At 3:30 in the morning, Zhuang Xu left Li Shanqing’s hotel room.
He stood by the revolving door, his phone’s battery down to just over half, waiting for a ride-share car that was three kilometers away. Suddenly, he felt as if he had returned to the time when he first met Li Shanqing.
Back then, Zhuang Xu didn’t know how to completely refuse Li Shanqing and had unintentionally allowed him to invade his life. Five years had passed, and he had thought he had improved, only to find now that he was still not good at it.
Zhuang Xu had to leave, also because he felt that if he spent the night, Li Shanqing would quickly sense the renewed weakening of his willpower. He could already imagine what Li Shanqing would do then.
The rain had stopped, and the ground was in a state between wet and dry, marked with deep and shallow patches. A slow wind blew from the direction of the beach, weaving around buildings tall and short, making Zhuang Xu’s jacket cling lightly to his casual clothes. This faint but unignorable push, one he didn’t know how to resist, also made Zhuang Xu think of the touch of Li Shanqing’s shoulder, his arm.
During this meeting, Zhuang Xu discovered that Li Shanqing had become fond of secretly placing his hands and feet on him, as if physical contact were a symbol of ownership, allowing Li Shanqing to temporarily assume the role of the winner in their game of chase by virtue of Zhuang Xu’s non-refusal.
Li Shanqing had always liked this. If Zhuang Xu stood still, he would boldly advance ten steps. If Zhuang Xu refused, he would claim to be aggrieved and say, “Then I’ll only come five steps closer,” and then ask Zhuang Xu, “Aren’t I being good?”
Theoretically, Zhuang Xu felt he already knew everything Li Shanqing would say and do. Perhaps more than a lover, more than some fragile dream, Li Shanqing wanted to be a hunter who roamed everywhere. Perhaps it wasn’t intentional, but a matter of nature.
Since Zhuang Xu didn’t want to be the prey, the most appropriate course of action was to stay far away from Li Shanqing’s hunting grounds.
So, after the driver arrived, during the first half of the ride to the apartment, since it hadn’t been long since he had left Li Shanqing and he hadn’t started reminiscing yet, Zhuang Xu made a firm decision to continue to completely sever the connection between them.
But by the time they neared the apartment, that resolution was revoked.
This was because what he remembered was Li Shanqing’s sunken abdomen, his prominent ribs, and his panicked, rapid breaths next to his chin when he was lifted off the ground face-to-face. Li Shanqing had clung to Zhuang Xu’s neck, his full weight pressing on the palms of Zhuang Xu’s hands, trembling and breathing ceaselessly.
In that moment, Li Shanqing was more like a lamb to the slaughter, which also gave Zhuang Xu an impractical idea: he wasn’t the prey to begin with, so he didn’t necessarily have to play the part of the prey. When he wanted to, he could even launch a reverse capture of the confident hunter.
If Li Shanqing continued to pester him, Zhuang Xu thought again, should he embark on the least serious relationship of his life?
By not completely refusing Li Shanqing, but also not being proactive or enthusiastic, the concept of failure would no longer exist.
After returning to the apartment, Zhuang Xu only slept for three hours but felt like he had dreamed for six.
The dream was a happy one. In it, Li Shanqing had a complete personality change, becoming gentle, considerate, understanding, and a man of his word. Zhuang Xu himself was utterly without principles or doubts towards Li Shanqing. Like a fairytale ending, they lived together. It had no reference value for reality, and of course, no meaning.
After going downstairs, Zhuang Xu saw that Zhou Silan was awake and had already eaten breakfast and was watching the news. He asked, “Did he message you?”
“Li Shanqing?” Zhou Silan was obviously feigning ignorance, but there was no malice in it, so Zhuang Xu wouldn’t hold it against him. He stood to the side, watching Zhou Silan take out his phone.
Zhou Silan’s movements were slow. He found the messages with Li Shanqing, looked at them, and said, “Yes, he sent one half an hour ago, asking when we’re leaving.”
“Can I tell him?” Zhou Silan asked. “Or should I just not reply and wait for him to give up?”
“You can. You can turn off the ‘Do Not Disturb’,” Zhuang Xu told him.
Zhou Silan immediately hummed in agreement and began to reply to Li Shanqing.
Zhou Silan said “in the afternoon.” Li Shanqing replied quickly, asking Zhou Silan, “Where are you guys going,” and “When are you returning to Binhai Port.”
Zhou Silan was a very sensible assistant and never made decisions on his own. He looked up and asked Zhuang Xu, “Can I tell him?”
“Tell him if you want to,” Zhuang Xu said, so Zhou Silan did.
The two chatted, one message after another. Zhuang Xu watched, inevitably wondering why Li Shanqing was up so early. Because Li Shanqing used to be someone who tired so easily and loved to sleep.
To say that Li Shanqing’s health was good this past year—Zhuang Xu felt it didn’t seem that way from his touch. Last night, after entering the room and before Zhuang Xu started kissing him, Li Shanqing’s lips had still been somewhat pale.
If God felt Li Shanqing was too wicked and had thus deprived him of his physical strength, Zhuang Xu did not agree with such a decision. Even if he was a demon Zhuang Xu often decided to stay away from, and failed, he still hoped Li Shanqing could be healthy and full of vitality.
Zhuang Xu left Licheng that afternoon to discuss a collaboration in an eastern city. He stayed for three days, then returned to Binhai Port. He did not obstruct the contact between Zhou Silan and Li Shanqing, but Li Shanqing was too good at finding topics for conversation, and Zhou Silan had a personality that didn’t know how to refuse. Sometimes, Zhuang Xu felt Li Shanqing was affecting his assistant’s work and would personally intervene to stop it.
In late May, Zhou Silan provided Li Shanqing with a piece of intelligence, saying they were going to the eastern region again.
Li Shanqing wheedled the time and place out of him, but because Li Shanqing himself had too much company business, was starting to prepare for NoaLume’s volunteer recruitment, and the eastern region was too far and would take too much time, he ultimately couldn’t make the trip.
Regarding whether to get the NoaLume implant himself, Li Shanqing was hesitating. As it was a relatively minor surgery, his body could just about meet the requirements. And as the founder, it seemed unreasonable for him not to be the first to get it.
But if he really underwent the surgery, Li Shanqing worried about what unexpected complications might be waiting for him.
In mid-June, Li Shanqing graduated.
Zhuang Xu, of course, did not come to the graduation ceremony. A few days prior, Li Shanqing had sent the livestream link to Zhou Silan. Zhou Silan said nothing, and obviously wouldn’t tell Zhuang Xu either.
Li Shanqing’s parents, maternal grandparents, Zhao Zixi, and Mary came to watch the ceremony. Li Shanqing, wearing his academic gown, went on stage to receive his degree from the university president.
Although his reputation outside was poor, and he had recently been criticized and put in the hot seat over the volunteer recruitment, Li Shanqing’s popularity at school was actually quite good. There were many cheers from the audience, which lifted Li Shanqing’s mood a little.
After coming off stage, Li Shanqing took out his phone and found that Zhou Silan had actually sent him a message: “I watched the graduation ceremony. Congratulations.”
Nine characters and one punctuation mark. Li Shanqing stared at it, reading it seven or eight times. His heart started pounding inexplicably. He felt it didn’t sound like Zhou Silan, but more like Zhuang Xu’s tone. He threw caution to the wind, stood right where he was, and called Zhou Silan.
But it was Zhou Silan who answered the phone, asking with some surprise, “Shanqing, what’s wrong?”
It was quiet on his end, not sounding like anyone was with him. Li Shanqing was stunned for a moment, the heat in his heart cooling. He immediately found an excuse and said to Zhou Silan, “Silan, thanks. You’re the first good friend to send me a congratulatory message.”
“Ah?” Zhou Silan seemed slow to react, only saying after two seconds, “You’re welcome!” Then he said honestly and enthusiastically, “Shanqing, congratulations on your graduation!”
After hanging up, Li Shanqing fell into a sadness of thinking he could catch Zhuang Xu, only to come up empty. Thinking of Zhuang Xu, he texted Zhou Silan: “Silan, you’re too good to me! When are you guys coming again? Even if it’s to the east, I’ll rush over to treat you to a meal.”
Two weeks later, they didn’t go to the east but made a last-minute decision to go to a city in the central region. Zhuang Xu seemed to be there to discuss medical insurance coverage. According to Zhou Silan, they would only stay for three days and would attend a banquet on the second night with many celebrities and political figures.
The place was only a three-hour flight from Fancheng. Li Shanqing rushed through three days of work, set off in a hurry, and slept for a short while on the plane. When he landed and saw the beautiful rivers and lakes, his heart stirred with the unsteady hope that he could successfully embrace the real Zhuang Xu, just like last time.
He had been so busy recently that he hadn’t had time for any physical exploration. And now that he had tasted Zhuang Xu, he found that fantasy was just fantasy; the real person had more strength and felt more real.
In these two months, Li Shanqing’s reputation had worsened, basically reaching the point of notoriety. He was too lazy to attend any social events and was unwilling to publicly approach Zhuang Xu at this time. So, he just checked into the hotel he had learned about from Zhou Silan.
His allergies had been severe the past few days, and the plane had been dry. He had a nosebleed right after checking into the hotel. He asked the hotel for a humidifier, took his medicine, and wanted to rest for a bit, but then he got a call from his investor, Will. Will once again urged him to push NoaLume to the market as soon as possible to alleviate the pressure from public opinion. Li Shanqing hesitated repeatedly but felt he couldn’t rest, so he put on a humidifying mask and worked at his desk.
By nine o’clock, Li Shanqing was very tired. He closed his laptop and wanted to lie down on the bed for a while. In a half-asleep state, he received a message from Zhou Silan: “Shanqing, we’re back at the hotel, but I ate a lot at the banquet, so I’m not very hungry.”
“Then I’ll treat you to a meal tomorrow,” Li Shanqing replied with a yawn. “By the way, Silan, which room is Zhuang Xu in? I prepared a gift for him and want to give it to him personally.”
Zhou Silan probably went to consult Zhuang Xu. It was a while before he sent the room number over.
Zhuang Xu and Li Shanqing were staying on the same floor. Li Shanqing first went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
In the worldly sense, although he appeared somewhat pale, Li Shanqing’s face and body were flawless. Anyone would admit this.
But he had smiled too little recently and seemed to have forgotten how. Li Shanqing tilted his head, faced the mirror, reacquainted himself with the muscle movements of a smile, lifted the corners of his mouth, and casually said, “Little Zhuang.”
This was a nickname he could only say in private now, one he couldn’t conveniently bring up with Zhuang Xu anymore.
“Little Zhuang,” Li Shanqing thought of this and felt a little inexplicably angry, criticizing the Zhuang Xu in his imagination, “You’re too mean.” Then he said, “Forget it, I forgive you. You forgive me too.”
Only then was he ready to go find the real Zhuang Xu.
Li Shanqing didn’t have the energy to go all the way today, so he didn’t bring the things he had originally prepared. He pursed his lips, thought for a moment, and casually pulled his collar a little wider. He left his room and, like having an illicit affair, made his way down the corridor. He didn’t like ringing doorbells, finding it boring, so he began to knock on Zhuang Xu’s door.
Zhuang Xu came out of the shower and was putting on his bathrobe when he heard a rhythmic knocking on his room door: knock-knock, knock-knock-knock, like a particularly bored person tapping out a melody.
He walked to the door and stood there, listening to the person outside knock for a while, until the rhythm repeated, before he slowly opened the door.
He hadn’t seen the knocker in two months. The circles under his eyes were darker than last time, and he looked more tired than in the graduation ceremony livestream. It was probably due to being very busy with work recently. Of course, he was still very beautiful. He was probably angry from all the knocking. The corners of the knocker’s mouth were turned down. Seeing Zhuang Xu’s attire, he accurately accused, “You take so long to shower.”
Zhuang Xu was about to say, “You could have chosen not to wait.” But when he looked down, he happened to see Li Shanqing’s knuckles were red from knocking. He found his mind went blank for two seconds and needed to carefully control himself to not immediately touch Li Shanqing’s hand. Of course, he also couldn’t utter a single one of the cold words he had considered.
He pulled the door open a little wider. He couldn’t even ask “What is it?” and just said to Li Shanqing, “Come in.”
Li Shanqing slipped into the room and asked, oblivious, “Do you know what I’m here for?”
“Silan said you have a gift for me.”
Zhuang Xu was still looking at Li Shanqing’s hand. Li Shanqing misunderstood his meaning, spread his hands open, both palms empty. “I was lying to him. There’s no gift.”
“It’s just that your Silan is too easy to fool,” Li Shanqing said smugly.
Zhuang Xu asked, “Then what are you here for?”
Li Shanqing grabbed Zhuang Xu’s collar and pulled him closer. Zhuang Xu enveloped his hand and finally touched the knuckles of his right hand, which were a little hot from all the knocking.
Carrying Li Shanqing towards the bed, Zhuang Xu was about to turn off the lights, but Li Shanqing said not to.
Li Shanqing didn’t care about the brightness of the room; in fact, he preferred it a little brighter. It was probably because his human nature lacked the shyness that ordinary people would have. He was more aware of his advantages and was willing to be seen clearly.
Regarding this choice, Zhuang Xu admitted that Li Shanqing was right.
Starting that night, Zhuang Xu entered a kind of relationship he had never set foot in before, nor had he ever thought he would. And without realizing it, he completed a new addiction.
In this process, what Zhuang Xu couldn’t have imagined was that he would soon stop struggling.
He quickly began to adhere to a principle he considered important and correct: to not be captured by a ruthless, heartless hunter, or to get more, one must become more elusive than the hunter, reveal less of one’s true heart, make the hunter curious, fascinated by the challenge, and constantly focused, so that in the end, the hunter will only ever approach him.
