When he reflexively checked on Alexander, Alexander glanced at Kalix while talking with Cyrus, then naturally touched his own chest briefly before lowering his hand again. At that signal, Kalix finally slowly exhaled.
After taking one deep breath, focus slowly returned to his dizzy vision. Nothing had changed. He was still in the Academy’s reception room, Cyrus was still his brother, and Alexander was still there. Everything was still normal. Nothing was dangerous.
* * *
Since Kalix could barely manage to follow along, Alexander did the introductions and even talked with Cyrus. Kalix just stuck close behind Alexander, listening to the two men’s voices and barely managing to answer when Cyrus asked him something.
“Kalix, don’t you have a girlfriend? Someone you like?”
“No.”
After answering briefly and feeling like he’d fallen behind a bit again, he stuck close behind Alexander again, and Cyrus looked at Alexander as if he hadn’t expected anything anyway.
He was afraid that if he talked with Cyrus for even a little longer, memories from when his body wasn’t his own would surface. So he kept all answers short and didn’t make much eye contact, and naturally Alexander was answering what Kalix didn’t elaborate on.
“Probably not. Probably?”
Then at Alexander’s gaze looking at him as if for confirmation, Kalix slightly furrowed his brow.
“No.”
Just keeping himself from wanting to die was hard enough. But someone he liked?
“I see.”
Cyrus answered briefly and looked at Kalix.
“It would be nice if a friend came to play during summer vacation too.”
When Kalix awkwardly avoided eye contact at those words, Cyrus asked Alexander.
“What about you, Alexander?”
“If you invite me, I’d be delighted.”
Every time he heard Alexander’s polite tone like this, he was taken aback. It certainly suited him well. The atmosphere itself was refined, so it suited him well, but knowing his usual behavior made it only feel strange.
“You’re welcome to come with friends too, so I’ll be happily waiting.”
Along with those words, Cyrus looked at Kalix once more. Just having Cyrus’s gaze touch him made his body stiffen. While being careful not to make any verbal mistakes, he had to empty his mind so that memories of when his body was taken, whether unconsciously or consciously, wouldn’t emerge.
He should have brought the fountain pen. Of course, Alexander was right in front of him, but having that would have been more reassuring. Since he couldn’t hold onto Alexander right now, he wanted to hold onto something instead.
“May I ask where you’ve arranged your accommodations?”
“This is sudden, but Alexander really does seem like someone from the military department.”
At those words that came out of nowhere, Kalix quietly glanced at Alexander. Since it was the weekend, he was dressed in casual clothes. Besides, even on weekdays, he mostly wore the same uniform as other students. So why would someone say he seemed like he was from the military department?
He thought it might be because of his way of speaking, but from Kalix’s perspective, knowing Alexander’s usual informal manner of speaking, he couldn’t relate to that assessment.
“I’ve only been an undergraduate for one semester, but it’s probably the influence of my family background.”
Since Kalix knew that Alexander’s family had produced commanders for generations, Cyrus would obviously know this too. So Cyrus seemed to accept that explanation naturally, but Kalix became even more puzzled instead. Family background—could such a person really come from that kind of family background? It probably wasn’t as strict a family tradition as others thought. Or maybe it was such a strict household that he had perfectly mastered the art of playing around in secret?
“I see.”
Unlike Kalix, who was feeling doubtful, Cyrus nodded as if it were natural and continued speaking.
“And regarding your question, I just came to see your face briefly to check if you’re doing well, so I’ll be leaving right away.”
“I’ll escort you.”
Come to think of it, it was indeed time for the sun to set. As Kalix was observing the situation from behind Alexander, Cyrus responded.
“Thank you, but I’ve already caused you much trouble today.”
After politely declining, Cyrus looked straight at Kalix.
“Kalix.”
Kalix wanted to send a plea for help to Alexander, but he already knew that Alexander couldn’t help him right now. Eventually, as he reluctantly went to Cyrus’s side, Cyrus smiled at Alexander and said,
“Thank you for today.”
“Please return safely.”
After the brief farewell, Alexander stepped aside as if to make room. While naturally guiding Cyrus toward the academy gate, Kalix stole glances at Alexander. What should he do? Being separated from Alexander made him anxious immediately. Even though he knew perfectly well that logically, nothing would happen right now, at this moment.
“Kalix, contact me more often. You’ll come during summer, right? Together with Alexander.”
The words directed at him were as expected, but Kalix, who was listening, wasn’t feeling as expected. The question itself was the same way. He didn’t want to go back. What had happened during summer vacation? As he tried to think about it, Kalix consciously stopped his thoughts. He quickly judged that he absolutely must not recall it right now.
“If you don’t answer, you’re not going.”
While walking with Cyrus was already Kalix’s maximum effort, it seemed Cyrus wasn’t satisfied with that. Actually, Kalix knew that Cyrus was also trying his best not to pressure Kalix right now. He had come all the way to the academy because he couldn’t reach him, yet Kalix wasn’t speaking properly and could barely make eye contact. It was obviously strange no matter how you looked at it.
“I’ll go.”
When he tried to answer as if nothing was wrong, Cyrus’s gaze filled with the worry he had been hiding.
“Good. If there’s anything difficult, contact me right away. Got it?”
“Got it.”
After answering like that, they had already reached the academy gate. Perhaps he had arranged for pickup in advance, as there was a carriage waiting right in front. Kalix watched Cyrus’s back as he headed toward the carriage, hesitating for a moment before finally speaking.
“Cyrus.”
At that voice, Cyrus immediately turned his head to look at Kalix. Kalix clenched his hands tightly, making sure Cyrus couldn’t see. It’s okay. Everything is okay. As he had briefly confirmed while walking, Alexander was standing still not far away, watching over Kalix. So it’s okay.
“I’m doing well, so you don’t need to worry.”
It was the first time since meeting Cyrus today that he had finished a proper sentence. For Kalix, it was really putting all his anxiety behind him and barely managing to speak. Cyrus looked at such a Kalix, then smiled. In the way Kalix always remembered.
“I know.”
At that light response, Kalix continued,
“And thank you for coming today.”
No matter how nervous Kalix had been about this visit, Cyrus had come because he was worried about Kalix anyway. So even though he had shown an attitude unworthy of that until now, he definitely wanted to give his thanks.
“Yeah.”
With that brief greeting behind him, Kalix watched Cyrus disappear in the carriage for a while, and only when his figure vanished from sight did he finally open his hands. They were numb from clenching them too tightly.
* * *
Entering the room with Alexander, who had been waiting, Kalix sat quietly for a moment before going under the blanket. As his tension eased, self-loathing came flooding in. He felt like such a bad person. Actually, it wasn’t just a feeling—it was really the case.
Cyrus hadn’t done anything. No matter what strange memories Kalix had, the current Cyrus hadn’t done anything. Even knowing all this, he couldn’t help but avoid him. His parents were the same way. His parents hadn’t even done anything wrong when their bodies were possessed. They simply didn’t recognize Kalix, just like anyone else would naturally not recognize him. Understanding that this was natural, he still ended up avoiding them.
He felt so sorry to everyone, but there was no other way. Would he have to live like this for the rest of his life? Hurting his family? Or would this gradually get better too? But what if he remembered again?
As he lay still under the blanket pulled over his head, even holding his breath, something suddenly entered through the blanket.
“Hey, eat this.”
Checking inside the blanket, it was chocolate. Kalix first pulled down the blanket, then unwrapped and ate the chocolate. He ate it, but he couldn’t taste anything. When he gloomily covered himself with the blanket again, it was suddenly pulled away. Naturally, it was Alexander’s doing.
“Eat one more.”
And another piece of chocolate was offered. This time he sat up to eat it, but it was still the same. As he just sat there blankly in that state, he could feel Alexander staring intently at Kalix.
“I guess I’m a bad person.”
When he blankly voiced what he had been continuously thinking, Alexander said briefly,
“Wait a moment.”
Kalix blankly watched the trace of Alexander leaving the room. Just staying blank like that, Alexander came back before he knew it. Now that he had confirmed his return, that was enough. He was about to lie down again when Alexander supported Kalix’s back, preventing him from lying down.
“Why?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
