Chapter 200
Of course, on one hand, I wanted to believe it. A life of being loved. If I could truly live such a life, it seemed it would be okay to end a life that no one welcomed.
But such a thing couldn’t really happen, could it? Life is a series of suffering, and even if I was reborn, new suffering would torment me anyway.
Going up on the Han River bridge was because of a wicked heart. The bad thought that if it really looked like someone would die because of what he said, wouldn’t he grasp reality? It seemed I also resented the man who had instilled pointless hope. With such ridiculous nonsense about an unprovable afterlife.
Even so, I hated myself for wanting to believe it, so I wanted to shatter the man’s fairy tale-like thoughts.
‘If you come closer, I’ll really jump. Step back and just watch.’
‘It’s dangerous. Please come down.’
Standing on one leg, I wiggled my foot toward the man. It was fun watching him fidget, unable to take his eyes off me. Ridiculously, the threat I thought wouldn’t work actually worked. The man stepped back several paces.
I was swept up in a strange feeling. It was also fascinating that a stranger I had only met by chance a few times was worried about me.
‘If dying would make me happy, why are you so anxious? Was it a lie?’
‘It wasn’t a lie. But I don’t want to see you die anymore. Please. Come down.’
Luwen spread both arms toward me, but I snorted. It was funny how he spoke as if he had seen my death many times. Back then, I couldn’t believe anything.
Then a strong wind blew and I swayed, losing my balance. I think I could have held on if I tried. But the me at that time found the wind quite welcome.
The moment I fell from the bridge, Luwen reached out his hand to me. I thought his quite desperate face looked good. So did I smile? I sensed it was the end, but I wasn’t regretful. Rather, I felt at ease.
That’s when I realized it. I hadn’t regretted my life.
And really, as Luwen said, the reborn me was loved and lived a happy life. He had spoken the truth. I was the one who couldn’t believe it.
He came to get me after unimaginably painful time, wanting to save me. Even knowing that I had to die to be reborn, he tried to save me. If I hadn’t died then, wouldn’t I have stayed with Luwen in my previous life?
I might have fallen in love like that again, lived immersed in the happiness he gave me, then naturally died and been reborn.
‘If that had happened, I might be extremely confused right now.’
I wouldn’t have been able to choose between the two. However, since there are no memories from the beginning and my encounter with Luwen in Korea was brief, I am here now.
I gazed at the blue sky beyond the terrace window. The sky was clear as if it had never snowed.
Since I said I would live happily, I would do so. I would sometimes think of him who sacrificed for me, but that’s why I had to live even more courageously. That was the promise I made to him.
* * *
The guard Luwen brought was a spirited knight with three children. She who had tied her long hair back and rolled it up bowed according to knightly etiquette.
“Greetings, Young Master. I’m Greta.”
“Nice to meet you. Are you going to be my guard from now on?”
“Yes. Thank you for giving me such an honorable opportunity!”
Luwen was nodding contentedly beside me. Why is he acting so cute?
“I heard your love for your children is remarkable—”
“Oh, it’s embarrassing. But it’s true that our kids are pretty. The really fortunate thing is they don’t resemble me but their father. Our husband is quite handsome. Of course, not comparable to Luwen or Young Master. Our eldest is seven now and oh— so well-behaved. How well he takes care of the second and youngest. Sometimes I worry he’s not childlike enough—”
“Wait.”
After one wrong word, I was subjected to a barrage of words. When I waved my hand to stop her, Greta closed her mouth. Glancing around. Her blue eyes rolled here and there as if belatedly realizing her mistake.
“I’m sorry… I’m fired, right?”
If it wasn’t someone Luwen brought, that would have been the case. But if attaching this person to me would make him feel at ease, what could I do? I had no choice but to observe a little more.
“That’s not it. I have somewhere urgent to go right now, so can you follow me immediately? Oh, change into comfortable clothes.”
I had to go to the village, and I couldn’t take along a knight wearing gleaming armor.
“Yes!”
Greta, who answered spiritedly, glanced at Luwen. When he nodded, she greeted me and hurried out.
“I didn’t expect her to enthusiastically boast about her children to Young Master as well.”
Luwen smiled sheepishly.
“Indeed. She must love her children that much.”
“Her love for her husband is also extreme. And she said her husband was handsome, but that’s quite a subjective opinion.”
“Huh?”
“He’s a woodcutter with bulging muscles, and his face looks quite fierce. He seems to be about 2 meters tall too. He’s at the opposite end from Young Master in every way.”
So, while her love for children is remarkable, her taste in men led her to choose someone who isn’t me. Our Luwen is really amazing. Remembering him who had been agonizing over my guard problem made me laugh naturally.
“Ahaha!”
“Why are you laughing?”
“Just, I feel really good right now.”
Luwen approached stealthily and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“It will continue to be good.”
“Yeah.”
I embraced Luwen back and leaned my cheek against his chest. This comfortable and warm embrace was unbearably wonderful.
“But when will we stop sleeping separately?”
“……”
Why is there no answer? For the reason that I needed to recover my health, Luwen dutifully returned to his own room every night. The bed was wide, so it would be fine to sleep together, but he insisted.
“Hmm? Until when?”
“After winter passes.”
Only after pressing him could I get an answer. But it wasn’t a very satisfactory response.
“Spring is almost here now.”
“It’s not yet.”
I suddenly thought that I might have to spend every winter alone from now on. It seemed like the training ground incident from childhood remained as trauma.
“You’re not going to suggest separate rooms every winter, are you?”
“I will. Young Master is vulnerable in winter.”
“…Really?”
“Yes.”
It was a firm answer. To change Luwen’s mind, would I have to get through winter without catching a single cold? For that, I’d probably need an ondol house. There seemed to be no answer other than living like spring in a warm house where I could dress lightly.
‘When I become an honorary duke, I’ll receive a mansion, so should I tear it down and rebuild it?’
It would be quite a large property, so it would cost quite a bit of money, but since it would be the house I’d mainly live in from now on, it didn’t seem bad.
While I was pondering various things, Greta returned. After having her wait in the corridor, we amicably left the office.
‘Come to think of it, I’m not anxious.’
There was always an inexplicable anxiety lurking, like a beast at my feet looking for an opportunity to hunt, but my mind was strangely at peace. As if the Luwen in the black pupil had taken my anxiety away with him.
In the end, I couldn’t avoid war, and the last remaining crisis hadn’t disappeared either, yet I wondered if it was okay to be this carefree.
‘But this comfort was also ultimately given by Luwen.’
The Luwen by my side believed my ridiculous words, and the Luwen in the black pupil told me that everything would work out well if I did as I planned.
‘Now that I think about it, it’s ridiculous.’
How would that Luwen know my plan? At the time, he seemed omnipotent, so I thought that was it, but now that reason has returned, I realize it was a white lie.
‘But I really feel like everything will work out well.’
It seemed like everything would be resolved smoothly and in the end, when the war ended, we would all be laughing together. Brightly without a single shadow, like today’s clear sky.
* * *
The Foundation Festival had begun, and the entire Empire was swept up in a festive atmosphere. The existence of an Aura Master was enough to make the world stir. Not only the Empire but other countries also showed great interest. As if to prove this, delegations attended Luwen’s honorary duke investiture ceremony in large numbers.
I sat next to my sister and watched closely as Luwen walked on the red carpet toward us.
Luwen’s dress uniform with a black base and dark purple accents. At first glance, it was quite similar to our family’s knight order uniform. The color scheme itself was almost identical.
Thanks to that, murmuring filled the central hall along with Luwen’s appearance. The number of glances toward my sister and me increased greatly, so I could guess what they were saying without having to listen.
‘I told him to use a different color.’
I didn’t mind receiving attention, but I was upset that it seemed like Luwen’s independence wasn’t being recognized. If I ended up staying at his mansion on top of that, it would be even more so.
How pleased Luwen looked when he stood in front of the mirror wearing his newly designed uniform. After checking his appearance, his eyes looking at me were full of expectation. They sparkled as if hoping for praise, making it almost deadly difficult to speak honestly.
‘The black is my hair color, the purple band is Young Master’s eye color, and the silver decoration is Young Master’s hair color. I like this color combination.’
But Luwen just smiled with satisfaction as if he didn’t care about my concerns at all. In the end, the uniform wasn’t modified until today when the investiture ceremony began.
‘Honestly, I am happy.’
Unless it’s related to my reputation, Luwen casually ignores others’ gazes. Being at the top of the priority list of someone I love, of course I had to be happy.
‘Ugh… I want to kiss him right now.’
Thinking I wished the investiture ceremony would end quickly, I watched Luwen, who seemed more handsome and dignified than usual today.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
