Chapter 66
“Recently, seeing you so pale made my chest tighten and I wanted to cry. But you know what?”
Irene hesitated for a moment, then looked straight at my face and spoke again with a relaxed expression.
“Actually, I felt that way from the moment I first saw you, Fei. Isn’t it strange? You were just a half-sibling I’d never met before, but why did I feel such deep sadness the moment I saw you? That’s why I couldn’t dislike you even when you disliked me. I always wanted to hug you.”
“Yeah, it is strange. I gave you a hard time…”
Irene hugged me tightly and stroked my hair with a familiar touch.
“I’m glad I can hug you. So go and rest comfortably, have a good time. Your smile makes me happy.”
Honestly, I didn’t understand. I had clear reasons for liking both of them, but Irene didn’t. I was just a sibling. Even for family, Irene’s emotions were clearly beyond the norm.
‘Is that why she easily accepted my apology?’
However, right now, rather than trying to understand and analyze the cause, I just wanted to express my feelings. Putting aside all my false selves, taking off even the mask, with sincerity. It had been so long since I’d done this that the words didn’t come easily… but I gathered my courage because I wanted to say it.
“…Thank you.”
It was an extremely simple and plain expression. But I thought this might be better than adding unnecessary words. Honestly, I’m not sure what my expression looks like right now. But it must not be bad, as Irene smiled brightly.
* * *
[Young master is coming? Can we see him every weekend from now on? It doesn’t feel real, maybe because I’ve missed him for so long. I wish time would pass quickly and the weekend would come. I want to see him soon.]
I don’t know how many times I’ve read Luwen’s reply. Every time I read this, my past self who worried seems foolish. With Luwen liking me this much, I worried he might follow the honorary duke he’d just met.
I put away Luwen’s letter in the drawer with a calm heart and stood up. The Academy entrance ceremony will start soon. I should leave now to not be late.
‘My clothes are shabby, but it can’t be helped until I get the uniform.’
How could a commoner from the countryside wear nice clothes? I changed clothes roughly and fiddled with the ribbon. I wanted to wear it, but after debating whether I might lose it if I tied it myself, I put it in the drawer. Instead, I picked up any random one and looked in the mirror.
Instead of the familiar silver hair, I saw myself with black hair in it. The atmosphere changed completely, making it somewhat awkward. It was strange that black hair wasn’t as familiar as I thought it would be. I had lived much longer with black hair.
After checking my appearance one last time, I went downstairs with the luggage I had packed. The mansion was quiet as I had already dismissed all the employees my sister had prepared.
From the beginning, I wanted no one to know that I was attending the Academy. If more people knew, news could leak from anywhere at any time and reach my sister and Luwen’s ears.
So I made up excuses to Taran and Merin who wanted to come along.
‘It’s out of desire to see Luwen, but since I’ve moved anyway, I should achieve what I aimed for.’
I hated moving twice for the same goal.
* * *
The Academy entrance ceremony was held in the main auditorium. Despite there being quite a lot of people, it was comfortable as not many came near me. With no assigned seats, I sat in a corner and endured the boring time before finally getting free time.
I wanted to go see Luwen first, but it seemed I needed to put my luggage away first. I came just in time thinking they would of course move it to the dormitory, but that wasn’t the case…
It wasn’t heavy as it was just underwear, pajamas, and toiletries, but carrying it around would surely attract attention as if I were lost, so I headed to the dormitory first.
‘It would be better to change into the uniform and walk around.’
So I went straight to my assigned dormitory, but…
[Norman] [Norman] [Cadin] [Nadian]
A four-person room? There are already two Normans here, so there might be many in other places too?
In other words, the Norman written there might not be me. I chose the most common name to avoid standing out, so there must be more Normans. Yes, there had to be. It shouldn’t be me…
“…”
However, the dormitory room assignment I received pointed exactly to room 401.
This is the right place…
I sighed involuntarily. Still, hoping that it might unexpectedly be good to stay here, I opened the door.
The murmuring voices stopped abruptly. The gazes of three people focused on me at once. A small boy with freckles all over, a man with protruding cheekbones looking sensitive, and a man so big and thick that he seemed like he should be in the Swordsmanship Department rather than the Medical Department.
I came right after the entrance ceremony ended, but I’m the last one. Ignoring their gazes, I quickly scanned the interior. There were bunk beds with desks underneath, and right next to them, four closets with only one door each, packed tightly together.
‘It’s cramped and stuffy.’
Even if Luwen graduates early, I have to stay here for a year.
‘Everything else might be fine, but this might be hard to endure.’
I even thought about running away and being satisfied with just seeing Luwen on weekends. It seemed better to find someone to sell a graduation certificate to as originally planned.
‘Graduating directly would be trouble-free, but…’
If it had been at least a double room, it would have been bearable.
‘No, let’s try to endure a little for the sake of seeing Luwen’s academy life.’
If it really doesn’t work out, it’s not too late to quit then. At least they all seemed quiet, perhaps introverted, which was fortunate.
“Can I use this?”
I turned to my roommates as I put my bag down on what seemed to be an empty desk. The big guy who made eye contact first nodded with a dumb-looking expression.
‘It’s nice that it’s quiet.’
When I opened the closet door, a neatly hung uniform was there. Perhaps because I would soon see Luwen, I felt oddly excited. I wonder how much he’s grown in the time we haven’t seen each other. He’s twenty now, so he must have lost his childish appearance.
‘Irene looked the same as in my imagination, I wonder if Luwen will too?’
Eager to get out quickly, I hurriedly changed clothes. Meanwhile, I heard a strange sound from behind and turned back. Seeing them all turning their heads away reminded me of the Kans, but it’s none of my business. I neatly put on my uniform and left the dorm room.
‘There are no classes today, so Luwen might be in the library or the training ground.’
The Swordsmanship Department and the Medical Department were far apart, requiring a long walk. I had to pass through the Business Department area to reach the Swordsmanship Department, and perhaps because it was spring, there were many students outside.
As I walked slowly, I eventually arrived at the Swordsmanship Department’s exclusive training ground. Since I couldn’t go inside, my goal was the outside of the fence, and there were quite a few people like me. I heard that Swordsmanship Department students were popular, and it seemed to be true.
“It’s Luwen!”
When one student shouted, everyone’s attention turned at once.
Did everyone gather here to see Luwen? Our child is so popular. Feeling satisfied, I searched for him among the crowd.
Finally, I could see Luwen walking steadily, putting on his gloves. Despite the distance and the long time, I recognized him at a glance.
‘He’s exactly the same…’
The image in my imagination. He was a bit younger due to the age difference, but even the slightly tanned skin color was completely the same.
‘I missed him…’
I tilted my head at the thought that came unconsciously. It’s true that I missed Luwen. It’s true that it’s been a long time since we met. However, the longing I felt now didn’t seem like it had accumulated over just two years. It felt like more time, much more time-
That’s when it happened. Without warning, an intense sadness overwhelmed me. It was a violent emotion, deeper than when I first met young Luwen, feeling almost painful.
It was too much to handle, so I bowed my head, pressing one side of my chest. Drip, drip. Water droplets fell to the ground.
‘Damn it. Why am I like this again.’
Thinking I might cause a commotion if I stayed like this, I turned around, but I heard Luwen’s voice. How could it be so clear despite the distance?
“There’s something fun. Something I’m really looking forward to.”
Even the voice is exactly the same. The Luwen in my imagination, the Luwen in reality, and…
‘That man.’
With the same voice as Luwen, whose face I couldn’t see-
“Ugh.”
A headache hit me as if my head was about to split. I couldn’t breathe. Unable to steady my breathing, an unpleasant gasping sound came out.
This won’t do. I have to go. Move.
“Hey, are you okay?”
A man whose face I couldn’t see clearly due to my blurry vision spoke to me.
“Not, huff, not okay… Please, gasp, take me…”
The man picked me up. I clutched my chest tightly and leaned my head on the stranger’s shoulder.
I can’t breathe. My chest hurts. What is this? Why am I like this?
“I’ll take you to the infirmary.”
“Huff, need to go, sob, to the Medical Department…”
“You don’t look well, are you sure? The Medical Department is far. I’ll take you to the infirmary.”
It was too hard to speak. I shook my head while tightly grasping the man’s clothes. The man seemed to look at me intently.
“You must have a reason. Alright. I’ll take you to the Medical Department.”
“Thank, huff… ugh.”
“It’s okay. Don’t speak, you’ll be fine.”
The man patted my back and adjusted his hold on me. I was grateful, as it would have been difficult to return alone. Above all, if I had caused a commotion here, Luwen would have found out on the first day.
Perhaps due to the sense of relief, I let go of the consciousness I had been barely holding onto.
