Once the courage to face a perilous situation is born, acting on impulse is not as difficult as one might imagine, at least far simpler than curing a chronic illness.
In November, just before he turned twenty, Li Shanqing came to understand this truth about life on the plane.
That day, due to a sudden reason that he himself had not fully understood at the time, Li Shanqing was about to return to his hometown which he had been away from for two years. During the more than ten-hour flight, his mood was inevitably a little nervous, so he did not fall asleep.
Originally, the scene Li Shanqing had envisioned was to find Zhuang Xu after arriving in Binhai. The whole process in between could be much simpler, saving the back-and-forth of refusal. After all, Zhuang Xu had only called Li Shanqing with a slightly fragile tone of voice and had not asked him to do anything. Returning to Binhai was Li Shanqing’s own decision, and he did not need to consult anyone.
He had not expected Zhuang Xu to guess it himself.
Of course, Li Shanqing himself was also a reason. It had been a whole month since Li Shanqing had contacted Zhuang Xu so frequently. He finally felt that their relationship had returned to normal, which felt both like a lifetime ago and intuitively like a moment to be cherished, so he had not stopped chatting with Zhuang Xu.
During the flight, he was bored and casually asked Zhuang Xu about his schedule for the next day. Zhuang Xu suddenly became suspicious: “Where are you?”
Li Shanqing was startled, thinking to himself how this Zhuang Xu could understand him so well. Fortunately, he was already on the plane, otherwise, it would have been a troublesome back-and-forth. After thinking for a moment, he replied: “It’s a secret.”
If it were in the past, Zhuang Xu would have told Li Shanqing not to be mysterious. This time, however, he suddenly made a voice call.
The internet on the plane was not very good. It took more than ten seconds for Li Shanqing’s messages to send, and he could not even press the buttons on the call screen. He watched as the call automatically ended, and Zhuang Xu sent another message, asking him: “Li Shanqing, are you on a plane?”
Only then did Li Shanqing know that if a person is too smart, they will really ruin the surprise others have for them.
Li Shanqing did not want to say yes, fearing that Zhuang Xu would nag him like Mary, and also fearing that Zhuang Xu would pour cold water on him. But he did not want to say no either, because he was going to land in a few hours, and it would be very embarrassing when they met. He deliberately replied: “I don’t know, I only know that the place I’m in is dark.”
A little while later, Zhuang Xu called him again. This time it connected, and it was fairly smooth, but Zhuang Xu did not speak, as if he just wanted to let Li Shanqing hear his breathing.
The cabin was very dark, and almost all the passengers were asleep. Li Shanqing could not speak loudly. Personal etiquette was one thing, but if he woke someone up and they wanted to hit him, he would not be able to fight back. So he asked Zhuang Xu in a whisper: “Why are you calling if you’re not going to talk? Can’t we just text?”
“And why aren’t you asleep yet?” He looked at the clock on his phone. It was already past twelve in Binhai, a new day.
Zhuang Xu told him: “I’m still at the office. I was at the hospital all day, and there are a lot of documents I haven’t signed.”
Li Shanqing said “Mm,” and felt that Zhuang Xu’s voice, after being compressed and becoming choppy, was more approachable than before, no longer so cold. He told Zhuang Xu: “I’ll land in seven hours. Remember to set an alarm to pick me up, otherwise I’ll be at the airport alone and won’t be able to carry my oxygen machine.”
Zhuang Xu said “Okay,” and did not hang up.
At this moment, Li Shanqing felt that Zhuang Xu seemed more like a child than he was, but he also felt that Zhuang Xu’s actions were very correct. It could make Li Shanqing feel that he was also very important to Zhuang Xu, and not just that he was the only one with feelings.
After waiting for a while, Li Shanqing felt a little pleased with himself, broke the silence, showed his mature side, and coaxed Zhuang Xu: “Little Zhuang, don’t you worry, don’t be afraid, CEO Li will be back to be with you soon.”
“…” Zhuang Xu seemed to hesitate, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end, he said, “Never mind, you should get some sleep.” and hung up the phone.
When he landed in Binhai, it was early morning. Li Shanqing looked out from the porthole. The entire city was glowing with a white light due to the fog, like a spider’s web where every thread had a few glittering points. The silhouettes of mountains and buildings were blurry in the fog, like a canvas with a few wet patches.
Li Shanqing did not have much luggage, just a backpack with an oxygen concentrator and a few clothes. He rarely flew, so he was completely unfamiliar with the airport terminal. The passengers around him all walked faster and more urgently than he did.
By the time he struggled to the exit, he was already a little dizzy. He saw Zhuang Xu standing in the crowd, wearing the black jacket he often wore, his face stern. Zhuang Xu seems to have lost weight, Li Shanqing thought. It’s only been a month, but he’s become more melancholic.
Is melancholy really the only path to growth?
“Hi, hi, Little Zhuang, CEO Li is here!” Li Shanqing wanted to be louder, to sound more energetic, but his throat did not produce much sound, and it was hoarse and not very pleasant.
Fortunately, Zhuang Xu seemed to have heard him. He looked over at Li Shanqing. His dark eyes and steady gaze made his temperament become gentle again.
The moment he saw Li Shanqing walk out, Zhuang Xu still felt that he might be hallucinating. After all, “Li Shanqing” and “Binhai,” to Zhuang Xu, were almost two mutually exclusive terms.
And in his perception, Li Shanqing would not do anything for him. From Fancheng to Licheng, a six-hour car ride was the limit.
Over the past month, the group’s development had been relatively smooth, but Zhuang Xu himself had been having a rather terrible time.
Kissing Li Shanqing during their argument after drinking was already the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life. The subsequent outcome of Li Shanqing’s complete indifference and allergic reaction made this mistake seem like a huge joke.
After parting on bad terms, Li Shanqing did not contact him for a long time. Logically, this should have been a good thing, but after about three days, Zhuang Xu discovered that compared to Li Shanqing, the one who found it harder to bear not being in contact was probably himself.
A week after cutting off contact, Zhuang Xu changed his time zone back to Binhai. At first, he felt he would transition smoothly and return to the self who could be very indifferent to Li Shanqing in the beginning.
However, the time outside of work was gradually spent waiting for a message that never came.
The day SyncPulse received its marketing approval, he finally got one, but it was only a two-message exchange, so while he felt a pleasant surprise upon receiving the message, he was ultimately not satisfied, nor did he feel any happiness.
In early November, the temperature in Binhai dropped. It was supposed to be an ordinary afternoon. Zhuang Xu accompanied his mother to get her follow-up report. She had not been feeling well recently, and Zhuang Xu took it very seriously, finishing his work early to go with her, only to receive bad news.
The doctor initially wanted to inform Zhuang Xu first and advised his mother to go for a walk. But his mother guessed it immediately, sat in the doctor’s office, and refused to go out and wait: “If there’s a problem, just tell me.”
The doctor sighed and explained the follow-up report in detail. The final conclusion was a localized recurrence of mid-stage liver cancer, which required immediate treatment. Zhuang Xu’s mother’s body was weak, so after the consultation, it was decided to first conduct a physical assessment to see if she could undergo chemotherapy.
After taking his mother to the ward, he comforted her in a gentle voice, telling her he would find a way for everything, that she would receive the best treatment. That she would get through it safely.
“Maybe people have their fate.” His mother did not seem to be listening at first, she said absently. Zhuang Xu sat by her bed, and after a while, she said: “Mom will persevere.”
Life seemed to have returned to the few weeks after his father had just passed away. Zhuang Xu thought that perhaps he was the same as Binhai, far from the sun. Whenever the sky was about to darken, the rain would not stop.
He had planned to digest it on his own as he had before, but in the end, he felt he could not hold on—he could have held on. He could have. But he thought of that person in Fancheng who was living like a fish in water. He stayed up almost all night, and still made the call.
At first, he just wanted to hear Li Shanqing’s voice. Not for a single second did he think that Li Shanqing would mysteriously walk out of an exit at Binhai Airport more than thirty hours later, carrying a large bag, and wave at him when he saw him.
Li Shanqing’s sleeve fell down, revealing a thin, pale arm. He seemed to have mumbled something, but Zhuang Xu did not hear it clearly. When he reached Zhuang Xu’s side, Li Shanqing stuffed the bag into Zhuang Xu’s arms and was about to say something when he started coughing.
This was the most severe reaction to his illness Zhuang Xu had ever seen in Li Shanqing. He gripped Zhuang Xu’s arm tightly, as if he were about to cough up his lungs. Zhuang Xu saw his brow furrow, his eyelashes tremble, and his chest emit a sound that made passersby turn their heads.
In the past, even when Li Shanqing was sick and weak in front of Zhuang Xu, his illness had always been stable. He had never shown such a state, coughing so hard that his head was buried in Zhuang Xu’s chest, his slender limbs looking as if they would break. Some passersby wanted to come over to help, while others jumped away in fright.
Zhuang Xu held his shoulders tightly, being his support to stand. When Li Shanqing’s breath came close to his skin, he felt a pang of pain, and also felt that life once again had a magical and indescribable color, and the rain in Binhai had appeared in color.
Li Shanqing finally stopped, and followed Zhuang Xu to the car.
Just one long-haul flight could make Li Shanqing so weak that he could barely speak. However, sitting in the car, his fingers were very nimble. He lay back and typed to Zhuang Xu: “Oh my god, I haven’t seen it in two years, and the weather in Binhai is still so rotten. I feel depressed as soon as I land.”
If it’s rotten, why did you come back? Why did you come back?
Zhuang Xu wanted to ask, but instead he said: “It was sunny last week.”
“So it’s my fault?” Li Shanqing’s voice was pitifully hoarse. He gave Zhuang Xu a light push. Zhuang Xu said: “No.” Fearing he had not expressed himself clearly, he said: “I’m not blaming you.” Then he twisted open a bottle of water and handed it to him.
“You’re sensible.” Only then was Li Shanqing satisfied. He took the water and drank a few sips.
He had probably coughed too much. His throat still hurt. After drinking some water, he sat乖乖in his seat, unusually quiet.
Zhuang Xu drove away from the airport. Knowing that Li Shanqing was not feeling well, he still wanted to talk to him. After a while, he asked: “You came back this time, did you tell Lawyer Zhou?”
“Of course not,” Li Shanqing glanced at him weakly and said slowly, “It’s a good thing I didn’t die, otherwise the last words I said to my mom would have been ‘Mom, I’m going to sleep, I want to sleep in tomorrow’.”
Zhuang Xu felt the corners of his mouth twitch. Li Shanqing’s gaze was on Zhuang Xu’s face. This time, Li Shanqing did not laugh at Zhuang Xu for being amused by him as he had in the past. Instead, he seemed to have thought for a moment and said: “Zhuang Xu, when we weren’t in contact, I thought about a lot of things by myself.”
His hand rested on Zhuang Xu’s arm. Zhuang Xu waited for him to speak. After waiting for a while, the arm on his arm slid down. Li Shanqing had fallen asleep.
He slept as soundly as a young child, his mask covering his face, his eyelashes resting densely on his eyelids.
Zhuang Xu pulled over to the side of the road, took off his jacket, and covered Li Shanqing with it. He used a crude method to take care of a dream.
Can a dream be taken care of? If it is taken care of well, can the dream not disappear?
Before continuing to drive, Zhuang Xu turned on the heater for him again.
