#11. One-Sided Love Red Flag (5)
“……Jihan.”
My throat was so tight that my response came out a beat late.
While I was fumbling around, Na Jihan pushed back his hood entirely and stared intently at my face. His jet-black eyes carried an extremely serious expression, making me breathless as if I had committed some crime.
His large, warm hand lightly grasped my chin and turned it left and right.
“Why does your face look like this? What happened?”
“What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened.”
Na Jihan applied gentle pressure with his grip.
“Look at me when you answer.”
“……”
“I’ll give you one more chance.”
I let out a deep sigh. I might be able to fool a ghost, but I can’t fool Na Jihan.
It’s really strange. Sometimes he’s completely oblivious, but when it comes to things like this, he’s like a know-it-all expert.
“How do you know everything just by looking at my expression?”
“I’ve seen you my whole life, so of course I know. So what’s your answer?”
“……I’m fine.”
Na Jihan gave a crooked smile.
“Would it make you feel better if I pretended to believe that?”
“……”
“I don’t like nagging you either. The more I press you, the more you try to hide things. But given the timing, especially if it’s something related to our group, I think it’s better to know about it early.”
It was a reasonable point. The problem caused by sasaengs wasn’t my personal issue, but something related to the Arcus group. It was something I’d have to share with the members or the company eventually anyway.
However, I was confused about where to start and how to express it. It had just happened this morning. I needed a little time to sort it out in my own mind.
“You know, the thing is……”
There are people who hate me. They seem to think I don’t fit in Arcus.
Of course, I know they’re just an extreme minority, and I know well that you don’t call thugs who invade privacy with their dirty feet “fans.”
But still, sometimes I worry about this.
What if what those people are saying is true?
What if my existence fails to convince people, and it leads to me stealing Maki’s place and dragging down the members? What if four-member Arcus would have been better than five-member Arcus?
I know in my head that it’s ridiculous and pointless worry, but my heart keeps stirring anxiously.
“Sorry, but Seowoo.”
Na Jihan smiled with a frowning expression.
“I won’t let you off the hook this time, even if you’re scared. It’s okay if it’s disorganized, just tell me.”
“……”
“Courage doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. You have to get into the habit of talking about these things for it to grow.”
He was right. Still…….
I didn’t want to defend the sasaengs. I certainly didn’t want to understand them. I was just hesitating because I didn’t want you to worry and get angry because of that.
I should tell him anyway, I thought, and was about to reluctantly open my mouth.
“Jihan, Seowoo. Good morning.”
My head whipped around at the familiar voice.
“Haesol hyung.”
Ahn Haesol, who had been greeting us warmly, looked back and forth between me and Na Jihan. He tilted his head as if he had noticed some subtle atmosphere.
Then he smiled lightly and patted Na Jihan’s shoulder.
“Don’t be mean to Seowoo.”
“I’m not being mean.”
Na Jihan answered with a sulky voice.
“Anyone can see something’s wrong with his face, but if no one presses him, he won’t complain. He’s the type who gets sick from bottling things up, but he suffers in silence while only thinking of others.”
At Na Jihan’s argument that it was an important time and he couldn’t just leave it alone when there were already so many things to worry about, Ahn Haesol smiled broadly.
“I know. Jihan, what you’re saying is the right approach. I agree with you, but still, you should let him catch his breath. Not everyone in the world is as brave as you.”
Only then did Na Jihan step back.
“I’ll give you a day, Yoon Seowoo. You have to spill everything by tomorrow. Got it?”
“How nice of you.”
Ahn Haesol smiled at me and asked.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, hyung.”
“You look pretty tired for someone who slept well……”
“There were too many things happening. I’m adapting to them one by one.”
“I suppose so.”
Ahn Haesol checked his schedule on his phone and answered.
“You’ll need time to adapt to dorm life too, but the schedule keeps getting delayed. Sorry about that.”
“No, it’s not like you did it on purpose, hyung.”
“Still, they’re doing construction this weekend, so you should be able to fill your room starting Sunday. I’d like to have a welcome party for you today—are you free for dinner?”
Na Jihan chimed in excitedly.
“Yeah. Let’s eat out at least. When you’re alone, you don’t eat properly.”
There was no reason to refuse. On a cold day, I didn’t want to be stuck alone in that big house. I was also too lazy to prepare meals by myself. Besides, I wanted to use the meal as an excuse to get closer to the members.
Not just Na Jihan, whom I’d always seen, but also leader Ahn Haesol, cheerful Hapil Jae, and quiet Joo Lee Seon. All the Arcus members seemed like good people. That’s why I was curious.
“……I want to become close.”
At my words, spoken with courage, Ahn Haesol burst into laughter. Soon he gently tousled my hair and replied.
“Me too.”
“……”
“Let’s do our best today too.”
* * *
“How was today?”
I wanted to answer, but unfortunately my mouth was full of meat wrap—that Hapil Jae had stuffed in—so I couldn’t speak right away. Fortunately, the questioner Ahn Haesol was generous enough to wait with a smiling face until I diligently chewed and swallowed what was in my mouth.
“It was hectic.”
That was literally true. I truly had no peace of mind. Various evaluations starting with vocal evaluation, dance evaluation, and foreign language evaluation. Interviews, additional contract writing, and even camera tests on top of that.
Fortunately, the results were generally okay. Although UJ Entertainment had completely collapsed rather than just shedding its small company label, they had still taught me various things enthusiastically with the single-minded determination to debut a group led by me.
‘Clean all around. No major holes…… Hmm, dance is a bit concerning.’
According to the dance trainer, not only the debut single scheduled for February next year but also the following mini album would have considerable dance difficulty.
There were several reasons for this. One was that Hapil Jae, one of the producing members, liked fresh and intense styles like glitch hop and electronic music. Another was that dance performance was one of the existing members’ strengths.
‘This is going to be tough.’
Compared to that, I was just adequate. My basic skills were solid, but the flaw was that I didn’t have particularly outstanding technique.
Moreover, skill is relative, so even if I didn’t have any major weaknesses, it was obvious that I’d look lacking when standing alongside people like Na Jihan and Ahn Haesol.
So I had agreed with the trainer to focus on dance reinforcement for the time being.
“I’ll have to do well from now on.”
At my words, Joo Lee Seon nodded.
“If you work diligently, everything will turn out well. Don’t worry.”
At those words, I could only give a complicated smile. I knew the world too well to have faith that effort would be enough.
In this industry, effort wasn’t actually a strength but a basic requirement. Above running effort, there’s flying talent, and meanwhile, capital has already arrived at the destination.
What was truly cruel was that talented kids also put in effort. And if they start genuinely enjoying it on top of that, there’s no hope left.
Right. Just like Na Jihan, who’s sitting next to me right now, devoted to taking care of me.
“Eat this too. When the song comes out and formal choreography starts, you’ll run out of stamina.”
“I’m full……”
“What did you eat that you’re already full? There’s hardly any meat gone from your side dish.”
“……Hey.”
That’s because every time I ate one piece, you piled up two more.
Looking at him with a sullen expression, I picked up a piece of meat and held it out to Na Jihan. He tilted his head and quickly ate it, then went even further and begged me to feed him the side dishes too.
“Are you a child?”
“Yeah, I’m a child. So hurry up.”
“Geez. Na Jihan’s age is wasted on him. Does it taste better when you mooch like this?”
“Of course. About three times better?”
“You never lose with words. Ah, open up.”
“Ah.”
As usual, I was fooling around and eating when I suddenly felt gazes and looked across the table.
Ahn Haesol, Joo Lee Seon, and Hapil Jae, sitting in a row, were looking back and forth between me and Na Jihan with expressions like they’d seen a ghost.
“Why, why? Did we do something wrong?”
“No…… It’s not that, not because of you, Seowoo.”
Ahn Haesol stuttered unusually, and Hapil Jae muttered with a dazed expression.
“Whoa. What did I just witness?”
“……”
“Who are you? Who possessed our Jihan hyung so suddenly? He might be a bit prickly, but he’s our group’s precious main dancer.”
“What are you talking about……”
I replied while wiping Na Jihan’s mouth with a napkin he had asked for.
“Jihan is prickly? He’s always like this.”
“Whoa……”
Hapil Jae made such a fuss that he even crossed himself.
“You two must really be close. The great Na Jihan acting cute?”
I smiled and pressed down on Na Jihan.
“He’s not even shy with strangers—what did you do to the members to cause such a misunderstanding?”
“It’s not a misunderstanding.”
Na Jihan straightened his body that had been leaning toward me and started piling meat on my side dish again. Despite me saying I couldn’t eat all of it, he maintained his stubborn attitude.
“I was just acting like usual. I am picky, aren’t I?”
“You’re not like that with me though?”
“That’s because it’s you.”
Na Jihan answered in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Yoon Seowoo is special.”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
