There were not many cars left in the hospital’s open-air parking lot, and Zhuang Xu lingered in the darkness for a while. It was not necessary to return to VIP Room 2, but a patient should not be left alone.
Li Shanqing’s willful words, his fragile and lonely appearance, made Zhuang Xu feel he should be the one to yield first. Continuous companionship might silently express this concession. Moreover, thinking of Li Shanqing’s pained expression as he said he wanted to be healthy, Zhuang Xu did not want to abandon him and go home.
However, he did not receive Li Shanqing’s usual good-night text in the end, guessing Li Shanqing must have fallen asleep. With no reason to return to the ward, Zhuang Xu left Yiying Hospital at half-past one in the morning.
Years ago, when his mother was ill, he had come and gone from the hospital at this hour many times, already familiar with the scene. Yet today, for some reason, it felt imbued with a different meaning. An ordinary quiet night road seemed ominously like a rushed metaphor for farewell.
The next morning, Zhuang Xu’s schedule was, as usual, packed with work. After finishing, he hurried to the hospital before lunch. The nurse at the ward’s front desk told him Li Shanqing had gone back to school and would return after classes for an infusion.
Throughout the day, Li Shanqing seemed to have vanished, which felt unusual to Zhuang Xu. In the evening, he canceled a dinner appointment and returned to Yiying Hospital.
The door to VIP Room 2 was slightly ajar. Zhuang Xu knocked politely and entered, unexpectedly finding Lawyer Zhou sitting by the bed while Li Shanqing slept.
She was dressed in professional attire, looking travel-worn, likely having come straight to the hospital after a business trip to Bingang. A leather carry-on suitcase rested at the foot of the bed.
Li Shanqing’s urticaria seemed to have improved. At a glance, Zhuang Xu noticed the mottled patches on his chest were less pronounced than the previous night. He slept soundly, his hair softly covering his forehead. If not for his breathing, with his chest rising and falling steadily, he would have looked like a beautiful doll.
Lawyer Zhou was surprised to see him, then quickly stood up, instinctively gesturing for silence and pointing to the ward’s door.
They exited the room quietly, one after the other, before Lawyer Zhou asked, “Zhuang Xu, are you here at the hospital for something?”
“I came to see Li Shanqing,” Zhuang Xu told her.
She was taken aback, saying, “When did you and Shanqing meet? How come we’ve never heard him mention you?”
She led Zhuang Xu to the small garden where he had once run into Li Shanqing.
Since the way Li Shanqing obtained Zhuang Xu’s phone number was clearly improper, out of friendship and courtesy, Zhuang Xu covered up parts of how they met, mentioning only Li Shanqing’s internship at the nanomedicine lab.
“I see,” Lawyer Zhou said, sitting on a bench and nodding. “Did he also ask you about the sustained-release implant?”
Zhuang Xu did not deny it, and she continued, “He’s been obsessed with your implant for a long time. I haven’t told you, but he once wanted to apply as a volunteer for the implant. We all thought he was too young and his health too poor. No one in the family supported him, and he sulked for half an hour. I didn’t expect he’d go and meet you on his own. He hasn’t caused you any trouble, has he?”
“No.”
She asked again, “How did you know he was sick?”
Zhuang Xu didn’t tell the truth: “He told me last night.”
“Then you two must get along well,” Lawyer Zhou smiled. “Shanqing is very headstrong. He never tells friends or classmates about his illness in detail. He says things like being sick should be treated like entertainment gossip, told as a joke, so others think he’s strong and don’t see him as a patient.”
This was their first conversation not as lawyer and client, and Zhuang Xu soon noticed that when acting as a mother, Lawyer Zhou’s protective love for Li Shanqing made her entirely different from her professional demeanor.
When talking about Li Shanqing, she could hardly stop, both worried and proud, sharing things Zhuang Xu already knew, like how Li Shanqing was smart from a young age, cute, and loved by everyone. Even with frequent hospitalizations, he never lacked awards. “I’ve never had to manage Shanqing’s studies,” she said. “I don’t know how, but the kid never needs worrying about in that regard.”
But he was too opinionated, and no one could sway him once he made a decision.
“Take today, for example. This afternoon, when I arrived at the hospital, he suddenly told me he’d contacted a top private school near the university he wants to attend, communicated with their admissions office, and was preparing to apply for a transfer,” Zhou Shuxue said, her expression tinged with concern but mostly pride for her son. “He’s still sick, yet he’s doing so well.”
Zhuang Xu didn’t react at first, looking at her. After a few seconds, he said, “I thought he was going to Bingang University.”
Lawyer Zhou was surprised. “How could that be?” She smiled. “He’s never considered Bingang University. If he wanted to go there, he wouldn’t have chosen his current high school.”
Zhuang Xu fell silent, instinctively recalling his interactions with Li Shanqing. He realized Li Shanqing had explicitly said he wanted to be his junior only once. Later, whenever Bingang University came up, Li Shanqing avoided the topic.
“Because Shanqing is most allergic to dust mites and molds,” Lawyer Zhou explained. “The city he’s going to is much friendlier in that regard than Bingang, with better air and advanced healthcare. My husband’s sister lives there, so he’ll have someone to look after him.
“I used to say I didn’t know what I did wrong, not giving Shanqing a healthy body, letting him come into this world like this. Shanqing would comfort me, saying being born was the greatest luck, that maybe his physical strength was stacked onto his intelligence, and he’d find a healthy body himself. He says he’s going to a place that’ll make him healthier now, and even if we’re worried, we can’t stop him.”
“Am I talking too much?” Lawyer Zhou said sheepishly. “I rarely find someone to talk about Shanqing with.”
Zhuang Xu said, “No,” and she added, “I was worried about him interning at your lab this summer, thinking it’d be too tiring for his body. Now he probably won’t go. I hope you’ll understand.”
“It’s fine,” Zhuang Xu said.
This was not the first time Zhuang Xu’s planned life path had been disrupted. The initial feeling was numbness, and only after some time did he sense that the world he had envisioned no longer held.
It wasn’t some grand collapse of dreams, at most a slight, uncontrollable slow cooling, because even in his most confused moments, the steady future he thought he could confidently outline had still slipped away. Of course, this was nothing; to be sad over it would be too immature.
At that moment, a voice called out, “Mom… Zhuang Xu?”
They looked up and saw Li Shanqing, draped in a jacket, tilting his head slightly, standing by the glass door. He gave a small smile, looking cute. “What are you guys talking about?”
As he walked toward them, there was no trace of the resentment or grievance he’d shown Zhuang Xu the previous day, as if he’d fully processed his anger over not getting the implant, swiftly abandoned the wrong path, and decided to move in another direction.
“Talking about your studies,” Lawyer Zhou said, standing up and walking over, adjusting Li Shanqing’s collar as Zhuang Xu had done the day before.
Li Shanqing glanced at Zhuang Xu and said, “Zhuang Xu knows. I showed him my resume first. Did it mention I’m transferring?”
“It did,” Zhuang Xu answered before Lawyer Zhou.
At that moment, Lawyer Zhou’s phone buzzed with an urgent work call she had to take. She stepped away quickly to answer, leaving only Zhuang Xu and Li Shanqing in the small garden.
The last time Zhuang Xu was here, he had misunderstood Li Shanqing and been unkind. This time, the scene was unclear, but Li Shanqing’s attitude was casual, entirely unapologetic. He said, “The nurse told me you came to see me this morning. Thanks. I’m not angry anymore. Whether I can get the implant isn’t your decision.”
“But I did get urticaria because you made me mad,” he added, rolling his eyes before continuing with a hint of smugness. “I didn’t even tell my mom. Otherwise, she’d definitely put you on her client blacklist.”
“I don’t have any inheritance lawsuits to fight,” Zhuang Xu countered. “I heard from Lawyer Zhou she didn’t know you went behind their backs and gave me your medical report.”
Li Shanqing pursed his lips, letting out an “Mm,” and told Zhuang Xu, “I’m getting ready to leave Bingang early. I decided pretty quickly after you left yesterday.”
“Will you care?” he asked curiously, then immediately looked away. “Never mind, I know you don’t. Zhuang Xu, you don’t have OCD about making sure people keep their casual promises to you, do you? I mean about thinking I’d go to Bingang University.”
Li Shanqing’s gaze was so candid and pure it was almost cruel. He said these words so simply, making Zhuang Xu realize that this was indeed the truth.
How could anyone take every word of an immature sixteen- or seventeen-year-old seriously?
Sometimes, looking down from an airplane, white clouds seem thick enough to bear weight. Zhuang Xu had a similar misunderstanding about Li Shanqing’s words. Placing intense emotions on someone too fragile to handle them was the placer’s fault.
If it were Zhuang Xu years later, he might have restrained himself even if he wanted to ask. But back then, for some reason, he wasn’t gracious enough and pressed, “What are your plans after you finish school?”
“I don’t know. That’s too far off,” Li Shanqing said. “I don’t want to think about things that distant.”
The last rays of the evening sun sank quickly, and the garden’s automatic lights turned on, illuminating Li Shanqing’s hair, making it look fluffy. Observing Zhuang Xu’s face, he suddenly asked, “Zhuang Xu, would you take me out to have fun one more time? I probably won’t be back for a long while after I leave.”
“Why me?” Zhuang Xu asked. “Think I won’t feel guilty?”
Li Shanqing shook his head obediently and said, “No, why do you remember everything I say? I just think it’s fun to hang out with you.”
“Of course, there’s also the fact that you wouldn’t feel guilty anyway,” he added with a smile. “Take me out, okay?”
Honestly, having been deceived by him without a single apology, anyone would refuse, but Zhuang Xu still said, “Alright.”
He regretted many things, feeling he could have handled them better, but not this one. Zhuang Xu couldn’t say he regretted it.
March ended like that. In April, Li Shanqing was busy with transfer matters across time zones and had exams to prepare for, so he was too occupied to go out. Zhuang Xu received his messages at three in the morning.
In May, when Li Shanqing had more time, Zhuang Xu was on a business trip to the inland factory for most of the month.
By June, they finally aligned their schedules and went out on a Sunday afternoon. Li Shanqing had no plans, saying Zhuang Xu should be the driver and take him for a ride around Bingang, as he hadn’t been to many places in such a small city.
The weather that day was excellent, with a typhoon having just passed, leaving comfortable temperatures, neither cold nor hot.
Zhuang Xu went to pick up Li Shanqing and waited five minutes. Li Shanqing sauntered out from an archway, wearing a gray bucket hat for sun protection, large black sunglasses, and a thin white long-sleeve T-shirt.
The bucket hat covered half his face. In the slightly warm sunlight, Zhuang Xu inexplicably felt Li Shanqing had grown taller and more mature, shedding a bit of his boyish air.
In their recent, less frequent chats, Li Shanqing had mentioned three times that his health had been good lately and that Mary had fattened him up. Seeing him in person confirmed it. Though still thin, he was no longer skin and bones, with a slight fullness in his cheeks.
“Xiao Zhuang,” Li Shanqing said, getting into the car, buckling his seatbelt, and turning to Zhuang Xu with a smile in his raspy voice. “Long time no see. Notice any changes in me?”
Zhuang Xu said, “No,” and Li Shanqing looked shocked. “How’s that possible? I grew taller—zero point five centimeters!”
He tugged at Zhuang Xu. “No way, let’s get out and check. Maybe you can’t tell my height while I’m sitting.”
Zhuang Xu ignored him, swatting his hand away and starting the car.
Li Shanqing grumbled, “You’ll see when we get out. This Xiao Zhuang doesn’t know how to play along with Mr. Li. Tomorrow, he’s demoted from the driver department!”
Zhuang Xu’s lips curved slightly, and Li Shanqing beamed, looking like his scheme had succeeded, as if their relationship had returned to how it was before, free of conflict or arguments.
Regrettably, Li Shanqing’s flippant words and unique nicknames were given freely to anyone, crafted for all. Later, the one who wanted to be his only would learn to tuck away their cherish for these expressions and closeness, hiding it deep in their heart, returning to their original self.
No wave could unearth it, ensuring safety. By not initiating, one wouldn’t be perceived, surprised, mocked, or rejected.
