Chapter 63
When Hwi reached out his hand again, Yun-seo did not avoid him. Hwi guided Yun-seo’s hand to his own neck. As Yun-seo’s fingertips pressed firmly against the skin beneath Hwi’s jaw, he could feel the pulse throbbing beneath.
The heartbeat, strong and steady like its owner, noticeably quickened under his touch. Yun-seo’s eyes trembled slightly as he took in Hwi, who willingly exposed such a vulnerable part of himself.
“If you enjoy archery, come out often.”
“…”
“Is there anything else you would like to do?”
That look in his eyes suggested he would grant anything, yet they both knew the truth—that not everything was possible.
Affection mixed with pity was like an unexpected wave that made Yun-seo sway. On days when he simply wanted to love Hwi, hatred held him back; on days when he wanted to hate Hwi freely, love restrained him. Yun-seo no longer knew what he himself wanted.
“You must be busy with state affairs. How did you come all the way here?”
“Because I now have a sanctuary.”
“…”
“I came to rest.”
Yun-seo wanted to be his family—to be the home Hwi could return to, the embrace he could trust, the deep affection that would never change regardless of what happened. What had he become now?
Brightened by sunlight, Yun-seo’s eyes shimmered faintly like ripples on water. Since sorrow was also like water, Yun-seo closed his eyelids to prevent it from overflowing.
* * *
“Your Majesty, are you nervous?”
At Yeondeok’s question, Yun-seo let out a long sigh. Whenever he was about to meet with the royal consorts, his neck would always become stiff.
“Does it show?”
“Yes. Your eyebrows look like they’re about to touch each other.”
“Then I should be careful, or I’ll become a laughingstock.”
“Your Majesty would look elegant even with joined eyebrows!”
Wan suddenly interjected, drawing Yun-seo’s gaze. Finding herself the center of attention, she blushed and took a small step back.
“So you needn’t worry…”
Since receiving the confections, Wan had occasionally thrown in such bold remarks, which Yun-seo found even more endearing. Even Lady Jo, who had initially disapproved, seemed to soften when she saw how Yun-seo’s face brightened when conversing with Wan.
Looking at Wan with a face full of mirth, Yun-seo spoke.
“No matter what, wouldn’t joined eyebrows look strange?”
“If one beholds Your Majesty’s eyes, nothing else would matter at all.”
“Is that so?”
“Because they are so clear and beautiful.”
Flustered by such direct praise, the kind usually given by children, Yun-seo took a sip of tea while checking Lady Jo’s expression. He worried Wan might be scolded later in his absence. After all, commenting on a superior’s appearance without being asked was considered disrespectful.
“Thank you. Having received such words from you, I’ve gained confidence and can relax today.”
Yun-seo spoke loudly enough for all to hear, then rose from his seat. Yeondeok, standing to one side, was trying to suppress his laughter. Yun-seo cast him a glance warning him not to laugh, but soon his own expression crumbled into a smile.
Leaving his chambers, he moved to Jayeongjeon, where he conducted official business and received visitors. After sitting at the head seat and waiting briefly, the royal consorts arrived. Yun-seo exchanged greetings with them, but in reality, it was mere formality; he did not feel any closer to them at all.
Lady Jo had advised that throughout history, empresses and royal consorts rarely became close, so there was no need to try hard. After hearing this, Yun-seo realized that he himself hadn’t opened his heart first. Because Hwi was involved in his relationship with them, he couldn’t view them purely.
Since these were the only people Yun-seo frequently met and interacted with inside the palace, he wanted to get along with them as best he could, but it proved difficult in many ways. This made him repeatedly tense and dejected, like a child before imposing adults.
“Your Majesty?”
Yun-seo emerged from his thoughts at Hyeonbi’s voice.
“…Ah. I apologize. Yesterday, I received a report that a newly bloomed Yeong Chunhwa is refusing to perform healing through union, citing fear. While there are precedents for severe punishment in such cases, I would like to hear your opinions.”
“All benefits, including stipends, should be withdrawn, and she should be confined to the Cold Palace until she performs her healing duty.”
Hyeonbi delivered a clear answer without the slightest hesitation. Hiding his bewilderment, Yun-seo looked in turn at Seongbin and So Won.
Seongbin kept his eyes downcast with an expressionless face, as if having no objection, while So Won nodded once with a smug look, as if agreeing it was appropriate.
Yun-seo’s confused eyes returned to the consorts. He hadn’t expected them to agree so readily that severe punishment should be imposed. After carefully choosing his words, he cautiously began.
“But this lady is only sixteen, and facing this for the first time, so she can’t help but be afraid. There might be circumstances we don’t know about. I was thinking perhaps we should help her adapt by giving her some time.”
“May I humbly offer my opinion, Your Majesty?”
“Of course. Didn’t I say not to mind such formalities?”
“Being afraid because it’s her first time is merely an unacceptable excuse. If a physician feared treating patients, how could they be called a physician?”
If Yun-seo hadn’t experienced intimacy himself, if he hadn’t spent his wedding night with Hwi, he too might have thought this way. That the healing performed between a Yongrim and a Yeong Chunhwa was different from lying with someone you love. That union was simply one method of treatment.
But having experienced it, he couldn’t understand how it could be viewed differently. It seemed the consorts would also understand these feelings, but perhaps when one becomes a superior managing others, one must adopt a different perspective?
“She cannot be compared to a physician. A physician chose that path, but a Yeong Chunhwa did not. First letting her become familiar through meetings, then recommending union afterward wouldn’t be too late.”
“She receives benefits far greater than a mere physician, yet after taking all she can get, she shirks her fundamental duty. Who could trust a Yeong Chunhwa like that?”
“If she never wanted those benefits in the first place…”
He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. If they all knew about his past attempt to escape, this conversation would be like spitting in his own face. Yet because they were also Yeong Chunhwa like himself, wondering if they might have had similar feelings at some point, hoping they did, Yun-seo couldn’t keep silent.
“Forcing union does seem harsh.”
Hyeonbi, who had been keeping her gaze away from Yun-seo’s face, raised her eyes. Her calm, firm gaze seemed to pierce him sharply, making his heart twinge.
“This lady comes from North Mountain, born into a poor family with many younger siblings. Thanks to blooming as a Yeong Chunhwa, she entered the palace where she can sleep in comfort, eat warm meals, and ensure her family lives in abundance. What is harsh about that?”
“Is that truly all there is to a human’s life? All the ladies have fundamentally agreed to give up their basic freedom and follow their duties. I’m not suggesting we indulge this lady endlessly, but at least she should have the opportunity to gain some time.”
“What is freedom, Your Majesty?”
Hyeonbi posed a fundamental question in a low, dry voice. Facing her, Yun-seo recalled the freedom he had dreamed of and envisioned.
To go anywhere, to do anything. To determine my own path with my own feet, even if I make mistakes and fail. To have pride despite hunger and cold, so there are no regrets.
Yun-seo believed that the freedom he desired was not different from what others wanted.
“Your Majesty. For me, freedom is having a place to eat and sleep. Being able to safely spend a day and greet the next. That is freedom. What freedom can one attain where food, shelter, and safety are not guaranteed? What use is such freedom?”
“…”
“Having lived in a noble family, Your Majesty rightfully considers doing unwanted tasks as an infringement on freedom, but most Yeong Chunhwa are born into ordinary, poor families.”
Yun-seo felt a surge of anger at being treated like a young master from a noble family who knew nothing, but he suppressed his emotions. Hyeonbi continued with an unchanged, expressionless face.
“A girl born into an impoverished family with many younger siblings must leave home and work at anything to avoid becoming a servant to her family members. But even with hands and feet blistered from labor, she earns only a pittance. Countless misfortunes that must be endured, whether wanted or not, also await in the process. Considering that some roll in unimaginable depths, isn’t becoming a Yeong Chunhwa a great fortune?”
“Everyone carries their own circumstances. Some might take pride and fulfillment in such a life and follow their own path. How can it be right to console oneself by looking at others’ misfortunes?”
“Yes. But one must acknowledge the fact that they hold in their hands a fortune that others cannot obtain.”
* An-jeong: In the palace, a term referring to “eyes.” From the National Institute of Korean Language, Standard Korean Dictionary.
