The morning after making the decision, Li Shanqing woke up feeling a little more positive than before he went to sleep. For a while, he successfully stopped thinking about Zhuang Xu.
He did not reply to the “goodnight” Zhuang Xu had sent before he went to sleep. He opened his computer and created a new work memo plan, spanning the entire year of his twentieth birthday, with a considerable number of words and tasks. The content of the plan had almost no connection to his relationship, only the eighth item read “Before the second week of January begins, end and clarify the relationship with Zhuang Xu,” and below it, a note was added: To prevent Zhuang Xu and Vigen Biotech from getting involved in the public opinion and disputes concerning NoaLume.
It was not that Li Shanqing had any spirit of sacrifice, but simply that from a rational point of view, Zhuang Xu’s involvement would only make the already muddy process more muddy, more complex, and uncontrollable.
Li Shanqing did not intend to let Zhuang Xu bear the responsibility for his mistakes, because he felt that letting others help bear the responsibility for one’s own mistakes was somewhat like telling a good friend every time he got sick.
When a friend comes to visit the sick, the first and second time they consume care, the eighth and ninth time they will consume the relationship. Li Shanqing had been sick for too long and too many times, and the mistakes he had made this time were too wide and too big, so he compared the two.
Besides, Zhuang Xu had already reminded him.
When Li Shanqing thought of this, his mood became heavy, and he found that his own willfulness and the price he was about to pay were so dramatic that they were almost comical.
Perhaps particularly smart people obtain everything more easily than others, so the messes they make will also be correspondingly bigger than others’, Li Shanqing stopped his typing hand and comforted himself like this.
Li Shanqing also discovered that the level of focus he achieved while creating the work memo plan gave him confidence in ending his relationship with Zhuang Xu and distancing himself from him later.
After all, from Li Shanqing’s recent personal feelings and learning experience, this so-called relationship was not serious in the first place, and he and Zhuang Xu were still in the exploratory period of their relationship.
They did not live together, had not had sex, and often did not see each other for several months. They had not had a chance to do most of the things that couples do.
So breaking up must not be that difficult, he should not create panic for himself. He just needed to break up as soon as possible, return to their previous relationship, and leave a little bit of contact.
Li Shanqing recalled Zhuang Xu’s gentleness and tolerance towards him over the past two months, and even came up with an optimistic idea. He felt that perhaps he could first put this relationship with Zhuang Xu aside, and after he had perfectly solved his own problems, he could chase Zhuang Xu back again.
Zhuang Xu was a person who was hard to chase, but also not hard to chase. At least when they argued, Zhuang Xu would always bow his head to Li Shanqing first, wouldn’t he?
Li Shanqing finished writing the plan, and asked Fang Tinghan and Zhao Zixi to come to his house. They held one of the most important and confidential meetings since the project received investment, clarifying the current situation and obtaining the understanding and support of his co-founders. Then he contacted an investor who had severely questioned him during the roadshow.
This investor had a high status in the circle. Because he did not approve of Li Shanqing’s project, he had always been very cold to Li Shanqing when they occasionally met. The other party was very surprised to receive his call, but after Li Shanqing’s brief explanation, he pondered for a short while and agreed to meet him once.
Li Shanqing’s initial intention was that if there must be an implantable capsule with recreational properties, then it must appear in NoaLume, in his hands. Only by completely controlling the power of decision-making could he have the ability to control and restrain.
For the rest of the afternoon, Li Shanqing was busy in the laboratory and R&D center. In his spare time, he also considered how he should peacefully break up with Zhuang Xu, how to do it without making Zhuang Xu particularly angry, while still leaving room for the two of them to continue their relationship.
During this period, Li Shanqing was almost absolutely rational, idealistically setting aside the impact that emotions might have on him, and considering everything he had to do in the future with high fighting spirit and calmness.
However, in the afternoon, he took some time to watch a few of the most-viewed breakup guides on video websites. Not only did Li Shanqing not find any inspiration, but as the time approached, he became even more nervous.
He could not help but break the heavy, silent atmosphere and ran to Fang Tinghan and Zhao Zixi’s place to chat with them about private topics and ask for their breakup experience. As a result, both of them said they could not help, because neither of them had ever been in a relationship.
“But I have experience in failing to chase someone, several times,” Fang Tinghan said, “Do you want to hear it?”
Li Shanqing waved his hands repeatedly: “I have never failed, you don’t need to say it.” and then fled.
At around three in the afternoon, Zhuang Xu was probably up. He sent a message asking Li Shanqing: “So busy today? No news all day.”
Li Shanqing had originally wanted to reply with a few light-hearted jokes, but thinking of what he had to do and say, his mood suddenly became low. He poked at the screen with his finger for a long time, then called Zhuang Xu.
This call was really an impulsive move. Li Shanqing had not prepared any wording at all.
Later, in his moments of reflection and longing before sleep, Li Shanqing found some of the reasons. At that time, he had no relationship experience at all, he was too naive, too confused and even sad, too eager to protect his own emotions, so he developed symptoms of self-deception. This symptom made him optimistic, his thinking erratic, and not at all serious.
It also made him have such an unrealistic illusion before things completely happened, that Zhuang Xu would probably not be truly angered by him, that Zhuang Xu would give in to him.
Just like that time when Li Shanqing joked about wanting to be in a relationship, and he successfully got into a relationship with Zhuang Xu. Perhaps breaking up could be that simple and natural, and Zhuang Xu would still understand him—and wasn’t he doing it for their mutual future?
Li Shanqing was like a child who had never made a mistake and did not understand the consequences, recklessly kneading and stretching a relationship, placing it on a cutting board to be manipulated at will.
When Zhuang Xu answered the phone, his attitude was very gentle. He asked Li Shanqing: “What’s wrong?”
Li Shanqing did not speak, and Zhuang Xu did not rush him. After waiting patiently for a while, Zhuang Xu found a topic himself and said: “The launch date for SyncPulse in the mainland has been confirmed, it’s at the end of January, on the twenty-fourth, so I might be a little busy then.”
Li Shanqing subconsciously said “That’s great, congratulations,” and then he did not know what to say.
This was the first time that his chat with Zhuang Xu was so polite that it made him feel tormented. He did not know if he was afraid of hurting Zhuang Xu, or hurting himself. He had just given Zhuang Xu a gift yesterday, and sang a happy birthday song for Zhuang Xu again, just like when they first met. Now he was facing the end of their intimate trial period, and Zhuang Xu was temporarily unaware.
The longer he dragged it out, the more troublesome it would be. In the end, Li Shanqing closed his eyes, hardened his heart, and said directly: “Zhuang Xu, I’ve been thinking about something these past few days, and I don’t know how to tell you.”
Zhuang Xu asked him: “What is it?”
“I feel like I’m so busy, and you’re also very busy. A person still has to prioritize their own career and family,” Li Shanqing found that everything he had learned and thought had returned to zero. In the end, he could not even embellish his words. His voice was dry, and he could not even explain the reasons clearly before he reached the conclusion, “Why don’t we stop being in a relationship for now, and just go back to being friends like before.”
After Zhuang Xu heard this, he immediately fell silent. Li Shanqing was in his own office, and there was no sound around him. He did not even hear Zhuang Xu’s breathing through the receiver.
After a little while, Zhuang Xu spoke, asking him: “Is there another reason? Is there a problem with your project?”
“There is, but that’s not all of it. The most important thing is, I don’t think now is a good time for us to be in a relationship.” Li Shanqing did not deny it, and then he could not help but say his true thoughts: “So why don’t we stop being in a relationship for now? If there’s a chance in the future, we can start a relationship again.”
Zhuang Xu was stunned, and then seemed to suddenly laugh: “What chance? Are you kidding me?” After a few seconds, he said again: “Li Shanqing, you make me unable to tell if you’re in a relationship or playing a game.”
At such a completely unfunny moment, Li Shanqing felt as if he had been pulled out of a lucky, evasive dream, and had a definite perception of the real situation.
So he was really telling Zhuang Xu that he wanted to break up, it was not a dream, and he found that he was not willing to say the words “break up” at all. Even though this relationship had been like a joke, indeed like a child’s game.
Li Shanqing could not speak, and then he heard Zhuang Xu ask: “Didn’t you say it yesterday? That you would celebrate my birthday with me every year.”
Li Shanqing’s mouth was faster than his heart: “Friends can also celebrate birthdays together.” He said it very softly, and also very guiltily.
“…” Zhuang Xu was quiet again, probably having thought for a moment, and perhaps too lazy to continue refuting Li Shanqing’s words, he asked in a low and serious voice: “Is there something wrong with your project? Is there anything I can help you with?”
Li Shanqing hesitated for a few seconds and admitted: “There is a problem, but there’s nothing you can help me with.”
“Li Shanqing, when your project has a problem, the first thing you do is not to solve the problem, but to come to me to break up?” Zhuang Xu seemed to find it ridiculous and asked him.
“Zhuang Xu, I don’t think there’s a way,” Li Shanqing felt that Zhuang Xu seemed a little angry, so he became more mature and calmly told him the truth, “because NoaLume is already a product that will definitely be launched. I must continue to control it myself, to do it myself, and I won’t hand it over to anyone, so I don’t know where the end point is. It’s very likely that the final product will still be notorious. Even if we continue our relationship, we will only keep arguing in the future. If you participate, you, a clean person, will be dragged down by me. Or if you don’t participate, you will be even more innocently dragged down by me.”
“What if I say I can accept it?”
“Ah,” Li Shanqing was stunned for a moment before he realized what Zhuang Xu was willing to accept, and said, “Don’t.”
His refusal seemed a bit too harsh. Li Shanqing then said: “Besides, we’re already so busy, and a long-distance relationship with a time difference is tiring and forced. I don’t think we’re like we’re in a relationship at all. It’s really troublesome to keep dragging on like this. The previous friend relationship is more suitable for us, don’t you think?”
Zhuang Xu did not respond. Li Shanqing started to pester him again: “Okay? Zhuang Xu, say something quickly.”
After anxiously calling Zhuang Xu’s name several times, Li Shanqing finally heard Zhuang Xu speak. Zhuang Xu asked him: “What do you want me to say?”
“If you want to, then let’s do it that way,” Zhuang Xu said.
Li Shanqing felt that with the matter resolved, he should have been relieved, but it felt like something was stuck in his throat, pressing down on him so that he could not swallow or breathe. Then he heard Zhuang Xu say: “But according to what you said, for the sake of the company, I should indeed avoid suspicion. Let’s not contact each other anymore in the future.”
“Don’t. Can’t we even contact each other secretly?” Li Shanqing knew Zhuang Xu’s intentions and reasons, but pretended not to understand, wanting to continue pestering Zhuang Xu like before, to act coquettishly towards him, so that he would compromise, “Can’t we continue to be good friends secretly?”
But perhaps for the most important time, Li Shanqing failed.
Zhuang Xu said: “Li Shanqing, I wish you good luck.” and hung up the phone. When Li Shanqing called back, he could not get through anymore. He heard that Zhuang Xu’s phone was turned off. First, he thought, so this is the prompt you hear when someone blocks you, then he thought, Zhuang Xu is so fast, and then he could not think anymore.
He saw his own heart slowly inflate, becoming a terrified, huge living being, able to speak, with hands and feet.
It was blood-red, with a very ugly appearance, big eyes, dejected, sitting in his chest, its body expanding and shrinking, expanding and shrinking, blaming Li Shanqing for why he did this.
Li Shanqing did not talk to it, so it hugged its thin knees and began to complain in a low voice, and finally cried silently.
It was morning in Binhai. Zhuang Xu was still in his room, not at the company. The house was filled with the smell of disinfectant and medicine, and it was cloudy outside.
Couples breaking up do not choose a day or a time. If you get down to it, they were not even a couple.
Although no one wanted to admit it, at least Li Shanqing would not possibly admit it, but fundamentally, this so-called relationship was a complete joke and a game, with no beginning, so how could there be a breakup?
Zhuang Xu was not prepared to look back. He made the decision he should have made when Li Shanqing left Binhai a few years ago. After turning off his phone, he put it in a drawer. In the afternoon, he had his secretary get him a new private number and notify everyone. The drawer was never opened again.
Three months later, on a Sunday morning, on the way to the airport to leave for work in Licheng, Zhuang Xu was resting his mind when he heard Zhou Kaiqi beside him exclaim in a low voice, “Li Shanqing.” He thought his usual auditory hallucinations were recurring, but when he turned his head, he found that Zhou Kaiqi really had a surprised expression.
Zhou Kaiqi handed him his phone to show him the news page. Zhuang Xu saw Li Shanqing’s photo in the bottom left corner.
It was not clear if he had put on makeup for the camera, but although Li Shanqing was still very thin, his cheeks were a little rosy, and his lips were also very red, looking healthier than before. He was wearing a set of gray casual clothes, which would become his usual attire from then on.
He was expressionless, the corners of his lips flat, and his eyes showed a hint of ridicule, so beautiful that it was astonishing, to the point that it looked like a photo created by artificial intelligence.
Perhaps it was a coincidence, but this was actually the first news article about Li Shanqing, and Zhuang Xu happened to encounter it. At that time, Zhuang Xu did not take the phone, nor did he click on it. He only read the headline, which asked whether the lightweight sustained-release device, for which Noah Lee had completed the drug sustained-release algorithm and was about to complete animal testing, would be a harbinger of entertainment to the point of death, or a revolution in modern psychotherapy.
Zhou Kaiqi read the full article on the side and angrily denounced Li Shanqing for insulting the purity and seriousness of medicine. He cursed a lot, Zhuang Xu did not remember much, only that before he boarded the plane, he finally remembered one thing. Li Shanqing might be healthy now, looking well, not because of makeup, because he was allergic to fragrances and waxes.
