Chapter 32
When intuition blossoms, conclusions bear fruit quickly. However, the delicate and foolish desire to reveal even a small part of himself to Hwi prevented that fruit from fully ripening.
A falsehood mixed with truth is harder to discern than a complete lie. Yun-seo justified it to himself this way before speaking.
“The truth is, my lady is still alive.”
Hwi showed no surprise. Whether this was because he truly wasn’t surprised or because he naturally concealed his emotions well, Yun-seo couldn’t tell. Nevertheless, Hwi’s calm demeanor made Yun-seo feel more at ease.
“I apologize for lying. There were circumstances that made it necessary, but I’ve been found out anyway.”
Despite his composed smile, the bitterness at the corners of his mouth was difficult to hide. Yun-seo fidgeted with his cup as he continued.
“My lady was destined from a very young age to marry into a high-ranking family. My master valued this engagement greatly and raised her in confinement. Unfortunately, she wasn’t one to submit to fate.”
Yun-seo briefly described being beaten by his father after sneaking out of the house at age eight. Hwi’s eyebrow twitched, perhaps finding the physical punishment of a child inappropriate.
“Three years later, my lady completely forgot about that incident. She tried to persuade me to go outside with her. Who wouldn’t want to go out? Since my lady was confined to the inner quarters, I felt uncomfortable going out freely on my own.”
It wasn’t a planned escape. There was a tree in the back garden that seemed easy enough to climb to get over the wall. It didn’t look difficult, and even if it was, it only provoked a young boy’s competitive spirit.
They didn’t get far after leaving. A servant who witnessed Yun-seo and Yeondeok climbing over the wall immediately reported it to Yun-seo’s father.
Finding it painful to speak about what happened next, Yun-seo emptied another cup of alcohol. A faint heat rose up his neck and warmed his cheeks.
“That’s when my master realized that beatings wouldn’t break my lady’s spirit. Can you guess what he chose to do instead?”
A cold, composed face watched Yun-seo. Whether it was due to his own mood or because Hwi genuinely empathized with his feelings, Yun-seo chose to believe the latter.
“Yes, if you can’t break the tree, you just burn everything around it. Instead of my lady… he had me, his servant, literally beaten. Can you believe it? I was only fourteen then. I looked about twelve since I was small for my age, and that small, young child’s body was covered in dark bruises…”
The memory of that disaster was still vivid, causing Yun-seo to squeeze his eyes shut and then open them again. His hand trembled slightly as it reached for the wine cup, but Hwi’s hand intercepted it. Hwi filled Yun-seo’s cup for him, and taking it as a gesture of comfort, Yun-seo couldn’t help but smile.
“Even after that, my lady couldn’t give up, and she ran away before her wedding. I fled in the opposite direction. They think if they catch me, they’ll catch my lady too, like needle and thread.”
This part was almost completely false. He had fled without giving Yeondeok, who had sensed something and grown anxious, even a single word of warning. Yeondeok had a grandmother he couldn’t leave behind, and if they were caught fleeing together, it would truly be a death sentence.
That’s why he had secretly left money and a letter. The letter was meant to ensure his father wouldn’t harm Yeondeok. What was Yeondeok doing now? Probably feeling betrayed. And on the other hand…
“So how could I not resent my lady? After being beaten so badly as a child, and now I might die… All because she wanted to live freely…”
Self-loathing, which he had tried so hard to ignore, reignited like embers not fully extinguished. Although he had made arrangements to protect Yeondeok, he couldn’t be completely at ease. Yet he still chose to run away.
That wasn’t all. If Yeong Chunhwa failed in his duties, it could be considered treason, potentially resulting in the death of the entire household. Even if he fled to Araksa, could he truly shed everything and live freely?
“It’s terrible…”
Yet he wanted to leave. He wanted to get away. He wanted to live his own life. All of it was terrible. Yun-seo hurriedly wiped away his falling tears and emptied his cup. He could clearly feel the burning liquid sliding down his throat and being drawn into his stomach.
“One thing is certain,” Hwi’s voice cut through the silence. Yun-seo looked at him with reddened eyes, as if clinging to something.
“You will never hate your master.”
“…”
“Your master must have had no choice.”
For a moment, Yun-seo was confused whether he was “Jang Deok-yun,” his lady’s servant, or “Jang Yeondeok,” who had shared hardships with So Yun-seo. Ah, I was playing the role of Deok-yun. Yun-seo blinked his heavy eyes as intoxication began to take hold.
Did it seem like Deok-yun didn’t hate his lady? No, in truth, he knew. Yeondeok wouldn’t hate him. That foolishly kind soul would only be deeply concerned about him. Yun-seo breathed out a long alcohol-laden sigh, chuckling.
“Perhaps.”
“…”
“Then, my lord, please help me. I don’t want to be caught.”
The candlelight flickered in Hwi’s endlessly deep, dark eyes. He gave no answer, only staring at Yun-seo again as if left behind.
Why do you look at me that way? Yun-seo couldn’t ask and lowered his head. The sudden intoxication made his whole body feel dizzy.
After some time passed, his body was suddenly lifted. Yun-seo was carried in Hwi’s arms and placed on the bed. Hwi gently covered him with a soft blanket up to his chin. Soon Hwi’s hand moved toward Yun-seo’s eyes. Tears that had gathered at the corners of his eyes flowed down Hwi’s fingers.
My lord. Why did you kiss me?
As the forgotten question resurfaced, his chest tightened painfully like after drinking strong alcohol. Yun-seo looked up at Hwi through a haze, breathing painfully. Soon, a lightning realization seeped into his skin, pushing the innocent Yun-seo down a path of no return.
Ah, I was the one who held someone in my heart.
Love is like a wildfire that has already grown uncontrollably by the time you realize it, leaving you helpless to do anything but stare.
I am of insignificant status and must leave. You have much and must acquire more, so you cannot leave this place.
Therefore, this emotion must wither without moving in any direction.
I’m glad I didn’t ask.
Yun-seo closed his eyes with a pitiful smile. A distant dream pulled at his ankles, drawing him into sleep.
* * *
‘I’ve dealt with them, so don’t worry.’
‘What? Did you… kill them?’
‘Should I have?’
‘…’
‘I threw false information to lure them in the opposite direction, so there will be confusion.’
As Hwi had said, throughout their journey, they never encountered any pursuers. It was surprising how he had managed to improvise in that short time after leaving him at the guesthouse, and Yun-seo was curious about why he would take such risks to help him evade detection.
Was it merely kindness and courtesy? Could he truly do all this based on that alone?
Trying to dig deeper to find if there was any special reason behind it was exhausting. Although he had resolved to forget that kiss, the more he tried to forget, the more vividly that moment came back to him.
When his mind was troubled, Yun-seo deliberately tried to focus on the scenery before him. Farmers tilling fields, canola flowers slowly fading, green barley swaying like blue waves in the wind, crabapple trees just beginning to bud. Observing the flow of the season moving into the heart of spring seemed to somewhat ease his distress.
“What are you looking at?”
Startled by the sudden close voice, Yun-seo flinched and moved away from Hwi who had approached. Hwi’s eyebrow twitched as he stared at Yun-seo. Having constantly tried to distance himself from Hwi for two days, a perceptive man like him would naturally notice.
“Just admiring the beautiful scenery.”
Yun-seo shrugged with a forced smile. Though he tried to appear nonchalant, Hwi’s unchanged expression made it impossible to tell if he was convinced.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
