Chapter 84
Seo-jung blinked slowly in response to the voice coming through the door crack, then widened his eyes. His expression was as if he had seen someone who absolutely shouldn’t be there, but it was a natural reaction for him.
This was the place where Cha Yoon and he had lived together before the accident. He was facing Cha Yoon in a place that the memory-lost Cha Yoon should never have been able to find.
After the kiss with Cha Yoon, his complex feelings only became more tangled as time passed. He couldn’t cut off the persistent thoughts and emotions, nor did he have the confidence to face Cha Yoon.
For him, work became a good excuse. Both for organizing his unstoppable thoughts and for avoiding Cha Yoon.
Ki Seo-jung, who had left the X House as if fleeing, stayed at the control tower for two straight days. What brought him out, after he had been immersed in work even changing his schedule, was a pre-arranged dinner with colleagues.
Seo-jung had already stayed up all night. In worse condition than usual, the alcohol hit him faster, and by the time he put down his glass thinking he shouldn’t drink more, he was already quite drunk. Since he was the type who didn’t show his drunkenness outwardly, none of his colleagues at the dinner knew he was intoxicated.
Seo-jung, who had stayed until the end of the dinner, barely made it home, and just as he was about to go to bed with the help of the alcohol, the doorbell rang. And now here he was.
“…Cha Yoon?”
Seo-jung mumbled Cha Yoon’s name, unable to take his eyes off him. He wanted to confirm if the person in front of him was really Cha Yoon, or if he was seeing a hallucination. And if it really was Cha Yoon, then there was only one answer.
“It didn’t bother you, right?”
“…”
“It was okay for you to stay here… That’s why you kept staying, right?”
But Cha Yoon, unaware of Seo-jung’s thoughts, just continued with what he wanted to say. He wanted to hear that one sentence – that it was okay, that’s why he stayed here. If Seo-jung hadn’t been hurting alone, that would be enough. But unfortunately, the answer he wanted didn’t come.
“Please, answer me…”
With an anxious heart, Cha Yoon took a step towards Seo-jung, who was standing holding onto the front door with one hand. And as he was begging for Seo-jung’s answer.
He couldn’t continue his words. It was because Seo-jung suddenly pulled him in and hugged him.
With that touch, Cha Yoon was helplessly drawn into the entrance, and soon after, the door closed behind him with a bang.
He froze on the spot. He could smell a faint scent of alcohol mixed with the body wash fragrance on his nose, but he couldn’t pay attention to such small details. The answer he had been waiting for so long was swept away by the overwhelming stimulus, leaving no trace. And the empty space was filled with just one thought.
‘Ki Seo-jung is hugging me.’
The scent brushing his nose, the weight of Seo-jung, the warm temperature, even the small sound of breathing – everything he could sense with his five senses proved that this situation was real.
As something he had never expected became reality, Cha Yoon couldn’t control his rapidly beating heart. He wondered if it might burst. The thought that it might not be so bad to die like this was interrupted by Seo-jung’s voice.
“…Are you really Cha Yoon?”
Seo-jung loosened his arms that were tightly hugging Cha Yoon and stepped back a bit. Then, without taking his eyes off Cha Yoon’s face, he waited for his answer. Seeing Seo-jung’s shaking pupils, Cha Yoon frowned for a moment.
Really Cha Yoon? As if there were real and fake Cha Yoons in this world. It was a strange question. As if there was some intention he hadn’t caught.
Nevertheless, Cha Yoon tried not to think too deeply. That wasn’t what was important. The facts he needed to focus on were that Seo-jung had initiated physical contact with him for the first time, and that he had dropped the formal speech he had been stubbornly using and switched to informal speech. These two things were all that mattered.
“Who else would I be if not Cha Yoon?”
As if to prove his existence, Cha Yoon raised his arms that had been hanging by his sides and embraced Seo-jung who had moved away from him. It was a gentle gesture that didn’t match his somewhat gruff tone.
“This isn’t a dream, right? It’s really you, Yoon-ah.”
At those words, Cha Yoon’s eyes widened. The nickname “Yoon-ah,” which had gnawed at his nerves for a while after hearing it one night in the past, stuck in his ears. With his heart beating so violently that he could feel it himself, Cha Yoon realized only then that he had been hoping to hear that nickname again.
Maybe that’s why. He wasn’t annoyed by the repeated questions. Rather, his heart beat even faster. Cha Yoon spoke, as if he had made some decision, putting more strength into his arms.
“Yes. I’m really Cha Yoon… hyung.”
The sense of security felt from the firm arms around his back, and even the added “hyung” title. All these things mixed together, making Seo-jung’s heart, loosened by alcohol, open up even more.
There were many differences from the original Cha Yoon. The consistent use of formal speech was one, and the size of affection in his eyes when looking at him was another. It was an emotion that had deepened and solidified over 7 years. The current Cha Yoon, who had only just acknowledged his feelings, couldn’t possibly imitate that.
But the drunk Seo-jung didn’t notice these differences. As even the last doubt that it might be his misconception disappeared, words he had deeply hidden in his heart burst out like a flood.
“…Yoon-ah, why did you come only now.”
“…”
“How long I’ve waited. How much I’ve hoped for you to come back…”
Ki Seo-jung’s true feelings, which he had never shown to anyone before, flowed out. At that voice full of unbearable sadness and resentment, Cha Yoon felt a throbbing pain near his heart for a moment.
The words he uttered must have meant that he had left the X House and waited for him here. That must be right, but… why did he feel such a heart-wrenching pain? Biting his lower lip and enduring the inexplicable pain, Cha Yoon soon rubbed Seo-jung’s back as if to comfort him.
“I didn’t know you were waiting. If I had known, I would have come running right away. I would have dropped everything and come here. Really… Did you wait long?”
“Yes, I’ve been waiting since that day, Yoon-ah. I’ve just been waiting for you…”
Cha Yoon noticed the tearfulness in Seo-jung’s voice as he nodded and answered. Cha Yoon’s arms tightened. Having only seen that always calm face, expressions that hid his inner thoughts, he couldn’t possibly be immune to his tears.
“Don’t cry. I’m sorry for making you wait. It’s all my fault.”
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. So please don’t cry. Cha Yoon kept apologizing over and over, not knowing what he was sorry for or what he had done wrong. His touch on Seo-jung’s body was gentle, and warmth filled Cha Yoon’s voice as if infected. Although it was a tone he had never used in his life, he comforted Seo-jung naturally without any awkwardness.
Seo-jung shook his head at those words and spoke in a trembling voice.
“No, I’m more sorry. It’s my fault, all of it.”
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Yoon-ah. Seo-jung’s words deepened, filled with many emotions. In a voice full of deep regret and self-blame, he apologized to Cha Yoon.
“What are you saying? You didn’t do anything wrong, hyung. I’m just an idiot.”
So don’t say things like that. Cha Yoon whispered as he pulled Seo-jung closer to himself. As if it didn’t matter whether he was at fault or not when it came to Seo-jung, he continued to recite unconditional apologies.
Cha Yoon’s voice, which had been softly continuing for a while, slowly stopped along with Seo-jung’s sobbing. Cha Yoon, who came to his senses before Seo-jung, realized that he was standing in the entrance of his house. They couldn’t stay here forever. He wanted to go inside, try to understand Seo-jung’s feelings a little more, and have the conversations they couldn’t before.
“Let’s not do this here, let’s go inside and…”
It was when he loosened his arms to release Seo-jung from his embrace in order to go inside. Noticing this, Seo-jung cut off Cha Yoon’s words and shook his head.
“I don’t want to be apart.”
“What?”
“I said I don’t want to be apart from you, Yoon-ah.”
Seo-jung’s voice, filled with a childish whine that Cha Yoon had never heard or even dared to imagine, pierced his ears. And at the same time, as if to prove Seo-jung’s sincerity, he pressed his body against Cha Yoon.
Cha Yoon had no choice but to freeze like ice again.
Seo-jung’s appearance that he had never seen before, Seo-jung’s body pressed against him without any gap, and decisively, a space where only the two of them were left without anyone’s interference.
As he recognized all of this, blood began to rush quickly to his center.
