- Commonalities of First Love (4)
For the special filming of ‘One Day Sleepover,’ a total of four people were requested. Two from the senior group Days, and two from the junior group Arcus.
Since the program aims for an intimate and lively atmosphere, they specifically asked for the two closest people from each group.
“Among our members, I’m most comfortable with Yuwon, and from Arcus, I’m naturally closest to you, Seowoo. It seems the CEO knew this too, so he designated the four of us without much deliberation.”
“…”
“It’s not difficult to mediate so that the two of you don’t become awkward. I’ve developed some know-how from living in a group with members who have strong personalities. So don’t worry too much, and let’s think of it as a two-day trip. How does that sound?”
His calm yet affectionate tone gradually settled my troubled mind. I thought, this is why he’s able to be the leader of Days and reach that position.
When I looked at him with a somewhat curious gaze, Bae Dojin asked with a smiling face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“It’s nothing…”
Mature, relaxed, perceptive, and thoughtful. I was somewhat envious of Bae Dojin, who possessed all these qualities I lacked.
When he asked again what I was thinking about, I blurted out.
“I’m wondering how someone like you could have had an unrequited love.”
“Why? What kind of person am I?”
“Are you really asking because you don’t know?”
“Yes. I’m really asking because I don’t know.”
Now that my mind had calmed down, I didn’t want to drink more of the beverage. But I liked holding something warm, so I fiddled with the cup holder with my fingertips.
“Sunbaenim is…”
“Ah, back to ‘sunbaenim’? You called me hyung earlier.”
That was something I said in the heat of the moment, and I don’t think I could do it again if asked. I answered hesitantly.
“…I’ll use both. This really takes time for me.”
I cleared my throat and said.
“Anyway, Dojin sunbae is that kind of person. If you were holding a basketball thinking, ‘Should I try to score?’ it feels like the opponent would walk right up to you with the hoop and beg you to make the shot.”
“Haha, thank you for the compliment, even if it’s just flattery.”
“It’s not flattery.”
I really meant it. He was the kind of person who would be the object of many people’s unrequited love, not the other way around. At first, I was just intrigued by finding common ground, but thinking about it again, it seemed almost surreal.
“What kind of person did sunbae have an unrequited love for?”
“Well.”
Bae Dojin fiddled with the snacks in the center of the conference table, thought for a moment, and then answered.
“A kind and diligent person. In the way they treat people, in the way they handle life. So I wanted to learn from them in many ways.”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“Trying to see the bright side of the world first, finding the good in people. It’s not as easy as you might think to interpret things positively and act kindly. Distrust comes easily, but trust takes effort.”
I stared at him as if enchanted. It was because Bae Dojin’s eyes seemed to sparkle brilliantly as he spoke.
‘He must have really liked them.’
A loving heart is just like a well-cut gem. It sparkles brilliantly like stars on countless small facets whenever light hits them. That’s why Bae Dojin’s eyes, where that feeling was momentarily glimpsed, shone like that.
“But why was it unrequited? Because it’s a difficult profession for dating?”
At Bae Dojin’s age, it was actually toward the end of being an idol. In fact, Days was now being evaluated more as established artists than idols.
Couldn’t he maintain a secret relationship and then meet a good person without it becoming a major issue? It wouldn’t receive as negative a response as it would have right after debut and during active promotions.
“That’s not it. I just didn’t have the confidence to create a space for myself in that person’s heart.”
I tilted my head, having been listening intently. Today was the first time I’d heard about Bae Dojin’s personal life, but what was this subtle sense of déjà vu?
“Did you like someone who already had a partner…?”
“Ahaha, pfft, haha. No, that’s not it.”
Bae Dojin reached out and lightly tousled my hair.
“Even if it’s not necessarily love, there are times when it seems like there’s just no room at all. Isn’t that strange?”
It was strange, but on the other hand, I understood. Thinking about it, that’s exactly how Jihan and my relationship was.
Us, filling each other’s lives with an enormous presence even if it’s not love. Jihan wanting to preserve that huge mass containing everything we know, and me wanting to disassemble it and categorize it.
Our relationship is confusing yet firm, and it seemed like no matter what happens, the fact that we are each other’s number one would never change.
“But, Seowoo.”
Bae Dojin glanced at the clock on the conference room wall and asked.
“Haven’t you been practicing since morning? You should go back and rest now. Shall I take you to the dorm?”
“It’s okay. Jihan probably brought his car, so I’ll go together with… oh.”
Ah, right. Jihan. I left that guy in the practice room.
I asked Bae Dojin for a small tube of ointment and a bandage. I briefly considered whether to throw away the drink, but decided to take it with me out of appreciation for his thoughtfulness.
“Thank you for the drink. I’m grateful for everything today.”
When I bowed my head, Bae Dojin let out a small laugh.
“It doesn’t seem like you enjoyed it much. You didn’t even finish half.”
“This is remarkably a lot for me.”
“So you don’t really like sweet things. I’ll keep that in mind.”
After nodding again at his mention of seeing me at the variety show meeting, I hurried back to the practice room. Earlier I had felt so strange, like I might cry, but fortunately I felt okay now and thought I could face Jihan more calmly.
Through the gap in the center of the translucent glass door, designed to let people peek inside, I tried to glance into the practice room…
“Ah! You startled me!”
I immediately made eye contact with Jihan’s sullen gaze looking in my direction.
“You went to make a drink? I thought you’d be back tomorrow.”
Jihan complained as soon as I entered.
“You ran away without even looking back earlier, and now you finally remembered me?”
“…I didn’t want to fight with you.”
“I prefer fighting with you to being apart.”
Having no response to that, I pretended not to hear and plopped down in front of him. Then I put a little bit of the ointment I’d received on my fingertip.
“I’m sorry for hurting you. I didn’t mean to do it on purpose.”
“I know. This is nothing.”
“But we can’t let it scar. Especially on your face…”
When I held out my ointment-covered finger, Jihan leaned his face forward to make it easier for me to apply it.
“I don’t scar easily.”
As I carefully applied the medicine along the reddish mark that remained, I burst out laughing.
“Then what’s that on your finger, if not a scar?”
There’s a faint scar on the inside of his left ring finger. It was a wound he got when he was young, insisting on climbing a persimmon tree in the garden.
‘That’s what happens when you say you want to try one.’
But he was right. Apart from that, he was unblemished. Even though he had been injured before, I wondered if his naturally strong and quick-healing constitution affected that too.
“You’re the one who needs to be careful.”
His large hand touched my right knee, which was raised as I sat.
“Even with all that care, it still left a scar.”
“That can’t be helped with a stitched wound. There’s a limit to what effort can erase.”
Ever since I was injured at fifteen, Jihan would grab me whenever he had the chance and apply ointment to the jagged scar. Unlike the wound ointment I was applying now, which you just apply and you’re done, his required dozens of massages until it was absorbed, which was quite annoying, but he did it anyway.
The wound was deep and the injured area was wide, so realistically, it was impossible to erase the traces of the stitched wound. Still, Jihan’s efforts weren’t in vain, as it had noticeably reduced compared to the beginning, though he wasn’t satisfied and suggested getting scar removal treatment several times afterward.
After I put the bandage on his cheek, Jihan casually brushed his cheek with his hand.
“I feel like we argue too often these days.”
Jihan sighed.
“I want us to get along well, but I don’t know why it’s so difficult.”
His black eyes gazed at me quietly.
After a brief silence, his concern landed by my ear.
“What do I need to do so you won’t make that expression when you look at me?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
