#44. Arcus (6)
“…Oh my.”
Just before the catalog barely held in his hands was about to fall. A large hand shot out and skillfully caught the book.
“You look tired.”
Na Jihan, who was sitting right next to Yoon Seowoo, said quietly to the camera.
“He must have been tired. We’ve been moving since dawn today.”
“Right. Since it’s our first activity, he was really focused because he wanted to do well.”
[Oh noㅜ That’s what happened… It’s pitiful seeing him nodding off ㅠㅠㅠㅠ]
[Go inside and sleep comfortably, Seowoo]
[Right!!!! We’re fine, kids. We talked a lot during dinner too. Don’t overdo it!]
“If he wakes up awkwardly like this, he won’t be able to sleep again.”
While Na Jihan was contemplating as he watched the chat window.
“…Mm.”
Yoon Seowoo’s head lightly touched his shoulder. His head that had been swaying back and forth had finally found a place to lean.
Na Jihan leaned his body slightly and sat closer to Yoon Seowoo’s side. He somehow found himself smiling at the soft touch of hair against his nape.
It would be better to leave him like this and carry him when he fell into deeper sleep. When Na Jihan chose to offer his shoulder instead of waking him up and stayed quiet, the other members naturally began talking quietly too.
[Suddenly the atmosphere is ASMR what is thisㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
[Haesol’s voice is nice (((((ㅠ_ㅠ)))))]
[Piljai was definitely crunching nachos really loudly until just now, but became well-behaved after Seowoo hyung fell asleep]
[Hapil-ssi, you’re not melting the nachos to eat them, are you?]
[But somehow this is healing]
[Right, it’s nice just watching…]
[So cute]
[Seowoo must have been really tired ㅜ He wouldn’t know even if someone carried him away]
[Jihan lending his shoulder looks really familiar ㅎㅎㅎ So reliable♡]
[Has NAMCHIN vibes]
The soft breathing sounds became a little deeper.
The moment he thought it was deep enough that moving him wouldn’t wake him up, Na Jihan turned his body and wrapped his arms around Yoon Seowoo’s shoulders. He pulled him into his embrace and lifted him up without difficulty.
“We’re going to sleep first.”
Haesol looked up with a small smile.
“Put Seowoo to bed and come sleep in our room.”
“I know. The bed is a bit narrow for two people.”
The chat window he glanced at was scrolling up at tremendous speed. Probably about the two of them. Na Jihan smiled habitually to avoid looking too indifferent, then carefully adjusted his hold on Yoon Seowoo.
“See you next time. Bye.”
The body held tightly against him was soft and warm. If he buried his head in the crown, cheek, or nape like he used to when they were young, he felt like he could smell that characteristic fluffy and soft scent.
“…If you’re tired, you should say you’re tired.”
He wanted to ask. What were you thinking while looking at those monotonous photos? What colors were painted in that small neighborhood that entered your mind? A warmly spreading sunset? Or a bright and clear dawn like your smile? Or the blazing midday when we held hands and headed anywhere?
He had thought things like photos and poetry were just boring, but just the fact that Yoon Seowoo was looking at them made him want to be curious about them together.
Na Jihan, sitting by the bedside, quietly gazed at the deeply sleeping Yoon Seowoo. His lips that had been silently moving pressed together in a straight line.
He wanted to ask someone who was sleeping so deeply they wouldn’t answer. Why do I still feel frustrated when I look at you? We’ve become more solid than before, more natural.
But why do I still think it’s not enough? What task remains for you, for me, for us?
It feels like I’m forgetting something, like I’ve lost the most important thing. I have no idea what slipped from my hands.
It was a little later that he learned someone had given the name “lost property” to that ambiguous emotion that seemed within grasp yet not.
* * *
The first time I saw that writing was purely by chance.
After being swept away by the torrent of information for a while, I happened to come across a post that had symbol-like tags attached to it like a rule.
After browsing through various reactions, I learned that it was a story written about me and Na Jihan, and that it had become quite famous among them.
<Lost Property Storage>. Surprisingly, that novel was posted even before our first digital single was released. There wasn’t even a documentary then, so it would be more accurate to say they gauged us from just a few lines of interviews and photos.
‘Then they just borrowed our faces and names a bit, right?’
But looking at other reactions more, it seemed there were quite a few points that would remind people of the real us. I often noticed reactions like these.
[Girls who haven’t done JihanSeowoo pilgrimage yet (link) You won’t lose anything by reading Lost Property Storage]
[Hey this is really similar □-■]
[Isn’t this an insider??? It’s really funny how it gets reinterpreted every time hints drop]
[Finally our couple’s bible sees the light ㅁㅊ When it first got taken down for being called forced, my heart sank]
└ But now everyone acknowledges these two’s real love, right? Hints pour down like rain from the sky, right? Number 1 in Ghost-type posts, right?
At that point, I had no choice but to read that famous post. I was curious about just how much it was to make people cheer like that, and what the me and Na Jihan in people’s eyes felt like.
「I’m afraid of this feeling leaving my hands. Because the moment you turn away, it becomes lost property with nowhere to go. I hate the ending where it gets stuck somewhere no one will come and becomes lonely forever…」
The story that began like this seemed like it could be about us, but also seemed like it wasn’t.
Na Jihan had a one-sided crush on me.
The expression that emotions had to naturally bloom within a long relationship gave me strange comfort and empathy. Unlike the reality of boiling inside alone with unrequited love, it felt strangely satisfying to read about Na Jihan in the text endlessly yearning for me.
After all, isn’t there a saying like that? Sneezing and love cannot be hidden.
Like those words, Na Jihan eventually gets caught having feelings for me. I choose to become a trainee at a different agency, saying that friends need distance. That’s how we almost debuted in different groups.
‘Interesting.’
The reasoning process seemed opposite yet strangely similar in some ways. It was true that I ran away to a different agency wanting to remain friends with Na Jihan.
And the dialogue that came up in the middle…
「”Yoon Seowoo. Do you hate me that much?” Na Jihan said in a somewhat sad voice. “Why do you hate debuting with me? I like it.”」
The person who wrote this could never imagine, but I had actually heard these words before. Maybe that’s why, even though I knew it couldn’t be true, I felt slightly chilled thinking it might have been written by an insider, like one of the SNS reactions.
I found myself completely absorbed in the story. At first I just distinguished what was similar to us and what wasn’t for fun, but at some point I began reading seriously, drawn by the literary charm the text brought.
「”Seowoo.” Na Jihan said as if he had decided something. “Do you really think we’re just friends?” At those words, Yoon Seowoo blinked rapidly in confusion. The voice that followed was also trembling finely with agitation. “If you and I aren’t friends, then what are we?”」
Right. If you and I aren’t friends, then what are we? Even though we’ve been together since birth, we can’t be family because we don’t share a drop of blood.
If we can’t contain your heart and my heart within the framework of friendship, what happens to us?
「Can you and I be friends forever? I had no confidence in that, and it wasn’t possible. The implicit peace treaty between us had already been broken, whether we knew it or not.」
Having the same feelings, liking each other more than anyone else, yet going in circles because we’re afraid of disrupting the relationship we’ve built up over a lifetime.
Conflict built up through foolish misunderstandings, childish jealousy, and unfortunate crossed paths.
Eventually Na Jihan began demanding why I couldn’t like him a little. We could never go back to how we were before. If we could have, he wouldn’t have liked me in the first place. A story followed that seemed to directly transcribe what I once wanted to say to him.
To him, I cried and said. Actually, it’s fine if it’s not friendship. My friendship isn’t that pure either, so it would be fine if we eventually end up as love rather than friendship.
「Don’t lose it.」
Those words were also what I once cried and said to him.
‘You can’t just stay briefly and then leave.’
‘…’
‘…You can’t leave me alone and go, Jihan.’
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
