#24. Guiding Star (2)
From the next day, the real schedule began.
There wasn’t much to worry about or wander around. I just had to silently follow the manager’s guidance and faithfully participate in filming.
In the afternoon, individual outdoor photo shoots continued. The day was clear, but the wind was particularly cold and strong, causing slight delays. Naturally, the time I had to wait as the last in order also increased.
“You must be bored?”
One of the staff members approached and brought me a hot pack.
“Jihan-ssi asked me to take care of you before he went into his shoot. Hold onto this, and I’ve put some inside your coat, so cover yourself if you get cold. Don’t put your arms through the sleeves since they might get damaged.”
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
I answered with a smile.
“And I’m not bored. Rather, I’m worried that everyone’s so busy in this weather.”
It wasn’t just empty words. Just because it was waiting time didn’t mean I was just sitting still. I repeatedly checked the shooting plan and storyboard, thinking ahead about how to shoot, and also watched the monitoring of other members. I didn’t forget to take photos to post on SNS or behind-the-scenes content.
Especially selfies. Since there would be many occasions to take them in the future, I had to practice diligently.
“Can I go closer to watch the filming?”
“Oh, of course. You can leave your bag here and come back.”
I gathered my coat and hot pack and approached where the monitor was. Not only staff members but other members were also standing in a row watching together.
“Seowoo hyung! Perfect timing. They said it’s almost done. Are you excited?”
“Yeah.”
I stood next to Hapil and looked ahead.
Na Jihan, standing with his back to the open sea, was as refreshing as if he had advanced alone to the next season. Even the shadow cast at his feet looked blue.
While he had a distinct and strong impression thanks to his growth that finished earlier than his peers, when he smiled toward us, he also looked like a boy from another season, which was endlessly fascinating.
“That expression just now was good. Want to smile more brightly? Look not at the lens but stretch your gaze a bit to the side, but don’t go too far! It would be good if there’s a feeling of clearly looking at one specific point.”
Our eyes met. Na Jihan looked at me and smiled brightly. His eyes creased, the corners extending like traces left by shooting stars, and his white teeth showed neatly. It was like a living, breathing scene from memories that naturally drew the viewer’s gaze.
Na Jihan. The most brilliantly burning star in my world. My luck. My first love, like the brightest and clearest summer.
“The world is really unfair.”
Hapil muttered.
“I don’t know how he does so well. That face, that voice, even his dancing skills. But he even works hard on top of that.”
“Right. Amazing. The wind’s blowing and it must be incredibly cold.”
Filming in just a thin knit sweater in this winter was no easy task. It was cold weather even for me, holding a hot pack and wearing a coat.
Yet Na Jihan showed no signs of being cold. Even though his ears were red from the cutting wind, his expression was utterly calm. Not because he wasn’t affected, but because he was staying strong.
That’s why I wanted to do well too. I wanted to stand alongside Na Jihan who worked so hard. I wanted to become someone who wouldn’t be embarrassing to be with. I also thought I was very lucky to be able to dream the same dream.
“Ah, this is so motivating.”
I burst into short laughter at Hapil’s words.
“You do well too.”
Just two hours ago, I had watched Hapil’s monitoring together. Even while fooling around like that, his eyes completely changed the moment the shoot started, and he had no hesitation in exploding what was inherent within him.
“Of course. I do well, and hyung does well too. So let’s definitely debut successfully and succeed.”
Watching Hapil smile brazenly, I suddenly voiced a curiosity that had risen.
“What do you think success is?”
“Hm? Such a sudden question?”
“Just, everyone has different standards. Money, looks, popularity, achievements… I was wondering what success you define and want to achieve.”
Was it too vague a question? Just as I was thinking that, Hapil answered without hesitation.
“My standard for success is uniqueness.”
“Uniqueness…”
“Yes. I want to be the one and only me.”
Hapil shrugged his shoulders.
“Should I say I want to present the reason why it had to be me among countless people? I want to find that answer myself and prove it to the people who love me.”
It was clearly firm and specific, yet somewhere…
“Poetic.”
“Of course? I write lyrics too. This time we’re using received songs, but for the full album, we’ll also include songs I produced with Haesol hyung.”
“Is that also part of the process for proof?”
“That’s right. What about you, hyung?”
“Huh?”
“What do you think success is?”
“I…”
It’s not that I hadn’t thought about it, but when it came to putting it into words, appropriate expressions didn’t immediately come to mind.
“Thank you for your hard work.”
Na Jihan, who had finished filming, strode toward us. Even while coming straight this way, he didn’t forget to bow and thank the visible staff members.
“What were you talking about so happily?”
“Oh, hyung. Good work.”
While I quickly put a coat over him, Hapil said.
“I don’t think it was exactly a happy conversation. Right?”
“Yoon Seowoo was laughing though.”
“…Was I?”
I slightly raised my hand to touch the corners of my mouth. Did I laugh? It must have been just for a moment, but he managed to see it in that time.
“We were talking about success. More precisely, the standards for it.”
“What’s your answer?”
At the director’s words to wait briefly while they transferred and organized the footage, Na Jihan replied “Yes.” Soon after, his shadow fell long over me.
“Wear a proper coat instead of this. Should I ask Hyeonjun hyung to bring one?”
“It’s fine. This is the warmest.”
“What are you saying, it’s not even your clothes.”
My coat was a bit small for him. Especially the shoulder part would feel restrictive, so knowing this fact, Na Jihan didn’t even put his arms through and just draped it over like I had done.
I covered both his cheeks with my hands while holding the hot pack. As expected, they were frozen solid.
“So what is it?”
“Hmm…”
I playfully smiled while tapping his gradually warming cheeks.
“Secret.”
My shoot followed after that. Unlike Na Jihan who had shot standing in an open field, I moved a bit with the equipment and shot by the seaside. The sky was just turning reddish, preparing for sunset.
“Let’s finish right before the sun sets. Think of it as walking along the coast and move comfortably.”
Even if not as much as Na Jihan, my outfit was equally unsuitable for winter. Every time the cold wind seeped through the thin fabric, goosebumps rose, but still, the moment my eyes met the camera, a smile naturally came.
Only then did I think I understood why Na Jihan had been so calm. It wasn’t because he wasn’t cold, and it wasn’t because he was staying strong. More precisely, he just naturally felt energized.
“Straighten your shoulders a bit more, you can walk naturally. Look straight ahead instead of here? Since the weather is what it is, your shoes are a bit…”
“It’s okay.”
Given the distance, I raised my voice a bit and spoke cheerfully.
“Since it’s not all day, I think I can manage for a bit. Should I try walking barefoot?”
The director’s face lit up with delight.
“That would be great.”
I took off my socks and shoes and walked closer to the sea. I stepped on the cold, wet sand and the white, crashing waves tickled my feet. My toes went numb from the accumulated cold, but.
“Walk a bit more boldly, Seowoo-ssi.”
Even when NGs occurred due to consecutive winds, even when the seawater was cold, even when I continued filming until sunset making various expressions.
It was still okay. Not because it wasn’t difficult, but because it was more enjoyable than it was difficult.
I don’t really know what my standard for success is. I don’t have much greed for money, I’m reasonably satisfied with my appearance, I don’t have clear criteria for popularity, and I don’t even know what level to set for achievements when I haven’t even debuted yet.
But this one thing was certain.
What was important to me wasn’t the destination but the journey. Every moment of moving forward doing what I love with people I love was memories and happiness to me, so it was okay not to see exactly how far I had to go.
“Cut! Let’s finish with this!”
“Thank you for your hard work.”
“Good work, everyone. Seowoo-ssi, come this way too!”
I didn’t even worry about getting lost. When I raised my head, there was always one person who showed me the direction.
“Seowoo.”
Na Jihan was extending his hand to me with a smile.
“Come here.”
I thought while tightly grasping his large, warm hand.
If asked what I think success is, I might not be able to answer immediately, but if asked who I’d want to share that glory and joy with when I grasp it, I wouldn’t hesitate.
Jihan. It was you.
It has always been you.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
