Chapter 83
Cha Yoon slowly opened his eyes, finally coming to his senses after his headache subsided. He stared at the characters “Building 113” written on one side of the wall and began to move his steps gradually.
As he stood in front of the glass door, the sensor on the side activated. The screen reflected Cha Yoon’s stern expression, and soon after, the glass door slid open with the message “Apartment 2102 confirmed.”
Cha Yoon walked carefully to the elevator. He moved his hand, and soon the elevator doors opened with a ding. Once inside, Cha Yoon pressed the button marked ’21’. His touch was almost cautious.
The elevator moved with a slight noise. The numbers on the screen inside changed quickly, unlike his movements. In sync with this, Cha Yoon’s heart pounded roughly.
The number on the screen stopped changing. And the tightly closed elevator doors opened. The metal doors parting on both sides seemed to urge him to hurry out.
Despite this, Cha Yoon found it difficult to move his feet easily. His steps were heavy as if a large metal weight was attached to his ankles. It was a complete contrast to how he had rushed out of the X House. Cha Yoon rubbed his face dry and finally stepped out of the elevator.
Outside was no different from any other apartment. Two doors visible under white lighting. Cha Yoon stood in front of the door marked ‘2102’.
After staring intently at those numbers for a long time, Cha Yoon lowered his gaze. At the end of his line of sight was the number keypad. Under the ceiling light, traces of fingerprints were sporadically visible. Although he probably had used it too, he couldn’t remember anything about it. No matter how many times he tried to recall, it was the same.
From the vehicle barrier to the apartment entrance, and even the conversations echoing in his ears. All of it meant one thing: this was the home where he and Ki Seo-jung had lived together.
At the same time, what rang in his ears was Ki Seo-jung’s voice he had heard at the hospital.
‘Yoon-ah, you and I aren’t just sunbae and hoobae. We were dating, the two of us.’
Even thinking about it now, that day was completely chaotic. Of course it was. It was the day he had opened his eyes after a month following the traffic accident. While feeling irritated because every part of his body ached, the doctor had said something incomprehensible about him having amnesia.
It was just closing and opening his eyes, that’s all it was, but 7 years had passed? Who could believe that? At that time, when it felt like everyone was deceiving him, his eyes met Ki Seo-jung’s as he approached.
Ki Seo-jung’s face, which looked more mature than in his memory, was mixed with various emotions, but one thing was clear. It was relief. With that face, he told Cha Yoon that he was glad he had woken up, thanking him for regaining consciousness.
Thankful? Why Ki Seo-jung? Why was that person even here in the first place? Amidst all these incomprehensible things, Ki Seo-jung finally opened his mouth and said it. The fact that they had been lovers.
It was something Cha Yoon absolutely couldn’t comprehend. Because the last image of Ki Seo-jung was so vividly etched in his mind.
‘Cha Yoon, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t contact me personally like this anymore. It makes me uncomfortable.’
‘If you have a problem with me, just say it. What’s with this sudden “don’t contact me” talk?’
‘I don’t want to make Da-bin worry because of you.’
‘Why is that person suddenly being mentioned?’
‘…’
‘Don’t tell me you’re acting like this because of what the club members said at lunch yesterday? Because of the joke about you dating me instead of Shin Da-bin? Why are you bothered by such nonsense? Logically, how can two men date? Those people were just joking because they know it’s not true. And even if it wasn’t a joke, so what? As long as you and I know the truth, what’s the problem?’
‘…That’s the problem.’
‘What? I couldn’t hear you, you spoke too softly.’
‘I don’t like Da-bin being unnecessarily gossiped about for such a trivial reason.’
‘…’
‘…I don’t want to talk about this any longer. Don’t bother contacting me anymore. I’ve made myself clear. I’m leaving.’
After that conversation, Ki Seo-jung truly ignored all of Cha Yoon’s attempts to contact him. Even during their shared club activities, he didn’t spare Cha Yoon a single glance.
It was just a silly joke from someone he had barely met a few times. Something that could have been dismissed with a curse and forgotten about. Just that level of comment. Yet he had cut Cha Yoon off over such a meaningless person’s joke. As if everything they had built together until then meant nothing, so easily.
And now what? Saying they were lovers? Cha Yoon couldn’t understand Ki Seo-jung at all as he went on about something so far from his common sense.
His body hurt, and he disliked this Ki Seo-jung who appeared and spouted nonsense. He felt irritated, thinking he was being taken lightly. That’s why. That’s why he lashed out, telling him to come to his senses.
After spitting out sharp words and being left alone, the feeling he thought would be satisfying was, contrary to expectations, at rock bottom. He couldn’t do anything because Ki Seo-jung’s expression, seemingly hurt by each of his words, kept flashing in his mind.
It was after spending two full days thinking about Ki Seo-jung without a wink of sleep. What caught Cha Yoon’s eye as he rubbed his dry eyes was a ring placed on the table. As he examined the ring that didn’t look like an ordinary couple ring at all, he slowly slipped it onto his left hand.
After staring for a long time at the ring that fit perfectly on his fourth finger, as if made exactly for him, Cha Yoon finally decided to accept it. The fact that he and Ki Seo-jung had been lovers.
Although he had never once imagined dating a man in his life… somehow, if it was Ki Seo-jung, it seemed okay. Even though he couldn’t remember anything right away, maybe something would change as he listened to Ki Seo-jung’s stories from the past 7 years. As he was organizing the questions he wanted to ask in his mind and waiting for Ki Seo-jung’s contact, it happened.
A text came from Ki Seo-jung asking to meet. After a whole week.
Though he wasn’t aware of it himself, Cha Yoon’s face was full of anticipation as he got into the hospital elevator. What should I ask first? Should I start by asking who confessed? With such thoughts, he arrived at the cafe Ki Seo-jung had mentioned and faced him.
‘Let’s break up.’
Contrary to his expectations, what flowed from Ki Seo-jung’s mouth was a declaration of separation. With that one sentence, his hopeful heart turned cold.
Ki Seo-jung had cut Cha Yoon off for a girlfriend he hadn’t even dated for 3 months. And yet, Cha Yoon and Ki Seo-jung had been together for 7 years. So how could he let go of Cha Yoon so easily?
The answer wasn’t far off. To Ki Seo-jung, Cha Yoon was just an easy existence. Whether as a lover or a friend, it was the same. Otherwise, he couldn’t have abandoned an injured lover so easily.
Come to think of it, Cha Yoon had never imagined dating a man in the first place. So he tried to console himself by thinking it was for the best, but in the end, he couldn’t do anything about his wounded heart. His pain turned into a blade that attacked Ki Seo-jung. There were no winners there. Only two hurt people remained.
After that, he consciously tried not to think about anything related to Ki Seo-jung. This was true not only for the past 6 months but also after entering the X House. He obsessively thought that everything was because he disliked Ki Seo-jung, that there was no way he could like a man. He attached false labels to all his actions and emotions.
Only after facing the traces left everywhere did the vague feelings become tangible. The fact that he and Ki Seo-jung had been in love, and that Ki Seo-jung had remained here alone, enduring all the memories.
How must Ki Seo-jung have felt when he had to bear alone the memories that had belonged to both of them until now? Imagining the weight and sense of loss that Ki Seo-jung must have endured, Cha Yoon unconsciously clenched his fist.
He had always thought that only he had been hurt in their relationship, and believed that to be the truth. That was why he had put up his defenses and attacked Ki Seo-jung. Hoping that Ki Seo-jung would hurt as much as he had.
But now, standing in front of this door, Cha Yoon thought differently for the first time.
He hoped that Ki Seo-jung had no feelings left, just like how he had easily declared their breakup. He hoped that Ki Seo-jung, left here, hadn’t felt any pain. It was better than imagining Ki Seo-jung enduring everything alone in this place.
Unable to bear it any longer, Cha Yoon knocked on the door with all his might. Each time his fist hit the metal door, a loud thud resonated. A throbbing pain bloomed, but Cha Yoon didn’t stop. He just kept knocking on the door repeatedly.
With a beep, the front door opened. Through the slowly opening door, Ki Seo-jung appeared in casual attire. Unlike his usual self who always looked at Cha Yoon with clear eyes, his eyes were strangely unfocused.
Cha Yoon moved his lips to ask the question he had most wanted to ask upon seeing Ki Seo-jung. The questions he had thought about throughout the car ride had long since sunk below the surface. Now, none of that mattered anymore.
“Why…”
His voice, submerged in heavy emotions, wouldn’t come out easily. Cha Yoon clenched his fist tightly once more and finally managed to speak.
“Why are you still here?”
