It had been a few days since he had woken up in Cha Jae-woo’s house. He had no particular intention of returning home. It was because staying at Cha Jae-woo’s house felt only natural to him.
Well… he had to continue guiding without skipping from now on. Whether he trusted Cha Jae-woo or not, whether he still resented him or not, as long as he wasn’t planning to kill him, it was something he absolutely had to do.
After witnessing firsthand how Cha Jae-woo crumbled without guiding, he felt certain he would be anxious if he didn’t continue.
This was a separate matter from forgiving him. He simply didn’t want Cha Jae-woo to suffer.
Well, to be honest, it wasn’t just out of a sense of human decency. Up until that point, he didn’t want to admit how he truly felt. Whether it was pity or love. Perhaps it was a matter of pride.
But that pride didn’t last even a few days.
He realized that his heart was still with Cha Jae-woo, that even after being hurt so badly, his feelings for him hadn’t disappeared. If anything, they hadn’t faded at all; they stubbornly stayed right there.
Of course, he could have excused it as lingering side effects. However, was there really any need to do that?
Besides, with so much time passing, there was no way the side effects of guiding hadn’t worn off. It didn’t make sense. The emotions he was feeling could not be blamed on side effects.
And so, he became certain of his feelings.
Well… it didn’t seem like Cha Jae-woo felt the same way.
In fact, Cha Jae-woo still didn’t seem to believe his feelings. As if he thought there was no way he could still harbor feelings for him.
Of course, he had never sat Cha Jae-woo down and seriously talked about how he felt. Likewise, Cha Jae-woo had never directly said he didn’t believe him.
But did it really need to be spelled out? When he was so cautious about every little thing. When even Cha Jae-woo, of all people, was busy reading his every move.
It wasn’t just to avoid hurting him. It wasn’t even about expressing his feelings. Honestly, Cha Jae-woo seemed ready to cut ties at any moment. Even though he would die without receiving guiding!
As soon as his condition improved, Cha Jae-woo tried to send him back to his own house. He somewhat agreed with the sentiment. Living together still felt awkward. Even though he understood how Cha Jae-woo felt, the discomfort hadn’t completely disappeared.
“What about guiding? Should I just come and go from Cha Jae-woo’s house?”
Still, he fully intended to guide every day. It was a matter of life and death—there wasn’t even a shred of doubt in his mind.
So, he asked—.
“…You don’t have to.”
That was the answer Cha Jae-woo gave.
It was an answer that made him question his own ears. As if he had forgotten everything that had happened and everything he had said!
“Who says you get to decide that, Cha Jae-woo?”
His tone naturally sharpened.
What Cha Jae-woo was spouting was utter nonsense. How much time had even passed for him to be saying such things?
“You said yourself, back inside the gate—you told me to live by your side, doing exactly as you say.”
Honestly, he had said that in the heat of the moment inside the gate. He hadn’t actually intended to control Cha Jae-woo.
But when it came to guiding, the story was different.
“Sorry. If it upset you. I was just worried you’d feel like it was an obligation. I just meant… you don’t have to go that far.”
As soon as he got angry, Cha Jae-woo responded like that.
Of course it was an obligation. That was exactly what it was. A guide’s obligation. But now he was worried he’d feel burdened by it? What utter nonsense.
He understood, at least logically, what Cha Jae-woo was thinking. Cha Jae-woo knew better than anyone that he couldn’t just stand by and watch someone dying in front of him, no matter how much he might dislike them.
And since he had been hurt before by a fake relationship that was based solely on guiding, it was understandable that Cha Jae-woo wanted to be cautious. He probably didn’t want him to feel like he was being used again.
But still—saying he didn’t have to guide? Did Cha Jae-woo think he was an idiot? Or had Cha Jae-woo become an idiot himself?
Whatever the case, the first thing he thought was that he had to convince him.
“Cha Jae-woo, you’ll die if you don’t get guided. I don’t want to be the kind of person who just lets you die.”
“……”
“If you’re going to apologize, don’t. At times like this… since it’s something necessary anyway, just say you’re asking me for a favor. That’s enough, isn’t it?”
But looking back, it felt like he had said the wrong thing at the time. Shouldn’t he have said he wanted to help or that he worried about him?
As a result, Cha Jae-woo, in order not to create any situation that would make him feel guilty, meekly agreed to visit his house every day for guiding. And every day, for one hour, he would guide Cha Jae-woo.
He could guarantee it: if he told Cha Jae-woo not to come starting tomorrow, Cha Jae-woo would immediately cut off all contact. It wasn’t an exaggeration.
In the end, it was clear that Cha Jae-woo had no idea what he was feeling. To be precise, Cha Jae-woo probably thought he had no feelings left at all, and that he was merely providing guiding because he couldn’t bear to let him die.
Otherwise, how else could he explain the way Cha Jae-woo would just barely touch his hand during guiding, then act like he couldn’t wait for the session to end before fleeing back home?
There wasn’t even any conversation between them. Unless he initiated, Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t say a word. And even when he did respond, it took him an uncomfortably long time. It was obvious that Cha Jae-woo agonized over every single word.
Honestly, at this point, anyone would wonder if Cha Jae-woo hated receiving guiding from him. But he knew that wasn’t the case—because through the imprinting, he could see Cha Jae-woo’s emotions.
The moment they touched, he could even hear Cha Jae-woo’s thoughts. Outwardly, Cha Jae-woo might be silent, but inside, his mind was in complete turmoil.
Cha Jae-woo’s unfiltered feelings of confusion flowed directly into him: how he had no idea what to do, how he was convinced there was no way he could love him again.
‘Would he hate me if I did this? What should I say? Would this hurt him too? How should I treat him? How can I avoid being hated?’
That was the general pattern of Cha Jae-woo’s thoughts. A tangled mess of anxiety, nervousness, and guilt, so vivid that it felt almost sinful to glimpse it.
“Uh, I’m not doing it on purpose… but I can hear everything you’re thinking, Cha Jae-woo.”
He had even come right out and told Cha Jae-woo, after realizing that trying not to listen changed nothing.
At that moment, Cha Jae-woo had been so flustered. Even though he must have known already, hearing it directly had left him at a complete loss.
Cha Jae-woo immediately broke physical contact to escape the situation. Unfortunately for him, contact was essential for guiding.
The only consolation was that he didn’t hear all of Cha Jae-woo’s thoughts.
Still… since he never knew what might slip through, Cha Jae-woo had no choice but to stay on high alert. Watching him spend ages meditating before offering his hand for guiding only confirmed his suspicions.
Thanks to that, he was now stuck in a deadlock.
Honestly, he wanted to increase the range of contact to provide better guiding—but he couldn’t. And he also wanted to sit down and have a proper conversation with Cha Jae-woo.
Even knowing what was in Cha Jae-woo’s heart, speaking openly was a whole different matter. He needed the chance to voice his own feelings too.
That it wasn’t just the side effects. That he still liked Cha Jae-woo. That his feelings had never disappeared.
The frustration of being unable to say any of it was eating him alive.
Every time he caught glimpses of Cha Jae-woo’s innermost thoughts, his frustration built up to the point of bursting.
Cha Jae-woo was convinced that he was simply too kindhearted, that he was guiding him out of pure pity. Since he had insisted that guiding was a necessity, Cha Jae-woo seemed determined to follow instructions precisely while otherwise staying out of his way.
Right now, Cha Jae-woo was making a huge mistake. Without even trying to listen properly to his feelings, he was making assumptions on his own.
He wasn’t guiding Cha Jae-woo out of pity. Cha Jae-woo’s entire premise was wrong. And because it was wrong, the conclusions he had drawn were wrong too.
In fact, he was resentful toward Cha Jae-woo for only staying near him during guiding sessions and avoiding him the rest of the time.
