouring in daily, groundless speculation, suspicion turning into certainty—Jaekyung could do nothing. He took the blame for everything.
Now he just wanted to cool his hot head. The agency that had cut him off like a lizard’s tail—he didn’t know how they would handle things, whether tomorrow’s schedule would be canceled or carried out regardless. Nothing had been decided.
“At least you, Mom, shouldn’t be doing this to me. You know I’m not ‘J’…”
“Who told you not to answer your phone?”
“…What?”
Jaekyung paused as he was pushing back his hair that had fallen forward. He wondered if he had heard correctly. The woman—his mother, the one who gave birth to him—calmly shifted all blame to Jaekyung.
“The CEO said he tried to contact you so many times. Why didn’t you answer any calls?”
Jaekyung looked at the woman with a bewildered expression.
“If you had just answered your phone on time, the agency would have released a statement denying everything.”
“Is that… is that my fault?”
He had barely managed to endure his packed schedule without proper sleep. When he thought he could rest just a little more, he received his mother’s call. Then he collapsed while taking care of her, and when he came to his senses, everything was over.
“If you hadn’t taken those drugs, none of this would have happened. You know that?”
Jaekyung’s eyes sharpened. He filled them with resentment, as if she were one of the reasons his life had become so tangled.
“I didn’t take them on purpose. I… I didn’t know.”
The woman cried out as if wronged, but her trembling eyes betrayed her lie. Not only was she constantly drunk, but drugs too? Jaekyung let out an incredulous sigh. Apparently, him passing out and missing calls was a disaster, but her taking drugs was just a mistake.
Jaekyung looked at the hand clutching his clothes. While her face was covered with heavy makeup to look like she had suffered, her hands were smooth without a single callus.
Hands that should be rough from raising a son, yet they showed no signs of hard work. Jaekyung pulled them off as if tearing them away.
“How would I know whether you knew what you were taking or not?”
“What’s the point of arguing about that now? Hurry up and go tell the CEO you’re sorry for everything.”
Back to square one. His mother acted as if her son’s feelings meant nothing, and Jaekyung lost all motivation.
“Ugh.”
A ringing in his ears came with dizziness. Jaekyung pressed his temples firmly, trying to steady his rough breathing. While the ringing continued like white noise, Jaekyung lowered his head completely.
“You think pretending to be sick will make me sympathetic? Seo Jaekyung. Hurry up and go.”
The woman pointed outside. Jaekyung half-opened his eyes, which he had squeezed shut. With his head down, perhaps she couldn’t see him, so she continued shouting at him to leave.
“…Fine.”
Jaekyung’s quiet voice. Hearing this, the woman jumped slightly before screaming again.
“Seo Jaekyung!”
“I’m quitting now.”
From the beginning, he wasn’t meant to be a singer. No, the mistake was not breaking away from the mother who kept forcing him to be a singer. He never wanted to be a singer, but was dragged around like a doll, and that’s how he ended up in this state. Jaekyung gave a dry laugh.
“I’m going to quit.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
