Do In-ho Side Story 1
“This is the first time we’ve seen a child this young accept a Crystal Implant, and yet the recovery rate is even faster than last time.”
I sat quietly on the bed, swinging my feet back and forth with no particular purpose. The adults around me spoke in complicated words I didn’t understand. People in white lab coats touched my body. I stayed still, offering no resistance, just like always.
It had been a month since I’d been separated from my mother and brought to this strange hospital.
At first, I think I cried and screamed for her. But now, strangely, I can’t even remember what her face looks like. Not just her—everything I liked, hated, the school I went to… it’s all hazy, like fog in my head. Whenever I try to think, the pain kicks in, as if my brain is telling me not to.
“Alright, In-ho. Let’s try using your ability this time, shall we?”
A woman with a gentle face took my hand and led me into a special room.
Barefoot, I walked across the cold marble floor and stood at the center where everyone could see me, raising my hand.
As heat gathered in my palm, a blue flame roared to life.
Beyond the glass window, the adults smiled in satisfaction. The more they smiled, the more my own smile disappeared.
The grown-ups loved it when I made fire. Even though it hurt—like the skin on my palm was being torn apart. Even though I felt completely drained afterward.
Today, they demanded more than yesterday, so I ended up staying in the room for a long time.
This room was strange—it wouldn’t burn, no matter how much fire I unleashed. So I filled the room with flames. I was sick of their smiles, so I conjured a massive blaze that blocked the glass windows completely.
At first, I could barely make a fire the size of a soccer ball. Now, I could fill the whole room. I’d gotten used to it.
Whenever I used my ability, my heart would race. I could hear voices from outside the room. And the smells—strange, sour, overwhelming—they churned my stomach until I wanted to puke.
I didn’t know if this reaction was something only I experienced. But no one seemed to understand the agony I was in.
The doctors in white coats didn’t care about my pain.
They only cared about the ability—about the heart inside my body.
I wasn’t resigned from the beginning.
“Doctor… my head hurts. I feel sick.”
“Your heart readings are normal. Stop worrying about useless things.”
Aside from the heart, nothing else about me mattered.
It was fine if I was in pain. It was fine if I suffered.
As long as the heart inside this body was okay, nothing else mattered.
At night, I returned to my private room.
A bed, a desk, and a window—that was all.
Every day, the same view. The only thing I could do was sit on the bed and stare at the blank walls.
And eventually, without any knocking, the door would swing open.
“If you don’t sleep, you won’t grow.”
The man said that, seeing me still awake.
When I tilted my head in confusion, he tousled my hair and muttered that I was a boring little kid.
“Looks like you’ve gotten used to your ability, huh?”
“……”
Just like always, the man sat beside me and held my left hand tightly.
And just like that, my entire world quieted down.
He lay back on the bed like he was about to collapse, brushing aside his blond hair. His words always followed the same script. I’d memorized them by now.
“Ugh. So annoying.”
“……”
“Living is annoying. Running around guiding people is annoying. Life’s just boring.”
He muttered, sighed, and then said it:
“I wanna die.”
He chuckled in a low voice. Then, silence.
Unlike me, this man could go outside the building. So why was he so bored, so tired?
Sometimes, when he looked at me, I saw envy in his eyes. And I never knew what to do when I saw that.
What about me is there to envy?
He stared at me, then closed his eyes again.
There was warmth in my left hand. Someone used to hold my hand like this…
Someone gentler than him.
Someone who would stroke my stomach when it hurt, pat my back to soothe me.
“We need to re-administer the drug.”
He wiped the tears off my cheeks with a blank expression.
Why was I crying?
“I told them we shouldn’t use kids like this.”
The warmth of his hand vanished. I stared blankly at my now-empty hand.
He pressed down on my head and gave my shoulder a few pats. His way of saying he was leaving.
After he left, someone from outside came in. They handed me a glass of water and a pill. Watched me take it. Left.
And that’s how my day ended.
I wasn’t sleepy, but I forced myself to lie down.
It felt like I was forgetting something important.
What was behind the fog in my mind? I felt like if I reached just a little further, I could remember… but my head got heavier.
I wasn’t tired. But it was like my brain shut down, leaving me unable to think.
Just like that, the day came to an end.
***
“All vitals are stable. I think he’s ready for field deployment now.”
The green leaves I once saw on the branch when I first came here were all gone. Only dry twigs remained.
Outside, the world had turned white—snow.
The moment I wished I could step on that snow, I was allowed outside.
“……”
When I opened my mouth, I could see my breath.
Every step I took in the snow sank deep into the ground.
The sensation was fun, so I wandered around in secret. That’s when a black sedan pulled up in front of me.
It was the same kind of car that had brought me here.
Whenever I got in that car, my memories became fuzzy.
Maybe this time too—maybe if I got in, all the hospital memories would disappear.
That tiny hope was what led me into the car. But nothing happened.
Maybe that meant I didn’t have any more happy memories left to erase.
The new place was the Incheon branch of the Esper Corporation.
Much bigger than the last place. The accommodation they gave me was so spacious I was left speechless.
It wasn’t a hospital. It looked like somewhere real people lived. That alone filled me with anticipation and excitement.
But even there, I wasn’t someone who belonged.
Isolated. Alone. And forced to use the power that made my life hell.
With this power, I hurt people easily.
No one ever explained why I had to do it.
Just like before—I obeyed because I was told to.
“Only good kids listen, right?”
I never asked to be a good kid. But they nitpicked everything I did.
I wasn’t allowed to question their orders.
Today, I killed someone. Still don’t know why. I just did it because they told me to.
They once said this power could be used to protect people. But now it seemed like it only worked by hurting them.
For the first time, I wanted to run away. I was exhausted—killing people without knowing why, simply because I was told to.
“I want to die.”
If I die, it all ends. Death sets everything free.
Now I understood what that man meant when he said it in my room.
The new accommodation was bigger, but the emptiness stood out more because of that.
I sat on the sofa and opened my hands.
These hands—just earlier, they’d choked someone.
I’d felt their pulse. Then it faded. That person died in agony.
In the darkness, I used my ability. Blue flames erupted around me.
This power that hurt people… it still made my skin feel like it was burning, but it didn’t hurt as much anymore.
I raised my hand and gripped my own throat. I could feel my own pulse.
When I let go, the skin quickly returned to normal.
Unlike the man I’d just killed.
Am I a monster now?
I don’t know if I was born a monster or if I became one. But as he was dying, the man I killed called me one.
A monster plays the villain.
It hurts people. It’s a nuisance. I’m not a person.
I killed someone and felt no guilt. No remorse.
A monster like me—I could only be free if I died.
Someone told me today: If I died, I could become a “tool.”
A tool doesn’t cause harm like a monster does. A tool helps people.
So wouldn’t it be better to just die now? I slowly raised my hand, the one that created fire.
“Hey, you little brat.”
“…!”
A voice—familiar—sounded in the empty room. It was the man I hadn’t seen since coming here.
He pulled out a strange stick and swung it around where the fire was. My flames vanished without a trace.
“You’re not allowed to die yet.”
“Yet…?”
“Yeah. You’re going to die anyway. So just wait a little longer.”
“I’m going to die?”
“Yep. You will. Only a few years left. So don’t screw it up by killing yourself first.”
Strangely, the news that I’d die soon made me feel relieved. So I just nodded silently.
I’m going to die soon.
No need to choke myself anymore. I’ll die anyway. When I die, I’ll be free. When I die, I’ll become a tool and help people.
“You’re not even surprised.”
“……”
Should I have been?
Now I understood the things that man used to say—those things I never got back then.
This repetitive life. It really is boring.
Hurting people without feeling anything—that’s exhausting. And I’m so tired. But soon, I’ll die.
The idea that this dull life has an end… it gave me a strange sense of hope. And I finally understood why he used to look at me with envy.
He probably can’t die. He envies me because I can. Because I can experience the freedom of death.
I felt a sudden sense of superiority. Maybe he’s the pitiful one, not me.
“Hah?”
The man looked at my expression and scoffed.
“Getting cocky, huh?”
I hadn’t said anything, but he looked furious as he grabbed me by the collar.
“You dare pity me?”
He muttered that, then snapped his fingers. And in that moment, I regretted it.
I should never think around this man.
If he could read my thoughts, I would never have dared.
I blinked just once—and suddenly, I was standing in the middle of a city street wearing indoor slippers.
At first, I just stood there, unable to process what was happening, until someone bumped my shoulder, snapping me back to reality.
“Outside?”
Bright neon signs lit up the night sky.
It must’ve been some kind of festival—green trees and reindeer decorations were everywhere.
It looked like everyone had someone with them—except me.
I was the only one alone.
Wiggling my toes in my slippers, I stared out at the city.
