The separation of nearly two months was a very short period of time in the history of Li Shanqing and Zhuang Xu’s previous meetings.
In these fifty-odd days, Li Shanqing’s life was wrapped up in one important matter after another: company, laboratory, trial applications, graduation ceremony, investors, interviews, parties, and salons. Time flashed by in the blink of an eye.
Therefore, at Zhuang Xu’s door, after tapping out the drum beat of a recently popular song and seeing Zhuang Xu open the door in a bathrobe, Li Shanqing suddenly felt that their long-awaited reunion and intimacy in Licheng had actually happened yesterday.
Originally, Li Shanqing had prepared to say, “Hi, good evening, room service.”
But he had been knocking for too long and was already a little unhappy. Zhuang Xu’s timing in opening the door was also very coincidental, right as he finished tapping out the melody. Plus, Li Shanqing didn’t sense any post-shower dampness from Zhuang Xu, so he couldn’t help but speculate that Zhuang Xu had arrived at the door long ago and had just left him hanging for a while.
When Li Shanqing spoke, he couldn’t resist a deliberately accusatory remark, preparing himself to hear some harsh words from Zhuang Xu in response. However, Zhuang Xu didn’t say anything, simply opening the door wider and stepping aside to let him in.
Wearing only a bathrobe was already considered disheveled for Zhuang Xu. Li Shanqing, originally tired and not very enthusiastic, was mainly there because he had come all this way and wanted to see him. However, upon entering the room, feeling the inexplicable heat in the air, and then seeing the skin of Zhuang Xu’s chest covered by the bathrobe, his mind grew muddled again. After a few jumbled words, he reached out and pulled Zhuang Xu towards himself.
The world turned upside down. Li Shanqing felt as if he and Zhuang Xu were trapped together in a small container, their breaths having to press together, filling the small space, while their bodies and actions were chaotic and primitive.
Li Shanqing told Zhuang Xu not to turn off the light, originally intending to look at Zhuang Xu a few more times. But in the end, it was he himself who didn’t want to look anymore, because he felt that aside from the obviously changed area and the gradually increasing force, the look in Zhuang Xu’s eyes was too calm.
Even if Li Shanqing didn’t want to care, Zhuang Xu’s indifferent gaze was like a very objective examination of Li Shanqing’s body, and it also unambiguously revealed the true nature of their relationship—Li Shanqing had come running over on his own, satisfying a need that was somewhat tiring for himself and optional for Zhuang Xu.
This really didn’t align with Li Shanqing’s usual tender fantasies. He didn’t like it, so he closed his eyes.
Zhuang Xu’s hand rested on his lower abdomen. As it slid further down, the movement of his fingers slowed.
Li Shanqing grew vigilant and opened his eyes to look. There was still no expression on Zhuang Xu’s face. Li Shanqing became a little suspicious of Zhuang Xu’s intentions, lifted his knee to brush against his arm, and casually lied to him, “Ah, I forgot to get something. Maybe we shouldn’t go all the way today.”
Zhuang Xu hummed in agreement and stared at Li Shanqing’s face for a few seconds. Seeing him like this, Li Shanqing remembered their last experience and said hesitantly, “Then you come here,” wanting to reach out and help him.
Li Shanqing felt that hesitation was very normal. The temperature was so high, he couldn’t get a tight grip, and his hand would get very tired after moving for a long time. And Li Shanqing’s health wasn’t good; he tired easily.
Fortunately, Zhuang Xu’s movements were quicker. He helped Li Shanqing first.
Zhuang Xu said he never did these things, but when he was helping Li Shanqing, it made Li Shanqing suspect if he was lying, or if he had learned some techniques somewhere.
Li Shanqing lay lazily on the bed. After being serviced by him for a short while, he soon became lost in the moment, uncontrollably making sounds, bending his legs, then relaxing them.
He felt a sudden, uncomfortable heat on his leg, looked down, and was startled. But Zhuang Xu seemed to have only touched him by accident. He moved away and, after a few seconds, took a tissue to help Li Shanqing wipe what had splashed on him, asking, “Have you been very tired lately?”
“What do you mean?” Li Shanqing, sensitive and alert, widened his eyes and glared at him, nearly sitting up. “Are you scolding me for being fast?”
Zhuang Xu suddenly smiled, his expression softening a little along with it. He said, “No, I just saw the dark circles under your eyes are very heavy.”
“Are they?” Li Shanqing hadn’t had any need to be on camera for the past two weeks, spending every day at the company and the lab. He was used to seeing himself every day and found it hard to notice such things.
“Then if I say I’m very tired,” Li Shanqing lowered his eyes, reached out his hand, and lightly touched Zhuang Xu a few times with the pads of his fingers, “will you be considerate of me and be a little faster too?”
Visibly, Zhuang Xu was aroused. Li Shanqing was certain he saw it clearly. But perhaps Zhuang Xu was truly a person with overly strong self-control, completely different from Li Shanqing. Zhuang Xu placed his hand on the back of Li Shanqing’s, touched it lightly, then grasped Li Shanqing’s palm and moved his hand away.
Then Zhuang Xu lowered his head again, moving a little closer to Li Shanqing, making Li Shanqing mistakenly think they were about to kiss. He cooperatively tilted his face up and closed his eyes, but only Zhuang Xu’s hand landed on the top of his head. Then Zhuang Xu stroked him very lightly.
This was something more intimate than kissing and naked contact, making Li Shanqing’s heart ache in an instant. He didn’t even dare to open his eyes again. CEO Li did not wish to break his never-cried record as he approached his twenty-second birthday by suddenly and inexplicably shedding tears in front of his old flame.
After stroking him, Zhuang Xu withdrew his hand. Li Shanqing heard his voice, “No need. I’ve been very tired lately too, not much in the mood.”
After a while, there was the sound of water from the bathroom. Only then did Li Shanqing open his eyes. His vision was very clear; the tears had been completely absorbed.
Zhuang Xu had even touched him like this. When would he be able to have Zhuang Xu’s private number again? It would be so good if they could call each other when they weren’t meeting, just like before.
Li Shanqing stared in the direction of the bathroom, dazed for a while. In a fit of repaying kindness with malice, he thought that Zhuang Xu had made a particularly wrong decision today. He made him feel that they were still, or still had a chance to be, in a relationship. Therefore, Li Shanqing not only decided to pester him even more from now on but also to blame everything on Zhuang Xu himself.
Before Zhuang Xu came out, Li Shanqing fell asleep. He had a few illogical dreams.
In the dream, he and Zhao Zixi were at an event, in a black room. Someone was rustling around him, their wet clothes hot, constantly brushing against him. He was very dissatisfied and pushed the person away several times before finally succeeding.
But after a while, a refrigerator appeared on his right hand, encasing the back of his hand and his fingers, making his skin very cold.
This was simply too illogical. How could a person grow a refrigerator on their hand?
In the dream, Li Shanqing kept flinging his hand, shaking off the small refrigerator several times, but it still kept sticking to him, as if by some magic, making him so angry he opened his eyes.
The room was very dim. Before him was Zhuang Xu, very close. Li Shanqing, drowsy from sleep, subconsciously thought again that he might have been pushed awake by Zhuang Xu. Then he vaguely remembered the time Zhuang Xu left his room at three in the morning, thinking Zhuang Xu had woken him up to make him go back to his own room to sleep. He was immediately angry, questioning, “What time is it, you’re still kicking me out? Can’t you let me get a good night’s sleep?”
Zhuang Xu was taken aback for a moment. Li Shanqing looked at him reproachfully. Only when he heard him say in a low voice, “I’m not,” and “Go back to sleep,” did he righteously close his eyes again.
He felt as if he had returned to being eighteen or nineteen, back to an age where he could safely get angry. A long-lost sense of candor and peace reappeared, even if only for one night.
The next morning, he was woken up by noise. Li Shanqing saw Zhuang Xu with his back to him, packing his luggage.
Zhuang Xu’s suitcase was the same one from long ago, an ordinary silver suitcase from a brand commonly seen in malls. The luggage tag hanging from it was embossed with Zhuang Xu’s father’s name. It was probably a relic, just like the watch.
Li Shanqing sat up. The quilt slid off his body. It was a bit cold, and he pulled it up a little. A hazy emotion arose in his heart. He felt that Zhuang Xu seemed like a person living in the past.
But that wasn’t right either, because Li Shanqing was in Zhuang Xu’s past, but not in his present.
Zhuang Xu heard the movement and turned around. He looked at Li Shanqing but didn’t speak, perhaps not knowing what to talk to Li Shanqing about. So Li Shanqing found a topic and asked, “Are you going back to Binhai Port?”
Zhuang Xu, seven or eight meters away, hummed a low “mm” in agreement.
“What a rush,” Li Shanqing lamented.
Zhuang Xu said, “I have things to do when I get back.”
“Is Auntie doing a little better?” Li Shanqing asked again. “I’ve seen you coming quite often these past two months.”
“We’re preparing to let her recuperate for a while longer, hopefully she’ll meet the standards for surgery,” Zhuang Xu told him. “The company has been expanding talks on medical insurance coverage recently, so I’ll be coming over more frequently, but I won’t stay long each time.”
Hearing him suddenly say so much, Li Shanqing really wanted to joke, “Are you reporting your schedule to me?” But not wanting to be shot down, he let it go and asked him, “If I suddenly appear when you come, will you kick me out? You’re going back so soon, I didn’t even have time to treat Silan to a meal.”
“No need to treat him to a meal,” for some reason, Zhuang Xu said immediately. But he didn’t answer the first question.
Li Shanqing wasn’t planning to ask again either. He directly interpreted it as a default agreement and said, “It’s none of your business. Silan has his own life and good friends outside of work.”
Zhuang Xu closed his suitcase and asked Li Shanqing, “Are you going to keep sleeping?”
“What? Kicking me out,” Li Shanqing glared at him.
Zhuang Xu walked over. Li Shanqing, on the one hand, thought Zhuang Xu was going to scold him to his face, and on the other hand, fantasized that Zhuang Xu was coming over to kiss him. But Zhuang Xu just placed the room key on Li Shanqing’s bedside table without saying a word.
As he was leaving, he glanced at Li Shanqing. Li Shanqing said first, “Bye-bye, see you next time.” Zhuang Xu said, “Goodbye.” Then the room was empty again, as if it had only ever been Li Shanqing.
Ever since he was a child, Li Shanqing felt that the one thing he did best was actually acceptance.
In childhood, he accepted his illness, accepted asthma, being allergic to almost every food on earth, hospitalizations, and often being unable to attend school. In his teens, he accepted that he couldn’t get the SyncPulse implant. And now, he accepted the reality of his bad reputation, accepted that no matter the nature of his and Zhuang Xu’s feelings, they could only sleep together in this ambiguous way and relationship for now.
After all, life wasn’t a movie. One had to be realistic. Only by accepting everything first could one peacefully go through the time of trying to change things.
Li Shanqing wanted to sleep a little more. He hugged the pillow filled with Zhuang Xu’s scent but couldn’t fall asleep. He procrastinated until after ten, took a shower, went back to his own room to get his things, and went downstairs with two room keys in his hand.
The front desk staff was a little surprised, saying that one of the rooms was booked until tomorrow, and asked him, “Are you leaving now?”
Li Shanqing said “yes,” got in the car, and sent a message to Zhou Silan. He was too lazy for pleasantries and just sent directly, “Silan, did you book the hotel for the wrong date, or did Little Zhuang extend my stay for me?”
After a while, Zhou Silan replied, “Sorry, I booked it wrong.”
Li Shanqing thought for a moment and felt that matters of the heart were a headache. Thinking about it over and over was unlikely to yield an immediate result, so he decided to let it go and not delve into it further.
After landing in Fancheng, the world suddenly and completely entered summer.
Not long after, one morning in early July, Li Shanqing remembered moving offices last year, with all the protesters outside the door. He lamented to Zhao Zixi, “Zixi, another year has passed, and we’re still alive.”
Then he suddenly received a text from Zhou Silan. Zhou Silan told him that in a week, they would arrive in Licheng in the morning, stay for one night, and then set off to discuss a collaboration.
“So soon! That’s great. Silan, what do you want to eat?” Li Shanqing asked.
The ‘typing’ indicator on Zhou Silan’s end went on for a long time. Li Shanqing thought he was typing out a restaurant name and mused to himself that there was actually a restaurant in Licheng with such a long name. But after waiting for a long time, Zhou Silan sent, “It seems a bit busy this time, we’ll have to do it next time.”
