#54. Memory and Recollections (1)
Bae Dojin had done nothing wrong. No matter that Bae Jonghwi and Bae Dojin were cousins, and even if Bae Dojin bore responsibility for Bae Jonghwi’s misconduct, it was still the same.
I had never even felt disappointed in him, so it was natural that his words felt awkward to the point of being strange.
However, this seemed to be only my thinking. Bae Dojin began to seriously contemplate without caring.
“I should give something useful for it to be compensation. Then what would be worth giving to Seowoo hubae? Money? Honor? Opportunity?”
Unfortunately, it was none of the three. Though my family was far from harmonious, we weren’t lacking in money, honor only has meaning when you seize it yourself, and opportunity had already been achieved by joining Arcus.
“An opportunity to clear your name, some recognition, or a chance for development. With a little effort, I could probably provide such things.”
Since it was Bae Dojin, I knew that if I really wanted it, he could provide those things. But unfortunately, those three weren’t what I truly desired either.
“None of them.”
When I answered readily, Bae Dojin tilted his head.
“Then what do you want? Don’t you want anything?”
“I’m human too… so I do have wants?”
“Hmm. You have desires, but you don’t want them from me?”
“More precisely, I think it’s something you can’t fulfill, sunbae-nim.”
Bae Dojin smiled mysteriously.
“Interesting. May I ask what it is?”
I hesitated for a moment before answering.
“I wish I could become strong enough not to be shaken by trivial matters.”
I didn’t want to be swayed no matter what anyone said. I didn’t want to be caught with fragments of one-sided love that awkwardly crept out of my heart. I didn’t want to stagger from others’ evaluations, and I hated having a corner of my heart hurt by blind malice.
How wonderful it would be if I could take root like a tree and endure anything well.
I was about to tell him to just forget it if it sounded too much like chasing clouds, but Bae Dojin was faster to speak.
“You’re right. That’s certainly not something I can do anything about.”
“…”
“But it feels a bit wrong to just send you away without doing anything…”
After contemplating for a moment, he asked me.
“Seowoo-ssi. Do you know the best way to minimize unfair treatment?”
I don’t know. If I had known, I wouldn’t have heard such ridiculous words from Bae Jonghwi.
“Become famous.”
Bae Dojin said in a voice that sounded not just clean but almost cold.
“It’s quite despicable. But that’s reality. The more famous you are, the less you’re ignored, and people can’t treat you carelessly.”
“…”
“There’s a radio show I’m currently hosting.”
I knew about it. ‘Bae Dojin’s Moonlit Night’ from 10 PM to 12 AM daily. It had been a lackluster program, but shortly after he took over as DJ, tremendous results appeared with it capturing first place in listenership for that time slot.
Thanks to his clean commentary, skillful song selection, and glamorous guest lineup, the listenership was still on a straight upward trajectory. There was even talk that it was better to appear as a radio guest on Bae Dojin’s program than to appear on most TV shows.
“The Monday regular guest had to leave due to personal circumstances. If you’re okay with it, I was thinking you could try appearing in that spot.”
“…”
“Saying you could appear regularly might be burdensome. How about just appearing once with a light heart first?”
It couldn’t be anything but an excellent proposal for group promotion. There would be no image loss while showing fans a human side, and incidentally, I could show the live performance I couldn’t do in previous variety activities.
I must have looked at Bae Dojin with expectant eyes without realizing it. He laughed softly.
“I’ll contact you separately about the details. Can you give me your phone?”
He entered eleven digits into my phone, then pressed and held the call button before ending it.
“Go quickly. Jihan hubae must be waiting.”
It would have been strange if he hadn’t come looking for me himself. I quickly bowed my head in greeting and hurried my steps.
Sure enough, Na Jihan was waiting for me without even getting in the van. His stance, leaning crookedly while staring blankly into space, clearly represented his uncomfortable state of mind.
“3 minutes.”
Na Jihan said that as soon as he saw me.
“I was going to look for you exactly 3 minutes from now. Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
“…Sorry. I came after meeting and talking briefly with Bae Dojin sunbae-nim.”
When I approached closely, he cupped my cheeks with both hands. He even turned my head this way and that, carefully checking my complexion.
“Nothing happened, right?”
“Mm-hmm…”
I smiled awkwardly. Since I had received a radio appearance offer from Bae Dojin anyway, it had become something I couldn’t hide. However, the situation was too complicated to explain from the beginning.
“Get in first. I’m tired.”
At those words, Na Jihan made a face like he wanted to interrogate me right away, but ultimately took my hand and got me into the van.
It was just like him to prioritize me above all else, whatever the situation.
* * *
Exactly one week after the monthly evaluation, on Monday. I appeared on Bae Dojin’s radio show.
A few days before the broadcast, Bae Dojin called me and asked me to select a few songs worth recommending as a guest.
The theme was ‘Time and Heart’.
Since it was a vague and emotional theme, I spent a long time rummaging through playlists to find and find again suitable songs. It was more difficult than expected and gave me a headache, but thinking it was for a radio guest appearance I had always wanted to try at least once, even the hardship felt welcome.
I arrived at the studio with plenty of time before the broadcast started, but somehow the atmosphere was bustling.
“Oh, Seowoo-ssi. You’re here?”
At the staff’s warm greeting, I bowed my head and read the room.
‘Why are they so happy to see me?’
My puzzlement was resolved in just a few seconds.
“Just coming is nice enough, but bringing all these things too.”
“I’ve received coffee and cookies before, but flower gifts are really rare. I never thought I’d receive something at work that even my husband doesn’t give me.”
“Exactly. It’s romantic and nice. Thank you for the gift.”
Everyone passing by was carrying something. Small bouquets, coffee, and even cookie gift sets. They all showed signs of great care.
When I looked up at Na Hyeonjun standing next to me with a bewildered expression, he whistled softly and avoided my gaze.
“…I just did what I was told.”
It meant it was Na Jihan’s doing.
“He said he hoped one more person would recognize how pretty Yoon Seowoo is. I think he didn’t say more because he didn’t want to upset you, but he seemed to be really concerned about what happened recently.”
I had eventually confessed to Na Jihan about what happened with Bae Jonghwi. I told him about the friction with a trainee who viewed my joining negatively, and how Bae Dojin, seeing that situation, felt responsible and proposed an opportunity where he could show off his friendship with me a bit more.
It turned out Bae Jonghwi already had quite a reputation within the agency for having a bad personality. As soon as Hapil Jae heard those three syllables of his name, he jumped up and pointed angrily at the air. I’m sure he said harsh things too, but since Joo Lee Seon appeared at the right timing and covered his mouth, I couldn’t know exactly what he cursed.
No wonder he wasn’t the type to do nothing but stayed quiet. I couldn’t help but smile, finding it admirable and cute that he had even diligently prepared gifts using my name.
“Here. And this is your share.”
Na Hyeonjun handed me the bouquet that was on the desk. It was much larger than what others had received, requiring me to use both arms to embrace it.
I looked down at the freesia bouquet with its fresh fragrance. I could see a stiff card tucked between the flowers.
“This card too?”
“Of course.”
I looked around and, realizing no one was watching us, quickly unfolded the card.
Contrary to my expectation that it would be a card printed appropriately by a vendor, inside the folded paper, Na Jihan’s handwriting was neatly shining.
“When did he even do this…”
I moved my fingertips along the pressed writing.
“I can see everything you have in my eyes.
So trust me.”
The tenderness he left behind tickled my nose, making me feel like I was about to sneeze.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
