Chapter 180
I had certainly been thinking about receiving kisses from Luwen. If not for the news my sister delivered, we might have been entangled in that kind of atmosphere by now.
But… when I felt his hardness touch me, my body and mind froze. I couldn’t even remember what I’d been thinking just moments ago.
I awkwardly rolled my eyes around, unable to look down or raise my head to look at Luwen. I was completely flustered.
“I apologize. This isn’t the right time.”
“Oh, no, there’s nothing to apologize for…”
I must have been acting so obviously awkward that he noticed. I felt bad for making him feel self-conscious, but I couldn’t help it—acting natural was impossible.
‘I lack experience…’
I couldn’t even maintain the performance I was usually so good at. This said it all. I tried to think of something else to appear calm, but the presence of the thing pressing against me was too overwhelming.
Perhaps because I was so conscious of it, I suddenly recalled when we had joined bodies while I was under the influence of that drug. Most of that time remained hazy in my memory. My body had felt like it was floating in the air, and my mind was foggy. I don’t think I was fully aware of what I was saying, just babbling according to my instincts.
What remained vivid was Luwen’s body heat as he rushed toward me and his rippling eyes. His body temperature had been scorching hot. His eyes had stared at me as if trying to dissect every inch of my body.
Until now, I had consciously tried not to think about it. We’d agreed to pretend it never happened. I’d kept burying it, knowing that thinking about it would only bring bitterness.
But was it because I no longer needed to do that? Or because the floodgates of thought had been opened once? Either way, I suddenly recalled his beast-like movements as he pinned me down while I writhed in pleasure, roughly probing my insides. Me trembling beneath him as he pressed down on me…
‘No, no! This isn’t the time to be thinking about such things!’
I tried again to clear my mind. Contradictorily, thinking about our current situation seemed to calm me down a bit. Yes, this certainly wasn’t the time to be having such lewd thoughts.
‘But… isn’t there something we can do?’
There was nothing to do but wait for daybreak. Rather than spending the night anxiously, pressing my flesh against Luwen’s seemed like it would be much more helpful for calming down.
‘Above all, Luwen also…’
It seemed like quite some time had passed, but rather than subsiding, his hardness seemed to have become even stiffer. Luwen’s breath, carrying his heat, was extremely hot.
‘If he could just let me go, but he’s not—does that mean he wants to do it?’
I gripped Luwen’s waist firmly and gathered my courage to look up. His wavering black eyes were looking at me. When I encountered that desire, which seemed to want me terribly, my mouth opened automatically.
“Do you… want to do it?”
“We can’t.”
I thought he was waiting for my permission, but I didn’t expect him to say no. As I blushed with embarrassment, Luwen kissed my forehead. It was a light kiss that briefly touched and then left.
“Don’t misunderstand. It’s because we don’t know what will happen tomorrow. If we have to flee, it would be difficult for you, Young Master.”
“But aren’t you struggling right now?”
Luwen’s lips formed a lovely arc. My heart fluttered at his gentle gaze.
“I want to join bodies with you when you truly desire it. Otherwise, I feel I won’t be able to control myself.”
“…You don’t need to hold back.”
I wouldn’t mind giving him my everything. No, I want to give it to him. If it brings him joy, if it makes him happy, then that would be my joy and happiness too.
“Last time, you had difficulty walking, and then you fell seriously ill on the way back.”
“That’s different from this.”
“No, it’s not. You had a low fever for days. That’s why you caught a cold.”
Luwen repeatedly said we couldn’t because the weather was still cold. If we had to flee this time, we wouldn’t have the relatively comfortable carriage like before, and he whispered that he was afraid I might fall ill, holding me tightly.
“…It will be a difficult journey. Please forgive me for trying to abduct you, Young Master.”
Only then did I realize why Luwen had specifically used the word “abduction.”
He hadn’t chosen the word like I had, thinking about family or political reasons. He truly meant it literally—he would take me against my will. It was easy to predict that the process of crossing into another country and settling down would be arduous.
Moreover, spring hadn’t arrived yet. The temperature was low, and it occasionally snowed. If we traveled outdoors for a long time in this season, my body would certainly not hold up. Until spring came, no, perhaps even after spring arrived, I might be a burden to Luwen.
‘Even so…’
I want to be with him. I want to be together always.
“There’s nothing to forgive. I want to be with you, Luwen. I’m happiest when I’m by your side. Rather, I won’t forgive you if you leave me behind. You must come back for me.”
“…Yes.”
Luwen lifted my hair and kissed it. From that almost reverent appearance, I could sense a determination about something. It was difficult to explain precisely, but somehow I seemed to understand.
“Would you wait a moment? I’ll go calm myself down.”
I held him tightly as he tried to move away.
“…I want to do it.”
Since he’d said he wanted to do it when I desired it, I thought he might agree if I said this.
“Young Master.”
Fearing he would refuse, I quickly interrupted, cutting off Luwen’s words.
“Just once… wouldn’t that be okay? That, that time, we did it all night… multiple times… so that’s why…”
My voice fluctuated wildly, growing smaller then louder from embarrassment. But saying I wanted to do it wasn’t a lie. Perhaps I felt this way even more because we were facing an uncertain tomorrow.
‘Even if things go wrong, the chances of escaping safely are high. But… that doesn’t mean it’s 100% safe.’
The skill of the Imperial Knights couldn’t be underestimated. Not just the swordsmen, but the archers’ abilities were also considerable, so if the Emperor decided there was no need to capture us alive, we might not be able to escape unscathed.
It was assuming the worst-case scenario, but there was no guarantee it wouldn’t become reality. It was a possibility I wanted to ignore.
“I’m anxious. I’m scared of time passing like this… So, please hold me. Make it so I can’t think about anything. Please?”
Luwen smiled while gently caressing my cheek.
“You have nothing to be anxious about. I will definitely return to you, Young Master.”
“I know. I trust you too. But because it feels good, because I like you so much, I’m scared. Because of the worst-case possibility, the one-in-a-million chance…”
Luwen, who had been gazing at me intently, suddenly lifted me up and strode toward the bed. Then he carefully laid me down on the soft bed and began to unbutton my shirt one by one.
Rustle, rustle.
The sound of fabric brushing could be heard. Why did such an ordinary sound seem so sensual? Even though I had been the one to seduce him, now that my clothes were being removed, I started to feel somewhat nervous.
“Are you… going to do it?”
“No. I have no intention of pushing you today. Above all, I don’t want our first time as lovers to be like this.”
“…You’re being stubborn when I said I don’t mind.”
“That’s because you don’t take good care of yourself, Young Master.”
My shirt was removed. No sooner had I felt the chill of the cool air on my exposed skin than he climbed onto the bed.
“Then… what are you doing now?”
“A hundred kisses. Have you forgotten? You asked me to give them to you tonight.”
“I did say that, but… ah.”
He kissed my neck. As I shrank from the ticklish sensation, I heard a small laugh. He then kissed my cheek, the tip of my nose, my forehead, and my earlobe in succession. They were butterfly-like, ticklish kisses that seemed to land and then fly away.
“I’ll make you feel good so you can’t think about anything else.”
Luwen briefly kissed my lips and said while stroking my head. Then he lowered his head and kissed my shoulder.
“Sleep deeply, and when you wake up, it will be morning.”
His lips touched my collarbone and then moved a little lower. Careful and deliberate kisses continued.
“If you stay at the clinic as usual.”
The hand that had been touching my waist untied the strings of my pants. At the same time, he raised the tip of his tongue and drew it down along the center of my chest. My body kept twitching.
“Ah, mmh.”
“I will come to escort you.”
“Lu-Luwen…”
“We’ll either return to the mansion together.”
My pants were removed along with my underwear. Luwen raised his upper body, lifted my leg to rest on his shoulder, and then sucked on the inside of my thigh. The feeling of my skin being sucked was strange.
“Or we’ll have to flee. However.”
A red mark was clearly visible on my thigh. Luwen looked at that trace with satisfaction and then licked it.
“Ah…”
My leg tensed. My breathing was becoming rough.
“The fact that we will be together.”
His thick hand stroked my thigh. It seemed like it might touch the embarrassing part at any moment.
“Will not change.”
“Yes…”
My eyes stung. As I was blinking hard to hold back tears, Luwen suddenly covered me with his large body. As he bent his upper body, my legs naturally spread, and my buttocks lifted.
“Be at ease.”
I wrapped my arms around Luwen’s neck and clung to him. He supported my back and continuously showered kisses on my cheeks and neck. As if trying to suffocate me with his kisses.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
