Though he gave no answer, Alexander seemed to understand the meaning of the silence.
“So sex is the problem after all.”
Contrary to how composed he had been until now, his eyes were slightly furrowed.
“It would be shocking, I suppose.”
Alexander seemed to think about something for a moment, then looked at Kalix again.
“Does it feel that real to you?”
It didn’t feel real—it was real. But now it was something that never happened. Alexander just thought Kalix had a dream. Of course he would. If he said it wasn’t a dream but the past and future, but now they had returned to a state where nothing had happened again, he would obviously be called crazy immediately.
“But it’s not real.”
“But it feels that way.”
When he finally answered like that, it sounded unrealistic even to himself. It’s not like he was properly explaining anything either.
“But even if it were real, it wouldn’t be your fault. That would be your brother’s fault. You said it was seduction earlier.”
But still, Alexander didn’t dismiss Kalix’s words as nonsense and spoke seriously.
“Sorry for badmouthing your family, but whatever he did, if you felt it was seduction, then your brother was in the wrong. It shouldn’t happen in the first place, but no matter what Jasper did, I would never feel it was seduction.”
While badmouthing someone else’s family, he didn’t look sorry at all. As if what he was saying was the absolute truth.
“If, really if, honestly it’s impossible to even hypothesize, but if something wrong happened between me and Jasper, that would be my responsibility. Whatever that kid does, if something wrong happens, I shouldn’t get swept up in it. Even if I can’t stop it, at minimum I should do that. That kid is my younger brother, and I’m his older brother.”
Alexander looked directly at Kalix.
“So whether it’s a dream or reality doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault.”
Alexander didn’t know anything. But hearing that definitive tone, it really seemed like that was the case. Besides, Kalix already knew. It wasn’t his fault. But then, whose fault was it?
“The most important thing is that in reality, nothing happened. And nothing will happen in the future either.”
Alexander was right. So Kalix had no one to resent. Because it didn’t happen. So being this obsessed with something that didn’t even exist was abnormal of him. While everything else was going back to normal, only he was strange.
“Do the dreams continue?”
“No.”
He hadn’t been sleeping properly in the first place, but he had never had such dreams. Because they weren’t dreams. Besides, for now, it could be considered over.
“Why did I kill you?”
When he didn’t answer, Alexander looked at Kalix for a moment.
“Did you have a relationship with Jasper too? In the dream.”
At that question that followed, Kalix nodded. Then Alexander’s expression hardened subtly.
“We could change rooms.”
“You can’t change for a year.”
If it were possible to change, Kalix would have changed immediately too. But according to the rules, rooms couldn’t be changed for a year. Still, seeing Alexander mention it, maybe there was some way.
“You just need to be in your respective rooms during roll call. Live in the switched arrangement the rest of the time.”
From his natural tone, it seemed like there were quite a few such cases already.
“I’ll live with Jasper and you live with my roommate, then everyone will think I changed rooms to manage my younger brother.”
Alexander furrowed his brow slightly as if thinking.
“That would look really, really excessive though.”
That was true. But looking at Alexander like that, a question suddenly arose.
“Why didn’t you apply to room together from the beginning?”
Freshmen were usually assigned randomly, but when there were family members who were existing students, they would sometimes assign them together if requested.
“Dylan, he’s my roommate, anyway we get along well, and there’s no particular reason I need to share a room with my younger brother. Living together is more comfortable with friends after all. And Dylan has a really easy personality for sharing a room.”
“And convenient for going out at night.”
When he added that based on what he had already witnessed several times, Alexander laughed shortly. Kalix quietly looked at Alexander like that.
“Could you tell if your family disappeared one day?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
At Alexander’s voice that came out after thinking for a moment, Kalix continued.
“Or a close friend.”
Rather than asking what that meant, Alexander just looked at Kalix.
“When the body is definitely that person, but somehow they seem like a different person?”
“Philosophy? I’m not good with that stuff.”
Alexander might think Kalix was talking about the essence of people or something like that. Maybe that was actually right too.
“If it’s someone really important to me, I might know. If it’s someone who doesn’t matter to me, I wouldn’t know.”
Alexander continued speaking.
“But if it’s family rather than someone else, I think I’d know.”
Kalix thought so too. Family would recognize it, wouldn’t they? That it wasn’t him inside that body. But thinking about it, not knowing would be natural. Probably even Kalix wouldn’t have known if someone else had taken over his family member’s body. Even if they acted differently, he’d just wonder if something had happened.
“No, I wouldn’t be able to.”
Though his words were immediately contradicted, Alexander didn’t particularly argue back.
“You think that wasn’t a dream.”
It would be better if it were a dream. Dreams are forgotten anyway. They tend to become hazy after just one day. But memories kept becoming clearer. When they suddenly came to mind, he could feel those emotions intact.
“Are you going to die?”
Opening up somewhere seemed to make him feel somewhat better. Since he truly thought it would be okay to die now, Kalix just looked at Alexander.
“When was that?”
“Not yet.”
He didn’t know if reversing time was possible, but thinking that way, someone else entering his body was also impossible. But everything had happened.
“Then just don’t do it. Did your brother rape you?”
“No.”
If anything, it was closer to this side continuously pushing forward. Everything was the worst.
“I’m crazy, or I will be.”
Maybe nothing had happened. Actually, that would be easier to understand. Rather than having his body stolen and time reversed, just being crazy was more convincing. What’s usually called hallucinations for normal people becomes reality for crazy people. Kalix might be like that too. He rather hoped so. At least illness could be cured.
“When is your body taken?”
Seeing Alexander seriously listening to what even he thought was nonsense made him let out a short sigh.
“Whether you believe it or not, listening to this kind of talk until now, you’re not sane either.”
It wasn’t meant to offend, but it would be enough to feel bad about, yet Alexander showed no such sign and just looked at Kalix.
“It was a few days before entering the Academy, I think. One day I opened my eyes and saw my body. But it was moving. I was here, but I didn’t even know who had entered inside. I couldn’t do anything, just watch.”
He remembered being flustered. That person probably was flustered too. For several days, they didn’t go outside and stayed holed up in the room. Kalix tried somehow to speak to them, but naturally it wasn’t possible.
“Then one day when I opened my eyes again, that’s when it was. Before being taken.”
He had spoken, but it was nonsense. If Kalix had been in a normal situation and someone had told this story, Kalix would definitely have worried about them. He might have asked if they hadn’t been sleeping, or if they were somewhat close, he probably would have thought about telling their family.
“Why did I kill you? Well, since you said it wasn’t you, more precisely, your body.”
But Alexander spoke as if he really believed Kalix’s words.
“For cheating.”
“Did you meet me too? But even so, cheating isn’t a crime worth dying for.”
“I didn’t meet you. I touched your younger brother and then touched other people too, so that’s why.”
Kalix didn’t know exactly either, but since such questions were asked before the killing, that was probably the reason. Kalix and Alexander had no connection except for Jasper.
“Well. Even so.”
When Jasper’s story came up, Alexander’s expression hardened slightly, and he turned his gaze that had been continuously looking at Kalix briefly to the front.
“Why particularly.”
Alexander seemed to be thinking something over carefully, then looked at Kalix again.
“How did you kill me?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
