Chapter 171
“Now you can go anywhere comfortably. If you want to meet friends, meet them. You can invite them home too.”
“…”
“Are you not going to talk to me anymore?”
“…”
“Go in. Rest. You must be tired.”
Yoo Siwoon looked more tired than Eunseong was. His eyes were bloodshot with fatigue that couldn’t be resolved by just sleeping a few hours in the car, but Eunseong turned away. After committing such acts, after deceiving him, he was making an expression as if he was the one who was more hurt.
He had said he loved him. He had sworn he would love him with all his heart, and said there was no man who didn’t love his wife. Those words weren’t meant for Eunseong.
What Yoo Siwoon actually loved was The Great Crevice, not Seo Eunseong. He was loving the one who appeared in the prophecy. He had been waiting for his companion, for a wife who would bear his child, not wanting Seo Eunseong.
Eunseong found this fact unbearably painful. If possible, he wanted to cut out all the markings that were evidence. That The Great Crevice Yoo Siwoon wanted no longer existed, that something like The Great Crevice he loved had never existed from the beginning.
Avoiding him who was quietly looking down, Eunseong entered his room and closed the door. As if making a pathetic act of rebellion, he even locked the door after closing it hard enough to make a bang.
He sat leaning against the door in a daze, just blankly staring at the garden spread out beyond the window, when he felt a gentle vibration through his back along with knock-knock sounds. Eunseong glanced back.
When he didn’t answer, another round of knocking sounds came. He bit his lips tightly, trying not to make any sound on purpose.
“Eunseong, you need to eat.”
“…”
“I brought food. Open the door.”
“…”
“If you don’t eat this now, the CEO said he’ll personally spoon-feed you. What should we do?”
When Director Nam, who had expected this, sighed and spoke while looking at the door, the lock clicked open sooner than expected.
Yoo Siwoon, who had never said anything similar, was watching him with a displeased expression.
Glancing at him briefly, Director Nam opened the door that was permitted only to him. He went inside and closed the door.
Eunseong was dejectedly hanging his head and drooping his shoulders without any energy.
“…”
The sight of Eunseong, who used to be so happy he didn’t know what to do with himself around Yoo Siwoon, not caring whether Director Nam was watching or not, hugging him, begging to be loved and chattering away, now without a trace of color, was painful for Director Nam to see too.
It was indeed Yoo Siwoon’s fault. No, his family, the Yongse Pacheon Church and Seongha Group had wronged Eunseong a hundred times, a thousand times. He knew that no matter what apology they made or forgiveness they sought, it would be difficult to accept.
Looking at Eunseong’s condition, having lost weight from not eating properly, getting him to escape without Yoo Siwoon’s knowledge seemed impossible for now.
Director Nam placed the food he had brought on a tray onto the table. Abalone porridge with a few side dishes, fruit that Eunseong liked, milk, sandwiches and salad prepared for him to eat something more if his appetite returned.
“Come here and eat something.”
“I don’t want to eat anything.”
“Sit down. I have something to say.”
Though Yoo Siwoon probably wouldn’t hear anyway, Director Nam lowered his voice. He sat across from him first and gestured for him to come sit at the table.
“You need strength to do anything. If you stay without energy like this, you can’t do anything. You know from running away a few times that preparation is needed.”
“…”
“Now you know, don’t you? That the people here aren’t ordinary.”
“I guess that’s what you call not ordinary. They must be insane.”
“That’s right, from now on Eunseong will have to deal with people who are properly insane and can’t tell heaven from earth. Will you manage in that state?”
Director Nam tapped the table, telling him not to throw a tantrum and to come eat quickly. Eunseong looked at him resentfully.
“…How can I trust Director? If I get caught running away, you’ll use that as a reason to confine me then. Right now you’re saying to meet friends and go around freely because there’s no excuse, but if I run away, from then on you’ll openly lock me up here. You brought me here to lock me up from the beginning!”
“Are you going to keep acting like a sixteen-year-old kid? How long will you do that? Will you stay here like that until next year?”
“…Damn.”
Tears as big as marbles fell down Eunseong’s cheeks. Eunseong wanted to immediately kick down this door, run out and scold Yoo Siwoon.
That something like The Great Crevice you said you loved doesn’t exist in this world, that you ruined our family, my life, trying to possess something that doesn’t exist.
Not being able to see his parents’ faces even once remained as a grudge, and no matter what he did, this knot in his heart wouldn’t be resolved. He thought something would be relieved if he poured harsh words at Yoo Siwoon, questioned him and got angry, but the frustrating and painful feeling was still growing in volume inside his chest.
No matter how much Yoo Siwoon looked at him with longing, burning eyes, he couldn’t be forgiven, and even if he apologized saying he was sorry and took his own life before his eyes, it didn’t seem like it would disappear. Eunseong was at an age where he didn’t know how to handle such feelings.
“Stop crying right now.”
“…”
“I’m not someone who can wipe Eunseong’s tears. Come here and sit. Pull yourself together and listen to what I have to say first.”
Director Nam had no choice but to speak coldly even while understanding Eunseong’s feelings.
Biting his lips tightly and swallowing the tears that were about to pour out like vomit, Eunseong roughly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. He walked over rebelliously and sat in front of him, asking what he was trying to say.
“Eunseong’s birth parents’ death and Seo Jeong-gi’s death are not related to the CEO. The CEO even urgently instructed me to find Seo Jeong-gi quickly. Seo Jeong-gi suffered that fate because he refused our aid and fled, not because of the CEO.”
“…But ahjussi would have known that dad’s life would be in danger if I followed ahjussi. They said he stood by knowing that.”
“The CEO personally didn’t like Seo Jeong-gi because he knew he was violent toward Eunseong, but the fact that he tried to find and help him is true whether Eunseong believes it or not. Eunseong’s birth parents’ death is also unrelated to the CEO. When that happened, the CEO was just a middle school student. Will you blame everything on the CEO?”
“…”
At Director Nam’s words that Yoo Siwoon was not related to his birth parents’ death either directly or indirectly, Eunseong felt secretly relieved even while not agreeing. But it still wasn’t forgiveness.
“If CEO Yoo Siwoon being born into such a family is a fault, then it’s a fault. The CEO tried to prevent that, tried to protect Eunseong. At first it was sincere. I know because I watched from the side.”
Director Nam had watched all the efforts Yoo Siwoon made and knew his heart better than anyone. At first it was definitely sincere. He had been careful, even taking medicine to avoid responding to Eunseong, and had constantly turned away to avoid acknowledging his own feelings. His words about being prepared for chemical castration if necessary weren’t an exaggeration. What he feared most was feeling sexual desire toward Eunseong and responding to him.
“Ahjussi… knew my identity and tried to make me have a child. He made me smell that plant. When I was trying to forget ahjussi, he made me smell that scent.”
What Yoo Siwoon had done to him wasn’t just that.
No matter how young Eunseong was, he couldn’t tell Director Nam about everything that had happened with Yoo Siwoon. Too many nights, too many days, too many days of life – time that could be called almost everything to Eunseong – he had spent with Yoo Siwoon, exposing even his red insides and entangled naked, and in those moments Eunseong was one body with him. It was no different from the marital bond he so insisted on. They were flesh itself. And Eunseong’s skin vividly remembered all those days. Not missing a single one.
“I’m just telling you the facts. Think about the rest however you want. Whether you misunderstand or hate for life, what use is it now?”
“…”
Those words sounded as if their relationship was already over, already ruined. While wanting that and trying to make it so, Eunseong’s heart sank at Director Nam’s words that definitively concluded his relationship with Yoo Siwoon, and Eunseong was horrified at the fact that he was surprised. His throat bobbed delicately as he swallowed his choking saliva.
“Before Eunseong goes wrong, before the CEO breaks down more, we need to fix this. I’ll try contacting Lee Joon-seung. If you can’t trust Lee Joon-seung, I’ll help you leave here through another route. Do whatever Eunseong wants. Get away from this ridiculous cult… live Eunseong’s life.”
“…Are you telling me to forget?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
