Chapter 133
“…Huh?”
“If it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll stay with Alteo.”
I closed my mouth, at a loss for words. My insides were boiling. Alteo wasn’t the type to be overflowing with confidence for no reason. I should have anticipated this when I felt uneasy. It was a mistake to dismiss it as something trivial.
He clearly planned this, knowing that I liked Luwen, so he could comfortably have a room to himself when this situation arose.
‘But why did Luwen agree to this?’
The fact that it took a long time means Alteo spent that much effort persuading Luwen. He’s even giving me an ultimatum now. If I don’t want to share a room with him, he’ll sleep with Alteo!
“Why are you doing what Alteo wants?”
After calming my surging emotions, I asked, and Luwen looked at me with surprise. Did he think I wouldn’t figure it out?
He seemed uncomfortable speaking, studying my reaction. I kept my mouth shut and silently pressed him. He wouldn’t hold out long, given that I already knew.
“Actually…”
Sure enough, Luwen opened his mouth shortly after.
“Yes? Actually?”
“I was anxious. Someone who once attacked Norman is lurking around the dormitory, and I can’t chase him away.”
Right. Anxiety. That was the issue after all.
“But I thought I could relax if I slept with Norman. It’s true that you can refuse if you’re uncomfortable. I’ll put him on the inside of the bed, so I can respond immediately if he moves.”
When I remained silent as the image of the two of us sleeping side by side naturally came to mind, Luwen hastily added:
“I’m sorry. I was being selfish. Because I like sleeping together… I thought I could if there was a reason.”
…Wow, I think I’m really going to lose my mind because of him. He likes, l-likes sleeping together. Such meaningful… no, I know it doesn’t have meaning, but it feels meaningful…
‘Because I like sleeping together…’
The same words circled in my head. I really don’t know what to do with this guy. At this point, it all felt like Luwen’s plan. Am I actually dancing in the palm of his hand?
‘Haah…’
I wish that were the case, but it couldn’t be. There was no hint of ulterior motive in those pure eyes. Just like when he was young, he simply liked me. That’s why he wanted to sleep together, just like back then. Because it reassured him. That’s what he meant by being selfish.
“Go in there, give Alteo a good kick in the stomach, pack your things, and come up.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
Luwen smiled brightly, as if truly delighted. It was a refreshing smile that instantly lifted my mood as well.
He entered the first-floor room with light steps, and not long after, Alteo’s scream was heard.
“Aaaagh! Why, why are you hitting me! Why!”
But it quickly quieted down. Luwen must have handled it, or perhaps Alteo realized he deserved it.
‘Well, hearing that scream did make me feel a bit better.’
However, I wondered if I could endure sleeping in the same bed with Luwen until the Prince returned. Should I wake up early? Or perhaps sleep in…
I placed my hand over my thumping heart. It was troublesome but exciting. Awkward but joyful. His comment about liking to sleep with me kept coming to mind.
‘Luwen still likes me. More than I think, he still likes me.’
Even if it was a different kind of “like,” that fact brought me unbearable joy.
But… it was a bittersweet joy. If I had sensed an ulterior motive, could I have been more purely happy? Or… would it have been more troublesome? I shook my head in dejection after contemplating a situation I had never experienced and never would.
Creak-creak— The wooden stairs made noise.
Luwen, carrying his simply packed belongings, seemed more excited than usual. At a glance he appeared calm, but his movements as he organized his things were light.
Above all, he talked a lot. Starting with appreciating the meal I had prepared after a long time, then saying he would make dinner and to look forward to it, and now throwing unexpected questions.
“By the way, when are you planning to go on the medical service trip?”
It was something I had mentioned as an excuse, so I never imagined this topic would come up again. Luwen, who had been moving busily around the not-so-spacious room, closed the wardrobe door and sat down beside me. The bed tilted slightly as the center of gravity subtly shifted.
“Hmm. Probably in 4 or 5 years?”
I answered, sitting up straight.
“That’s later than I expected. I thought you’d leave right after graduation.”
“I want to go after I’m more confident in my skills.”
“I’ll train thoroughly until then. I’ll also start selecting the mercenary group to accompany us right away.”
“Already?”
Perhaps because I showed a somewhat surprised reaction, Luwen tilted his head. His expression showed he didn’t understand why I was so surprised.
“These are people who will escort you. Of course, I need to find a group with good evaluations and no controversies. They also need to be skilled enough to act as shields while I take you and flee if necessary.”
Luwen added that they too must survive, so he couldn’t choose them carelessly. He said I would be sad if others died protecting me.
‘I haven’t experienced it, so I’m not sure, but I don’t think I would be particularly sad.’
Well, perhaps to Luwen, planning medical service work makes me seem like an altruistic person. It was just a pretext for leaving the mansion when I was alone, and also considering my sister’s reputation, but he doesn’t know that.
Four or five years later.
Luwen was certain about a future that was too distant to promise casually. That he would naturally be by my side even then.
Since he had quite a specific image, I took our current selves and placed them in that uncertain future.
‘This kind of thing I can imagine…’
But if I assume that my heart connects with Luwen’s in the future, everything turns black from the bottom and disappears. All that filled my mind were the words that clung to me like a curse.
‘Mom is sorry… I just can’t do it, you’re terrifying. I can’t love you…’
After that insufferable voice, an unexpected cold voice emerged.
‘You were proof of my failure. There’s no way I could love you.’
Irritation welled up at the unpleasant feeling, like mold blooming inside me that wouldn’t disappear no matter how hard I tried. I clenched my cooling fingers and took a breath to drive out the two voices that entered my head without permission.
“Young master, are you feeling unwell?”
At that moment, Luwen instantly drove away the noisy voices. With a concerned look, he was about to place his hand on my cheek but pulled back with a start.
‘Why isn’t he touching me?’
He’s supposed to make contact. So why is he pulling away?
“Your breathing is rougher than usual.”
His voice is still affectionate, but why the change? There’s no reason. You too—
“Does your skin hurt? Should I apply some ointment?”
“……”
Suddenly my breath cleared. It was because of the rash…
Come to think of it, he seemed to be careful not to touch me after applying the herb juice. It was both frustrating and ridiculous that I hadn’t recalled this obvious reason had I been more composed.
“It’s not painful, just itchy. I’ll wash up and then apply it.”
Having regained my composure, I patted my cheeks and then stood up. After giving Luwen a reassuring smile, I opened the wardrobe door.
Luwen’s clothes hung alongside country Norman’s few outfits. It was just like him to bring even his school uniform, which he wouldn’t need since we wouldn’t be going out until the First Prince left. I fiddled with the sleeve of Luwen’s neatly hanging uniform before taking out my change of clothes and closing the wardrobe door.
When I returned to the room after washing, Luwen was already gone. Judging by the delicious aroma wafting from downstairs, he seemed to be preparing dinner. On the desk were ointment and antidote.
I first took the antidote, then carefully applied the ointment. Since I couldn’t see my back well, I spread it broadly on my palm and rubbed it thoroughly, just as I had done with the juice, then put on my clothes.
The dinner Luwen prepared was a pasta salad. He kept glancing at me to an uncomfortable degree the entire time I was twirling pasta with my fork and bringing it to my mouth. It was obvious he was nervous about my evaluation, even while pretending otherwise.
I had resolved to say it was delicious regardless of the taste, but there was no need to lie—Luwen’s cooking skills were excellent. I wondered when he had learned all this.
While I was showering Luwen with praise about how delicious it was, the tactless Alteo emptied one plate and picked up the tongs. I glanced at the guy who was gobbling down the food without regard for others’ feelings, which was such a waste.
“Don’t give me such a look. I’ll be going back the day after tomorrow anyway.”
“The day after tomorrow?”
Didn’t the First Prince say he would stay for the entire week?
“Apparently something came up at the imperial palace. So he adjusted his schedule.”
Alteo said with his mouth full of food. It meant I would only be sharing a room with Luwen for two days.
‘I suppose that’s fortunate?’
Since Luwen is diligent, I think he’ll probably wake up and move around earlier than me, like this morning. At night, a bit of patting will put him to sleep quickly. Thinking it might not be so difficult to manage after all, my mind eased.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
It pains me how when he thinks of a future together he just can’t see it, and the trauma coming back to hunt him at that moment was heartbreaking.
even though I want him to just tell everything to Luwen I understand all the insecurities that come with it, even if Lu were to say it was fine Fei would still overthink it and be consumed by every detail. I just hope when the time comes for him to speak on all of these that hunts him they’ll be able to heal together <3