#78
Sometimes, when enveloped in a sensation as if a ticklish breeze blew against his earlobes, Hyun-oh would deliberately add more coldness to his voice.
Those times of selfish behavior returned to Hyun-oh as karmic retribution.
Wanting desperately to apologize, Hyun-oh visited Eunsol again after he had calmed down.
At first, he thought Eunsol had overreacted upon seeing him due to the strong memories of the accident before losing consciousness.
‘Ugh, ah…’
But instead of words, Eunsol clutched his throat, from which strange metallic sounds emerged while looking at Hyun-oh.
The subtly trembling gaze instinctively made Hyun-oh feel something was wrong. The attending physician, who was monitoring Eunsol’s condition nearby, also had a noticeably puzzled expression.
‘Make an urgent call to psychiatry.’
The attending physician’s voice giving subtle instructions to the nurse reached Hyun-oh distantly. Looking at Eunsol’s eyes swirling with emotions, Hyun-oh, like Eunsol, lost his words.
‘It’s PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) from the accident. Psychological issues seem to have caused symptoms of aphasia.’
This was the diagnosis given by the psychiatrist who came to examine Eunsol.
Hyun-oh’s heart sank. He had fully anticipated that Eunsol would be deeply affected by the accident.
Given the clear rejection reaction Eunsol showed upon seeing his face, Hyun-oh had steeled himself not to show any wavering emotions even if Eunsol pushed him away again.
After all, Eunsol had always been more sensitive to Hyun-oh’s feelings than Hyun-oh himself.
All of that became futile. The moment he heard the doctor’s words, Hyun-oh couldn’t compose his crumbling expression.
The one fortunate thing was that the hospital room was spacious, and Hyun-oh and the doctor were standing by the door, speaking in low voices.
‘…Is there a way to cure it?’
It was a voice as pitiful as a blade of grass withering under the scorching midday sun.
Even his vocal cords were scraped, causing a metallic taste inside his throat.
‘Since it’s a symptom with strong psychological connections… steady counseling therapy along with ensuring the patient can maintain stability seems important.’
Once again, Hyun-oh only confirmed the fact that his presence was of no help to Eunsol.
‘Huh, uh…’
Watching Eunsol tremble with fear at the mere sight of his face, Hyun-oh had no choice but to turn his heavy footsteps out of the hospital room.
‘I’ll go in.’
When Kang Ye-ryeong passed by Hyun-oh and entered the hospital room, Hyun-oh had mixed thoughts inside.
The thought that Eunsol should find comfort in Kang Ye-ryeong and show improvement, along with the petty thought that Eunsol should reject Kang Ye-ryeong just as he had rejected him, clashed in his mind like a battle between good and evil.
Kang Ye-ryeong came out only after a long while.
During the time he waited for her, Hyun-oh clenched his teeth to the point where his jaw muscles protruded, trying not to collapse from the feeling of emptiness and hopelessness, like a child abandoned on the street.
His fingertips subtly trembled and curled inward, while his breathing, though long at times, often broke abruptly.
‘Still, he leans on me.’
When he heard those words, red crescent-shaped scars were unavoidably engraved on his palms.
‘He’s asleep now, so go in. The doctor also said your pheromones are necessary for him.’
Separate from Eunsol’s rejection reaction to Hyun-oh, being pregnant with Hyun-oh’s child meant he had to accept Hyun-oh’s pheromones. Regardless of his own will.
Because of this, Hyun-oh would wait for Eunsol to fall asleep, then release pheromones to the sleeping form and observe the face he couldn’t see, like a thief stealing glances.
Just like now.
Hyun-oh sent affectionate pheromones through his folded hands. The doctor had emphasized that pheromones should be delivered neither too thick nor too thin, but at an appropriate level, as if moistening the entire body.
Though more skilled than anyone at controlling pheromones, Hyun-oh carefully monitored both Eunsol and the machine displaying his condition with a more cautious face than usual, concerned that it might strain Eunsol.
It was then that the pupils behind the thin eyelids twitched. Since he was concentrating all his attention on Eunsol, even this subtle movement was immediately caught in Hyun-oh’s field of vision.
Hyun-oh released Eunsol’s hand and tried to stand up. The time allowed for him to observe Eunsol was only when Eunsol was unconscious.
Suppressing his regretful feelings, Hyun-oh slowly withdrew his pheromones. Though he missed the jet-black eyes that he hadn’t properly seen for a long time to the point his throat felt dry, he had to endure.
But he was a moment too late.
Just as Hyun-oh’s crown grew closer to the ceiling, those longed-for ebony eyes appeared.
The hospital room was filled only with soft lighting. Even so, Eunsol’s eyes squinted slightly as if the light pouring over his face was too bright.
A large hand reflexively created a shadow. Under this artificially created shade, the long eyelashes slowly descended and then rose back up repeatedly.
“…I’m sorry.”
Anticipating how Eunsol might react, Hyun-oh offered an apology first.
Because of him, Eunsol had developed aphasia. Even when communicating with Kang Ye-ryeong, he couldn’t use his vocal cords, so a tablet PC was placed on the bedside table. It was a communication tool for Eunsol.
“Ah, uh…”
The small lips parted. But once again, the sound that flowed through the open lips was only syllables that couldn’t quite form words.
As Eunsol’s face contorted with a sadness that made even the observer’s heart ache, Hyun-oh withdrew his hand and moved his body back.
“I didn’t intend to wake you. The doctor said you needed to receive my pheromones consistently… No, that’s not it. I’ll leave now. Rest well.”
Hyun-oh suddenly realized that his lips were spewing out words that sounded like excuses. Brushing back his disheveled hair, he exhaled a heavy breath.
He wanted to do well, but it felt like being handed a tangled skein of thread with no discernible beginning or end.
He felt suffocated by the ball of thread that became more tangled the more he touched it.
It was when he turned his back, fearing that his confused feelings might be transmitted to Eunsol through his pheromones without his knowledge.
“Huhh…”
A soft crying sound flew to his ears. It was so suppressed that even to Hyun-oh, it sounded faint, despite there being only the two of them in the hospital room.
It might be that Eunsol was crying out of fear of him.
But Hyun-oh abruptly stopped moving, as if the sorrowful sound were chains binding his ankles.
Reason screamed at him to remove himself from Eunsol’s sight immediately. Though his head clearly knew that’s what he should do, strangely, he couldn’t move his feet.
“Ugh, huhk…”
Hyun-oh squeezed his eyes shut. The heavily shadowed area around his eyes contorted with anguish.
In the end, Hyun-oh’s body turned toward the bed where Eunsol lay, rather than toward the door.
Tear-filled eyes followed the direction of Hyun-oh’s moving face. Though Hyun-oh’s time of anguish was deep, it wasn’t long.
During that time, the small face had become completely soaked with tears, showing how much he had cried.
Hyun-oh carefully bent down and sat by Eunsol’s side. His eyes quietly observed Eunsol.
If Eunsol’s emotion toward him was truly only fear, he resolved to leave the hospital room without hesitation this time.
That was all he could do after all.
“Wuu…”
Eunsol’s hand slowly moved toward Hyun-oh. As if lacking the strength to lift his hand, the white hand moved as if rubbing the sheet and stopped near the edge of Hyun-oh’s hand placed on the bedside.
A complicated gaze fell on Eunsol’s fingertips, which had stopped moving.
Could it be that he wanted to touch? Hyun-oh endlessly gazed at the fingertips that had approached but then ceased all movement.
Before their hands could touch, he first gently released pheromones to envelop Eunsol’s body.
As Eunsol woke from sleep, the fragrant scent of lily of the valley gradually intensified. Even so, it was a scent so faint that it would be difficult to notice unless one was as sensitive to pheromones as Hyun-oh.
But Hyun-oh felt with his entire body that the lily of the valley scent was not pushing him away, but rather, despite shrinking back, was courageously reaching out to him.
The area under Hyun-oh’s eyes twitched slightly. This person, good to the point of foolishness, seemed to be forgiving him so easily once again.
Hyun-oh desperately held back his mouth, which was about to crumple, at the action of carefully making eye contact as if apologizing for pushing him away all this time.
“May I… hold your hand?”
Hyun-oh barely managed to curl his lips into a smile.
Hyun-oh had imagined countless times. If the moment came when Eunsol forgave him, he would show Eunsol an affectionate smile as warm as the spring sunshine.
He had resolved to show his unfiltered feelings, bumpy as they might be, to the one who had desired even a fragment of his affection more than anyone else.
Despite all his resolutions, his face was covered like a shadow with an expression that was neither a smile nor a frown, but a ridiculous contortion on his sculptured features.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
