The Applauding Extra 44

I looked anxiously into Cho-yeon’s eyes. Cho-yeon somehow looked desperate. He muttered quietly in a weakened voice.

“After that… it doesn’t matter if you reject me.”

We didn’t say anything for a moment. I couldn’t push Cho-yeon away any further. Even though he clearly had an angry expression, Cho-yeon looked excessively sad.

“Is it okay for me to do that? What if I answer way later? It’s only hard on you.”

“Why would I have a hard time? And if you answer late, do you think I’ll just sit still?”

I sighed. When I laughed with an empty feeling for no reason, Cho-yeon glared at me.

“You have nothing to say now, right? Let’s go with giving you time.”

“Okay, okay.”

There’s absolutely no way I can win. I was about to leave the classroom but turned back and asked,

“I’ve seen that somewhere before. Is this a drawing?”

“Anyone can see it’s a drawing. Don’t you remember drawing it at the beginning of the semester?”

Ah, I remember. It’s that drawing where the name was written wrong so there’s a line crossed through the letters. I approached from the side to look at Cho-yeon’s drawing and asked,

“Why do you have it? I threw mine away a long time ago.”

“I crumpled it into my locker last time and just found it now.”

So you were planning to throw it away too. I was going to do that too. There’s still a line crossed through the letters written in the corner of the paper. I read following the letters.

“Choi. Hae?”

“Not Hae, Ha. Choi Ha-jeong. My original name.”

Choi Ha-jeong. It’s a name that suits him better than Han Cho-yeon. Should I try calling him Choi Ha-jeong later?

While having such trivial thoughts, I suddenly snapped back to my senses, opened the classroom door and went outside. And in the middle, I screamed and banged my head.

“What happened?”

I must have lost my mind for a moment. Can this kind of thing actually happen? Why do my well-raised friends like me? I was dazed for a moment, then shook my head vigorously.

“Shi-dan!”

Someone called my name loudly. Looking back, Hee-ae was running over in surprise from afar. Hee-ae also likes me. I should interrogate him. Hee-ae came close to me, held my hand and asked,

“What happened? I was surprised seeing you like that alone.”

I couldn’t face Hee-ae who was waiting for my answer and avoided him. Hee-ae put his hand on my cheek.

“Why is your face so red?”

Wouldn’t it be stranger if my face didn’t heat up in this situation? My head is throbbing and hurts. I buried my face in my hands. I can’t lift my head properly.

“What’s wrong, Shi-dan? Shi-dan?”

Hee-ae asked urgently. He was restless not knowing what to do, then comforted me. My expression must be strange. Hee-ae made an anxious expression then asked worriedly,

“Did something serious happen? What happened, tell me. Hm?”

“Well, you know. Hee-ae.”

I took my hands off my face and looked up at Hee-ae. Hee-ae made eye contact with me with a worried expression. I asked with a dazed expression,

“What if that person you like finds out?”

Hee-ae’s eyes widened. I stepped back a few paces from Hee-ae and whispered quietly,

“That person seems to know your feelings now.”

He leaned his face close and lowered his voice. My head hurts more. Seeing how the surrounding air feels cold, my face is red again, isn’t it? Damn.

“Shi-dan, you know now?”

“Even you think I realized it late.”

“If you kept not knowing, I was going to confess first today!”

“It’s really true that you like me?”

I moved far away from Hee-ae. If I stay close to you in a situation like this, it feels strange. I fanned my face with my hand. Hee-ae gave the freshest and brightest smile I’d ever seen.

“Yeah, it’s true that I like you.”

Then he even laughs loudly. I was even more stunned by Hee-ae’s laughter. If you’re going to smile so beautifully, smile at another time, but you had to smile like that when I’m confused. I became more confused.

“I’m so happy you noticed, Shi-dan. I was worried because you seemed to keep not knowing.”

Hee-ae spoke gently and held my hand with both hands. I couldn’t even think of shaking off Hee-ae’s hands and froze stiffly. Since I received two confessions in a row, should I go for three consecutive ones with In-sae?

“Why, why?”

I stuttered for the first time since possessing this body. I must be so surprised that I’m even stuttering. I tried to speak calmly and continued,

“You like me? Why?”

“Shi-dan, you said so yourself, that you’re not the kind of noticeable person others would like. That’s right, Shi-dan isn’t that kind of person. But when I look back, I always see Shi-dan.”

I can’t even refute it because it’s just because. If there was a reason, I could at least deny it saying I’m actually not that kind of person. I thought about grabbing even a passing kid to escape, but today of all days, there’s not a single kid passing by in the hallway.

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. So don’t ask why.”

Hee-ae brushed aside a strand of my hair. Please, don’t do that in this situation. Hee-ae felt even more unfamiliar. My stomach is churning and I’m just flustered.

“Now you have to answer. What do you think?”

I caught my breath. It’s a scary answer to say.

“I’ve never thought about it. I’m sorry but… I’m really sorry but I only thought of you as a friend. So I think it’ll be hard to accept your confession.”

I bit my lip hard and turned my head. And I pushed away Hee-ae’s hands and dropped my gaze to the floor. I couldn’t be close so I backed away far. I was too flustered to accept Hee-ae’s feelings that I just realized.

“Is that so? You must be really flustered.”

It’s strange. He doesn’t sound that disappointed. Hee-ae approached me again and asked,

“Then wouldn’t it be okay to think about it starting now? There’s plenty of time.”

“What?”

“Give me time. You just need time to think about it in that direction too. You can think about it slowly from now on.”

Wasn’t it over since I rejected him? I naturally thought Hee-ae would also say ‘I see, okay’ and leave. I didn’t expect this kind of answer at all.

“Remember how timid I used to be? But I hated that Shi-dan always remembered me as a withdrawn, passive kid. I wanted to look good to you.”

Ah, I remember the conversation during the school trip. Then has Hee-ae liked me since the school trip?

“I even changed my personality, so can’t Shi-dan’s thoughts change too? So give me time. I’m not confident, but I’ll try.”

“What if I give you an answer 10 years later?”

“Shi-dan wouldn’t make me wait that long.”

“How do you handle me so well? Hee-ae, please. I really don’t know anything.”

“Shi-dan, even if you don’t know, you can learn from today on.”

How long do I have to continue this war of words? I have to win against Hee-ae just for today. How can I act like nothing happened when I even received a confession? I can’t do that under the pretense of giving time.

“It’s not right. If you drag it out and reject me, what will you do?”

“It seems better than being rejected right now.”

How do I persuade him? The moment I saw Hee-ae’s eyes, my heart weakened. Hee-ae approached with a face that looked like he was about to cry. You’re good at using your face, I’m going crazy.

“No? I really don’t want to lose Shi-dan.”

I’m really angry. Why can’t I win against Hee-ae? I almost allowed him to do as he pleased. My heart keeps wavering. Hee-ae contorted his face as if about to cry.

I kept conflicting. Oh right, I decided to give Cho-yeon time. I can’t help it, I can’t only do that for Cho-yeon.

“I’ll really do well…”

“I’m sorry.”

I lost in the end. I apologized and grabbed Hee-ae’s shoulders. Hee-ae immediately made a smiling face. I remember the entrance ceremony. His expressions changed rapidly then too. Even now, he was making a tearful face just a moment ago and now he’s smiling brightly.

“You’re allowing me, right?”

When I hesitated, Hee-ae came to his own conclusion. He said with a relieved and happy face,

“Thanks for allowing me! I’ll really do well.”

I didn’t say anything but he’s talking as if he heard my answer. Dumbfounded, I laughed helplessly. Helplessness, enlightenment, transcendence, my mental state is escaping. Before I could even open my mouth to refute, Hee-ae spoke,

“Then can I take it as you’re giving me time? It’s okay to reject me. Really, I’m okay.”

Don’t do that with a face that’s not okay, please. In the end, with a dazed mind, I inadvertently nodded my head. Let’s not try to win. I’m going to lose anyway. I’ve gained enlightenment.

“I was going to say okay anyway. Don’t make that tearful face.”

“Did I have that expression?”

Hee-ae, surprised, touched and examined his own face. Hee-ae also has quite varied expressions, huh? Hee-ae put his hand on my forehead.

“Shi-dan, this is the first time I’ve seen your face turn red.”

“Your hand is cool.”

I closed my eyes briefly. Then I opened my eyes wide and moved away. Now that I know he likes me, I’m overly conscious of it. Let’s distance ourselves a bit. Physical contact is forbidden.

When I avoided Hee-ae’s hand, Hee-ae made a puzzled expression. I made excuses in embarrassment,

“Um, I didn’t avoid it because I dislike it. I was just surprised.”

Hee-ae smiled. I leaned against the wall for a moment and tried to calm my heart. My heart was pounding because of embarrassment. My head that was hurting as if it would break got a little better. I stood up straight and said,

“I should go now.”

“Why are you leaving already?”

“Let me think alone for a bit.”

Author: Hyacinthus B

Hyacinthus