I grabbed drinks for Go Heemin, who had fallen asleep, and for Kang Taeyoon, who would be back soon, then returned to the area near the lecture hall.
My footsteps echoed down the corridor, which was quiet to the point of stillness. Judging by the atmosphere, Min Siheon hadn’t arrived yet.
With the condensation-damp cans cradled in my arms, I was just about to open the door.
“…Huh?”
As I reached out to grab the handle, I noticed the door was slightly ajar. I was sure I had shut it properly before leaving. That’s when I realized someone must have come by.
Did Go Heemin wake up and come looking for me? As those thoughts crossed my mind, I was about to pull the door open—
My body stiffened with a jerk, and I couldn’t say a word. I was too overwhelmed by the sight in front of me to do anything but inhale sharply.
“……!”
Through the narrow, five-centimeter gap, I saw the figure of someone moving. It was someone I knew well.
As if he had just arrived, Min Siheon was standing beside the sleeping Go Heemin.
Under the window where the thin curtains fluttered, Min Siheon stood with the light behind him. His shadowed face was filled with a cold, numb energy unlike his usual self.
The gentle eyes that often curved in soft arches were now held in a still, unfamiliar shape.
The moment my gaze fixed on his tightly sealed lips, Min Siheon stepped closer to Go Heemin.
Despite his seemingly indifferent demeanor, he was radiating a strange heat. Even from a distance, it was an intense presence I could sense immediately.
From beyond those darkly sunken eyes, an emotion I couldn’t identify overflowed.
His pitch-black pupils, holding not a single trace of light, gleamed. I didn’t know why, but just looking at him made me feel like I couldn’t move a muscle.
“W-What is this…?”
He moved right up in front of Go Heemin. Bathed in sunlight, my jumper draped over Go Heemin shimmered faintly.
Watching that scene, Min Siheon reached out toward Go Heemin. His long shadow stretched over him as if staining him, and my heart dropped—I felt a dizzying sensation, like plunging from a great height.
Just before Min Siheon’s hand could touch Go Heemin, his upper body lowered along with his arm.
At the same time, the strength drained from my own arms.
Clang! Clatter, clatter… The cans I had been holding fell to the floor and rolled across the corridor.
As I stared at the cans rattling away, I felt a gaze from afar.
Beyond the slightly opened door, Min Siheon was looking this way.
Perhaps startled by the sudden noise, he had already withdrawn the arm he’d extended toward Go Heemin.
Flustered and unsure what to do, I crouched down to pick up the cans, and as my body nudged it, the lecture hall door swung open.
Trying to pretend I hadn’t seen anything, I forced a calm expression—just then, Min Siheon called my name.
“…Cha Jungwoo?”
As I grabbed one of the cans within reach, I glanced at him. The sinister expression from earlier was nowhere to be found; he looked just like the Min Siheon I knew.
Or maybe not. Something seemed slightly different. It was as if Min Siheon’s usual unbreakable poker face had cracked.
Though he still carried a gentle air, his brow was furrowed.
“Ah.”
When I opened my mouth, Min Siheon composed his expression.
The eyes that had been darkened black now shimmered in their usual bright brown.
From his slightly parted lips to the faint tilt of his head, he looked nothing like the menacing figure from moments ago.
Min Siheon alternated his gaze between me, crouched on the floor, and Go Heemin, asleep with his head down on the desk.
Was he worried that I might have seen something? A dry laugh almost escaped me.
I didn’t know the reason, but I figured I should deny it for now. So I picked up the cans and greeted him with an expression of complete ignorance.
“When did you get here? I just stepped out to grab some drinks. You got here fast.”
“…Yeah.”
At my words, Min Siheon lifted a hand and dragged it down his face. He shifted his steps, as if about to come closer. Just then, Go Heemin, who had been slumped over the desk, twitched his shoulders.
As he sat up, the jumper slid down his body.
His light brown hair shimmered in the sunlight, and bright rays poured over his face.
In a voice thick with sleep, he grumbled in complaint. Worried the atmosphere might turn strange, I entered the lecture hall before Min Siheon did.
“Ugh, what is it? Why’s it so noisy?”
“…Go Heemin?”
“Ah, Heemin. You’re up. I called Siheon over. You should stop sleeping too. Didn’t you say Kang Taeyoon’s coming soon?”
I handed one of the drinks I’d been holding to Min Siheon, who had come closer, and his eyes, which had been on Go Heemin, turned to me.
At the same time, Min Siheon let out a deep sigh. After brushing back his bangs, he took a step back.
Perching on a nearby desk, he wore an inexplicably exhausted expression.
It was as if something had drained him; he simply remained silent.
I set the remaining cans on the desk where Go Heemin was sitting. I wanted to empty my arms quickly and hide my trembling hands.
“One’s yours, and one’s Kang Taeyoon’s.”
“Thanks. But Min Siheon, what’re you doing over there?”
“Ha.”
At Go Heemin’s question, Min Siheon let out a hollow laugh. He raised a hand to cover his eyes, then lowered his head and dragged his hand down his face.
Through the gap between his fingers, I saw his eyes. Veins had risen red against the shadows, and his pupils were dilated.
Startled, I couldn’t look away. Min Siheon rolled his eyes and looked at me. A hiccup slipped out of me without warning.
“What’s wrong, Cha Jungwoo?”
“N-No, hic— nothing.”
I grabbed one of the cans I’d set down and took a drink. Only then did the hiccup stop, as if it had just been a false alarm. In that brief moment, Min Siheon seemed to gather his shaken emotions.
He closed the gap between his fingers and lowered his hand, and like magic, his face had returned to normal.
With a calm smile and a tone that sounded concerned, he spoke to me so serenely that I almost wondered if what I’d seen earlier had been a dream.
“Are you okay?”
“Y-Yeah….”
A breeze blew in through the half-open window. Beneath the fluttering curtain, he no longer revealed that pitch-black desire from before.
…Desire? That was the word I chose to define the emotion Min Siheon had shown toward Go Heemin. It was a gaze of greed—wanting to possess—something that went beyond love.
Only then was I able to correct all the misunderstandings I’d had. The novel was already unfolding according to the original storyline, and Min Siheon was in a state of feeling something more than unspoken emotion toward Go Heemin.
I suddenly wanted to run from Min Siheon’s gaze. My heart pounded like it would burst, and my mouth went dry.
Was this what love was like? I must have been standing far too close to them.
It felt like the time had come to step back—like I needed to draw a line now.
***
As I traced back my memories, I stared at the burning tobacco leaves. Watching the cigarette shorten, I bit down on the end of the filter.
After grinding the stub into the ground and putting it out, I exhaled the smoke filling my mouth. The bitterness lingering on my tongue made me stick it out and scrape it against my upper teeth.
“If that was all I’d seen, maybe it’d be different. But after that too… No, let’s just not think about it.”
Feeling like I’d done something pointless, I stood up from my crouched position. Ignoring the tingling sensation climbing up my legs, I headed back to the café.
When I looked for the sofa where they’d been sitting, Yoo In-ho must have gone to the restroom or something—Min Siheon was sitting there alone.
Seeing him resting his chin on his hand and staring out the window, I poked him in the back with my finger.
Min Siheon turned to me with a faint smile. The sight of his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose stirred an inexplicable irritation in me.
Meanwhile, the cigarette hadn’t even tasted good. And one of the reasons for that was sitting here looking perfectly composed. Grumbling, I leaned against the chair he was sitting in.
“You’re back.”
“You bastard, you’re no fun. Not even a little surprised?”
“I could see you reflected in the glass. Even saw you smoking.”
Following where Min Siheon pointed, I really could faintly see where I’d been standing. More precisely, it was reflected in the window of the building across from us at an angle.
“Why’d you bother watching that? That’s embarrassing.”
“It was interesting. Jungwoo, your expressions are pretty varied. …Though I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”
“You’re the same, you know.”
When I turned my head curtly, I saw Min Siheon watching me as if I were something entertaining.
Did he see everything? I remembered running my hands through my hair and sighing heavily while I smoked.
For no reason, sitting face-to-face with him now felt burdensome.
It was probably about time for class anyway. I decided to use that as an excuse to leave.
I’d practically shoved my things into my bag earlier, so my spot was already clean. Quietly slinging the bag over my shoulder, I straightened up from where I’d been leaning.
“Leaving already?”
“Yeah, I told you I have class.”
“…You haven’t even eaten. I’ll order something for you. At least eat that before you go.”
“No thanks. You should focus on eating properly yourself. You were bedridden not long ago, and you’re still skipping meals.”
I waved a hand to block the persistent gaze fixed on me. Then, telling him to take care of his health, I gave Min Siheon’s shoulder a light smack.
As if reluctant to part, Min Siheon grabbed the hem of my shirt. Anyone watching might mistake us for long-lost family members.
“What?! Cha Jung— you’re leaving already??”
“Yeah. And you—while I’m still being nice—stop bothering him and actually do your assignment properly. I’ll check it all later.”
“You’re such a nag. If you’re gonna talk like that, just hurry up and go.”
“Fine, I’ll disappear for you. Min Siheon, see you later.”
“…….”
Yoo In-ho suddenly appeared and shouted at the top of his lungs. Thanks to that, my shirt slipped free from Min Siheon’s grasp. It felt less like he let go and more like he lost his grip, but that didn’t really matter.
Taking advantage of the moment, I quickly put distance between myself and the table. Under the burning gaze that felt like it could bore a hole through the back of my head, I hypnotized myself into believing I didn’t feel anything at all.
After leaving the café, I headed toward the lecture building where my class would be.
“I want to help, but if I help, my heart just won’t settle right. Well, he’ll figure it out himself.”
Fatigue washed over me, and I rubbed at my stiff eyes. Ever since recalling those past memories, something felt strangely suffocating. There was a tight pressure in my chest, like I had indigestion.
It felt like my desire to help him and some other unspoken impulse were clashing inside me. I couldn’t define it clearly, and that only made the discomfort linger.
