You Want Me to Roleplay with My Unrequited Love? 10

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#10. One-Sided Love Red Flag (4)

It was too dark around us to see his expression properly.

“If you don’t run away, I’ll take it as permission to kiss you.”

I tried to say something but my throat was locked tight and no sound came out.

Flustered, I tried to step back, but soon realized that was impossible too. At some point I had been pushed against the wall without knowing when.

Somehow it was a situation that felt strangely familiar. I swallowed dry saliva and looked up at Jihan.

There are things visible even in the dark. For me, that was Jihan, whom I’d been looking at my whole life.

As always, it was a handsome face. When he was young he had a beautiful boy-like feeling, but after going through puberty, his features became much bolder and took on a mature air. Should I say he had the kind of impression that made you want to put him in a suit or uniform rather than a hoodie?

According to some fans’ opinions, he had looks that invited dangerous fantasies.

“So…”

Not wanting my racing heartbeat to be discovered, I kept my mouth shut and answered a beat late.

“It’s like a kind of practice, right? That thing the general manager suggested…”

“Ah. BGP?”

“Yeah, that.”

“Does it seem like pretending?”

His head came closer. There seemed to be a hint of laughter in Jihan’s voice too.

It was a distance where our lips would touch immediately if I moved even slightly wrong. My skin got goosebumps as if my nose tip and lips were being tickled with a feather, then it subsided.

“I told you. I wouldn’t mind dating you either.”

Even hearing it again, it was an absurd thing to say. How could that not matter? Friends and lovers are as different as heaven and earth.

So Jihan, you won’t become real in the end. No matter how unusually kind you are to me, that’s friendship, not love.

When my thoughts reached that point, the excitement that had swelled enough to burst my chest subsided a little and I could calm down. When I smiled softly, Jihan slightly furrowed his brow and tilted his face.

“Would you be a little nervous if it were real?”

You should be the one who’s nervous. You’re just being nice to me, while I like you.

“But, Jihan.”

I glanced around with my peripheral vision. Although everywhere I could see had sunk into darkness because the streetlight had gone out, I could still tell there was no one around.

“There’s no need to do this right now, is there? It’s not like anyone’s watching, and there’s nothing we particularly need to practice…”

Besides, such an explicit posture and atmosphere. I was even worried that it might seem too much like acting and cause backlash, wasn’t the distance too close?

Jihan smiled softly and called my name. Yoon Seowoo. Instead of answering, my heart beat fiercely. Even though it’s the same three-character name I’ve heard my whole life, why does it sound so special when you call it?

“Seowoo.”

“…”

“I asked you. Would you be nervous if it were real?”

Wait, could this be…

I could no longer see Jihan’s face properly. It was because he had come close enough for his warm breath to settle on my lips.

Only then did I realize this situation wasn’t just acting or strategy. It was because our lips had really overlapped.

At that moment, I bolted upright from my seat.

“…Crazy.”

I woke up instantly as if cold water had been poured over me. Jihan’s figure that had been right in front of me, and the darkness that had been gently enveloping us, all retreated in an instant. Like a mirage, leaving not a trace behind.

Of course. It was a dream.

“You’re crazy, Yoon Seowoo. You’re really crazy…”

Having a one-sided love for my childhood friend wasn’t enough, now I’m even having dreams about kissing. The problem was that this audacious dream was based on the novel I had read before going to sleep.

This is all because Han Seongkyung said nonsense about BGP and whatnot. And because of Jihan who, instead of stopping it after hearing such absurd talk, added fuel to the fire.

And because that novel I carelessly read had a strangely plausible charm despite seeming ridiculous…

“Who are you blaming, who.”

They say dreams are products of desire, so the problem is me having such desires.

Sighing deeply, I looked around my bedside. Next to my phone, a family photo and a cold heat pack were sitting forlornly.

Although it was still early, it didn’t seem like I could sleep anymore. After taking one last deep sigh, I chose to get up completely.

Starting today, I was supposed to practice with the Arcus members, and I was told I had to receive various evaluations for debut. It would be a long day, so it would be better to move diligently.

I was planning to take the bus, so I carefully put on a black cap and mask before going outside.

“…Huh?”

After leaving the front gate, I quickly looked around.

I definitely felt like there had been a presence, but when I looked back, no one was there. It was just around dawn, so it wasn’t a time when anyone would be passing by.

It must have been my imagination. Thinking it was no big deal, I quickly moved my body, stomping my feet in the cold.

Would it have been good to know then that it was a careless judgment?

* * *

“Wow.”

When I raised my hand to touch the brim of my cap, something slippery came off on my fingers. If I brought it close to my nose, I’d probably smell its characteristic fishy odor too.

Rubbing my fingertips, I let out a hollow laugh and muttered.

“Isn’t this too old-fashioned…”

Still, I thought raw eggs were better than stone throwing. At least I wouldn’t get bruises when hit.

“And this is someone else’s house, and technically the area in front is private property too.”

When I turned my head, those holding raw eggs hesitated and stepped back.

They had probably been following me since two days ago. It was a mistake to dismiss the glances and presence I briefly felt as excessive self-consciousness, thinking “who would follow me?”

The reason the sasaeng fans, who had initially just watched disapprovingly, took direct action was probably because of last night’s incident. Because of the post with subtle implications that the withdrawn member, Maki, uploaded to his personal StarGram.

Maki expressed regretful emotions as if he still had lingering attachment to idol activities but lost his dream and was frustrated after being kicked out.

Maybe he wrote it that way for solo activities or debut with another group, but since his future plans weren’t specifically decided yet, the arrows of resentment were bound to be aimed at me.

“It’s because of you!”

The person who threw an egg at me shouted angrily. It was a youthful face that looked to be around my age at most.

“Is it enough for you to live well after trampling on someone else’s dream? Because of you, Maki…”

Taking off my cap, I sighed softly. I had plenty of things I wanted to say, but if I started arguing point by point, it seemed like there would be no end.

Still, I felt wronged. I was just drifting here because my company went bankrupt. It wasn’t my fault that there were problems with Maki’s usual behavior, or that his heart had drifted away to the point where he rarely came to the dorm.

“Don’t do this anywhere else.”

I said while looking at the eggshells scattered on the ground.

“How much does all this cost… no, money aside to begin with, if you have this time and energy, you should use it for something better.”

I wasn’t angry but it was troublesome. I had to start hurrying to not be late for the vocal evaluation in the morning, but I couldn’t take the bus looking like this.

After thinking for a moment, I took off my cap and pulled my hood deeply over my head. Since there didn’t seem to be time to stop by home, I roughly stuffed it in my bag and slipped away toward the main road, avoiding the fuming people.

A few more shouted words reached me from behind. Let’s see how well you do, Arcus will fail and you’ll get punished, get out of Jihan’s life quickly, etc.

Jihan. Hearing that name, I turned around.

“I’m really making a big decision to give you one piece of advice, kids.”

“…”

“You really shouldn’t do this in front of Jihan.”

I might let it slide because I don’t have the energy to get angry, but Jihan wouldn’t. I could clearly see him jumping up and down saying we need to uproot this from the beginning.

“What? Are you something to Jihan?”

“Hmm…”

I shrugged and smiled.

“I am something to him.”

Because we’re irreplaceable to each other, it was a natural answer.

Just that it’s not love.

Fortunately, people didn’t hold me back or follow me further when I went to catch a taxi.

But that didn’t mean it was resolved. I was newly reminded of what Hapil Jae had said.

‘Sometimes there are really quite extreme kids.’

So that’s why they installed CCTVs outside the dorm too.

“Being an idol is really hard…”

If you asked whether I’d quit because of that, of course not. But the fact that the path I chose wasn’t so easy felt newly heavy and burdensome.