92.
To add one word in defense of Ryu Ho-yeon at this point, it was certainly not the case that he had planned to deceive Choi Jae-won from the beginning, or that he wanted to abandon Choi Jae-won forever. Though he could never match the years of love Choi Jae-won had given him or the depth of his expressions, Ryu Ho-yeon’s love for Choi Jae-won was also sincere. Sincere enough to vow to save the world for the other’s sake.
When Ryu Ho-yeon first opened his eyes at the medical facility in Tumbes, he really had lost his memory. At that time, all Ryu Ho-yeon could perceive wasn’t his past memories or identity, but just the extreme pain flooding his entire body more intensely than 24 hours could contain.
His skin healing bit by bit across his body was unbearably itchy, and when it wasn’t itchy, it stung and burned so badly that it seemed better to just remain unconscious in the seeping discharge. Even after regaining consciousness, how long did it take to reach the level where he could at least manage to eat on his own?
He had to constantly struggle against the pain that rushed in, leaving no room for confusion in his empty mind.
His memory returned a few days before his discharge. Until then, Zelda Grant, who had been caring for Ryu Ho-yeon almost exclusively, brought fresh blueberries from a nearby market, and they were eating them together when suddenly, out of nowhere:
“Hey, hyung. Can I kiss you? Even though my guiding has all worn off now.”
“I like you, I like you, Ho-yeon hyung. I love you so much. So much that I don’t even know why I’ve come to love you this much.”
“My judgment was right after all. I’m glad I waited. Ho-yeon, what do you think? Is this world a bit more worth loving now? Are you now willing to save this world where the person you love so dearly still has to live on?”
“I love you too, of course.”
“Of course?”
“Yes, of course.”
Despite not being the forbidden fruit, the blueberries were helplessly sweet and tangy. Naturally, the fresh, youthful aroma of the actual berries was completely different from the sweet blueberry scent he had always thought pleasant in bath products or diffusers, which made Ryu Ho-yeon end up suddenly shedding tears on the hospital bed.
No one thought it strange that he started crying while eating fruit. There were already countless critical patients besides him who fell into despair lamenting their situations, making it meaningless to count.
The year on the calendar had already passed 6 years beyond what Ryu Ho-yeon remembered. The dungeons that used to appear from time to time and the monsters lurking inside them had long become relics of a bygone era, and now, nowhere in the world would someone be forcibly conscripted by agencies with public authority just for being an ability user.
All of that was credited to S-class Esper ‘Ryu Ho-yeon,’ who resolutely saved the world and disappeared 6 years ago.
The world was peaceful enough. It was a result that could be evaluated as sufficiently rewarding.
But for someone who saved the world, the reality that crashed down on Ryu Ho-yeon was neither peaceful nor happy.
At the boundary of the world, sharing breath with Lexy, he received a miraculous guiding. Using that guiding as a sacrifice, he created a link that could permanently sever the past from the future.
The sense of accomplishment he felt at the moment he suddenly thought, “I did it,” could not be expressed in any language. But even that accomplishment was just momentary.
The grand and sublime law he created greedily tried to devour every bit of energy remaining in Ryu Ho-yeon and Lexy’s bodies as soon as it settled in the universe.
From some point on, he couldn’t even feel the warmth of Lexy’s hand that he was holding. The rainbow of hope, which would have appeared beautiful to others’ eyes, was mercilessly drying up Ryu Ho-yeon from behind. As if not willing to leave even a single drop of energy.
Ryu Ho-yeon instinctively realized that the moment he dreamed of giving up, even for a brief instant, the beautiful link he had created would immediately take his life as well.
If he had submitted to the overwhelming pain instead of resisting, peace would have welcomed him like a restful night’s sleep. If he no longer struggled against this base pain eating away at every cell in his body, he would be able to rest forever.
But he didn’t have even the slightest right to obtain an easy rest.
If I can return, I’ll definitely come back. So please wait for me.
Because he had promised that. Because he had unilaterally left behind a young, pitiful lover who would have faced death for him, and fled to the furthest corner of the world.
He couldn’t just weakly die without even trying.
Even if it was just a meaningless struggle consisting only of continuous pain.
There were definitely moments when he wanted to give up after the tedious pain that made it impossible to guess how much time had passed, no matter how much he endured.
At such times, Ryu Ho-yeon arbitrarily recalled and imagined the fifteen, seventeen, or nineteen-year-old Choi Jae-won he had never seen.
That admirable and naive child who placed himself on the cold experimental table like a guinea pig, with no certainty whether he could pair with Ryu Ho-yeon or not.
Soaking his mind in such imaginations would temporarily dull the sharp pain that felt like his intestines were being cut. These vain imaginations were a more effective sedative than guiding.
Standing without an umbrella under the sharp sensations pouring down like a downpour, he often dreamed of a hopeful future. The moment when he, having endured this pain to the end, would return alive and embrace Choi Jae-won, who was surely waiting just for him, seemed so unrealistic but still desperate.
Choi Jae-won, who acted tough in front of others but only knew how to be docile in front of him, would surely cry a lot, asking why he did it. He wanted to wipe those tear-soaked white cheeks, whisper that he would never leave again, that it was all over now, that he was sorry. Above all, that he loved him.
He didn’t know how much longer it went on. Since it was originally a space with a completely different timeline from the outside, his countless long days of pain might have been just a few seconds, or it could have been tens or hundreds of years.
At some point, the newly born law of space-time declared its independence, having apparently consumed enough of Ryu Ho-yeon’s energy. Ryu Ho-yeon, who had been enduring with stubbornness without properly regaining consciousness, was thrown onto a blank space without knowing it.
It was fortunate that there happened to be another visitor at that random space where he landed. The last thing he remembered as “Ryu Ho-yeon” was the sight of lush, drooping mangrove leaves.
When he first looked in the mirror after regaining his memory, he was so shocked. The changes to his body weren’t just in appearance. His ability, which had been completely drained, perhaps originally prepared to be used for saving the world, no longer granted him anything.
It was then that Ryu Ho-yeon clearly realized how much outward appearance and abilities shape an individual’s character and value.
Shamefully, he had never lived with an unattractive appearance before. That beautiful face, which made even complete strangers show unconditional favor upon first meeting while he himself remained indifferent, was now hidden beneath numerous scars and marks.
No longer an S-class Esper that everyone coveted, nor possessing the beautiful face that instinctively elicited kindness from anyone with eyes.
Such a Ryu Ho-yeon was no longer the protagonist of the world. He was just an ordinary human with a somewhat sad story.
Realizing this fact, his confidence to seek out Choi Jae-won completely withered.
The reason why Choi Jae-won, who was only five years old at the time, fell for Ryu Ho-yeon at first sight was clearly only because of his neat appearance and the title of S-class Esper.
Then would Choi Jae-won still… be able to love him, who had become like this, just the same as before without any difference?
Ryu Ho-yeon couldn’t easily nod to that question he posed to himself.
He wanted to remain in a form that Choi Jae-won could be proud of, could love forever.
So he decided to live as ‘Won’ instead of ‘Ryu Ho-yeon.’ Reassuring himself that it was enough to take advantage of borrowing the last syllable from Choi Jae-won’s name.
If the time of his return had been just a year or two after his disappearance, it might have been different… but six years. Coming back after as much as six years, and not even in his original form but in this unsightly appearance… Could he be loved?
Most of his life pretending to have lost everything and remembering nothing was powerless and sometimes miserable.
It was especially so when he occasionally borrowed the old computer at the travel agency office to check on Choi Jae-won’s recent activities. Choi Jae-won, adorned in the media, had already become Asia’s second S-class Guide following Lee Han-seo, and had returned to his original life as a chaebol heir without being subordinated to the Center.
Even so, those times were somewhat bearable. If he had to pick the most miserable moment while living as Won… Yes, it was definitely then.
“Are you the local guide who’s supposed to meet us?”
Choi Jae-won, who had kept Ryu Ho-yeon alive even in the midst of raging hellfire, frowned with disgust when he saw him again at the airport. Though he didn’t express it in words, the displeasure contained in that piercing glance was vividly tangible.
Ryu Ho-yeon mocked himself. Indeed, his decision not to return had been the right one.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
