- Words to Regret (6)
“It’s not pretending.”
Na Jihan, sitting right next to me, said.
“We’re just acting like we always do. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever deliberately done anything special in front of the cameras.”
“True. It’s enough to just behave as you normally do. You two are already so over-the-top in daily life.”
Na Jia frowned slightly as she looked at Jihan. He was leaning against me with his arm draped over my shoulder, looking completely relaxed.
“Were you two always like this? I don’t think so… You weren’t this bad when you were younger? It seems like it’s gotten three times worse since the last time I saw you.”
After pondering for a moment, she asked:
“But about showing how close you are like that. Seowoo, you agreed to this too, right?”
Jihan’s mother, who had been quietly listening to our conversation, chimed in.
“That’s right. Seowoo has quite a strong independent streak. I imagine he must have struggled in various ways joining Jihan’s group late, and he probably wanted to prove himself through his skills first rather than just blending in because of his friendship with Jihan.”
It was an amazingly accurate analysis. That was exactly one of the two reasons I had initially opposed the Business Gay Performance before our debut.
“Actually, I briefly objected to it at first because of that. I said I couldn’t do such things.”
“But it’s fortunate that it’s Jihan and not someone else. You don’t seem like you’d be talented at that kind of acting. Isn’t that right?”
I replied with a slightly awkward smile.
“It is difficult, in any case…”
It wasn’t that I lacked confidence in acting, but rather that I found it difficult to pretend it was merely acting.
“Speaking of pretending to date, this reminds me—didn’t the person sitting next to Na Jia also give you headaches at first because he couldn’t act well?”
This was news to me. I looked back and forth between Na Hyeonjun who had asked the question and Na Jia’s couple who were smiling awkwardly, then asked:
“Acting? Noona, did you also pretend to date someone?”
“Ah, we never told Seowoo about this? The story of how I met my husband.”
To summarize, when Na Jia was a freshman in college, she had trouble with a persistent senior student who kept hitting on her. When the guy kept circling around and pursuing her relentlessly, Na Jia decided that an ordinary rejection wouldn’t be enough, so she looked for someone to play the role of her boyfriend. That’s how she met her current husband.
“At first, he was so stiff that I was really worried, but he improved with practice. Later on, people actually thought he was my real boyfriend.”
“I was approaching it as if you were really my girlfriend.”
“…Really? But you didn’t like me back then?”
Na Jia asked incredulously.
“I was clearly the only one with a crush at that time?”
Na Jia’s husband just smiled instead of answering. Apparently, Na Jia had believed she was the only one with feelings.
“Anyway, Jihan, don’t be so obsessive. What if Seowoo brings a girlfriend someday, saying he’s going to get married?”
“Seowoo, leaving me?”
Jihan turned his head so quickly you could hear a whoosh, and stared at me intently. Perhaps because his face was too close, I gulped nervously.
“Are you going to introduce someone you like to me?”
“N-no.”
How could I introduce someone I like? That person is you.
“And how can idols date? It’s illegal for active idols to have girlfriends. Don’t even start unless you’re confident you can deceive 50 million people.”
“Hey. She’s not seriously saying you’ll date someone, it’s just hypothetical…”
Unable to withstand Jihan’s persistent gaze, I finally covered his eyes with my palm.
“I get it, so back off a little. It’s hot!”
“True. Seowoo’s face is a bit red. Should we lower the air conditioner temperature?”
“Instead of that, let’s get going. Hyeonjun oppa said he’s heading home, and Seowoo, you’re staying overnight, right? Jihan, go upstairs, tidy up the room, and turn on the air conditioner in advance.”
“Okay.”
“And Seowoo, could you help me with the dishes?”
There were many dishes since we had many people eating. I had been planning to help anyway, so I quickly got up and started assisting Na Jia.
It was something I’d done before, so I was familiar with it. I moved dishes between the table and sink, then stood beside Na Jia, rinsing the soapy dishes with water.
Na Jia, who had been focusing on the task without much conversation, suddenly called my name.
“Seowoo.”
“Yes?”
I only realized her tone was more serious than usual after I’d already responded.
Perhaps because of that, my heart sank instantly at the question that came without giving me time to prepare.
“Do you like Jihan?”
My hands, which had been scrubbing a dish, suddenly stopped. Lukewarm water trickled down the back of my hand, slowly washing away the detergent bubbles on the dish.
I instinctively looked around. Fortunately, only Na Jia and I were in the kitchen. Jihan and Hyeonjun had gone upstairs to prepare the room, and Na Jia’s husband was chatting with the adults in the living room.
Seeing me looking around instead of answering, Na Jia laughed with a sigh.
“So you do like him.”
What should I say?
It was incomparably more difficult than when Bae Dojin found out. Bae Dojin was just an outsider, but Na Jia was practically family to me.
“How did you know?”
“Just, I could see it as I watched you?”
She took the dish that had been in my hands for a while and continued rinsing it.
“We were talking earlier while eating fruit, remember? About how I first met my husband in college. I had an unrequited crush on him for a while.”
“…”
“When I was younger, I didn’t understand what having a crush meant, so I wasn’t perceptive about those things at all. But after experiencing it once, I became able to empathize in similar situations…”
She turned to look at me and said:
“Your face looks exactly like mine from that time. That’s why I couldn’t miss it.”
Should I apologize for liking her brother without permission? But feelings of affection aren’t wrong. If she truly objected, she probably wouldn’t have asked with such a moderate attitude.
Then should I ask her to keep it a secret? Even without saying so, Na Jia didn’t seem like someone who would tell others about this. She cared for me as much as she cared for her brother, so she wouldn’t do something that would trouble me.
While I was wavering, Na Jia asked:
“Since when have you liked him? Has it been a long time?”
After hesitating briefly, I answered in a small voice:
“I’m not sure.”
I wasn’t evading the question; it was genuinely difficult. Nothing was harder than explaining when I started liking him or how it happened.
“It’s been a long time.”
“Is it romantic feelings?”
“Probably…”
“Are you sure?”
Na Jia added that she wasn’t trying to interrogate me.
“Don’t misunderstand, Seowoo. I’m not against it. If anything, I might have objected if your positions were reversed. Jihan is so insensitive to these things that if you two started dating, I think you might get hurt a lot.”
“It’s just a one-sided crush.”
She didn’t seem particularly surprised, but I felt like I was shrinking with guilt.
“It is romantic, but… I don’t think I like him hoping to date him. This is my first time experiencing something like this, so I don’t really know.”
After checking again that no one was around, I whispered:
“Obviously, Jihan doesn’t know. He’s just being nice out of habit. So please keep it a secret.”
“You call that an explanation? I’m on your side no matter what.”
Na Jia pressed my forehead firmly with her wet hand.
“But think carefully about whether those are truly romantic feelings. I’m not saying your feelings are fake. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“If Jihan is the only person you’ve ever liked since birth, it might be difficult to distinguish whether it’s love or just habitual affection that’s been imprinted on you. That’s what I’m concerned about.”
She gently stroked the forehead she had pressed, then smiled.
“By the way, our Seowoo. I thought you had looks, talent, and personality, but your taste is terrible. How did you end up with a log like Na Jihan…”
A log? It was a sentiment I could somewhat relate to, yet strangely wanted to refute.
“Since I accidentally discovered your secret, I’ll tell you one of mine. You have to keep it to yourself for now, okay?”
Mimicking me by looking around quickly, Na Jia whispered her secret to me.
“You guys are going to be uncles next year.”
“…What?”
“Shhh. Even my husband doesn’t know yet. The doctor said I have a history of miscarriage, so I need to be careful in the early stages. I was planning to tell everyone after things stabilize.”
A niece or nephew. I stared at Na Jia with wide eyes. Her beaming face, asking if it wasn’t amazing, filled my vision.
“I’ll invite you when I make the formal announcement later. You’ll be busy, but you’ll have to make time.”
“…Of course. Congratulations, noona.”
Just as I was about to say more, a familiar voice sounded from a distance.
“Yoon Seowoo. Finish the dishes quickly and come upstairs.”
Na Jihan, who had just come down the stairs, stuck his head out toward us and said:
“Let’s sleep together.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
