Chapter 68
He couldn’t understand himself.
Tae-geon and K were clearly the same person, yet how could his feelings towards them be so different?
It was like an hourglass. When one side emptied, the other filled up. It was also like a magnet. One body, but with opposite properties at each pole. It was like water and oil in a small glass container. When shaken, they seemed to mix as one, but after some time, they would be completely separated again.
What else could it be?
As he sank deep in thought with scissors in hand, a voice that tormented Hyeon-woo echoed from somewhere deep inside him once again.
He had heard it so many times that he had memorized the words. Hyeon-woo mumbled, following the sound:
Please don’t touch that memory.
Please don’t touch that memory.
Hum- hum-. Humm.
It resonated all around like a voice coming from inside a marble. A glass marble with cracks all over its surface. A marble that seemed like it would shatter if tapped. The omega was shouting from inside such a marble.
Leave that memory as it is.
“Leave that memory as it is.”
Hyeon-woo snapped back to reality at the sudden rough grip on his shoulder. Tae-geon was staring at him with a strange expression.
Why…
“…Ah, sorry.”
Hyeon-woo realized that his hand, which had been stroking Tae-geon’s genitals, had stopped. He started moving his hand again vigorously, but Tae-geon grabbed his wrist and removed it from his member. Hyeon-woo blankly watched Tae-geon’s back as he got up and disappeared into the bathroom. Hyeon-woo lay down on the bed without washing.
No matter how much he slept all day, he kept feeling drowsy. They say sleep breeds more sleep, but what if he ended up sleeping for the rest of his life? Come to think of it, he felt it wouldn’t matter. No, it might even be a more human life than now.
Anyway, he was too sleepy.
Hyeon-woo closed his eyes and surrendered to deep slumber.
*
Returning home, Tae-geon clicked his tongue at the sight of Hyeon-woo sleeping like the dead on the bed. Recently, Hyeon-woo spent more time sleeping than awake.
Lifting the tablecloth on the dining table, he found the food he had prepared in the morning untouched and abandoned. All the dishes were clean. At first, he thought the increased sleep might be due to pregnancy and didn’t think much of it, but it had reached a level that was hard to comprehend.
Oversleeping is one thing, but he had never heard of a pregnant person starving themselves all day just to sleep.
Tae-geon roughly opened the refrigerator door. The situation was the same here. Even the banana milk and yogurt that Hyeon-woo loved were all untouched, still in their original packaging. All had passed their expiration dates.
He violently tore open the packs and poured them one by one into the sink. Carefully checking expiration dates to prevent any harm to Hyeon-woo, Tae-geon organized the refrigerator and then approached the bed, staring down at the sleeping Hyeon-woo.
He hadn’t washed all day, and the semen Tae-geon had ejaculated last night was still dried on Hyeon-woo’s nape. Hyeon-woo used to rush to the bathroom to wash obsessively after sex.
Tae-geon stood with his arms crossed, his index finger tapping his opposite arm repeatedly, deep in thought. He looked around the room. Nothing had changed since the day he first brought Hyeon-woo here.
Having taken away his only bag, there was no trace of Hyeon-woo in the room except for his body. He had never seen any sign of the books, game consoles, or puzzles he had bought lying around.
Only then did Tae-geon realize that he knew nothing about what Hyeon-woo did during the day when he wasn’t there.
Even the TV remote containing movies Hyeon-woo liked had been left untouched, gathering dust for a long time. The house didn’t smell lived-in. Hyeon-woo felt like a mirage. At that moment, a chill ran down Tae-geon’s spine.
No.
Tae-geon unconsciously hugged the sleeping Hyeon-woo tightly.
Once was enough, that terrible hell without Hyeon-woo.
He rolled up Hyeon-woo’s sleeve to check his wounds. There were no signs of new injuries. It was certainly improving. Even after confirming with his own eyes that Hyeon-woo’s scars were healing properly, Tae-geon’s heart wouldn’t calm down.
Since that day, a strange atmosphere had begun to permeate between Tae-geon and Hyeon-woo. In fact, Hyeon-woo remained the same, but Tae-geon’s attitude had changed.
Unlike before, when he would rush to pin Hyeon-woo down and penetrate him as soon as he got home, now he just watched Hyeon-woo from a distance. Hyeon-woo didn’t care about the piercing gaze. Their eyes had never met.
There was no sofa in the one-room apartment. Tae-geon, who had been watching the deeply sleeping Hyeon-woo while sitting on a dining chair, got up. Morning was approaching. Although there was no need to hurry as he planned to stay here for a while without going out, he felt inexplicably anxious and could no longer sit still.
He took ingredients from the refrigerator and made kimchi stew, which Hyeon-woo liked. He also made porridge with the high-quality abalone he had bought yesterday. After setting everything on the table, he woke Hyeon-woo up.
“Han Hyeon-woo.”
Tae-geon said, brushing Hyeon-woo’s hair.
“Let’s wash up.”
“……”
“Get up.”
“…Ugh.”
He carried the still groggy Hyeon-woo to the bathroom. Then he placed Hyeon-woo in the bathtub filled with warm water. He thoroughly washed Hyeon-woo with a soapy shower puff and even shampooed his wet hair.
When he was K, he had occasionally bathed Hyeon-woo like this after sex when Hyeon-woo couldn’t move. Tae-geon washed Hyeon-woo skillfully with efficient movements. When the soft skin touched his hands, he gritted his teeth to endure the automatic reflex-like reaction, quickly taking out a beach towel and wrapping it around Hyeon-woo’s body.
Hyeon-woo stared blankly at the food laid out before him with puffy eyes. After being pushed around, he came to his senses to find himself sitting at the dining table. Tae-geon, sitting across from him, reached out to hand Hyeon-woo a spoon and chopsticks.
“Eat.”
“……”
Only then did Hyeon-woo raise his head to look at Tae-geon. Their eyes met for once, but Tae-geon couldn’t read anything in Hyeon-woo’s eyes. The deeply sunken eyes were empty. There was no contempt, no hatred. Realizing this fact, his heart began to beat wildly.
“Eat, I said eat.”
Unable to bear it any longer, Tae-geon forcibly placed the spoon and chopsticks in Hyeon-woo’s hand, but Hyeon-woo threw them to the floor.
Clang-.
The sharp sound of metal pieces colliding rang out.
“How can I eat what you made?”
“…What?”
“Who knows what’s in this.”
Hyeon-woo added in a tone devoid of emotion and stood up.
Tae-geon stared at Hyeon-woo’s back as he headed towards the bed with a stiff face.
‘How can I eat what you made? Who knows what’s in this.’
How can I eat spoiled food? What if I get food poisoning?
His tone was bland, as if reciting an obvious proposition.
Tae-geon, who had been standing blankly for a while as if shocked, slowly approached the bed.
“…It’s fine, so eat it.”
Hyeon-woo remained motionless under the blanket pulled up to his head, regardless of whether someone was talking to him or not.
“You haven’t eaten properly for days.”
“……”
“Come out and eat.”
“……”
“Han Hyeon-woo.”
Gritting his teeth at the unresponsive Hyeon-woo, Tae-geon finally roughly pulled off the blanket. Just as he was about to forcibly drag Hyeon-woo out, Hyeon-woo got up and walked out on his own.
“Will you be satisfied if I eat?”
Hyeon-woo’s eyes, as he asked Tae-geon, were the same as before. Empty eyes without a trace of emotion.
Caught off guard by the sudden question, Tae-geon asked, “What?” but it seemed Hyeon-woo hadn’t expected an answer as he just silently headed towards the dining table.
Then he picked up the spoon and started to hurriedly eat the abalone porridge. Ignoring Tae-geon’s words to eat slowly, Hyeon-woo quickly emptied the bowl and stood up.
“I’m done eating.”
Tae-geon, who had been standing with his arms crossed, raised an eyebrow slightly as if a bit surprised by the sudden voice.
“…Good, well done.”
He felt an inexplicable sense of discomfort at Hyeon-woo’s words informing him that he had finished eating. It couldn’t have been said in hopes of such praise. It certainly wasn’t a greeting either.
As Tae-geon racked his brains trying to understand Hyeon-woo’s intentions, a small murmur, now covered by the blanket, reached his ears.
“So,”
“……”
“Stop bothering me now.”
After this sharp remark, Hyeon-woo closed his eyes without giving a single glance to the now stiff Tae-geon.
*
“Ugh… Urgh…!”
Hyeon-woo’s hands were pale as he gripped the toilet, retching for who knows how many times. It was a pain like his insides were being wrung out. His stomach, surprised by the sudden influx of a large amount of food, kept convulsing endlessly.
Even though there was nothing left to throw up, Hyeon-woo’s retching wouldn’t stop. His throat, irritated by the highly acidic gastric juices, stung as if a hole had been punctured. Some of the rice grains he had swallowed without properly chewing were floating in the toilet bowl, still in their original shape.
Tae-geon patted Hyeon-woo’s back, his face clouded with worry as Hyeon-woo’s complexion turned deathly pale.
He felt guilty, thinking it was all his fault. Had Hyeon-woo not been eating because he couldn’t, rather than wouldn’t? Because of this damned morning sickness. Of course, while knowing well that Hyeon-woo’s loss of appetite wasn’t solely due to this reason, Tae-geon blamed only Hyeon-woo’s morning sickness.
