Chapter 59
Hwi remained composed even when facing eyes blooming with hatred. He rose again, sat on the bed, and gripped Yun-seo’s shoulders.
“How could you be a flower?”
“…”
“You are not a flower but bamboo. Who would dare break you?”
After decisively breaking him and placing him here, he was now calling him an unbreakable being. Hwi’s thumb caressed Yun-seo’s shoulder in a circular motion. The touch lingered like lingering attachment before falling away.
Eventually, Hwi lowered his hand and slipped his fingers between Yun-seo’s clenched fist. Only then did Yun-seo realize he had been tightly gripping the bedding cloth and trembling. Hwi gently unfolded Yun-seo’s fingers, making him release the fabric, then laid him down.
The hand patting his chest was not a bit different from what he remembered, making him want to crumble completely. He was still endearingly gentle, and thus cruel. His merciless tenderness pushed Yun-seo to a dead end, methodically breaking him down.
When he finally closed his eyes, Hwi rose not long after. The last candle illuminating the room was extinguished, and complete darkness descended.
Yun-seo lifted his eyelids to stare at Hwi, who appeared only as a silhouette. He thought it would be miserable if Hwi embraced him. Yet it was equally miserable that Hwi did not.
Was he not needed yet? Or perhaps Hwi was upset by his complaints? What gentleman? Coward. Not even seeking understanding. Not even offering an excuse that he had no choice, some unavoidable reason.
If Hwi explained his reasons or circumstances, whatever they might be, could Yun-seo understand? While wishing he would reveal everything, on the other hand… he wasn’t sure. Would anything change regardless of what he said? Was that why Hwi maintained his silence? Because nothing would change anyway?
With tears welling up in his throat, Yun-seo squeezed his eyes shut. The sweetness of their first night together, that night’s Hwi and himself—he felt he could do anything if only he could return to that time. But he had reached a point of no return. He forcibly swallowed his futile attachment along with the rising sobs.
Though invisible, the man whose presence loomed large still remained in place. Even sharing the same space, their hearts were separate, and the night flowed sluggishly, allowing one to clearly feel its passage.
* * *
Yun-seo examined and adjusted his attire repeatedly. Though skilled palace servants had attended to his appearance, leaving no flaws, he couldn’t relax, perhaps due to excessive tension.
“You look lovely even without such anxiety.”
“What are you saying…”
About to rebuke Hwi for speaking carelessly where many ears could hear, Yun-seo suddenly closed his mouth. Time truly was frightening. He had almost treated the Emperor as before, as if nothing had happened.
Though his tension didn’t ease, Hwi’s sudden appearance locked his heart in a different way. Yun-seo composed his expression calmly and turned around. After a final inspection of his appearance, he went outside where a palanquin was waiting.
“Why is there only one?”
“I find palanquins stifling and avoid them, so only you need to ride.”
“Then I too…”
“The palace is unnecessarily vast, so it’s better to get accustomed to palanquins. There’s no need to exhaust yourself before paying respects, is there?”
Having already experienced the palace’s overwhelming expanse, and unable to ignore his advice with onlookers present, Yun-seo boarded the palanquin.
The sensation of his viewpoint rising as the palanquin was lifted wasn’t particularly pleasant. Yun-seo gripped the armrest and glanced at the court ladies following behind. Hwi walked alongside the palanquin, but the scene didn’t look particularly good.
“What makes you so uncomfortable?”
“…Isn’t it uncomfortable that a perfectly healthy man is walking comfortably by himself?”
Hwi glanced lightly around before responding.
“Where is there a man here?”
“…Pardon?”
“You are my husband, so you cannot be a man to anyone, and no one can be a man or woman to you.”
His gaze, flowing in so calmly, was quite persistent, as if holding Yun-seo in place. Yun-seo couldn’t hide his incredulous laughter.
“To think that one wedding ceremony can erase the principles of gender—national marriages are truly remarkable.”
He had made the sarcastic remark without time for deep thought, yet Hwi merely retained a gentle smile. But that smile even seemed deliberately pleasant; in the past, Yun-seo would have shot back a retort, but now he chose to keep his mouth firmly shut.
Having Hwi nearby constantly drained his mental energy, making him tired. Yun-seo turned his gaze to take in the passing palace scenery.
As he scanned the seemingly similar yet different pavilions visible beyond the walls, the ornamental ridge-end roof tiles, and patterns carved into stone walls, the Junangung, the Empress Dowager’s residence, was approaching.
His mouth became dry and his fingertips stiffened with renewed tension. This was his first formal visit since entering the palace, and not only was he meeting Hwi’s mother, but if she knew about his escape attempt, she might not be entirely pleased, leaving him anxious.
Yun-seo glanced at the only person he could rely on at this moment. Sensing his gaze, Hwi turned to look at him.
“What troubles you now?”
“It’s not that…”
“Hmm?”
“Before meeting the Empress Dowager, I wonder what I should be careful about…”
He had asked Court Lady Jo as well, but she only gave theoretical answers that weren’t very helpful. From what he had heard before—assuming it wasn’t a lie—Hwi didn’t seem particularly close to the Empress Dowager, but being her son, their relationship would surely be different.
“Remember just one thing. Whatever mother says, let it flow past your ears.”
Yun-seo’s tightly clenched fist, tensed from concentration, gradually relaxed. His brow furrowed at this entirely unexpected and bizarre advice.
Setting aside whether this was advice to ignore harsh words if the Empress Dowager disapproved of him, or counsel that he needn’t be so tense and vigilant, it was advice he could hardly follow.
How could he dare to disregard the Empress Dowager’s words? His mind became even more troubled, and Yun-seo had to swallow a deep sigh.
Upon reaching Junangung and descending from the palanquin, Hwi extended his hand. Yun-seo stared at the outstretched hand for a moment before taking it and rising.
The eunuch of Junangung announced the arrival of the Emperor and Empress. With trembling accompanying each step, Yun-seo couldn’t distinguish between his footsteps and his pulse. When he finally approached the seated Empress Dowager, he managed to put on a faint smile.
“Did you sleep well last night?”
“Yes. Your Majesty also appears to be in good health.”
After the Empress Dowager and Hwi exchanged brief greetings, Yun-seo realized it was his turn and bowed his head deeply.
“This humble one greets Your Majesty the Empress Dowager. May the Dragon’s blessing be with you.”
“Hmm. You look weary. Having just entered the palace, everything must be unfamiliar and awkward.”
“These are things I must rightfully experience to serve His Majesty, so I accept them with gratitude.”
“Now that the Empress will be busy, there’s no need to come all the way here to pay respects.”
“I couldn’t possibly—”
“Not if you’re going to wear a face like a lamb dragged to slaughter.”
At the chilling voice, Yun-seo’s cheeks turned pale. The piercing eyes fixed on him seemed to coldly strip him bare.
Indeed, if she knew about his escape, it was natural for her to disapprove of him. Though he had tried to accept it humbly and mentally prepared himself, there was a vast difference between his own assumptions and being directly confronted.
Yun-seo swallowed hard and gripped his garment. He was about to answer while pulling up the corners of his slightly trembling mouth.
“Mother.”
A low, dry voice cut through the frozen air.
“It troubles me when you take out your frustrations on my husband.”
Frustrations…? While understanding that the Empress Dowager could misinterpret his tension and that her scolding was appropriate for an elder of the imperial family, Hwi’s calling it “frustrations” was incomprehensible to Yun-seo. He anxiously glanced sideways at Hwi.
“Since you seem confused, let me inform you: this person belongs to me.”
A smile bloomed on the Empress Dowager’s lips, sharp and rough like a cliff worn by worldly storms.
“Yes. Since Your Majesty is also a man, how could I not know that?”
The air between Hwi and the Empress Dowager became as taut as if they were forcefully pulling a rope from opposite sides, making Yun-seo want to cry. He didn’t wish for mother and son to grow apart because of him. Yun-seo hastily opened his mouth.
“Since this humble one has many foolish aspects, it’s natural for the Empress Dowager to be concerned, and how could I not understand that vast, ocean-like heart? I will strive diligently to become a person worthy of this position as soon as possible.”
A perceptive gaze fell upon Yun-seo. The well-honed look in her eyes, now softened, momentarily split into complex strands and scattered. Though the Empress Dowager appeared young enough that one could believe she had just passed forty, she suddenly looked as tired as an old woman, making Yun-seo bite back his confusion.
“I hope so.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“I’m weary from lack of sleep. I should properly entertain you, but today it would be better for both of you to rest.”
Sensing that the Empress Dowager’s words were not mere excuse, Yun-seo withdrew with an unsettled heart.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
