Chapter 203
“It might not be me.”
Yoo Siwoon didn’t immediately understand what Eunseong meant. Then he finally realized what Director Nam had meant by the true betrayal between them. Eunseong had misunderstood that Yoo Siwoon loved him because he bore the evidence of The Great Crevice.
When they took Jeokdan, it created a synergistic effect that strengthened the innate instinct in their blood that made them intensely sexually attracted to each other. Unlike Yoo Siwoon, who accepted this as fate, Eunseong found it creepy and repulsively disgusting that he was born with such a body. Because Yoo Siwoon loved him for having it.
Yoo Siwoon now clearly understood why Eunseong was rejecting intimacy. It wasn’t because he hadn’t forgiven half of what Yoo Siwoon had done.
“That’s nonsense.”
That was definitely not the reason Eunseong was thinking. For Yoo Siwoon, the marks of evidence that Eunseong bore were merely secondary, adding a bit of certainty to his feelings.
“What’s nonsense?”
“Because I’m conservative, because I’m old-fashioned. Because my feelings for you can’t be explained as anything else if we’re not a married couple. It has nothing to do with you being The Great Crevice.”
That’s all there was to it, not that he accepted it as fate because Eunseong was The Great Crevice. Yoo Siwoon absolutely did not believe in their marital bond for such a reason. He knew better than anyone that such feelings wouldn’t arise for just anyone, and that it wasn’t an artificial, brainwashed emotion that formed forcibly because Eunseong was The Great Crevice.
“…But you’re glad that I am that child. You loved me more because I’m the one from the prophecy.”
“No.”
Yoo Siwoon firmly cut off Eunseong’s words.
“It’s okay if you’re not. I hoped you weren’t. Even if you’re not… even if you’re absolutely not, it’s not an important issue to me.”
He added anxiously. He pleaded desperately. He explained that he didn’t love him more because of that.
“I still don’t like it. It’s not that I don’t like you, I don’t like being me!”
Eunseong bit his lip. He bit his reddening lips and looked at Yoo Siwoon accusingly, though the confusion was in his own heart.
“I… want surgery.”
“If it’s about the baby, I’ll have the surgery.”
If that was what frightened him, Yoo Siwoon could have a vasectomy. Putting a knife to Eunseong’s body was unthinkable. At Yoo Siwoon’s words, Eunseong shook his head, indicating that wasn’t it.
“Then why do you want surgery? Hmm? What kind of surgery?”
“I hate my body.”
“…”
“I hate having those marks on my body… I hate and fear how I respond to you. I hate how it feels like a snake when touched. I hate being the child from the prophecy. I hate that you seem to be obsessed with just that!”
If that evidence remained on his body, Yoo Siwoon would want him because he was the being from the prophecy, and without that evidence, Yoo Siwoon wouldn’t want him like this—it seemed he could never erase this thought from his mind. Because of this imperfection, Yoo Siwoon wanted Eunseong more. Because he had the marks, Yoo Siwoon became more desperate for him.
“…Do you hate so much the evidence that we are fated?”
Though he knew how Yoo Siwoon interpreted his marks, Eunseong still disliked them. It was because he vividly remembered how Yoo Siwoon lost his mind when looking at those lesions.
“I do.”
“…”
“I want to remove them from my body.”
“…”
Yoo Siwoon just listened to Eunseong with his head bowed, feeling helpless that he could do nothing for him regarding this issue.
After a long while, when he raised his gaze, the rims of his eyes had turned red.
“How can you put a knife to your body?”
“It’s my body, so I’ll do as I please. I’ll do what I want.”
“…”
“Whether you like it or not… it’s my body.”
Eunseong wasn’t just being stubborn; he had long since made up his mind to do this.
Though Yoo Siwoon understood Eunseong’s feelings, he couldn’t help the intense aversion he felt.
He disliked it.
He disliked the very idea of a knife being put to Eunseong’s body. He disliked anything that would hurt Eunseong. If it was about not wanting children, he could get a vasectomy, but this was an entirely different matter.
If he could, he wanted to forcibly stop him. The desire was so desperate that although Yoo Siwoon knew he should respect Eunseong’s opinion, he felt like he might go crazy with the painful feeling that Eunseong was slipping from his grasp.
“…Then buy me a ring first, and then do it.”
Feeling that any other form of restraint would seem like messy obsession, Yoo Siwoon finally uttered different words after holding back.
“What?”
“Buy me a ring.”
“What ring, all of a sudden?”
“You said you’d buy me a ring last time.”
“…”
He seemed to have taken to heart the playful words about the gold ring, when Eunseong had said if he didn’t buy it for him, he would ask Director Nam to choose one. Eunseong found it both absurd and ridiculous. He looked at him blankly.
“If I buy you a ring, will you not oppose the surgery?”
“I still oppose putting a knife to your body… I would rather do it myself if possible. But if that’s what you want, I’ll respect it.”
“Then I’ll buy you a ring. But not an expensive one. Something moderate.”
“What’s moderate? I only know wedding rings.”
“…”
“Especially a ring received from someone else… doesn’t it only have the meaning of marriage?”
Eunseong finally realized the true intention behind his request for a ring.
Yoo Siwoon believed the marks on Eunseong’s body were evidence of their marital bond. That’s why he disliked the idea of that evidence disappearing, while Eunseong, with a completely different meaning from Yoo Siwoon, wanted to erase the marks from his body.
Seeing Yoo Siwoon relying on something so fragile and thin for their relationship, Eunseong felt both pity and sympathy for him.
“Alright. A wedding ring… I’ll buy you one.”
“…Really?”
“Really. If you want a wedding ring that badly, I’ll buy it for you.”
“It has to be a wedding ring. I don’t need any other kind.”
“I’ll buy you a wedding ring.”
“If we share wedding rings… you know we have to get married, right?”
“I’m as old-fashioned as you are, ahjussi. I know what it means.”
Yoo Siwoon slowly took Eunseong’s hand as he said he wasn’t a fool and understood the meaning of sharing wedding rings. He interlaced their fingers and gripped his entire hand tightly. Eunseong silently allowed Yoo Siwoon’s touch.
“Buy it. The prettiest one. The… the best one.”
“Alright. I’ll buy it. I have some money. I’ll buy you the one you want.”
Yoo Siwoon released his hand and pulled Eunseong into his arms. Eunseong’s cheek touched his chest. Eunseong squeezed his eyes shut. As soon as their flesh touched, his whole body heated up.
“I was thinking wrong. I thought you were rejecting me because of my mistakes.”
Realizing that wasn’t the case, Yoo Siwoon buried his face in Eunseong’s shoulder as if in relief.
“It’s not that I don’t like you. Having those marks feels like a curse, and it scares me. I don’t like how I become strange when I’m with you… like that.”
“I’m sorry for making you feel that way.”
He hugged Eunseong crushingly with his arms and chest. Only when Eunseong whispered that he couldn’t breathe did he loosen his arms.
Yoo Siwoon felt disgust toward himself for not understanding Eunseong’s fears. Even Director Nam had known, but Yoo Siwoon, the person directly involved, hadn’t. Yoo Siwoon now understood what Director Nam had meant when he said there would still be some aversion left in Eunseong.
“I want to kiss you. Kissing is okay, right?”
“No kissing either. I told you I get strange.”
“It’s natural to get strange when kissing. I get strange too.”
“You don’t know because you’re not me.”
“Still.”
“…”
“Just a kiss.”
“…”
“I’ll just put my lips on yours. I won’t touch you. I won’t put my hands on you.”
At Yoo Siwoon’s earnest request, Eunseong nodded slightly.
He tilted his head and approached. He overlapped his lips with Eunseong’s. A groan of relief that he had finally touched him and hot breath leaked painfully from his lips.
As if kissing for the first time, he gently held and kneaded Eunseong’s lips. Restraining himself from further contact, his hands didn’t touch Eunseong but pressed against the wall. The hands against the wall clenched into tight fists.
Eunseong was also feeling his lips with narrowed eyes. The warmth of his body temperature, his breathing, the softness of his lips biting and licking, and the subtle sensation. The feeling of each cell in his body being individually tapped and awakened quickened Eunseong’s breathing.
His tongue, which had been holding and sucking on Eunseong’s lips, entered Eunseong’s mouth. His mouth opened a little more, entering the wet interior, rubbing hotly and grinding as if adhering. The strong pressure of his lips pushing against Eunseong’s was enough to make Eunseong’s body pushed backward.
The overwhelming feeling of being trapped between a giant beast and a hard wall heightened his chest to the point of bursting. Eunseong was careful not to touch him. His hands gripped his trouser legs to avoid contact, tightly clutching the fabric. His hands couldn’t stay still, anxiously gripping his thigh pants tightly and then releasing them repeatedly.
“Haa… mmm, nngh, wuuh…”
Yoo Siwoon’s breathing took place entirely inside Eunseong’s mouth as he bit and licked so intensely. His closed eyes flinched and trembled, and unstoppable gasps scattered breathlessly through their lips.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
