Chapter 19
“I’m generally healthy by nature. I just think I was tense because this was my first time traveling.”
It was frustrating to be held back by health issues now, especially since he rarely even caught colds during seasonal changes. Just as he was swallowing a sigh, there was movement at the doorway.
“Feeling any better?”
An elderly man with a long white beard entered. Seeing the medicine box in his hand, he appeared to be a physician.
“The fever has gone down.”
“Let me see…”
The physician approached without hesitation, felt Yun-seo’s pulse, and nodded firmly.
“One more day of rest and you’ll be completely healed. Youth is truly beneficial indeed. Here, I’ve brought the porridge you requested.”
Another bowl containing porridge emerged from the medicine box. Hwi took it, blew on it to cool it slightly, and fed it to Yun-seo. The physician chuckled heartily.
“A lovely sight! Such devoted care. Well, your lover does look quite young.”
“What? We’re not…!”
Yun-seo was alarmed and tried to deny it, but quickly covered his mouth to prevent the food from spilling out, and turned to look at Hwi. However, Hwi merely smiled faintly and continued scooping porridge with the spoon.
Since they couldn’t be misunderstood as lovers, Yun-seo leaned back and tried to take the spoon, but Hwi wouldn’t let him. Though he tried communicating with his eyes, Hwi either pretended not to understand or genuinely didn’t, and only urged him to eat quickly.
“I’ll leave the medicine here. Make sure to brew and drink it. Well then, I’ll be going.”
While the physician left with hearty laughter, Hwi paid no attention and remained focused on feeding Yun-seo. Yun-seo made a slight pouty face, glanced sideways at Hwi, and accepted the porridge.
He knew from popular novels that there were quite a few male and female homosexuals in the empire. But he hadn’t expected his relationship with Hwi to be misunderstood like this. Wasn’t Hwi upset? Not only were they both men, but he was being misunderstood with a servant…
“Why… didn’t you deny it?”
“Why bother with someone we’ll only see once?”
“Still… he misunderstood that you engage in male love.”
Before he knew it, the bowl was empty. Hwi offered a water bowl, which Yun-seo took with his hands and gulped down. Moistening his dry throat with cool water made him feel alive again.
As he let out a sigh of relief, a cloth approached his mouth. Despite saying he had never done this before, Hwi had become quite natural at serving. Perhaps he had taken a liking to it. Yun-seo quickly grabbed the cloth and wiped his mouth.
“Is that a problem? In a country where even the emperor engages in male love?”
“What? No… that’s different! His partners are Yeong Chunhwa!”
“Even without Yeong Chunhwa, there’s plenty of history of taking same-sex concubines.”
Since dragon scales weren’t restricted by the gender of Yeong Chunhwa, it was natural for men to protect men and women to protect women. As the emperor also took same-sex Yeong Chunhwa as concubines, the laws and culture became somewhat liberal, allowing for same-sex concubines even for those who weren’t Yeong Chunhwa.
As upper waters flow to lower waters, Great Yeong had more homosexuals than other countries. However, since these relationships couldn’t produce heirs, and relationships between men and women were generally considered more natural, they were absolutely unwelcome in noble families in particular.
In any case, Hwi didn’t seem to care at all about being misunderstood. But eventually, he would probably marry a woman…
“Why, don’t you like men?”
The casually tossed question pulled Yun-seo from his thoughts.
In truth, he had spent more time growing up as a Yeong Chunhwa than as a boy, and had been taught about intercourse with men by his instructors, and was in a position where he might even marry the emperor, so he didn’t have any particular aversion. For him, whether his partner was male or female was less important than whether he would live like this forever.
If he managed to escape this country… would he meet someone and marry?
He wasn’t sure. It was a future he had never desired or imagined, so it was simply puzzling.
“I don’t know. I suppose the person is more important than whether they’re male or female.”
“What kind of person?”
“I’m not sure about that either. I… was supposed to serve the young lady, so when would I have had time for such thoughts?”
He had never discussed this topic with anyone before, so he felt somewhat awkward. Yun-seo fidgeted with a hangnail that had formed due to the dry weather, then glanced at Hwi.
“What about you, my lord?”
“I wonder.”
Hwi answered indifferently and examined Yun-seo’s face. He could clearly feel Hwi’s gaze moving between his features, and as he awkwardly averted his eyes, a cough burst forth.
After Yun-seo quickly emptied the remaining water bowl, Hwi made him lie down. Yun-seo sighed and looked at the dimming window.
“We’ll be able to leave tomorrow, right?”
“If your body is completely healed.”
For some reason, his chest felt like a cup filled with water, rippling and surging. How could he describe this feeling? Yun-seo bit his lip firmly, fiddled with the edge of his blanket, and let out a faint smile.
“Being like this reminds me of my childhood.”
When he turned his head again, his eyes met Hwi’s. Though Hwi didn’t respond, his quiet dark eyes seemed to say he was listening attentively.
“When I was very young. When my parents were with me.”
Actually, he wasn’t that young—he was twelve, when his parents were alive and well, just as they are now.
“There was a time when I was very sick. Literally rolling around in pain.”
While women are born with a womb, men are not, so male children who emerge as Yeong Chunhwa develop a “ranju” (egg chamber) within their bodies at a certain age, which can incubate a dragon’s egg.
The ranju can form as early as age fourteen, but usually develops around sixteen. Yun-seo experienced this much earlier than others, at age twelve.
When something that shouldn’t naturally exist tries to take its place, pushing aside what’s already there, pain is inevitable, and for a body that wasn’t fully grown, it was understandably excruciating.
“The physician’s medicine wasn’t effective, so I just wanted one warm word from my father, one gentle touch from my mother… I wished and wished.”
His face was covered in tears and mucus from crying. Realizing the medicine wasn’t working, he resigned himself and begged Yeondeok to call his father, to call his mother.
It wasn’t because he wanted them to end the pain. He simply wanted them to be by his side witnessing this pain, to help him accept that this pain was worth enduring.
But after a long, long time, his father, whom he had been desperately waiting for, came to see him only to leave after saying one thing:
‘The early formation of a ranju must mean we can have high expectations. Your suffering will become our family’s joy, so endure it.’
Instead of continuing the story, Yun-seo shook his head with a weak smile. When he thought he saw a chill in Hwi’s black eyes as they closed slightly and then reopened, he couldn’t help but smile.
That couldn’t be.
But it could be.
Because this man is a kind person. Even if he doesn’t appear so outwardly, even if his hands are cold, his heart is warm.
“I wonder. Even you, whom I’ve known for such a short time, treat me this way, but why… why did they act like that?”
He had merely emerged as a Yeong Chunhwa. He didn’t think he had become a significantly different person after that day. Whether he was a Yeong Chunhwa or not, he was still the youngest son of the So family, an ordinary child who loved his parents and older brother.
But why did everyone’s attitude change after that… Why? Why…
Now he understands. His parents were never particularly affectionate. They might pat his head when they felt like it or buy expensive things, but they weren’t the kind of parents who would stay by a sick child’s bedside or read books aloud together. It was just that in his young mind, those small fragments of affection seemed larger and wider than the sky, so he fretted alone.
Recalling the news that his father had sent people to find him, his head began to throb. Hwi’s hand covered his slowly closing and opening eyelids.
“Yun.”
“…”
“Sleep well.”
How curious. Only the character “Yun” from his alias Jang Deok-yun was actually part of his real name, yet Hwi called him by it. Of course, it was common to use just the last character of a name as a nickname, and especially with servants’ names, only the last character was often used for convenience, so it wasn’t particularly surprising.
Still, it felt nice. That he called him by his name.
On this journey, he wasn’t So Yun-seo but Yun.
Yun.
As his eyelids closed completely, tears flowed down the slant of his face. The moment the teardrops touched Hwi’s fingertips, he curled his fingers inward. As if catching the tears. As if scooping them up.
