“So what will you do?”
Naturally, he should say it was okay. But he couldn’t bring himself to say it. As Kalix had said several times already, he wanted Alexander to meet a good person. But then what about Kalix? Without Alexander, what would happen?
“Or, if I think it won’t work out and I say I’ll go abroad as an exchange student this time to meet Skylar?”
“Would you go?”
When he asked urgently without time to think, Alexander answered calmly.
“No. But you never know.”
Kalix couldn’t answer anything and looked at Alexander for a moment, then slowly lowered his gaze. He couldn’t tell what answer Alexander wanted. If he met a good person, then he should congratulate him. But then would Alexander disappear? But would time really decrease that much just because he got a girlfriend? Even so, we’d share the same room, so wouldn’t that be okay?
“Hey.”
At that familiar address that came when he was having various thoughts, Kalix reflexively looked at Alexander. It was so natural that it momentarily felt strange. Even this ridiculous nickname had eventually become familiar after hearing it every day. Even though it was a nickname only Alexander used.
“You need someone.”
Alexander looked straight into Kalix’s eyes.
“You know that, right?”
Kalix still had no answer, but Alexander just slowly continued speaking.
“It would be best if you could stand on your own right away, but you can’t do that right now. So you need someone to help you.”
He knew Alexander was right. But he couldn’t easily agree either. He already knew he was depending on Alexander too much, he knew Alexander was taking care of him beyond what was natural, but saying it out loud was another matter.
“What will you do if I say I can’t do that?”
And then Alexander just looked at Kalix. It wasn’t a gaze demanding an answer or rushing him. That gaze was calm as always. And also, somewhat caring. As it had been these days.
“That’s,”
Kalix eventually said it.
“Something that can’t be helped.”
Though Kalix had strangely not been thinking about it until now, it was something that would happen sooner or later.
“Then what will you do?”
At that question that came again despite everything, Kalix thought for a moment.
“Just, I’ll just have to be.”
What else could he say? If it actually happened, he would actually just be there. What could Kalix do? He would just have to live hoping he could solve things by himself now. While hoping nothing would happen.
“Could you do that?”
At the question that followed again, Kalix eventually closed his eyes tightly for a moment. He didn’t like it. More precisely, he was scared. By myself, how would I manage? Without anyone to tell me it’s okay, how would I endure? Without Alexander, how?
“You’re not dating right away.”
Eventually, looking at Alexander again, that was all that came out.
“What about during summer vacation?”
“Then you can’t come?”
What if Alexander couldn’t come to the territory together during summer vacation too? Actually, if he had a girlfriend, that could happen. It would be much better to spend vacation with his girlfriend. They could go to one of their villas, or maybe travel somewhere.
Couldn’t the two of them come together? He had already said it was okay to bring a friend, and while it would be better to send just the two of them, still. Still, he had promised to come. He knew it wasn’t something to feel wronged about, but he felt disappointed. You promised me first.
Alexander didn’t even give any answer. Feeling terrible, he was looking down at his already empty cup when Alexander suddenly called Kalix.
“Hey.”
When he raised his eyes again at that voice, he immediately met Alexander’s gaze. Unlike a moment ago when Alexander had been drinking every time his glass emptied, now he just held an empty glass in his hand while carefully observing Kalix. Every moment that gaze touched was soft and gentle.
“If you need someone to help you.”
Because it was already dark outside, those green eyes were darker and deeper than during the day, but his gaze was wrapped in calm warmth that substituted for bright light. Along with hair that was neatly arranged unlike usual because of meeting Cyrus, his tie had long been undone and a couple of shirt buttons were unfastened, sleeves also rolled up.
After that, once again, a gaze that wasn’t particularly careful but controlled its warmth well as it reached him. An expression no different from usual. A corner of his mouth that lifted slightly, just as gently.
“Let it be me.”
A quiet yet affectionate voice. Affectionate, caring, yet not excessive—all those attitudes that reached him with everything properly arranged. Really, since when?
“Do you want to sleep with me?”
At that question, Alexander’s expression hardened.
“No.”
The answer was firm without any hesitation, but he couldn’t believe it. This was almost certain. He should have wondered first why Alexander was taking such care of Kalix. The process had been too natural, so just letting it pass was the problem. No matter how he looked at it, now it had gone beyond just taking care of him because he caught his eye.
“That’s right, isn’t it.”
As expected, it seemed like being with Kalix did change things. Thinking that Alexander alone would be okay was also a problem. There was no such thing as a person who would be okay. He was cautious of Owen and Bertram and everyone else, but lowering his defenses only with Alexander was also a problem. Why did he think it would be safe with Alexander? That couldn’t be.
“I said no.”
“That’s what you’re saying.”
Even though his expression naturally furrowed, Alexander spoke seriously.
“I really guarantee it.”
He wanted to leave this room right now, but Kalix listened first.
“I’m confident that even if you stripped right now and offered to suck me off, I wouldn’t get hard.”
It was shocking. For a moment he even forgot to blink. But Alexander continued speaking with that same serious expression.
“Tsk, I can’t even get it up for you anyway.”
Isn’t that, isn’t that too much? Aren’t those words too harsh? Of course, it’s not like Kalix wanted Alexander to feel sexual desire for him. That really, absolutely wasn’t it. But even so, to say something like that, when a person is right there, listening right in front of you?
“Then, then what is it?”
Still shocking, but when he barely managed to ask, Alexander answered as calmly as if he hadn’t noticed he’d just used vulgar language.
“As I said, you need someone to help you, and you’re telling me to be that person.”
Kalix just frowned. He was a little afraid that if he asked what that meant, he’d hear another shocking statement. But isn’t that what it means? That is, that he wants to make Kalix his own.
“Tsk, think about it. I’m the best option anyway.”
Whether the shock was great, he couldn’t properly hear what was being said.
“I have the capacity to cherish you and look after you. I have the qualifications for that.”
And even when he could hear it, it didn’t make sense.
“So you do want to sleep with me.”
“Tsk, I don’t want to sleep with someone whose mind isn’t even intact either.”
It seemed like something he should think about before saying, but Alexander answered immediately as if he hadn’t thought about it, placing his hand on his chest as if making a vow.
“Seriously.”
Now it was even distasteful. It was true that Kalix was unstable. But didn’t he think to choose his words a little? That person with an unsound mind was right in front of him.
“So tsk, listen. And think about it rationally.”
Alexander’s voice had softened as if soothing, but Kalix didn’t hide his wary gaze.
“You agree that you need help, right?”
Kalix didn’t answer. Both Kalix and Alexander knew that Kalix knew that fact. But now the situation was different. If Alexander had impure motives, everything changed.
“And I can help with that. Even more carefully than before.”
“Because you want to sleep with me?”
“How much more do I have to say that you’re too immature to sleep with me.”
Now it was almost the tone of dealing with a child.
“According to what you’re saying, would my helping you all this time have been because I wanted to sleep with you?”
Kalix hesitated for a moment. That, that didn’t seem right. It definitely wasn’t at first. That was just because from Alexander’s perspective it wasn’t a big deal, because he could help that much, and because in Alexander’s mind it was natural to help if you had the ability to help.
If it hadn’t been like that, Kalix wouldn’t have let his guard down with Alexander in the first place. Moreover, there was Skylar then, and Alexander liked Skylar. Then when exactly? When did he stop liking Skylar? And when,
“That, wouldn’t be it.”
When he barely managed to say it, Alexander continued to ask.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
