Chapter 181
They both vividly remembered how many kisses they had shared under the stars, the times they had merged their flesh, embraced each other’s body heat, and held each other to the depths of the abyss.
Eunseong recalled how, knowing nothing, he had clung to Yoo Siwoon beneath those stars, not wanting to let him go, saying things about fertility gods and babies. He felt like an idiot. A fool. It was a filthy sense of betrayal, like being hit from behind.
Yoo Siwoon, too, had mentioned the full moon of the lunar calendar, saying they should raise their baby beautifully if they had one. He had used Eunseong’s feelings, knowing everything while Eunseong liked him. As if mocking Eunseong who knew nothing.
As a tool that could bear a child.
Eunseong went after Yoo Siwoon, who was carefully assembling a telescope. Suddenly, he began striking Yoo Siwoon’s back with both fists. Thump, thump, he hit him with all his might. Yoo Siwoon, who had been kneeling on one knee to tighten the optical tube, staggered and collapsed under Eunseong’s punches.
“Ugh! Nngh!”
Feeling like something was about to burst in his chest, Eunseong hit him wildly, unable even to shout curses. He struck his back with all his strength. The image of the man taking the blows without resistance kept blurring.
Eunseong didn’t stop at hitting him. Knowing this wasn’t enough to cause serious damage, he grabbed Yoo Siwoon’s hair with both hands. He gripped his hair and shook it as if trying to tear it out. Yoo Siwoon’s hair became disheveled, and his posture worsened. After shaking vigorously, Eunseong released his hair with a throwing motion and roughly exhaled both tears and held breath simultaneously.
“Hng… ugh, urgh, wuugh…”
“…”
“Bring my mother back to life.”
“…”
“Bring my father back to life! Take responsibility! I said bring them back!”
Though he knew it wasn’t Yoo Siwoon’s doing, knew it wasn’t what he wanted, knew Yoo Siwoon wasn’t the kind of person who would do such things, Eunseong had still lost his biological parents. He had also lost the father who, despite Eunseong’s hatred, had raised him after being abandoned by everyone else.
If Yoo Siwoon was at least related to that incident, he should have prevented Eunseong from liking him, from loving him.
He must have known this would happen because Eunseong was The Great Crevice, and he must have known Eunseong would fall in love with him, yet he had seemingly just watched it unfold.
It meant that if Eunseong hadn’t been The Great Crevice, Yoo Siwoon wouldn’t have observed him since childhood, wouldn’t have fallen in love with him, and this realization was driving Eunseong crazy. It felt as though he had sacrificed his parents to fall in love with Yoo Siwoon.
Whenever he recalled discovering the prophetic marks on his body and Yoo Siwoon’s increasing obsession, how Yoo Siwoon had emotionally confessed his love each time, his hatred toward him blazed like fire.
Yoo Siwoon, in his collapsed posture, smoothed his disheveled hair. His hand trembled.
He raised his head toward Eunseong, who was glaring at him as if wanting him dead, looking as if he might vomit at any moment, on the verge of eruption.
“If I could bring them back by giving my life… I would want to do that too.”
He understood too well the feelings behind Eunseong’s words. The confusion of longing for something he had never experienced or touched, something whose source he didn’t know.
“I’m waiting for my mom. She said she’d come pick me up soon.”
That’s why he was sincere. Yoo Siwoon truly wanted to give his life to return Eunseong’s parents to him, if that were possible. It wasn’t a lie to escape this crisis. It was genuine. If it were possible, he would sacrifice his life many times over to comfort Eunseong’s deep sorrow.
“Get out.”
“…Eunseong.”
“I said get out.”
“…”
“Just leave, please.”
Eunseong painfully uttered the words he had been holding back, asking him to disappear from his sight. His face was stained with silent, choking sobs.
Yoo Siwoon, completely disheveled, looked at Eunseong painfully before rising unsteadily. Leaning against the wall to stand, he finally averted his gaze from Eunseong, who was dropping tears that formed beads at the tip of his chin. Biting his lip, Yoo Siwoon left Eunseong’s room.
Director Nam, who had been anxious due to the commotion inside, opened his mouth in shock at the sight of Yoo Siwoon emerging from the door.
“What on earth happened to you…”
Yoo Siwoon touched his disheveled hair and the scratches on his cheeks and forehead that had appeared from being thrashed about, reacting to Director Nam’s surprise.
“Ah…”
Yoo Siwoon smoothed his hair with an awkward expression, as if embarrassed. His scalp stung when he touched it, showing how violently his hair had been pulled. Caught off guard, he finally smiled incredulously at Eunseong’s attempt to tear out his hair.
“You can smile at a time like this?”
“I’m just dumbfounded.”
“You’re some wildcat. Anyone seeing you would think you’d been in a massive brawl.”
“Indeed. Anyone would think we’d had some kind of domestic fight.”
With that, he smiled slightly, not entirely displeased with the situation, like a foolish husband beaten by his wife. Though he slightly frowned while touching his scraped cheek and bridge of nose, the embarrassed smile that pervaded his entire face remained. It made the rough tattoos covering his nape and arms seem out of place. Director Nam furrowed his brow.
“Do you enjoy being beaten up?”
Despite the sarcastic question, Yoo Siwoon showed no sign of feeling hurt.
“It’s better that he expresses himself than not. Eventually, his anger will subside.”
“Is this something that can be resolved like that? Even if it is, will you keep accepting it?”
“I have to accept it every time. Even if I lose all my hair.”
If that’s what it took, he could accept it willingly.
Director Nam felt increasingly sorry for Yoo Siwoon as he watched him, saying he didn’t mind Eunseong’s anger or dislike because it meant Eunseong had emotions toward him.
“Your wounds will get worse. I’ll bring some antiseptic.”
Director Nam felt guilty and sorry for trying to take away the most precious person from a man who was prepared to accept anything, whatever it might be, and questioned whether what he was doing was right.
But Director Nam knew what was best for both of them. If they stayed together, they would continue to hurt each other like this, and eventually, they might not be able to control the intensity and do irreparable damage to each other. Director Nam turned away from Yoo Siwoon’s faint smile to find a first aid kit.
∞ ∞ ∞
After tossing and turning for a long time, unable to sleep, Eunseong had fallen into slumber without realizing it. He opened his eyes as if emerging from deep sleep.
It was still the middle of the night. The darkness outside the window, which he had been staring at for a long time while lying with his head on his arm, remained.
Eunseong, not fully awake and conscious, belatedly discovered someone sitting by his bed. He wasn’t particularly surprised. It was natural for Yoo Siwoon to be by his side in the dead of night.
Eunseong stretched out both arms toward him. He extended his arms with a bright smile, as if asking to be held. Yoo Siwoon embraced Eunseong in return, wrapping his arms around his back and holding him in his arms.
“…Ahjussi, haven’t you slept?”
“…”
“I think it’s been a while since I smelled your scent.”
“…”
Burying his face in Yoo Siwoon’s shoulder and rubbing against it, Eunseong inhaled his scent deeply until his chest swelled.
A good smell, a cozy smell, the scent he had missed so much emanated from Yoo Siwoon’s broad chest that firmly wrapped and protected Eunseong. While rubbing his forehead against Yoo Siwoon’s shoulder and rubbing his eyes, Eunseong suddenly froze, stopping all movement. Yoo Siwoon, who was holding his back, also stiffened in response.
Eunseong had finally fully awakened. Still in his embrace, he froze like ice and opened his eyes wide. Despite knowing from Eunseong’s stiffening that he had just realized the reality of the situation, Yoo Siwoon didn’t release his arms.
“…Let, let go. Let, let, let go.”
Eunseong struggled to escape from his embrace. He pushed against Yoo Siwoon’s chest with both arms. His gentle struggling turned fierce.
“Let go, let go! Let me go!”
“…”
Yoo Siwoon stubbornly refused to release his arms around Eunseong. With unyielding strength, he held him just loosely enough to allow for slight struggling without causing pain.
“Ugh, ungh, let go, let go! Let gooo!”
“…”
“Let me go, let go, please let me go. Let, hic, let me go…”
“…”
“Let go. I hate you, ahjussi, I said I hate you. I hate you, hate you… hate you.”
Trapped in Yoo Siwoon’s arms, Eunseong hit his shoulders and chest. No matter how hard he tried to escape, he couldn’t break free from Yoo Siwoon’s strength. Exhausted from struggling, his fierce blows lost their power and turned into weak taps.
Completely drained, Eunseong rested his forehead on Yoo Siwoon’s shoulder, gasping and sobbing for release.
“Let me go. Let me go… let me go.”
“And then what, if I let you go?”
“…Let me go.”
“What happens next?”
“Let go. Let go. Please let me go.”
“…What happens to us after that?”
“…”
Yoo Siwoon’s voice broke desperately. Eunseong rubbed his tear-soaked face against Yoo Siwoon’s shoulder. Within his arms, caught by him, he couldn’t go anywhere. There was nowhere to escape, nowhere to hide except in his embrace. Eunseong’s wet cheek touched the wolf on Yoo Siwoon’s neck.
“…What happens to me if you leave?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
