78.
“Are you really okay with this? You could stay a few more days.”
Ryu Ho-yeon burst into laughter at Lexy’s uncharacteristic consideration, as he typically rushed things impatiently. If they couldn’t stay together indefinitely anyway, whether he stayed one more day or two more, the result would be the same. If anything, the longer they stayed together, the heavier the weight of lingering attachment would become.
It was a difficult problem. The more his love grew, the stronger his sense of mission to save this world became, yet simultaneously, the desire to never leave Choi Jae-won’s side also grew vigorously.
“It’s fine. Let’s just leave tomorrow night.”
“…”
“You’ve worked hard too. Now it’s your turn to return to your era.”
On Ho-yeon’s finger was a large diamond ring he had received back just a few hours ago. The person who had placed that ring on his hand was now sound asleep inside the hall. As if trying to catch up on all the sleep he had missed, Choi Jae-won, occupying Ho-yeon’s side, now slept well every night with steady breathing sounds.
These quiet nights listening to his lover’s even breathing with eyes that wouldn’t close were the most peaceful and lovely times among Ho-yeon’s few remaining days.
He looked up at the night sky while rubbing the loose ring with his thumbprint. Though countless stars in the sky of this remote island far from the city looked down on him, none dared to shine brighter than the small gem on his finger.
“…”
“…”
On this deep night before their noble journey, the two sat in silence, staring into empty space, as if buried in a stillness where time had stopped.
* * *
When Choi Jae-won woke up the next morning, unusually, only Ho-yeon was there. Lexy, who had been a thorn in his side, had disappeared without a trace. Even though he knew there were no personal feelings between the two, his instinctive dislike couldn’t be helped, so he felt genuinely pleased. He looked around and asked to confirm:
“Hyung, where’s Lexy?”
“…Hmm. He said he went out for something and will be back later. He probably won’t return today.”
“Really?”
Having received confirmation, Jae-won smiled brightly as if he had found his age again. Seeing him so innocently happy over such a small thing, Ho-yeon’s heart filled with guilt once more. If he hadn’t mortgaged his life to Ho-yeon, he would have lived proudly without lacking anything. Ho-yeon added another mark to the count of sins he had committed.
“So it’s just the two of us today? And you don’t have to do any training or anything?”
“Yes.”
Jae-won’s joy-filled day was Lexy’s final farewell gift.
The two lazily rolled around without leaving the blankets until past lunchtime. They made do with bread and coffee for their meal and spent most of their time with limbs entwined, skin affectionately rubbing against skin. Jae-won grinned as he planted kisses all over Ho-yeon’s face. Ho-yeon, in turn, embraced Jae-won’s neck and willingly threw himself into his arms. What they shared was not guiding but warm body heat. It was the feelings they had for each other.
“Wait, hyung. It will hurt if we do it right away…”
“No. Just, just quickly. Okay?”
Usually, it was Jae-won’s role to greedily demand his partner, but today it became Ho-yeon’s. Even in broad daylight, bright enough without a single fluorescent light on, Ho-yeon repeatedly craved Jae-won’s embrace. Thinking this was their last day made him increasingly urgent. Jae-won, unaware of the reason, was simply foolishly happy.
Though they didn’t even leave the blankets, finding mealtime wasteful, time flew by. It seemed like they had just opened their eyes, but when they checked the time, it was already three o’clock, then four the next time they checked, and five the time after that.
Only when their stomachs simultaneously growled with hunger did they finally leave the blankets, limbs wobbly. Outside the door was an ice box filled with groceries that had probably arrived that morning.
Even while Jae-won prepared a simple meal, Ho-yeon clung to his back.
“Why are you acting so childish today?”
“What. Don’t you like it?”
“Of course I like it. I like it too much.”
Jae-won’s inexplicable happiness fortunately continued until dinner. He kept chattering hopefully that if dungeons no longer opened, he would be happy to abandon work and school to just live together like this. Ho-yeon pretended he couldn’t answer because of the food in his mouth and just nodded vaguely.
After dinner and bathing together, they went for a walk as usual. Their joined hands swung in a pleasantly rhythmic motion, and Jae-won hummed a light tune. Ho-yeon burst into giggles, finding it somewhat amusing.
“What’s so funny?”
“No, it’s just the melody you’re humming.”
“Wow. Was I humming? I didn’t even realize.”
The giggles grew a bit louder. It must have been an unconscious tune.
“By the way, that melody is the theme song from that anime you used to grumble was too childish to watch together, you know?”
“Repetitive learning is indeed the most powerful.”
“It’s really funny, right?”
“Yes.”
It’s natural for those in love to often flounder in their own childishness. The two laughed for a long time facing each other over something that others wouldn’t have found amusing at all. Throughout this, their held hands never let go.
The walk was longer than usual. At the place where he had received the ring yesterday, his heart raced inexplicably, making them awkwardly glance at each other, and where the impatient acacia had bloomed much earlier than expected, they used the tickling fragrance as an excuse to share a kiss.
Despite being on an island with just the two of them, Ho-yeon dragged his feet, reluctant to go home. Jae-won, not minding Ho-yeon’s inexplicable behavior, matched his pace and slowed down alongside him. Well, there was no way Jae-won would look askance at anything Ho-yeon did—as long as he wasn’t trying to leave his side.
Even so, time diligently passed by. Though he wanted to hold onto it, time couldn’t be grasped—this was the inevitable conclusion.
The unmade bedding awaited them, specifically Jae-won, in the same state as when they had left.
After changing into pajamas and lying side by side, Ho-yeon studied Jae-won’s face for a long time before quietly raising his upper body a little before midnight. Apparently not fully asleep, Jae-won immediately asked in a sleepy voice:
“Are you thirsty? Should I get you water?”
“No, that’s not it.”
Somehow finding it endearing, Ho-yeon gently stroked Jae-won’s head. Jae-won rubbed his head against that palm, which was half a segment smaller than his own hand, as if seeking comfort. Ho-yeon took out an injection he had kept in his pocket since morning and plunged it into the bare skin of Jae-won’s neck, who was obediently exposing it without the slightest suspicion.
“Ugh, what is this suddenly… hyung…?”
The wide-open eyes were welcome. Ho-yeon tried his best to pull up the corners of his mouth that wouldn’t rise. If this was the last time, he wanted to say goodbye with a smiling face at the very least.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing harmful. It’s a guiding substitute.”
The guiding substitute was mostly made up of paralytic and sedative to calm Espers, apart from a small amount of guiding substitute material. Since Jae-won had never needed to receive such injections before, he would have no tolerance and would be unable to move until at least tomorrow morning.
“I thought a lot about it. Originally, I was just going to leave like last time, but you said it yourself. Being abandoned without knowing why was too painful. You said you felt miserable because you kept thinking I might have left because I started disliking you.”
“Hy-hyung…”
His pronunciation was terribly slurred, as if the muscle weakness made it difficult to move his tongue. Ho-yeon lightly kissed the corner of his weakened lips. Everything about him seemed pitiable and lovable.
“I didn’t want to make you fall into such a misunderstanding again. But if I didn’t do this, you would probably follow me to the end.”
“…”
“I love you. I love you so much, Jae-won. Enough to want to save the world for you.”
“…”
“Perhaps if it weren’t for you, if you hadn’t waited so persistently for so long, if you hadn’t poured yourself out so fiercely, I would have died somewhere without ever knowing what these feelings were until the end of the world. Wouldn’t that be miserable?”
Ho-yeon did his best to smile broadly. Strangely, his vision blurred, and emotions endlessly dripped from his heated eyelids, but he still tried with all his might.
“I’m going to save the world.”
“Hyu-hyung, ugh, urgh…!!”
Jae-won tried desperately to move his body, but it was impossible. All he could do was open his eyes wide.
“I’ll apologize in advance. Actually, I don’t know if I’ll be able to return. Probably… the chances of not returning are higher.”
It was almost certain death. But Ho-yeon didn’t want to entrust his grave and funeral to such a diligent, loyal, and devoted lover. Because Jae-won would never be able to accept a world exchanged for Ho-yeon’s life. Because there was no way Jae-won could live normally in such a world. So, a little lie was added until the very end.
If Jae-won couldn’t live happily, Ho-yeon’s departure would lose much of its meaning.
“But, if…”
“…!!”
In the silence, cradling the cheeks of Jae-won who was frantically struggling to move without success, and leaving a final kiss, Ho-yeon whispered softly:
If I can come back, I’ll definitely return.
Time would flow mercilessly, and no pain could resist or remain sharp in the face of time. That was the only spark of hope Ho-yeon dared to have.
Jae-won would continue living with the uncertain hope that Ho-yeon might return. And as he lived on, at some point, eventually in some distant future, he might walk a new path while accepting Ho-yeon’s absence.
“So wait for me. You have to stay well.”
As soon as he finished his last words, Jae-won tried desperately to move his limbs while watching Ho-yeon’s receding back, but it was impossible. His arms and legs felt endlessly heavy.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
