#38. Temperature of the Heart (8)
Don’t be nervous, don’t be nervous, don’t be nervous.
I kept telling myself this, but unfortunately, the heart doesn’t always do what it’s told. I could feel a hot sensation spreading across my palm as sweat seeped out. Because of that, the wound on my palm that had almost healed with a scab forming felt itchy.
‘I can do this.’
Fortunately, I was able to smile brightly at the camera. It was the result of countless practice sessions.
I held up my assigned placard and spoke the words I’d practiced over and over again clearly.
“I’m Yoon Seowoo. I’m the main vocal. Since the year changed, I’m twenty-two years old… ah, they say we don’t count like that these days. Then I’m twenty, since my birthday hasn’t passed yet. My birthday is August 30th.”
I shouldn’t look too business-like, as if I were desperately trying to pour out all the information I had. I took a moment to catch my breath and read the chat that appeared on screen.
[Seowoo!!!!!!!!!!!!]
[So cute, totally pure and soft]
[His smile is crazy (positive)]
[His way of speaking is so gentle, I want to hear ASMR]
[♡♥♡(((^^)))♡♥♡]
There were also chats in English mixed in between. Not all of them were good words, but I was prepared for it to some extent, so I could pretend not to see them and move on with dignity.
‘They told me not to react to every single one.’
“Our Arcus debut song, ‘First Dream’, was created with the theme of ‘first’ just like the title suggests. I remember working really hard to capture the fresh emotions you can feel from first meetings or first love.”
This was the explanation assigned to me.
When I glanced over, I met eyes with Na Jihan as if he’d been waiting.
As soon as our gazes met, he softly curved his eyes and smiled at me. Like someone who was confident that with just that one smile, I could put down any worry.
It was annoyingly true. The moment I saw him, the subtle tension that had remained completely disappeared like melting snow. I found myself smiling back without realizing it, then came to my senses and cleared my throat with a cough, making Hapil, who was sitting on the opposite side, giggle.
“As I introduced myself earlier, I’m Na Jihan. I’m the main dancer. Though I’m lacking, I participate bit by bit in choreography creation. Those who know will know, but…”
I was about to read the chat that appeared on screen when my body suddenly tilted sideways. It was because Na Jihan had wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.
“Uh oh…”
“This guy and I are childhood friends. I was born four days earlier. August 26th.”
Hapil helped with a voice full of laughter.
“They say they’ve known each other since birth. Maybe that’s why? These hyungs are really close. At first, I couldn’t get used to it – can friends really be this tight?”
Then Na Jihan replied in a strange tone.
“Friends? No. We’re family.”
“Oh, look at that. That’s what he does.”
He seemed to be doing it more because he was faithfully keeping the promise to do business gay performance. Instead of shaking off Na Jihan’s arm, I smiled and whispered to him.
“Don’t do this to me, introduce the song, Jihan.”
“Our new song…”
Na Jihan’s calm voice continued.
“To be precise, it’s about emotions experienced for the first time. Dreams, love, excitement, and things like secrets. New things are usually fresh, but they don’t always have to be.”
He was right. The new song didn’t just sing about purely fresh and innocent emotions. There were also subtle preferences hidden between them.
“Jihan is right.”
Haesol, who was sitting in the center, took over the explanation.
“But no matter how different the feelings are, they’re not isolated like a deserted island. Just like how summer and winter have completely different temperatures, but ultimately flow through the four seasons.”
It was a calm and reassuring voice that made even the listeners feel comfortable.
“I introduced myself earlier, right? I’m Ahn Haesol. I’m the leader and lead vocal. I’m studying producing. I hope someday I can share music made entirely by my own power.”
Hapil went on to explain that in this music video, there were scenes comparing the five of us to the four seasons and the wind that connects the seasons.
“Why is my stage name Hapil? I don’t really like being called by my full three-character name, but being called Piljai is also kind of common. It’s more like the feeling of close people calling each other intimately.”
I nodded as if I understood. I had often called Na Jihan “Naji” with similar feelings.
“And I also liked the meaning of the word ‘hapil.’ It means ‘inevitably, without any other way.’ I think I wanted to present a reason why it had to be me, why it couldn’t be anyone but me.”
[Sharp handsome guy, please show lots of interest… so cool]
[Genius rapper Hapil, please show lots of interest (*^^*) Our Goyeong may be prickly but he’s sweet to his butlers]
[But am I the only one who sees that Jihan and Seowoo have no sense of distance?ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹]
[Jihan, you’re going to wear out Seowoo’s hand;;;;;;;;]
[Ahã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ look at Lee Seon turning his body to openly watch]
[Isn’t Seowoo too used to this??? How can you not love our gentle soft boy leaning quietly against his childhood friend?]
Among the rapidly scrolling chats, I opened my eyes wide when I spotted my name.
Come to think of it, Na Jihan was sitting right next to me. With one hand, he was holding and fidgeting with my hand that wore fingerless gloves, gripping and releasing it, while his other hand was wrapped around my shoulder.
I hadn’t even realized I was leaning against him like this while listening to the others’ stories. For me, it was something that happened often so it wasn’t surprising, but from the fans’ perspective, it wouldn’t be the same.
When I was carefully trying to move away while reading the room, Na Jihan noticed the change and tightened his grip with a displeased expression.
“Where are you going?”
“No…”
I protested in a timid voice.
“You should go to your seat.”
“This is my seat.”
[What]
[What?]
[ã…‡0ã…‡]
[Huh]
[What’s with Na Jihan???????????????? Why is he clinging????????]
[Seowoo, are you perhaps used to this situation???!!!]
[What’s with that expression… oppa are you using your handsome guy powers right now?]
[They’re childhood friends]
[What are you saying, does one childhood friend monopolize…]
It was good to show that we had a close relationship, but if this continued, it would be difficult to manage my expressions.
More importantly, what we’re doing now isn’t just a simple broadcast. Since it’s a countdown live to introduce our song to the world, I wanted to focus more on introducing the single.
“Now, now. Jihan. Put your chair back in its original position.”
Fortunately, before I could get flustered, Haesol skillfully stepped in. I thought he was trying to save me from excessive flutter warnings as usual, but…
“Jihan seems to be getting too pushy, so if you’re uncomfortable, want to come to second hyung?”
“Ah, why. Every chance you get, you try to steal Yoon Seowoo away.”
“Haesol hyung…!”
As soon as my exclamation ended, the chat window started scrolling up at a terrifying speed.
[Second hyung? Why?]
[Based on Korean age, Piljai is 20, Lee Seon is 21, Jihan and Seowoo are 22, Haesol is 24, so he’s the oldest?]
[What? If Haesol is second, who’s first?]
Haesol, who read the countless pouring questions, smiled mischievously.
“First hyung is our road manager. Seowoo really trusts and follows him. He’s really good to all of us, not just Seowoo. So he’s like everyone’s big brother.”
“We know manager hyung is the big brother too.”
Hapil smoothly interjected.
“But this is the first time I’m hearing the title ‘second hyung,’ how did that come about?”
“Ah, well…”
Last week, after I hurt my hand and fought with Na Jihan, I had received mediation from Haesol. I was grateful for how he followed me out to the garden and took care of me, and I wanted to return sincerity to him who always genuinely worked hard for the members.
‘Haesol hyung. Should I tell you a secret?’
‘Huh?’
‘You know, hyung… you’re like a second hyung to me.’
I had said it with the meaning that he was someone I could rely on, someone dependable.
But since it was embarrassing…
“You said that was a secret!”
“Sorry, Seowoo. But where in the world are there eternal secrets?”
He said he wanted to brag about it so much and even playfully winked, so I couldn’t say anything more.
As I was at a loss and opening and closing my mouth, Na Jihan spoke in a deliberately sulky voice.
“I’m the one who’s always stuck right next to you taking care of you. But you never treat me like a hyung.”
“You were only born four days earlier, what kind of hyung is that?”
“I’m a hyung who was born four whole days earlier. The older you get, the less you lean on me. When you were having secret conversations with Haesol hyung, huh? You were hugging like this.”
Na Jihan got up from his seat, saying he’d show how it was then, and strode toward me. The faint cypress scent that had been lingering suddenly became thick, and my vision was completely blocked as my face was buried deep in his embrace.
Just like Haesol had done in the garden, Na Jihan pulled me into a hug while I was sitting and gently stroked my head with soft touches.
“…”
It was the exact same position as a week ago. He didn’t even hug me tightly, probably worried about messing up my light makeup.
But still, I couldn’t reach out and hug him back like I did then. I couldn’t calmly embrace him or pat his back comfortingly.
The reason was simple. I couldn’t have the same feelings as then. Even though I tried to ignore it and push it down, the flutter that surged up mockingly despite my efforts.
It was quite difficult to manage my heart that was beating wildly on its own, so I just stayed quietly in Na Jihan’s embrace without being able to say anything.
At least my face wasn’t visible, so I was grateful that my flustered and embarrassed expression wouldn’t show – that’s what I thought at the time.
[Ah]
[Ahhhhhhhhh]
[Yoon Seowoo’s ears turned bright red~ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹ã…‹]
[He struggled for a moment then immediately gave in and stayed quiet, what’s that about]
[Cute ಥ_ಥ So cute……!!!!!!]
[The main vocal is the guy who came in last after the controversial member left, right? What, he’s cuter than I thought, so lovable]
[I thought Jihan was nice but he monopolized Seowoo since childhood ah… ah I’m jealous, I’m dying of jealousy]
[Kids, this looks good, while you’re at it, do more]
I found out later that there were things I couldn’t see while being buried in his embrace.