#72
Had he ever been so aware of how painful the act of breathing could be? Like someone thrown into the middle of a blazing desert, each breath he took boiled up, branding a burning pain in his chest like a stigma.
He had tried not to regret.
Even when he learned that Eunsol had run away from him, even when he became aware of how cruelly he had treated him all this time. He dismissed it as unavoidable. Because that’s just the kind of person he was.
He had been arrogant, knowing better than anyone the heart of Eunsol who loved even such a person as himself. That Eunsol would remain by his side forever.
This time too, he thought it would be easily resolved since he had found the cause of Eunsol’s escape.
He was someone who desperately wanted a child. Hyun-oh had mistakenly believed that if he gave permission for Eunsol to have the child, Eunsol would never even think of running away again and would remain by his side forever.
The weather was severe enough for heavy snow to fall.
Ryu Jeong-woo had acted for Eunsol like someone unafraid of the consequences. Despite knowing how dangerous it was to be at odds with Hyun-oh, he willingly took the risk. For none other than Eunsol.
The more he tracked Ryu Jeong-woo’s movements, the more Hyun-oh understood how much he cherished Eunsol.
Such a person couldn’t have been unaware that driving urgently in this weather was dangerous. Moreover, Eunsol was still in early pregnancy, a condition where even the slightest shock could become dangerous.
“…It’s because of me.”
The voice escaping through his lips was completely fractured. Like a twig withering in a desolate desert.
He had called Ryu Jeong-woo. With these hands, he had driven him to move urgently with Eunsol.
Calling while knowing that Ryu Jeong-woo would feel psychological pressure was his choice.
It was a call made with the intention of telling him that the net was closing in, so not to have reckless thoughts and to wait quietly.
If he had known an accident would happen… he would never have called.
…Regret, lingering attachment.
Emotions he thought would never be associated with him in his lifetime broke through his distorted heart, penetrating it and stirring it into disarray.
Even knowing that time couldn’t be turned back, he wanted to find his past self and grab him by the collar. He needed to punch that selfishly thinking face.
To the extent of having such unreasonable fantasies, Hyun-oh’s thinking wasn’t functioning properly due to the guilt he was feeling for the first time in his life.
It felt as if only he and Eunsol existed in the entire world. Even work and the company, which he had clung to as if they were the pivot of his life, seemed to have no value at all at this moment.
As if forgetting how to breathe, his sharp-tipped breaths, sometimes cutting off abruptly, sometimes extending long, moved across his nose.
“…Lee Eunsol.”
The one who would look at him with a shy expression just by calling his name was now barely maintaining a frail breath that seemed about to break at any moment, without the slightest movement.
Hyun-oh raised his head and carefully caressed Eunsol’s dry cheek. So that at least some of his warmth could be transmitted to him.
It was also his first time thinking of wanting to be sick in someone else’s place. Unlike himself, Eunsol was someone who lived with a constant cough just from the changing seasons.
Not knowing exactly where or how he was injured, Hyun-oh’s chest continuously exhaled pain as Eunsol’s complexion was so poor that he wanted to transfuse his own blood immediately.
“I… now understand that I’ve been very wrong to you all this time…”
His vision blurred for a moment.
Not once had he properly looked at his feelings toward Eunsol.
It had been that way since he was young. When overwhelming emotions surged that were difficult to handle, instead of bravely facing them, Hyun-oh suppressed them deep within his heart.
Why his father had two wives. Why people would smile to his face but behind his back curse him as a concubine’s child.
Clearly, it was his mother who was married to his father, yet why did he encounter his father’s first wife more often than his own mother?
Why, when his biological mother taught him only what he should and shouldn’t do every time she saw his face, did he want to receive a warm embrace from her even once?
His life was full of questions, but accepting those emotions with an immature heart was painfully unbearable.
The method he chose to survive, to live, became the survival law that penetrated Hyun-oh’s life even after becoming an adult.
‘Hyun-oh, weren’t you tired today? Welcome home.’
That day too, as usual, he had worked overtime and only returned home as dawn approached.
The person who he thought would naturally be asleep came with pattering footsteps at the sound of the front door opening.
With a face still covered in drowsiness, he smiled brightly and carefully took the necktie that Hyun-oh had loosened as soon as he entered the house.
It was nothing special. However, the moment Hyun-oh heard Eunsol’s affectionate words, he wanted to go back to his childhood self and receive a warm embrace.
That fact was unbearable.
Recalling his vulnerable times was of no help to Hyun-oh in leading a massive group.
‘I need to work more in the study. So go to bed first. From now on, don’t wait up until such late hours.’
Contrary to his inner feelings, his voice fell coldly, and that day too, those large eyes seemed to ripple with moisture.
The more he faced those pitiful gazes, the more it felt like his cowardly and weak self was being exposed piece by piece, so he coldly brushed past him.
Between Eunsol and himself, such days had piled up endlessly like sediment.
He hurt Eunsol as naturally as breathing. Despite knowing that he was the only one in Eunsol’s world, he couldn’t utter a single warm word.
Fearing that once he started, it wouldn’t end with just once. Instinctively, he backed away and only pushed away Eunsol, who lingered around trying to approach him.
Hyun-oh gritted his teeth to the point where a sound of misalignment could be heard from his jaw.
He couldn’t let Eunsol go like this.
Perhaps Eunsol had no lingering attachment to him. Though younger than himself, Eunsol was a much more mature person in the way he honestly displayed his emotions.
Now he knew well how much courage it took for Eunsol to approach him repeatedly without giving up, while he himself lived like a coward, having only grown physically without maturing from his childhood state.
His past was entirely punctuated by regret.
Hyun-oh affectionately caressed Eunsol’s cheek and brushed his hair behind his forehead, afraid it might prick his eyes.
“Please wake up…”
Having not received proper affection from his parents and in the midst of his half-brother’s bullying, Hyun-oh had hidden his honest feelings deep inside a hard shell to protect himself.
Revealing his vulnerable inner self was equivalent to providing easy prey to those who wanted to bite him.
Because of this, he had lived for decades without uttering his intimate inner thoughts.
But now he could be different. No, he had to be different.
If Eunsol would open his eyes and still look at him with loving eyes, he wanted to tell him anything.
He wanted to say sorry for making him lonely for a long time, for treating him so coldly that he couldn’t even mention he was pregnant.
He regretted the moment when, instead of responding that he felt the same way to Eunsol’s difficult confession, he hurt him by saying not to bother him.
He wanted to say thank you… for loving someone like him.
A single tear, precariously formed at the end of his long eye corner, flowed down his strong-lined face.
“Just one more… give me a chance.”
Hyun-oh grasped Eunsol’s hand and carefully pressed his lips to the end of it. It was his first plea.
He had never clung to anyone in his life. Even in his childhood when he craved affection from his parents so desperately. But once the dam broke, his heart reached Eunsol’s unconscious ear as a desperate plea.
Did Hyun-oh’s earnest wish reach him? The tip of Eunsol’s coldly stiffened hand twitched slightly.
“…Lee Eunsol?”
To Hyun-oh, who had all his attention on Eunsol, that slight movement was clearly caught.
Hyun-oh looked at Eunsol with desperate eyes. But Eunsol’s eyes remained firmly closed, without even a single eyelash moving.
Conversely, it was Hyun-oh’s eyelashes that were precariously trembling.
“We’ve arrived at the hospital, Chairman.”
Just then, the car stopped. Thanks to having contacted the hospital in advance, doctors and nurses who had been waiting at the entrance rushed over.
At the sight of their orderly movements, the man sitting in the driver’s seat also jumped out of the car and opened the rear door.
“Where is the patient?”
“This person.”
In place of Hyun-oh, who was blankly stiffened, the man explained the necessary situation to the doctor.
The doctor’s complexion became serious as he examined Eunsol’s condition. Following Eunsol’s vehicle, the car carrying Ryu Jeong-woo and the perpetrator of the accident also stopped in succession.
With three patients in critical condition arriving at once, the medical staff moved busily.
“Please step aside for a moment. We need to proceed with examinations immediately.”
It was an urgent situation. Hyun-oh reluctantly pushed back his lingering hand and watched as Eunsol was carried into the emergency room.
The jacket Hyun-oh had covered Eunsol with and the ultrasound picture rolled on the floor. After bending down to pick up only the crumpled picture, he hurriedly headed to where Eunsol was.
The lingering sensation of those fingers that had moved slightly still remained on his lips, pounding at Hyun-oh’s heart.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
