Chapter 68
After receiving a report that the lady who had previously refused union had changed her mind after spending time with a Yongrim, and that the healing had been very effective, Yun-seo felt relieved of one worry. He gauged the distance between Yeongwiwon in the west and the Inner Barracks in the east, then gently closed his eyes.
“Your Majesty, how about sending some refreshments to His Majesty?”
“Refreshments?”
Just as he was about to finish up his work and rest, Yun-seo fell into momentary contemplation at Lady Jo’s suggestion.
“He must be attending to state affairs. Wouldn’t it be a disturbance?”
“It could be offering a break rather than a disturbance.”
She seemed to be making this suggestion having noticed the recent easing of tension between him and Hwi. Since Hwi had always been the one to visit first, and he had never taken the initiative to visit, the idea was quite appealing.
“But I… don’t know what His Majesty likes. He probably doesn’t enjoy sweet things much…”
“Isn’t who shares it with him more important than what is being shared?”
Lady Jo wore a gentle smile. It felt so encouraging that Yun-seo nodded quite resolutely.
“In that case, I’d like some plain rice cakes prepared.”
“Yes, I’ll have them ready immediately.”
While waiting for the rice cakes to be brought, excitement spread through him for the first time in a while, and Yun-seo wiggled his toes while seated. He wondered how Hwi would react if he suddenly visited. It would also be good to know what kind of work he was handling.
Soon Lady Jo brought rice cakes that looked delicious. Yun-seo was just about to step outside and get into the palanquin when Jeongju, who had been guarding him from an unseen location, appeared.
“Your Majesty. Are you heading to the main hall?”
“Yes.”
“I have just received word that His Majesty has gone to Geumju for personal governance.”
“To Geumju…? You mean he went to the hellish path?”
“Yes, that is correct.”
“Then shouldn’t I go too?”
Yun-seo, flustered by the sudden situation, was about to turn around and prepare when—
“He took Hyeonbi with him.”
Jeongju’s single statement immediately calmed his tumultuous feelings. Yun-seo gathered his blank expression and clenched his fist. He hoped he appeared calm and composed, but without looking in a mirror, he couldn’t know what he looked like.
“I see. When… will he return?”
“He should return to the palace by tomorrow morning.”
“Thank you for informing me.”
Yun-seo returned to his chambers and sat on his chair. Lady Jo carefully approached and placed the bowl of rice cakes on the round table.
“Your Majesty, since you haven’t been in the palace long, His Majesty must have taken Hyeonbi out of consideration for you. Please don’t worry.”
“I know. I suppose I still need more preparation. I’ll eat these rice cakes myself, so just leave them here.”
Lady Jo examined Yun-seo’s expression before withdrawing. Yun-seo picked up one rice cake and put it in his mouth, but chewed it slowly and laboriously, as if eating tough jerky.
Was it truly consideration that Hwi didn’t take him to the hellish path? Even if that choice was made for his benefit, it was hard to accept. Hadn’t Hwi gone through all that commotion to bring him into the palace because he needed a Yeong Chunhwa with suitable protective energy? Yet when something actually happens, he takes someone else?
Yun-seo gripped the hem of his garment, trying to shake off negative thoughts. Hyeonbi had probably gone to the hellish path most frequently, so she would be more skilled at healing Hwi. The business at the hellish path was surely urgent, and it was clear there wouldn’t be time to look after someone like himself for whom everything was new.
Though he tried to arrange his thoughts rationally and maturely, questions kept rising like a snake constricting its prey, coiling around Yun-seo’s body.
What is my use?
Hwi’s heart, his own usefulness, the goals and purposes he should embrace—all were entirely unclear. It felt as if the sand castle he had laboriously built, pounding and pounding to make it solid, was crumbling at the slightest deeper wave.
Yun-seo swallowed the rice cake, now sticky from excessive chewing, and rested his head on the round table.
“I want to stop.”
His feeble murmur faded so small and thin that even the ears of the one who spoke couldn’t hear it, and the cold sensation of the table against his cheek was starkly clear, sending shivers down his spine.
* * *
“His Majesty has arrived.”
At the eunuch’s announcement just as he was about to have breakfast, Yun-seo rose from his seat. Hwi, who strode in, looked no different than usual and showed no signs of fatigue.
He must have received Hyeonbi’s healing.
It was pathetic that he felt regret about something that was no different from a physician treating a patient. Yun-seo clutched and released the hem of his garment before speaking.
“You’ve come.”
“I’ve arrived just in time.”
When Hwi briefly instructed that his portion be prepared, rice and chopsticks were brought and placed before him.
“Today I’ll steal a bit of your meal.”
In any case, the prepared amount was so plentiful that it wouldn’t be lacking even if two ate. At this playful tone, Yun-seo regarded Hwi calmly.
He wanted to ask if he had fared well at the hellish path, if he had any injuries, but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. He waited to see if Hwi would bring it up first, but Hwi asked a different question.
“Did you have trouble sleeping last night? You look tired.”
“No. I just woke up a bit early.”
“Take a nap today. Your afternoon will be more comfortable then.”
“Yes. I’ll keep that in mind.”
The movement of Hwi’s chopsticks momentarily stopped.
“That’s not a command, but concern.”
“Yes.”
Hwi seemed to be examining his expression, and since he was a perceptive man, Yun-seo didn’t want to reveal the mood that had persisted since yesterday. But could anything be hidden from Yongson, who could even hear heartbeats?
“This is a flavor you like.”
Hwi offered him a meat dumpling made with finely chopped meat. When he put it in his mouth, it truly suited his taste, which somehow made Yun-seo feel even more sorrowful.
Not wanting to engage in conversation, he filled his mouth with food and chewed, knowing it was improper. Hwi’s gaze occasionally touched his puffy cheeks.
Hwi finished his meal properly and neatly as always, while making conversation that required no response.
“Won’t you see me off?”
While Hwi was adjusting his attire, Yun-seo, who had been fidgeting needlessly, approached Hwi at his question. He couldn’t shake off his awkward demeanor, which made him feel constantly melancholic. The two men soon walked side by side to the doorway.
“I heard you were going to come to me yesterday, is that true?”
“…Yes. I was thinking of bringing you refreshments.”
“What were they?”
“Just rice cakes.”
“Then shall we eat them together today? How about the Hour of the Monkey?”
“There’s no need.”
As they were just leaving the chambers, Hwi turned to look at Yun-seo. Yun-seo barely managed to pull up the corners of his lips as if nothing was wrong, but when Hwi’s sharp gaze moved to his mouth, he had to quickly withdraw his smile.
“You should rest today too, Your Majesty.”
It felt as if he alone remained in place while everyone else moved forward without hesitation. Hwi was always calm and mature, treating him as if he had forgotten the deceptive outcome, while Yun-seo felt like a child who alone held onto impossible things, throwing tantrums, sulking, and whining.
Yun-seo almost wished Hwi would get angry. To ask why he was wavering like a reed, changing his attitude like flipping his palm, and being so childish. But Hwi merely brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen on Yun-seo’s shoulder and smiled.
“I’ll bring something sweet.”
Though his touch fell away plainly, his gaze caressed between Yun-seo’s eyes and lips. Hwi soon turned and took a step. Yun-seo blankly watched his retreating figure.
His affection was still unfeeling, and not knowing what to do about it left him feeling utterly lost.
The watery sky was clear, and the white fluffy clouds floating leisurely looked as soft as if someone had placed cotton wool in the sky. Noticing Yun-seo’s increasingly listless state, Yeondeok begged to leave Jiseogung. Thinking it would be better to move his body, Yun-seo headed to Yeongwiwon, taking only Yeondeok, Hui-je, and the imperial guards assigned to his protection.
Lady Jo didn’t like Yun-seo moving around without the court ladies, but this time she readily agreed. This made him wonder if he had been showing his mood so obviously, which complicated his feelings further. He had certainly learned upon entering the palace that one should not easily reveal true feelings even to subordinates, but it seemed he was not the type of person who could do that.
“It feels good to be out, doesn’t it?”
With no watching eyes around, Yeondeok’s face brightened. Yun-seo nodded with a faint smile.
“It would be nice to move about this lightly all the time.”
“Exactly. But there’s one thing I’ve improved since coming to the palace.”
“What’s that?”
“I haven’t fallen down even once.”
“That’s right, how unusual!”
“Because I’m always tense. They say the confidant of Your Majesty is equivalent to Your Majesty’s face. So I can’t damage Your Majesty’s dignity.”
“If my dignity could be damaged by you falling, it would already be worthless. So at least you should be comfortable.”
“No. Being able to relax when I’m alone with Your Majesty like this has become a pleasure of its own.”
Seeing Yeondeok, who knew how to enjoy even the smallest things, Yun-seo’s lips naturally curved into a smile. His optimism and positivity were always qualities Yun-seo wished to emulate.
* Nae-yeong: Inner Barracks. Military camp inside the imperial palace.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
