#37. Temperature of the Heart (7)
I wanted to become an idol.
It was a feeling that had never changed since I first made that decision. No matter how hard or anxious things got, my dream always held its ground firmly.
But that didn’t mean it was always the same temperature. There were times when it boiled with desperate feelings, but there were also times when the opposite was true.
‘Honestly, even if we debut, we won’t be first-tier, right? Even if we get lucky with a hit song and shine briefly, it’ll just be one of those “miracle of a small company idol” stories…’
‘True. Then it’s the standard rule to pick out the popular members and put them into individual activities. Seowoo hyung is lucky. UJ will definitely push him.’
‘That’s right too. The CEO said before that Seowoo hyung would definitely be center.’
‘I’m jealous. Should I get my nose done too?’
That’s how it was when I was at UJ Entertainment. Seeing the trainees who were somehow listless made me feel drained too. In the face of habitual resignation and various excuses, my body easily became lazy.
At some point, I was immersed in mannerism. Even knowing that the cancellation of debut was approaching, it was just a sentiment of “it can’t be helped.” There was nothing I could do. It was bad luck.
The dream I had treasured so preciously was fading. Yet instead of trying to change something with effort, I was just gauging how to accept it so it would hurt less.
Those were the kind of days I was having.
“All the Arcus members work hard.”
Their sense of responsibility and affection were extraordinary. Watching the members who worked joyfully and tried earnestly, I realized that I had buried that passion inside me for a very long time.
I liked the feeling of awakening my senses one by one along with the fresh shock. It was rewarding as much as it was difficult, and no matter how uncertain things were, I had optimism that we could do anything together.
“I’m happy we can debut together. I feel like we can do everything better and I’m excited. And… dorm life. It was good that we could do it together even before debut.”
UJ Entertainment had said they would provide dorm support, but it kept getting postponed and eventually ended with the irresponsible conclusion of “let’s proceed if needed after debut.”
So I couldn’t even expect that the members would gather under one roof and live together cozily like a family.
“It’s a bit embarrassing to say… but I was tired of living alone.”
There were things I couldn’t adapt to no matter how many seasons passed or years went by. How much I hated the loneliness and desolation that washed over me every time I realized I was left alone in that big house.
Of course, Na Jihan’s parents, Na Jihan, and Na Hyeonjun came and went to take care of me. But that didn’t mean I lived with those people, nor did it mean we became a complete community.
It was one of my mother’s few inheritances, so I couldn’t give it up, but I couldn’t completely blend into it either—a lonely house.
This place became a new home for me, who had temporarily left that behind.
“No matter how close I am with Jihan, I’m still an outsider who suddenly joined. It could have been awkward and strange, but not only Haesol hyung but also Hapil and Lee Seon took good care of me…”
“……”
“Being able to be accepted safely like that, having my place created, that seems like luck I’ll never have twice in my life.”
Having opened my mouth anyway, I spoke as if shaking out all my inner thoughts, then blinked.
‘Why isn’t he saying anything?’
Ahn Haesol just stared at me blankly, frozen. It was completely different from his usual self, who would nod or add encouraging sounds in between when someone was talking.
Did I make some verbal mistake? I hurriedly retraced my words in confusion, but it didn’t seem like I had said anything particularly strange.
“Haesol hyung?”
A little later, Ahn Haesol, who sighed briefly, stretched out his arms and hugged me tightly. It was such a strong embrace that it nearly took my breath away.
“Hae… Haesol hyung?”
“I sometimes thought it was a problem that Seowoo is too kind and gentle… but then I think, because you’re that kind of person, that’s why you make us happy like this.”
“……”
“Thank you.”
Was it really something to be that grateful for? I wasn’t sure, but I thought it was fortunate that Ahn Haesol seemed moved. I patted around his waist with clumsy hands. It was a gesture somewhere between comfort and encouragement.
Ahn Haesol, who I thought would pull away quickly, unexpectedly held me for quite a while. He looked both like someone who wanted to comfort and someone who wanted to be comforted.
“Sorry, Seowoo.”
“……”
“You must have been very scared alone.”
“It’s okay.”
He didn’t seem to quite believe it. I let out a small laugh and put strength into my arms to embrace his waist back.
“I’m sorry for making you worry. I’ll be careful from now on.”
“Yeah.”
“And thank you for talking to Jihan properly.”
“It’s something I had to do.”
“Still…”
“If you’re really grateful, will you do me a favor?”
Ahn Haesol didn’t seem like someone who would make a request that would put someone in a difficult position. I readily nodded.
“Yes. I will.”
“You’re agreeing so readily without knowing what kind of favor it is.”
Ahn Haesol, who chuckled, released me and said.
“Promise me you won’t stay here too late.”
As expected. Even if he hadn’t said that, I was about to head in soon. I might not mind heat, but I really detested the cold.
I got up, suggesting we go in together.
“Haesol hyung. Should I tell you a secret?”
“Huh?”
When I whispered quietly, he tilted his head toward me. I whispered a very trivial secret into Ahn Haesol’s ear.
“You know what, hyung…”
* * *
“One, two, three. Hello, we are Arcus.”
Unlike the cheerful voices, the screen was dark and murky.
When nothing was broadcast even after time passed, the chat window positioned on one side of the screen began scrolling up rapidly.
[Kids, the screen isn’t on]
[It’s pitch black in front of my eyes… just like my future]
[The voice sounds familiar, but who is it???]
[Ugh, still can’t see]
[Excuse me, did someone just break something?]
[What’s that crashing sound lololololol]
“Ah, what should we do? This is broken.”
“…Put it aside. Yeah. Over there.”
[Ah I think I know who this is… Hapil…!!!! lololol]
[Oh]
[Oh it’s working]
[Oh… oh lololololol no]
[Excuse me, Hapil Jae-ssi? We’re getting too close]
[Please go back a little bit ã… ã… lolol Nobody can see!!!!!! I can tell it’s working well!! I can tell, so!!!]
Hapil Jae, who couldn’t see the chat window right away, was earnestly looking into the camera lens when he was dragged away by Joo Lee Seon’s hand.
“Now, let’s do it again.”
“Haesol hyung. Give us the signal.”
“Right. Let’s return to our positions, guys. One, two, three.”
“Hello, we are Arcus.”
Inside the neatly decorated studio. Five people sitting side by side on chairs without backs waved their hands toward the camera lens or bowed their heads in greeting.
“This is our first formal greeting. We’re very happy and pleased to be able to greet you like this.”
The person standing in the middle of the group showed a gentle smile.
“I’m Ahn Haesol from the group Arcus. Though I’m lacking, I’m serving as the leader.”
[Haesol]
[Haesol…..]
[The touching resonance of those five words: Leader Ahn Haesol]
[Haesol, I’m your noona %% I’ve been supporting you since For Stadium, I never thought I’d end up contacting my ex-boyfriend to ask him to vote for Ahn Haesol]
[Seeing it like this makes me so so happy ã… ã… ã… ã… ã… ã… ã… ã… ã… ã… ã… ã… ]
[Congratulations on your debut, may you only walk on flower paths♡♡♡♡♡]
Ahn Haesol, who had been slightly frowning while reading the text, soon burst into laughter.
“Thank you. Shall we have each person introduce themselves starting from the left?”
“I’m Lee Seon. Please treat me well.”
“Hello, I’m Hapil.”
“I’m Na Jihan. Nice to meet you.”
“I’m called Yoon Seowoo.”
“We’ll have a more detailed introduction time a bit later.”
Ahn Haesol held up the object he had placed on his lap. It was a promotional picket with this album’s jacket image as the background and the new song’s name written large in the center.
“As you all know from watching the teaser video, it’s exactly one hour from now, right? At 6 PM, we’re finally debuting with our first digital single.”
[Con☆gratulations Arcus first single]
[I’ve been living only for February 7th]
[I watched the teaser so hard that it wore out, kids, take responsibility and give us the music video main course quickly]
[Debut commemorative live!!!!!!]
[Wow, they’re really debuting with this lineup hehe…]
[Is Maki really out? After leaking the lineup like that?]
[Please refrain from mentioning other members~^^]
[It’s our kids’ first greeting day, so please say nice things]
“Since we greeted from the left earlier, this time let’s start from the right. We’ll have time to introduce ourselves a bit more in detail and also explain about this song.”
At those words, the person sitting on the far right, who had been fidgeting with his fingertips while wearing fingerless gloves, nodded.
“I’ll start.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
